Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Landwhale model, Body positive activist, and gigantic fraud

How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 5 0.5%
  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 71 6.8%
  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 211 20.2%
  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 245 23.5%
  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 178 17.1%
  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 114 10.9%
  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 48 4.6%
  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 171 16.4%

  • Total voters
    1,043

DeusVult

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 17, 2018
As an American, I say we do not want RYAN Hooves back.

I propose we send her to Tristan da Cunha.
She'll LOVE the local cuisine. Might even make her lose weight for a change.

I know that I'm late, but I just wanted to point out that if you check google maps there is this place between Egypt and Sudan that is a no man's land - literally nobody wants this piece of land. We can dump her there, she'll be fine - she has enough fat to last 1000 years and there are no pesky white men to bother her.
 
Last edited:

NeoGAF Lurker

An Niggo
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 15, 2016
I don't think I've ever actually met more than maybe 3 people over the age of 14 who unironically think horoscopes actually mean anything. Where do you even find these people? Do they also think the paper in fortune cookies is divine providence?
Oh they exist in large numbers, you’d really be surprised. They’re basically Tess-tier people who believe life is predestined, which is why they’re fat, deep in debt from consoomerism, etc.
It’s funny to watch this self-important twit refuse to settle for an average-looking feeder,
It’s doubtful she can even do that. The few guys who want to associate with Tess refuse to want to be seen with her in public and certainly not on Instagram. There are guys who will stick their dicks into anything and yet they won’t fuck Tess. Imagine how much of a butterhog she is that she can’t find anyone who wants to associate with her. Although the best she’s been able to do in life is Nick, a gay guy who only bothered to marry her to get a green card. Now that she’s several years older and 150 pounds heavier? Forget about it.
lmao, so Tess is an incel now?
The best she can be is a feeder to satisfy some guy’s fetish who has his needs met after she farts on a cake. He has no investment in her emotional needs and wants (that’s what the money is for) and probably leaves immediately after so he doesn’t have to hear her incessant babbling and blubbering.
Tess exists in such a fascinating overlap between narcissism and gluttony. Do you think she realizes she’s a liar or does she curate her own relationship with reality in real time alongside those watching her?
The latter. Her narcissism is as such that she feels the only reason why no man ever wants her is because they are intimidated at such a sexy babe who is strong and independent. Know plenty of dateless wonders who are painful to be around but think it’s for reasons other than themselves. Some eventually start to be honest with themselves but most won’t. Tubbers will never admit, either to others or herself, that she’s a disgusting butterhog.
 

Fìddlesticks

using pity as lubricant
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 30, 2021
Guys, it's not that Tess can't get a single desperate man to fuck her - it's that she's practicing abstinence for the good of her soul, and she's not going to fuck anyone until she finds someone WORTHY.

I guess she doesn't count blowies and cake sitting and fold fucking sex.
View attachment 2652141
Awww what's the matter Tess. The John's she hoped to book in London are actually non existent? Because despite the constant Hail Mary's that fat is sexy that HAES practice ... wanting to pump tank truck sized dr zoidbergs is actually a very niche fetish. Plus probably definitely find a tank truck who has a better personality.

I wonder if she tried to go on a pick up mission in a few bars or post a hey feeder network, ya superwaddle is in London, hit a fold up! and it failed spectacularly. Sounds like it to me.

Very late ti the game but that Ave Mario restaurant got slated - did she wear wedges? I hope she did. Covent garden with its coble stones is no joke. Taken out many a good tipsy girlfriend. If paid good money to see her flubber perilously on those stones. Like a great quaking blancmange from the children's book.

I'm just kinda astounded that she has such little brain power that she didn't use this trip for so much sponsored or flogging her terrible shit. Like it's colder in London so I'm using this product instead of this as it helps keep skin moisturised. Or even maybe something on her level - go to a goddamn cake shop and do a cake lover review. Everyone would buy that because look at her. Bitch loves cake. (It wouldn't be to kiwi tastes) but there are enough stuoid and or fatties for a cake audience.
 

Chicken Neck Nelly

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 14, 2020
Just got a bit of a blast from the past on Youtube cause a Bearing video got recommended to me, and it's a pretty good video too. The thumbnail is fucking disgusting.

 

NeoGAF Lurker

An Niggo
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 15, 2016
I wonder if she tried to go on a pick up mission in a few bars or post a hey feeder network, ya superwaddle is in London, hit a fold up! and it failed spectacularly. Sounds like it to me.
Tubbers definitely expects attractive and other high status men to hit on her. She probably saw her friends hook up with their boyfriends and other guys and there she is, the baddest bitch on both sides of the pond and the life of the party, going without. With all the clarity of a drunken and diabetic brain fog from her nonstop sugary alcoholic drinks, she declares that she only wants guys that she will never get. Truly brilliant and big brained but you are exactly right, it’s because she’s going without. The only alternative to femceldom is self improvement and we all know how Ryann feels about that.
 

multiverse

Barb Came 4 CWC - survivor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 21, 2016
Tess posted more photos from the baths - and despite how definitely she adores her fat body, she won't be photographed from the front lest anyone see her multiple hanging fupas.

I decided to lighten these up so we can see what she's trying to hide; in the standing shot she's done a crap job of shooping her tree trunk laygs into mere stumps.

I clicked some weird shit that can't be her swimsuit digging into her folds; does she have an abcess?
20211024_110212.jpg20211024_110237.jpg20211024_110259.jpg20211024_110333.jpg20211024_110510.jpg
 
Last edited by a moderator:

toilet_rainbow

like a floof bomb in your face
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 15, 2017
Those baths did nothing to deserve that fate. Her folds have to be full of yeast and other nasty shit. I really hope that black hole is not an abscess. She's a walking public health hazard.

Late but I need Tess in Japan. If I can't get Corissa and JULIANA to fund a fatty trip to Mongolia, then I at least want to see Tess post about how Japanese cake isn't as sweet as American cake or her crying discrimination for not being able to fit into a capsule hotel.

I'm so sorry, but I ask again how does one look at these and go "Hell yeah I look damn fine, Imma post these for everyone to see!!!"? :cryblood:
The same sort of delusion someone has by saying that they're anorexic when they're 450 pounds.
 

NoReturn

CEO Wash & Smash llc.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 28, 2019
Late but I need Tess in Japan. If I can't get Corissa and JULIANA to fund a fatty trip to Mongolia, then I at least want to see Tess post about how Japanese cake isn't as sweet as American cake or her crying discrimination for not being able to fit into a capsule hotel.
I've wanted to go to Japan since the 5th grade and now I can't go anywhere yet this chunk of dough gets to go see ancient baths in LOUYNDUN.
There is no justice in this world.
Tess posted more photos from the baths - and despite how definitely she adores her fat body, she won't be photographed from the front lest anyone see her multiple hanging fupas.

I decided to lighten these up so we can see what she's trying to hide; in the standing shot she's done a crap job of shooping her tree trunk laygs into mere stumps.

I clicked some weird shit that can't be her swimsuit digging into her folds; does she have an abcess?
View attachment 2654566View attachment 2654567View attachment 2654568View attachment 2654569View attachment 2654570
I think that's a lump folding in on itself.

1.PNG

Oh no! Haters!
2.png
 

SnoopGoop

Nipples 4 Dayz
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 18, 2021
Tess posted more photos from the baths - and despite how definitely she adores her fat body, she won't be photographed from the front lest anyone see her multiple hanging fupas.

I decided to lighten these up so we can see what she's trying to hide; in the standing shot she's done a crap job of shooping her tree trunk laygs into mere stumps.

I clicked some weird shit that can't be her swimsuit digging into her folds; does she have an abcess?
View attachment 2654566View attachment 2654567View attachment 2654568View attachment 2654569View attachment 2654570
Jesus my eyes :c
 

cactus

Cactus Juice Connoisseur
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 20, 2015
Tubbers definitely expects attractive and other high status men to hit on her. She probably saw her friends hook up with their boyfriends and other guys and there she is, the baddest bitch on both sides of the pond and the life of the party, going without. With all the clarity of a drunken and diabetic brain fog from her nonstop sugary alcoholic drinks, she declares that she only wants guys that she will never get. Truly brilliant and big brained but you are exactly right, it’s because she’s going without. The only alternative to femceldom is self improvement and we all know how Ryann feels about that.
The best she can expect is a Mexican, they like big women, but even I think she's too big for them since they generally want a woman who is mobile so she can, at the very least, clean and cook. And probably a reachable warm hole that they can fuck.
 

NeoGAF Lurker

An Niggo
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 15, 2016
Tess posted more photos from the baths - and despite how definitely she adores her fat body, she won't be photographed from the front lest anyone see her multiple hanging fupas.
Tess thinks her gigantic ass is anything other than a total embarrassment so of course she shows it off. It feels like some kind of historical injustice is being committed with those photos
The best she can expect is a Mexican, they like big women, but even I think she's too big for them since they generally want a woman who is mobile so she can, at the very least, clean and cook. And probably a reachable warm hole that they can fuck.
Tess talks about how she has to really contort her body just for her waxer to navigate through the folds. I truly think Tess is too fat for penetrative sex. There are other ways to have intimacy other than a penis going into a vagina but Tess is only interested in things that only give pleasure and validation to her. So her sucking some guy’s dick is going to be out of the question. That’s something Tubbers never factors in: if hell freezes over and she gets a hot guy, how can she expect to keep him around if he can’t actually have sex with her? Even pornstar-length dongs aren’t going to be enough.
"Sensual, beautiful, strong & capable" people would have the clout to not be erased from history & if they were that aspirational, historians would go out of their way to include them in oral & written histories.
A shame that Tess isn’t considered any of those. In fact, she’s abrasive, ugly, weak, and incapable. And fat. Very fat.
 

multiverse

Barb Came 4 CWC - survivor
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 21, 2016
The best she can expect is a Mexican, they like big women, but even I think she's too big for them since they generally want a woman who is mobile so she can, at the very least, clean and cook. And probably a reachable warm hole that they can fuck.
Mexican guys are used to floors so clean you can eat off them, and top notch cooking three meals per day. Ryann is way too lazy to bag a Mexican.

If she had more gibs me dats, she might be able to get a black guy to fuck her around the first of the month. She's collecting whatever she can siphon off Nick, plus her one Flabletics check per month. But unfortunately even that one monthly Fabletics check boosts her out of the EBT / WIC / rent voucher income level. If she got herself declared too fat to work, a nigga might if she makes him her SSDI payee. But only for a day or two, then he'd fuck off til the next check.

I'm wondering if she's lost a major patron, for her to be seeking Dongs All Over The World (and failing). She couldn't even drum up some sponsored content posts for an international trip - not a face wash, not a travel shoe, not relaxation kit for the jet setting influencer, nada - so if she's losing johns we're nearing the end of her scam game.
 

RainbowStarlight

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 4, 2018
I was thinking something similar. :biggrin: 'Murican here, and I've been loving the Brit Kiwis' reactions to Tess's trip. I'm learning so much about slang and pub culture!

Heck, I want to her to keep traveling! If she goes to Spain, any Spanish Kiwis will have fascinating insights into what she's doing wrong. Ditto with France or Italy. It's like a weird form of goodwill tour, with everyone uniting to enjoy picking apart what she's doing wrong.

Lol I would pay money for her to go to Asia. Maybe somewhere in Eastern Asia like Thailand or Laos where they give no shits and hold back nothing with loud fat tourists.
 

Similar threads

Edgy king of the tweens, Vegan with deformed dick, Pedo, Destroying the Environment. Serial Domestic Abuser, Served the wrong Chris Hansen.
Replies
45K
Views
12M
  • Poll
Fat, Rapidly Declining Divorced "Nice Guy" Middle-Aged Youtuber, Former Edgy Porn Blogger
Replies
31K
Views
7M
  • Poll
[NSFW] Cum meet a retarded Asian, his any% speedrun to prison, and the retarded whores they meet along the way
Replies
2K
Views
297K