Tell Your Video Game Stories - Autism Story Time

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Jack Awful

Laughs at Tards
Apr 27, 2015
Share your interesting screen game experiences:

I'm playing Nazi Germany in Hearts of Iron 4. I slowly use my influence to turn the USA fascist and become friends with the USSR. So, by the time WWII finally breaks out, the sides are Germany, Italy, The USSR, and America vs. Britain, France, and Japan.

France and Britan went down easy, but while we weren't looking, Japan basically annexed all of Asia.

The fight against Japan was incredibly boring. The Axis had to fight through all of Asia to get to Tokyo, and there was a stalemate for DECADES. The US wouldn't help because they were too busy annexing Canada.

I got bored and started declaring war on neutral countries to pass the time, but I fucked up. I accidentally declared war on Mongolia, who was being protected by the USSR, and they immediately turned on the Axis.

We didn't stand a chance, and Germany somehow became a part of Sweden.

Also, at some point I annexed both Israel and Palestine because it was really funny. I didn't know where to put that in the story.


I'm sorry. It had to be this way.
Aug 13, 2018
One time I was playing Tetris.

I was turning all the shapes in crazy directions. Except the square, that one just stays the same.

They were falling and falling down the screen. Now and then I'd fill up the screen at the bottom and a few levels would disappear and give me some good score.

But the blocks kept coming. Sometimes the "L" shape was the one that faces the wrong way from what you need. Little holes kept appearing in the rows and so the stack of shapes kept getting taller. Now and then I'd beat it back down by filling the rows, but in the end... it hit the top of the screen. I had lost.

Bob Page

Electronic Old Gendo Ikari
True & Honest Fan
Jun 8, 2015
I played C&C Generals: Zero Hour Generals Challenge mode (medium difficulty) as the chink tank general. Eventually, I went up against that American bitch with the EMP missile batteries and aurora bombers. I managed to 86 her particle cannon but I was kept on my toes to keep my defenses up and running and my other stuff repaired, pissing me off. Eventually, was able to destroy all her dozers, airfields, and command center with a nuke and artillery. I was going to send an armored division after her and fuck her shit up but the hell she caused me deserved some special retribution. After training a swarm of basement dwellers for stealing some cash, I built not one but TWENTY nuke silos and turned her island to a field of glass. She was a pain in the ass.

Chocolate Guy
Jul 17, 2018
My first play through of the original Fallout had me be lucky enough to run into the random encounter that has the used car salesman with the Red Ryder BB Gun. With my high Small Guns skill I tore through The Unity like it was made up of wet paper. I loved how I could shoot a Super Mutant in the eyes with a BB which would not only kill them in one shot, but also blow out a large chunk of their torso upon death.

Chin of Campbell

Un-chinny Valley
True & Honest Fan
Apr 11, 2019
I was playing Dorf Fort, one of my earliest forts ever, where I essentially had no idea what I was doing. I usually keep my pops low because I don't like managing tons of drunken assholes at once, so my army was about only about 20 or 30 strong.

Mining gets ambitious and I eventually stumble upon the glorious cyan treasure of the deep, which I know will A.) turn my dwarves into killing machines and B.) unleash literal hell on my fort. Well, no blood god ever gets anywhere by being careful, so I take my chances and actually manage to get some tasty cotton candy and turn it into swords and axes without cracking open a can of whoopass on myself.

Time goes on and the adamantine becomes more and more tempting. Mind you, I've never fought demons before at this point so I'm starting to think, "My whole army is legendary, how bad could it be?" I prepare the area for unsealing while my military gets their supplies in order.

Being a brilliant tactical genius, I miscalculate the width of the adamantine tube and my miners are quickly turned into quivering hunks of meat and beard as vile demons pour out of the underworld. None of my army is in position, none of my doors are sealed, and several workers are milling about the underground, licking spiders, fucking troglodytes, and other inane shit. All hell literally breaks loose as the demons, each the size of a office building and sporting various forms of death dealing mutations, flood the caverns, threaten my fort of several years, and weeks of progress are potentially flushed.

I scramble my army of 30 bearded, makeshift Doomguys and manage to create a few choke points. The initial wave drips out of the underground, allowing my boys to gang up on each demon and cut it down. After several hours had passed and my blood pressure had finally gone back down, about half of the demons were dead and I was down only a third of my army. Not amazing, but for my first time, I was elated. Riding that momentum, I had my dwarves push forward into the caves to smite the rest of the hellish cunts and claim the portal to hell as my own.

Being a newbie, I neglected to read all of the descriptions of the demons, wandering in matching trios through the caverns. If I had, I might have noticed that several of them had the note, "Beware its webbing!". To the uninitiated, web-slinging creatures basically have carte blanche on their adversaries. And they can usually web several enemies at once.

Like a fool, I send my warriors to slaughter. The moment white webs poured from the tiny demon sprite, I knew I was fucked. My diminutive army had come so far and now they were doomed to fail at the hands of my own incompetence. Resigning myself to failure, I stopped pausing the game and let the slaughter play out.

Lo and behold, my warriors emerged victorious! Baffled by this turn of events, I checked the combat reports. One of my dwarves, mother of several, had been wrapped in webs and enduring a collosal spider smashing her skull for three days. Her helmet was strong enough to deflect the demon's teeth, while her neck somehow held with the strength of steel cables, repeatedly absorbing the force of the demon's endless attempts at crushering her skull. Using the opportunity to free themselves, the rest of her squad ripped the spider and its cohorts to pieces, leading the fort to eventual victory at the cost of 3/4 of our population. The dwarf who sacrificed herself eventually died of spinal injuries, as you can imagine. Her soul may have left this mortal plane, but her neck never broke under the demon's fangs, a testament to the might of the dwarves.

I erected a solid platinum statue, encrusted with shining gems, to the woman whose obscenely thick neck saved our fortress, her children hired in to replace her and honor her memory, leading the fort to an endless reign of terror upon all who opposed it.

and then later I lost my whole army to a bug and deleted the save, the end
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The Fool

True & Honest Fan
Jan 2, 2016
pushing against that indent in the pyramid in super mario 64 where you hide from that rolling thing for hours waiting for it to open up into a door yawn


No I am not the Cinema Snob
True & Honest Fan
Apr 22, 2015
Had a match in Dead by Daylight where I was using Spirit (Japanese ghost chick) and I had only used this killer twice before. Typical rank 1 match, find the first guy and I get a hit on him but when I phase and try to get him a Claudette appears and tries to lead me away which they were successful but I got the hit on them. I chase them a bit more and the prick throws down a safe pallet and tea-bags (this is a very common thing survivors like doing in Dead by Daylight because most survivors are very autistic). I stay perfectly still and let him think that I phased but he continues running in place and tea-bagging. I then phase and down him. I am then content to camp him and repeatedly hit him on the hook but another Claudette appears and farms him. Rinse and repeat until that guy dies, I down the 2nd Claudette who also decided to tea-bag. Killing him on the hook. Now we're down to two players. I chase one, down, but unfortunately they completed enough gens for the hatch to appear. I try to bait the 4th guy to come rescue the guy I downed but he doesn't fall for it. I kill the 3rd guy and bee-lined to where the 4th and final guy is thanks to the BBQ perk. The guy was camping the hatch, tea-bagged (3rd fucking player in this match who decided to tea-bag me) but the dumbass jumped into the hatch and I grabbed him and got my 4th kill.

Normally, decent survivors just stay at the hatch because the devs are reatarded and made the hatch standoff a thing. But this last guy was super autistic.

Any time in DbD where I stop them from getting hatch or kill a trolling faggot feels good.


International Glownigger Commander
Aug 21, 2018
How I play RPGs...


Wendy Carter

When I am still, it is as lifeless as Abigail.
True & Honest Fan
Mar 22, 2019
Was playing Don't Starve just yesterday. Had a somewhat furnished home with some rarer resources, like hippo antlers, red gems, etc. Got every single item from the royal gallery, thinking of finally getting the crown for Wilba. But then I had the audacity to go through the rainforest during humid season, because I was starving. The result?

Every single glowfly cocoon hatched into rabid beetles. The ones in the front were being constantly pushed by the giant crowd behind them into attack range, so I couldn't even outrun them. RIP Ms. Wickerbottom.