Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Landwhale model, Body positive activist, and gigantic fraud

Trombonista

The wooden spoon is for pasta again
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Tess made a post gloating about how her golden child praises her "belly" all on his own because he's so enlightened!

Then the video reveals that she lead him to the answer: she asked him if he liked her belly, to which of course he said yes. She asked WHY he liked it, and he told her it was squishy. He did not independently profess anything; even a 3 year old knows what their narc parents expect of them in order to receive parental love and praise.
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I didn't know the plural of tummy had an apostrophe.
 

multiverse

Not actually Merissa OR Heather
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Hmm, I wonder if she's finally trying to lose some weight so that an unethical hack doctor can perform "arm reduction" surgery on her. She's a disaster.
Nah, she thinks you can lose weight by having your nanny/assistant make you pre prepared healthy meals, and by drinking BEEFCAKE supplements like Cartman. And she will have lots of little snackies in between, because she's huuungry and it can't hurt. And she thinks this new 4000 calorie per day diet will be different from her old 4000 calorie diet.
 

Barbarella

Guards! To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake.
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Hmm, I wonder if she's finally trying to lose some weight so that an unethical hack doctor can perform "arm reduction" surgery on her. She's a disaster.
There is no such surgery, it’s impossible. Shows how dumb Tess really is. Her fat has nerves and blood vessels and you can’t just cut it off like they do skin, it would cause dangerous fluid imbalances, circulatory problems, dehydration, There is a reason docs tell the obese to lose weight first. She’d have to all lose the weight, then do the bat wing surgery for the hanging skin. Then do liposuction on any pockets left. And those tats are gonna be shriveled old ladies. Liposuction is for small areas of body contouring, not for sucking out 20 pounds of fat on arms. Even if that surgery could be done, it’d leave her deformed and scarred.

I’m not sure why all fats seem to think there is an easy way to get rid of it but there is only one-close their mouth.

She’s wrecked her body and there is no easy fix and there is no coming back. She should just keep to sticking needles in her face, that’s all she can do.

Tess is no different than any of our death fats-like Amber, Chantel, Amy. She eats like they do and can’t stick to a diet anymore than they can. Just because she doesn’t do mukbangs doesn’t mean she reacts to food any differently. She’ll drop the shakes and pick up the sheet cake before the year is over.

I’m looking forward to watching her desperately hanging on to what little relevancy she has left in 2020, while she gains 20+20 lbs
 

Cactus Wings

Coughing for Cash
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Well, I'll be damned. Tess is once again claiming to meal prep (i.e. Jolene is doing all her cooking right now), and shilling for a protein shake / meal supplement company via her stories. Little Miss "eff your beauty standards" is attempting to fit back into standard plus sizes, briefly. Her four chins show how cereal she is.

Previous attempts at either meal planning, working out, etc have never lasted more than collaborative or paid story sessions. Tess recognizes that she is now too big to model for anything but bariatric medical equipment, and no makeup companies are calling. But she's going to fail, as she does each time she temporarily resolves to lose weight. Because Tess always believes one week of good behavior will cancel out the next six months of gluttony. So enjoy chin #5, Ryann.
I've gone through a 1500 (1300) kcal dieting for half a year and even that shit was more filling than inhaling your meals in liquid form. I lost interest in eating as an 'activity' from dieting, and as such I can live with blending up shit because I already don't derive enjoyment from it, which this hog clearly does.

Blending up food does nothing but make it faster to eat. Shit digests faster, supposedly, taste worse and is overall less appetizing. It's like telling a cigaret smoker it's healthier to vape because it has fruity flavors. Except the fruit is literal ass.
 

multiverse

Not actually Merissa OR Heather
True & Honest Fan
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Tess's latest half assed attempt at fitting back into a size 26/28 continues with a walk. Of course, she had to wear special yoga pants to walk around the block once, and 'gram it or else it didnt really happen. No doubt she will reward herself with a nice big treat immediately after burning less than 50 calories.

Her leg is monstrous.
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You know, you could start with walking your toddler to the park and playing with him. He would love it, and it would be a better start to a healthy lifestyle. But nah, put on your best workout outfit, dump him on Jolene, and pretend a short walk is gonna melt off that extra 150+ pounds you put on after Nick moved in. Time for a protein shake!
 

AbraCadaver

This is not how you run a whorehouse
True & Honest Fan
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Well, I'll be damned. Tess is once again claiming to meal prep (i.e. Jolene is doing all her cooking right now), and shilling for a protein shake / meal supplement company via her stories. Little Miss "eff your beauty standards" is attempting to fit back into standard plus sizes, briefly. Her four chins show how cereal she is.

Previous attempts at either meal planning, working out, etc have never lasted more than collaborative or paid story sessions. Tess recognizes that she is now too big to model for anything but bariatric medical equipment, and no makeup companies are calling. But she's going to fail, as she does each time she temporarily resolves to lose weight. Because Tess always believes one week of good behavior will cancel out the next six months of gluttony. So enjoy chin #5, Ryann.
haha mates the fuckin back and forth with her followers

fans: “Tess, you’re not w*rking o*t to lose WEIGHT, are you???”

tess: *clutches pearls in horror* “Heavens NO! I would NEVER exercise to look better or improve my failing health! I’m just doing it because it’s...fun?”

fans: “.........we’re watching you, bitch.”
 

SPX5kzy

Crude, but effective.
kiwifarms.net
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Tess attempting to use a very outdated meme to make a nonsensical and illogical point. The comments in this one are especially dumb. Lots of “I’m fat n can run CIRCLES around da hadurs!!1!!”

edit: :story:
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Whew, I don’t know what this girls deal is. She must just want...asspats? I creeped through her pics and she has a typical sexy flat tummy shot with the hashtag #bodybymillerlite so, who the fuck knows.
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Water-T

My pussy tastes like Pepsi-cola.
True & Honest Fan
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haha mates the fuckin back and forth with her followers

fans: “Tess, you’re not w*rking o*t to lose WEIGHT, are you???”

tess: *clutches pearls in horror* “Heavens NO! I would NEVER exercise to look better or improve my failing health! I’m just doing it because it’s...fun?”

fans: “.........we’re watching you, bitch.”
Ah, poor Tess is caught between a rock and a hard place. If she wants to get modelling jobs and men to find her attractive (as well as live long enough for her kids, but we know that's not a priority for her), she needs to lose weight. But if she loses weight, all the HAES Hoes that give her asspats and keep the last flickers of her career alive will rip her to pieces.

Such a dilemma.
 

JuniperFalls

kiwifarms.net
Tess's latest half assed attempt at fitting back into a size 26/28 continues with a walk. Of course, she had to wear special yoga pants to walk around the block once, and 'gram it or else it didnt really happen. No doubt she will reward herself with a nice big treat immediately after burning less than 50 calories.

Her leg is monstrous.
View attachment 1038010

You know, you could start with walking your toddler to the park and playing with him. He would love it, and it would be a better start to a healthy lifestyle. But nah, put on your best workout outfit, dump him on Jolene, and pretend a short walk is gonna melt off that extra 150+ pounds you put on after Nick moved in. Time for a protein shake!
Of course, if she were actually serious about losing useful amounts of weight (but determined to put it on Instagram), she'd be better off making videos of herself sitting quietly for several minutes or even hours at a time ... while consuming nothing but cold water if she's thirsty. IOW, NOT consuming any calories.

Anecdote: one time, I had the chance to try one of those state of the art computerized treadmill/workout systems, the type where you could program it with your height, weight and other factors, so it could tell you precisely how many calories you burned at a given activity. I couldn't figure out how to reprogram it, though, so it was set to the previous user, someone significantly heavier than me (and therefore burns more calories than me, for any given activity). At any rate, I don't recall too many specifics, but I did walk exactly one mile, not on a "flat" surface but on a slight incline, and after all that, it said I'd only burned something like 80 calories ... which means I actually burned much less, since that 80-calorie result assumed someone much heavier than me.

Given Tess's much greater weight, if she actually walked a full uphill mile without stopping, she might burn off as many as 200 calories ... except all during her walk she'd also sip at least 400 calories worth of high-energy protein nutrition drink. The idea "not consuming unnecessary calories in the first place is a LOT easier than exercising them off afterward" doesn't seem to register with her. And if somebody told her about this she'd likely dismiss then as fatphobes whose beauty standards need to be effed.
 

LetThemEatCake

kiwifarms.net
Anecdote: one time, I had the chance to try one of those state of the art computerized treadmill/workout systems, the type where you could program it with your height, weight and other factors, so it could tell you precisely how many calories you burned at a given activity. I couldn't figure out how to reprogram it, though, so it was set to the previous user, someone significantly heavier than me (and therefore burns more calories than me, for any given activity). At any rate, I don't recall too many specifics, but I did walk exactly one mile, not on a "flat" surface but on a slight incline, and after all that, it said I'd only burned something like 80 calories ... which means I actually burned much less, since that 80-calorie result assumed someone much heavier than me.
Yep, that's the irony when very large people try to excuse their weight by saying they have a slow metabolism (outside of people with real, and very rare metabolic disorders of course) .... the heavier you are, the more calories you burn per day just to maintain your system, as there is a bigger volume of blood to pump around the body and more tissue to maintain, and of course everything physical you do requires more calories to shift your weight about.

MET-values-for-physical-activity-levels.png


The way to calculate is to find out the MET value (MET = Metabolic Equivalent of Task) (see chart above) and multiply it by your weight in kilograms. This will give you the approximate number of calories you can expect to burn at your own weight in one hour of activty. Of course, if you do something for only 30 minutes, divide that number by two, 15 minutes, divide by four, and so on and so forth.

If Tess weighs 200kg, and does slow walking on level ground (MET value of 2.3) she can expect to burn 460 calories if she keeps it up for one hour. A 60kg person on the other hand can expect to burn a measly 138 calories. If 60kg wants to burn anywhere in the region of 460 calories in one hour, 60kg person needs to do a hell of a lot more than slow walking. So much heavier people often cannot exercise at any real intensity but it burns a lot of energy for them to do something as simple as slow walking, they burn a lot of energy just to support and propel their own weight around. It's why even Fat Amy's chair workouts would help a lot if she were consistent about them and combined them with sensible eating. Even lifting your arm when you're that big is exhausting. It's also why Regan Chastian could never complete an Iron Man at her weight. It would take more energy to race within the time frames than she would be capable of expending.

Which is why if Tess had any clue, she'd realise if she actually stuck to healthier eating habits and portions, and did even 30-60 cumulative minutes walking a day, every day, she'd drop weight easily and steadily for a long time. untl she had to readjust her calories downward again.