Celebrity Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Landwhale model, Body positive activist, and gigantic fraud

Francis Dollarhyde

And the woman, clothed in the sun.
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Please let it be spending Tess's money on rent boys.
He will get those cute African and Viet boys, freshly smuggled into the country.
I just wonder what the tipping point was. She found his Grindr? She read his DMs? She found him balls-deep in another dude? Caught him whacking it to Naughty Pool Boys 3? One too many times of limp noodle syndrome with her?
He said on his reddit account that he was fond of sucking cock and lamented the fact so few people could host. I bet he hosted and Tess found him midswallow on the marital bed. If balls deep was involved, he seems more like a powerbottom. Maybe she lurks here and saw the reddit screencaps.
Well, remember--he did fuck that spookyfatbabe chick, who Tess loathes.

I'm sure he has sex with men. But I would not be surprised at all if he still has sex with other fat chicks, too. And I can see that being a problem for Tess because while she might not see gay men as competition (and, in fact, is dumb enough to consider it "cool" and "progressive" to have an openly bisexual hubby out taking dicks from strangers), she would definitely see other women as potential threats. I can see her losing her shit if Nick met another woman who was younger, more attractive, not yet debilitated by her obesity (or, worse--not obese at all), and who actually has something going for her (such as a thriving career and the ability to live in a cool neighborhood instead of, say, Long Beach). And if he was seeking her out for more than just a casual fuck? Tess'd lose her shit. She seems willing to let Nick roam off-leash on occasion, but he'd damned well better come home on time and be a good boy, and tell Tess that she's his queen.

And then there's all of the other obvious problems with their relationship, including the fact that Nick has basically used Tess as a sugarmama, and hasn't built any kind of career of his own. In the heyday of Tess's career, he had access to all kinds of people, and probably had all kinds of opportunities to carve out his own niche and make his own income--but he didn't do that. And when you marry a corpulent sow who stumbles into a career as a "supermodel" at around age 30, you really need to have a backup plan in place to keep the two of you (and your kids) sheltered, fed, and able to keep up appearances, because she's just getting fatter, and older, and less mobile, and even if she was the nicest person in the world, and didn't piss off and alienate every company she worked for, the modeling gigs are going to dry up.

So Tess's career has been in decline, and Nick is a financial deadweight, and you can't tell me they don't fight over that.

Unfortunately, Nick can't just fuck off back to Australia, leaving his not-so-sweet sugarmama behind because he's got a kid (who he does seem to genuinely adore). Tess gave him an "anchor baby," but it's the anchor that keeps him moored next to his tugboat--which is her. If he leaves her, he probably won't see his kid again, or at least not without the kind of massive drama that only ends up fucking up the kids. And Bowie's young enough to be turned against him.

So what's he going to do? Publicly admit he's been a piece of shit and that he doesn't deserve Tess, and that their problems are really just his problems. And in private? Try not to piss off Miss Piggy until he can figure out some way to scrape together an income so he can gtfo.
If she lets him cheat, I'd say she lets him because it is physically too demanding for her to have sex, and coming closer to impossible each week, she just keeps gaining. That and she does it as well, though probably less often.
 

multiverse

out of office 2/24 -
True & Honest Fan
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Is "sample size" printed all over the dress as some sort of statement on there not being sample sizes for hamplanets?
Seems to be a bunch of tshirts the line made with the phrase printed on them to promote body positivity, cut into a dress (dresses refashioned from tshirts is another terrible early 2000s trend.).

Sample size in the industry is 0-2. When you make the samples for the Chinese factory workers to follow, you make it small to save on material as you experiment, and everyone agrees what that size is so you know what universal size the models have to be at fashion week, where the sample size outfit is worn in front of buyers. If there is no sample size, you're making a completed custom tailored outfit instead of a pattern for the factory to follow along with. The idea of a million different samples sizes is moronic and completely negates the ability to make ready to wear garments.

If these whales all want to be sample size, they can get used to either making their own clothes or paying a dressmaker for custom dresses like in the olden days. Say goodbye to your dozens of fast fashion tents, and hello to having two daily wear dresses total in your wardrobe like your great great grandmother did. The third was the nice dress for Sundays.
 
O

OG 666

Guest
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Seems to be a bunch of tshirts the line made with the phrase printed on them to promote body positivity, cut into a dress (dresses refashioned from tshirts is another terrible early 2000s trend.).
If you look into Chromat (Instagram | website), the brand who made the dress, you'll see that they use a lot of plus size models, but nowhere near the size of Tess. In fact, the "sample size" t-shirt only runs up to a 3XL, which is what the girl in this photo is wearing. In other words, there's no way Tess could actually even fit into the largest size that they sell for regular customers. :story:
Screen Shot 2019-09-08 at 2.21.51 PM.png

ETA: She posted this on her story, presumably in response to anyone who might criticize her trashy behavior on the runway. lmfao
Screen Shot 2019-09-08 at 2.25.56 PM.png
 

multiverse

out of office 2/24 -
True & Honest Fan
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If you look into Chromat (Instagram | website), the brand who made the dress, you'll see that they use a lot of plus size models, but nowhere near the size of Tess. In fact, the "sample size" t-shirt only runs up to a 3XL, which is what the girl in this photo is wearing. In other words, there's no way Tess could actually even fit into the largest size that they sell for regular customers. :story:
View attachment 928551

ETA: She posted this on her story, presumably in response to anyone who might criticize her trashy behavior on the runway. lmfao
View attachment 928560
Lol at her being too big for the one "inclusive" line at Fashion Week. She knows she's outgrown her job as a super plus sized model, she just somehow thinks clients don't know that.

And what Tess doesn't realize here is: the charm and novelty of Anna Nicole was that she was extremely classically movie star beautiful and married into old money, who also happened to be po' white trash and acted like it. So she had enough money to poo poo anyone, AND looked better than they did. So people found her countrified and crass ways charmante. The irony was that a stunning woman was behaving so.

But people expect a size 30 to act like trash, and look like trash, and be trash. There's no je ne sais quoi here.
 
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Wyzzerd

Magical advice for reasonable fees.
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Can we plaster this on her gravestone, obituary photo, and every tabloid that will come out once she croaks? I can't think of a better picture to encapsulate Tess, the only thing to complete it would be a quadruple bacon cheeseburger in her hand.
(Insert joke about that all her tits are made of anyway)
 
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Cheesegirl78

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Can we plaster this on her gravestone, obituary photo, and every tabloid that will come out once she croaks? I can't think of a better picture to encapsulate Tess, the only thing to complete it would be a quadruple bacon cheeseburger in her hand. (Insert joke about that all her tits are made of anyway)
Her toes are hanging over her shoes...that's the final shit icing on this.
 

SpeedOSanicRee

Gotta Scroll Fast
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ETA: She posted this on her story, presumably in response to anyone who might criticize her trashy behavior on the runway. lmfao
Screen Shot 2019-09-08 at 2.25.56 PM.png
Imagine wearing the trashy label as a badge of honor. And she's not fooling anyone with those quote marks. I certainly didn't forget about the time someone called her trashy in a comment and she shared it on her story saying 'it's ya girl' like being white trash is something to be proud of.


Can we plaster this on her gravestone, obituary photo, and every tabloid that will come out once she croaks? I can't think of a better picture to encapsulate Tess, the only thing to complete it would be a quadruple bacon cheeseburger in her hand. (Insert joke about that all her tits are made of anyway)
I completely agree with you. This definitely sums up the legacy she'll leave. I sometimes wonder if she has moments of clarity, where she wonders what her legacy will be. Then I remember how narcissistic she is and I realize that she very likely actually thinks everyone will remember her fondly after she dies.
 

DelicateMageflower

It's Algonquin for bloodsport.
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JuniperFalls

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Huh. I never knew that was a problem for hyper-obese people. So, while other parts of her body stretch to proportions far beyond normal human ratios (I still can't get over the size of her upper arm compared to her head), I guess her individual toes remain more or less the same size no matter how fat the rest of her gets?

EDIT: Fixed a couple of typos
 
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Dean Pentel

kiwifarms.net


Can we plaster this on her gravestone, obituary photo, and every tabloid that will come out once she croaks? I can't think of a better picture to encapsulate Tess, the only thing to complete it would be a quadruple bacon cheeseburger in her hand. (Insert joke about that all her tits are made of anyway)
No doubt someone has stated this already, but those tattoos on her arms would be full chest or back pieces on normal weight human beings.
 

Cheesegirl78

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Off-topic a bit, but man, I unapologetically loved Anna Nicole. Hate what happened to her.
I've always had a huge soft spot in my cold black heart for her.
She was truly beautiful, and when you learn about how she was treated in her youth, it's heartbreaking.
Even after she got famous, her family always had their hands out wanting more.
 

multiverse

out of office 2/24 -
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Huh. I never new that was a problem for hyper-obese people. So, while other parts of her body stretch to proportions far beyond normal human ratios (I still can't get over the size of her upper arm compared to her head), I guess her individual toes remain more or less the same size no matter how fat the rest of her gets?
It's the bones of the feet that crack and spread, the toes just follow suit with the spread. It's incredibly painful... so the megafats simply stop walking.
 

Barbarella

Guards! To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake.
True & Honest Fan
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Is there video of Tess waddling down the runway? I’d like to see that.

I’ve never heard of Chromat or whatever it is. Not only was it a questionable decision to use Tess as a model, it also appears they couldn’t afford a makeup artist or stylist Her teal eyeliner is uneven. Her royal blue earrings look like plastic beads, something ALR would buy and they clash with the makeup. Her shoes don’t fit and her toes are hanging on for dear life, and the whole things is pulled together by the industrial strength bra strap that shows as she bends to wiggle her droopy melons at the audience.

Anna Nicole and she have nothing in common, nothing. It’s nervy to mention them in the same sentence. If we want to remember Anna Nicole, look no further than her very pretty daughter who is being raised as a proper young girl should be.

Tess is nothing more than a circus freak. All these deathfats take themselves so seriously, insisting the world consider them healthy, attractive, and worthy of every job and item of clothing there is. Political correctness has been drummed into our heads for 60 years, so people now don’t say anything. Secretly though, everybody is either laughing at the freak, disgusted, or feeling sorry for it.
 

Cheesegirl78

kiwifarms.net
Is there video of Tess waddling down the runway? I’d like to see that.

I’ve never heard of Chromat or whatever it is. Not only was it a questionable decision to use Tess as a model, it also appears they couldn’t afford a makeup artist or stylist Her teal eyeliner is uneven. Her royal blue earrings look like plastic beads, something ALR would buy and they clash with the makeup. Her shoes don’t fit and her toes are hanging on for dear life, and the whole things is pulled together by the industrial strength bra strap that shows as she bends to wiggle her droopy melons at the audience.

Anna Nicole and she have nothing in common, nothing. It’s nervy to mention them in the same sentence. If we want to remember Anna Nicole, look no further than her very pretty daughter who is being raised as a proper young girl should be.

Tess is nothing more than a circus freak. All these deathfats take themselves so seriously, insisting the world consider them healthy, attractive, and worthy of every job and item of clothing there is. Political correctness has been drummed into our heads for 60 years, so people now don’t say anything. Secretly though, everybody is either laughing at the freak, disgusted, or feeling sorry for it.
I'm so happy ANS's mother didn't get her claws into her granddaughter. Or that creep she had as her lawyer.
Tess, you're no Anna Nicole Smith.
 

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