Celebrity Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Landwhale model, Body positive activist, and gigantic fraud

Free the Pedos

kiwifarms.net
Found the video. It’s just as awkward as I expected and somehow 100x worse.

Has she never even pretended to be a model and sassy walked down her hallway like most women did as preteens? It's like she's never seen a model walk before.
 

Birthday Dickpunch

hugs pls \(ouo)/
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Has she never even pretended to be a model and sassy walked down her hallway like most women did as preteens? It's like she's never seen a model walk before.
Or watched even a single season of America's Next Top Model? An aspiring model could learn all kinds of info from the actual professionals in that show, including how to walk.
 

Angry New Ager

CLINTON 2020: "One Nation, Under a Groove..."
kiwifarms.net
Has she never even pretended to be a model and sassy walked down her hallway like most women did as preteens? It's like she's never seen a model walk before.
I think she is physically incapable of approximating a model's walk. With so much fat on her thighs forcing her legs into an unnaturally wide stance, clomping down the runway like a cow headed into a mīlking barn really is the best she can do. The hoof-like shoes merely complete the effect.
 

IBrokeBob

kiwifarms.net
God that dress is horrible. It'd look awful on anyone but Tess manages to make it worse even before the trashy boob grab thing. It also just feels like a mean inside joke for everyone there. The sample size parts just seem to say "hey look guys, this whale is the size of four regular models! She can't fit in one so we cut a bunch up and stitched them together to make her a shitty dress!". Not that Tess deserves better but ouch, intention or not I bet a bunch of people laughed internally
Its just so godawful ugly, the fabric, the style of dress, the exposure of her huge upper arms and those terrible tattoos. The printing of ' sample size' on the fabric looks gimmicky. Like they know she will look like crap no matter how they dress her so the deliberately do something gimmicky to that may get her mentioned. Tess probably thinks she is making some kind of statement , trying to be relevant.
 

AprilRains

Better killing through chemistry!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I think she is physically incapable of approximating a model's walk. With so much fat on her thighs forcing her legs into an unnaturally wide stance, clomping down the runway like a cow headed into a mīlking barn really is the best she can do. The hoof-like shoes merely complete the effect.
Well, that and she lacks the musculature to support that kind of mass, so there's no way she can move with grace. She's more or less perpetually falling forward and then posting out a leg to catch herself.
 

AbraCadaver

Alpha Winner Deluxe
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I think she is physically incapable of approximating a model's walk. With so much fat on her thighs forcing her legs into an unnaturally wide stance, clomping down the runway like a cow headed into a mīlking barn really is the best she can do. The hoof-like shoes merely complete the effect.
Right, she can’t do the fierce strut most models do by crossing one leg over the front of them as they sashay, because she can’t get her legs to cross like that. There’s just too much fat.

You can see what an ordeal this clompy walk is for her and how it’s a lot more effort than she usually puts out, simply by the fact that she keeps glancing down to make sure she’s not going to walk into something or trip. She is SO BAD at walking a runway, how does she expect to get work? An absolute novice off the street would do a better job. She also looks miserable as she walks. I guess her “mouth open in vintage surprise-style, with tongue clamped to roof of mouth to minimize neck waddle” isn’t something she could reasonably do all the way to the end of the runway. And it’s her only look.
 

Diet Coke 4 Life

When I peek, it is in the line of duty.
kiwifarms.net
Damn it, thanks to this heifer I've spent the last 30 minutes watching models strutting on walkways on youtube. Naomi Campbell compilations are popping up in my recs now. They should be popping up for Tess, because even attempting to emulate some classics might've helped her not look like a toddler herpalurping down the runway to lamely grab her fatbags and bobble away.
 

gay frogs

kiwifarms.net
Found the video. It’s just as awkward as I expected and somehow 100x worse.

God, that’s the walk you do when you’re hungover and barely make it to Walgreens for Gatorade and crackers. She’s just awkwardly power walking.
 

SpeedOSanicRee

Gotta Scroll Fast
kiwifarms.net
Found the video. It’s just as awkward as I expected and somehow 100x worse.

OK, I can't stop laughing that the video of her walking down the catwalk is a bunch of low-quality Insta videos clipped together. Nobody there gave enough of a shit to film her just to be polite. Holy shit, she really IS irrelevant now. Also, holy shit, her ARMS :cryblood:
Also, what happened to “i OnLy FLy fiRsT cLaSs”
B2640C22-DE8D-42F1-8872-419C0200BC42.jpeg
She stopped being able to afford it (if she ever really could in the first place and wasn't bumming rides on others' dimes). The last plane she flew in (where she and Whitney Cummings were starting shit to mess with their poor seatmate) was Southwest, which doesn't have a first class and is one of the cheapest ways to fly. She can't fake living a high class life anymore.
 

Cheesegirl78

kiwifarms.net
Damn it, thanks to this heifer I've spent the last 30 minutes watching models strutting on walkways on youtube. Naomi Campbell compilations are popping up in my recs now. They should be popping up for Tess, because even attempting to emulate some classics might've helped her not look like a toddler herpalurping down the runway to lamely grab her fatbags and bobble away.
Naomi Campbell and Linda Evangelista may be phone-throwing bitches of the first order, but they can work a catwalk.
Tess just schlumps, and looks like she's thinking "don't fall down, I was promised doughnuts if I don't fall down."
 

Birthday Dickpunch

hugs pls \(ouo)/
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
God, that’s the walk you do when you’re hungover and barely make it to Walgreens for Gatorade and crackers. She’s just awkwardly power walking.
Or she looks like a drunk person walking past a cop car, trying to look sober.

"Just be normal. Act natural. Just be cool. YEAH LOOK AT MY TITS OFFICER JUICY BOOTY! Ok act natural, perfectly normal, totally sober, just... just get to the store before you puke."
 

multiverse

out of office 2/24 -
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I went in for a close up. I don't understand. Did they let her do her own makeup? Did the MUA get shitfaced drunk before she could stomach approaching the behemoth she was expected to "beautify"? Did they have a seizure halfway through? Did she sweat her whole face off like 5 times and they just gave up and slapped this on her 2 minutes before runway? Did Tess keep rubbing her eyes and lips? Did they let a small child do this? Was part of the "diversity" hiring someone with cerebral palsy to do the final makeup look? I DEMAND EXPLANATIONS!

Screen Shot 2019-09-10 at 5.38.22 PM.png
 

SpeedOSanicRee

Gotta Scroll Fast
kiwifarms.net
I went in for a close up. I don't understand. Did they let her do her own makeup? Did the MUA get shitfaced drunk before she could stomach approaching the behemoth she was expected to "beautify"? Did they have a seizure halfway through? Did she sweat her whole face off like 5 times and they just gave up and slapped this on her 2 minutes before runway? Did Tess keep rubbing her eyes and lips? Did they let a small child do this? Was part of the "diversity" hiring someone with cerebral palsy to do the final makeup look? I DEMAND EXPLANATIONS!

View attachment 931378
I truly cannot figure out why her makeup is so bad so consistently. She's not doing her own most of the time and even tags her 'glam' in her Insta. But it's different people every time. Are her friends doing it for her? Like, can she not afford a real stylist so she asks for her friends to do it? I just can't make sense of this.

Also, this is a great photo. She looks strung out on something.
 

AbraCadaver

Alpha Winner Deluxe
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I went in for a close up. I don't understand. Did they let her do her own makeup? Did the MUA get shitfaced drunk before she could stomach approaching the behemoth she was expected to "beautify"? Did they have a seizure halfway through? Did she sweat her whole face off like 5 times and they just gave up and slapped this on her 2 minutes before runway? Did Tess keep rubbing her eyes and lips? Did they let a small child do this? Was part of the "diversity" hiring someone with cerebral palsy to do the final makeup look? I DEMAND EXPLANATIONS!

View attachment 931378
I genuinely believe she did keep sweating it off and they had to hastily reapply. Backstage gets hot as fuck once they put the stage lights on and she likely had to stand for much longer than she’s used to.

Still, it was nice of them to let her wear the earrings her kid made for her in art class.


Without the shooping, her skin texture is appalling.

9DB731F2-D821-4FF7-9295-07BFB7BF24FF.jpeg
 

multiverse

out of office 2/24 -
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I genuinely believe she did keep sweating it off and they had to hastily reapply. Backstage gets hot as fuck once they put the stage lights on and she likely had to stand for much longer than she’s used to.
Agreed that this is the strongest possibility. In one of the backstage shots, she was watching the show barefaced and with her hair in a scrunchie. They probably had to do everything at the last second with how much she was sweating, and the eye makeup and gloss just slid right down.
 

AbraCadaver

Alpha Winner Deluxe
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Agreed that this is the strongest possibility. In one of the backstage shots, she was watching the show barefaced and with her hair in a scrunchie. They probably had to do everything at the last second with how much she was sweating, and the eye makeup and gloss just slid right down.
Pro-strength makeup fixer would not help her...at that point I doubt even freeze blast hairspray would. I wondered about her makeupless look in that shot, I thought it was after the show. But if it was before, then yes, they almost certainly waited til the last moment and kept her “look” as simple as possible, to minimize the sweating problem.

Thick makeup for a photoshoot is easy enough because you can stop for touchups and leave the rest to photoshop. But it’s hot as hell backstage at fashion shows and the MUA are busy doing everyone else on a tight schedule, so working around some enormous woman’s sweating was likely one more headache in a very busy show.


HEALTH AT EVERY SIZE.
 

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino