Celebrity Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Landwhale model, Body positive activist, and gigantic fraud

AbraCadaver

Alpha Winner Deluxe
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Apparently, Nick's family have been telling him that his grandfather doesn't have much longer so he ought to come say goodbye. However, this coincided with Tess and the kids moving out and him doing a bunch of art fundraisers and making public promises that he's gonna do better by his wife and kids. He's also launching an actual store for his art now, despite having lived stateside for more than 4 years and having ostensibly earned his living as an artist prior to being a kept man.

It sounds like they're either broke or broken up or both.
View attachment 927112

Meanwhile: Tess is trying to drum up work in NYC, whilst having become too fat for ANY major plus sized designe to fit her off the rack. That tent is "custom" because of course it is.
View attachment 927113


As ever, a massive :semperfidelis: to the brave Getty Images photographers. They risk stench and getting caught in the gravitational pull of this planet to bring up back a GORGEOUS 3/4 side view. Though her "custom" size 30 dress was designed in slimming black and cleverly blends into the background to obfuscate her bulk, that faux Elizabethan ruffle collar only accentuates the fact that she is now easily as wide as she is tall. That industrial strength corset is fooling exactly no one, jabba.
View attachment 927126View attachment 927127View attachment 927128

FASHUN CRITIQUE: the dress is far too long for someone Tess's height and bulk - though clearly some wrangler has been engaged to steam the dress after arrival and pull it straight for photographs, unlike the last events where she's shown up in akimbo and wrinkled off the rack clothes. I would assume it's the designer or an employee of the small design shop, sent to keep the dress an advertisement for them instead of an embarrassment. The dressmaker specializes in plus sized gowns for Hollywood events (including gowns for hulking transwomen actors) and doesn't seem to have any East Coast presence, hence them agreeing to dress Tess for this Harper's Bazaar event. And why was it custom? Well, they only go up to size 28, you see.
View attachment 927130

Tess has gone from SWAG accessories from Kate Spade and free dresses from Siriano and international designers, to shitting on the small national line Eloquii for two years straight until she physically outgrew them, to a local specialty dressmaker with 7k followers.

In fact, whatever happened to her supposed connection to Siriano vis-a-vis his ex husband? Christian was at the same party as Tess last night, swathed in A-List celebrities (note: Tess was photographed with no one)...
View attachment 927133

... oh, his chosen fatty this season is the fashion plus sized (sized 10-12) Ashley Graham. Even though Ashley is pregnant and a good 6 plus inches taller, Tess still has at least 150 lbs on her former "rival".
View attachment 927144


Tess has hated Ashley Graham with a vehement passion for at least 10 years; early in their respective careers, Tess -then known as Tess Munster - considered Graham to be her bitter rival in the plus sized modeling world. In reality, Tess never stood a chance as an actual working model, whereas Ashley has had consistent work for all of that time. Tess mistook notoriety from that People cover as a sign that jobs from every big name plus sized designer were going to be rolling in nonstop. Though Tess would regularly proclaim she was the very first plus sized model signed to a major agency (and PS. M.ilk Model Management is not one of the biggies), Ashley Graham is a client of IMG Models (which IS one of the biggest agencies).

Ashley also attended the same party as Tess last night. But only one of them got press coverage for it:
View attachment 927152View attachment 927153
The fuck was this designer thinking? Tess’ positives are her big lyxurious hair look and her still somewhat not totally fat-jowled face. Her WORST points are those big hams she calls upper arms. So you pull her hair back to make her head look smaller, increase the visual size of her body with a platter-style collar and leave the arms uncovered? Ffs.

Leave her hair down, give it an old Hollywood glam wave style, cut that absurd collar in half and use both halves to make flared sleeves that cover the upper arm but still allow movement. There, I made this look more tolerable by 200% percent.
 

Candidae

kiwifarms.net
More sad shit from hubby. Interesting exchange in the comments.
View attachment 924396 View attachment 924395
Count me optimistic as fuck but I hope this come to Jesus moment is legit for the sake of his kids and family back home. If he does have BDP then he honestly does have a chance at getting better if he works on his issues, studies show that it's much easier post 30 anyways. If he's been an ass then I hope he got his personal slap in the face and gets better. If this is caused by his dying uncle then that's super sad but it could be enough to snap someone out of their shit, mentally disordered or not. I dunno, I'll hold out hope even if I shouldn't

So that show she was going to, uh moddle in? This is the result of inviting Mississippi white trash to your fancy fashion show. It's more spectacular than I could ever have expected.
View attachment 928353View attachment 928354View attachment 928355View attachment 928356View attachment 928357
God that dress is horrible. It'd look awful on anyone but Tess manages to make it worse even before the trashy boob grab thing. It also just feels like a mean inside joke for everyone there. The sample size parts just seem to say "hey look guys, this whale is the size of four regular models! She can't fit in one so we cut a bunch up and stitched them together to make her a shitty dress!". Not that Tess deserves better but ouch, intention or not I bet a bunch of people laughed internally
 

AbraCadaver

Alpha Winner Deluxe
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
She’s the best kind of model, the kind that makes a walk all about herself and her own personal ego brand, not about the outfit she was hired to walk in.

I bet the designer was cringing backstage at that titty grab and weird oreo-induced orgasm face, just like everyone in the audience cringed inside. Why do your job right when you can be a huge attention whore? She’s not doing the brand favours by acting a total prat mid-fucking-walk.

The most meteoric models all had their own “thing.” But it didn’t interfere with their work and they were professionals, not idiots dragging the focus away from the clothes and trying to spotlight themselves personally. She is such a shite model. Any designer who sees that performance won’t trust her to walk for them and will give her even more of a pass than they do now. She’s not drumming up attention for the brand by acting outrageous, she’s just being a cringy, ill-mannered boor.
 

Cheesegirl78

kiwifarms.net

Francis Dollarhyde

And the woman, clothed in the sun.
kiwifarms.net


Can we plaster this on her gravestone, obituary photo, and every tabloid that will come out once she croaks? I can't think of a better picture to encapsulate Tess, the only thing to complete it would be a quadruple bacon cheeseburger in her hand. (Insert joke about that all her tits are made of anyway)
So one of the few jobs you still get, and you have to do something that will make them not hire you again. Why? Are you this dumb?
Is Tess missing one of her toes? It looks like there's a toe-sized gap next to the big toe on each foot.
All there. For now. Lord Beetus will come for his pound of toe though. He always does in the end.
 

Cheesegirl78

kiwifarms.net

lamp shade

you sound like an absolute muppet
kiwifarms.net
She's not a very graceful walker. And I wanted to strangle those girls cheering her.
Her “nod to Anna Nicole” was so damn awkward. It looked like she had no idea what to do, panicked and grabbed her boobs, then tried to scurry off when only two people reacted. She had one job, which was walk to the end of the run way, then turn around and come back, and she couldn’t even do that right. Her job offers are few and far between and this is how she handles it.
 

lamp shade

you sound like an absolute muppet
kiwifarms.net
She’s posted her “iconic” moment all over her Instagram story, repeatedly. But here’s a couple of other things to note.

Does she not know what this gesture means or is she just that nasty that she doesn’t care what she does while representing a brand?
9220F16C-4990-49F7-8C7F-FECBCA3F7214.jpeg
Also, what happened to “i OnLy FLy fiRsT cLaSs”
B2640C22-DE8D-42F1-8872-419C0200BC42.jpeg
 
P

PT 522

Guest
kiwifarms.net
I don't know anything about fashion but Tess's walk is so uncomfortable even without the "nod". Her gait and posture look like she's walking down the street and she radiates self-consciousness. Look how she keeps glancing around at the crowd and how she's rushing through trying to get out of there as soon as possible.
 

Popoto

Carbly Hydrated
kiwifarms.net
She’s posted her “iconic” moment all over her Instagram story, repeatedly. But here’s a couple of other things to note.

Does she not know what this gesture means or is she just that nasty that she doesn’t care what she does while representing a brand?
View attachment 929668
Also, what happened to “i OnLy FLy fiRsT cLaSs”
View attachment 929669
1. She is far nastier than any of us can ever fathom. That said, models doing random shit isn't unheard of. Remember the shitstorm we had over models singing the full lyrics of Bojak Yellow?

2. She does appear to be at the furthest back first/business class seat of a Boeing 737, which has a combined first/business/top frequent flyer class section.
 

PolexiaAphrodisia

Life just kills me. Do you have any pot?
kiwifarms.net
She walks like she's entering a mall on her way to bitch out the manager of Torrid because their biggest size ripped over her enormous fleshpile body. Like she's mad at someone. Or maybe when you're wide as a double-wide all you can do is stomp.

The tiddy grab was so rushed. So hurried. She couldn't have stopped for a pose before grabbing her udders?

The whole thing really did seem like she didn't want to be there at all.
 

lamp shade

you sound like an absolute muppet
kiwifarms.net
2. She does appear to be at the furthest back first/business class seat of a Boeing 737, which has a combined first/business/top frequent flyer class section.
I considered that, but I highly doubt a plane small enough to combine them is going from NYC to LA. Those are definitely normal sized seats. Maybe economy plus, but they don’t look first class.
 
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: Pina Colada

AbraCadaver

Alpha Winner Deluxe
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
1. She is far nastier than any of us can ever fathom. That said, models doing random shit isn't unheard of. Remember the shitstorm we had over models singing the full lyrics of Bojak Yellow?

2. She does appear to be at the furthest back first/business class seat of a Boeing 737, which has a combined first/business/top frequent flyer class section.
Especially since the Angels singing Yellow were backstage at the time, not grabbing their stuffed cups and making weird faces at the end of the runway.

Tess did that because she has barely any walk experience, never learned, never tried to learn, can’t stand to just do her job and not have the attention on her personally so she panicked and did some white-trash inappropriate thing on a whim because she’s a moron. It wasn’t even cute “aww how brazen” white-trash, it was just a classless idiot thing to do and did not belong on the stage.

Every day she proves more and more she does not belong among real professional models.
 

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino