Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Landwhale model, Body positive activist, and gigantic fraud

Diet Coke 4 Life

When I peek, it is in the line of duty.
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It's called 'putting your child on a regular schedule', Tess. Something you've never done, so trying to implement that now when he's at the most defiant of young ages is very, very hard. If you'd have started earlier, like most goblin-wranglers do, it's not so hard.

I give her 2 days until she gives up and just locks herself into her room to ignore him. Or starts heading off to see her Johns at night around 'bed time.'
 

multiverse

Made Misty Michelle Henry Rage Quit
True & Honest Fan
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Waaaahhh I don't have a live in nanny for the first time in 10 months, or a husband who can do all the heavy lifting (lol) for me any more, and I scared off my mom and she won't come be my nanny slave any more either ree. Also, what job? You sleep in every day, haven't worked sn entire day since February, and your income is sourced from stuffing food in your face, or sitting on food, before letting someone fuck your folds. Did Bowie interrupt that work?

Suck it up, buttercup. You made it almost 15 years before you had to put a toddler to bed by yourself. Hell, you even got Olly to do it for you and she was only there one week. And no shit your kid won't sleep in his own room when you tell him to - he's slept in your bed for his entire life at whatever time he wants, and doesn't understand why he's being punished by going to another room to sleep alone while mommy's new "friends" come over.

I hope this doesn't give her the bright idea of having Rylee finally move back in so he can parent for her.
 

DefCon Dumb

Confronter of Cryptoid Cuntiness
True & Honest Fan
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First world problems Tessy, first world problems... just what the hell in particular is she whining about? There are tons of single parents out there, many with more than 1 child & no help whatsoever; no nanny to offer a place to crash when they lose their home, as well as providing built in child care so they can gallivant around the state finding new, delightful sheet cakes.

Bowie isn't her first toddler; you'd think she'd understand by now that at Bowie's age, what's needed is the solid underpinning of a safe, steady routine; boundaries against which a child can measure itself, learn & grow. Regular wakeup & bed times, proper nourishing meals, (most of the time), lots of fresh air & exercise rather than photo op play dates & reliable people in their little lives as opposed to the cause de jour.

Some days she only gets ONE HOUR to herself at the end of the day? Poor, poor Tessy! One hour no doubt, is barely enough time to read the endless e-mails from awestruck fans, never mind answer them. Come & bitch when both you & Bowie have a massive case of flu & you can barely manage to crawl out of bed, stagger to the cupboards & feed him from the health emergency stash of crackers & other snacks you keep handy for such occasions.

No I'm not MOTI nor a single parent to tiny tots but more than a little exasperated that she's using a complete normal phase of most adult & children's lives to e-whine for sympathy. Suck it up, Momma & be grateful that right now the adage "small children, small problems" applies.
 
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Plastic Inevitable

Varg burned churches, not forests.
True & Honest Fan
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> demanding career

Where?

Edit: Bowie isn't even a toddler anymore, is he?

Edit2: He's not - he turned 4 in June. FOUR.

Edit3: Toddler-hood ends by 2 1/2, so she's referring to him by a term he grew out of over a year and a half ago.

Physical development
  • Head circumference is usually not measured after age three.
  • Requires approximately 7,100 kJ (1,700 kcal) daily.
  • Hearing acuity can be assessed by child's correct usage of sounds and language, and also by the child's appropriate responses to questions and instructions.
Motor development
  • Walks a straight line (tape or chalk line on the floor).
  • Hops on one foot.
  • Pedals and steers a wheeled toy with confidence; turns corners, avoids obstacles and oncoming "traffic."
  • Climbs ladders, trees, playground equipment.
  • Jumps over objects 12 to 15 cm (5 to 6 in) high; lands with both feet together.
  • Runs, starts, stops, and moves around obstacles with ease.
  • Uses arm movement to increase running speed
  • Throws a ball overhand; distance and aim improving.
  • Builds a tower with ten or more blocks.
  • Forms shapes and objects out of clay: cookies, snakes, simple animals.
  • Reproduces some shapes and letters.
  • Holds a crayon or marker using a tripod grasp.
  • Paints and draws with purpose; may have an idea in mind, but often has problems implementing it so calls the creation something else.
  • Becomes more accurate at hitting nails and pegs with hammer.
  • Threads small wooden beads on a string.
  • Can run in a circle
  • Can jump
Cognitive
  • Can recognize that certain words sound similar
  • Names eighteen to twenty uppercase letters. Writes several letters and sometimes their name.
  • A few children are beginning to read simple books, such as alphabet books with only a few words per page and many pictures.
  • Likes stories about how things grow and how things operate.
  • Delights in wordplay, creating silly language.
  • Understands the concepts of "tallest," "biggest," "same," and "more"; selects the picture that has the "most houses" or the "biggest dogs."
  • Rote counts to 20 or more.
  • Understands the sequence of daily events: "When we get up in the morning, we get dressed, have breakfast, brush our teeth, and go to school."
  • When looking at pictures, can recognize and identify missing puzzle parts (of person, car, animal).
  • Very good storytellers.
  • Counts 1 to 7 objects out loud, but not always in order
  • Follows two to three step directions given individually or in a group
  • May use the "ed" ending improperly; for example: "I goed outside."
English language
  • Uses the prepositions "on," "in," and "under."
  • Uses possessives consistently: "hers," "theirs," "baby's."
  • Answers "Whose?", "Who?", "Why?", and "How many?"
  • Produces elaborate sentence structures: "The cat ran under the house before I could see what color it was."
  • Speech is almost entirely intelligible.
  • Begins to use the past tense of verbs correctly: "Mommy closed the door," "Daddy went to work."
  • Refers to activities, events, objects, and people that are not present.
  • Changes tone of voice and sentence structure to adapt to listener's level of understanding: To baby brother, "Milk gone?" To Mother, "Did the baby drink all of his milk?"
  • States first and last name, gender, siblings' names, and sometimes own telephone number.
  • Answers appropriately when asked what to do if tired, cold, or hungry. Recites and sings simple songs and rhymes.
Social development
  • Outgoing; friendly; overly enthusiastic at times.
  • Moods change rapidly and unpredictably; laughing one minute, crying the next; may throw tantrum over minor frustrations (a block structure that will not balance); sulk over being left out.
  • Imaginary playmates or companions are common; holds conversations and shares strong emotions with this invisible friend.
  • Boasts, exaggerates, and "bends" the truth with made-up stories or claims of boldness; tests the limits with "bathroom" talk.
  • Cooperates with others; participates in group activities.
  • Shows pride in accomplishments; seeks frequent adult approval.
  • Often appears selfish; not always able to take turns or to understand taking turns under some conditions; tattles on other children.
  • Insists on trying to do things independently, but may get so frustrated as to verge on tantrums when problems arise: paint that drips, paper airplane that will not fold right.
  • Enjoys role-playing and make-believe activities.
  • Relies (most of the time) on verbal rather than physical aggression; may yell angrily rather than hit to make a point; threatens: "You can't come to my birthday party."
  • Name-calling and taunting are often used as ways of excluding other children.
  • Can be bossy at times, telling their parents to stop talking, or telling their friends to "Come here right now."
  • Establishes close relationships with playmates; beginning to have "best" friends.
  • Begins to ask questions about own and others' bodies
  • May attempt to see others naked in the bathroom
  • May begin to explore and touch genitalia
 
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maggots

kiwifarms.net
I love how as soon as she’s left alone with Bowie for longer than one night she has to film herself struggling after her child displays not so desirable behavior. She really needed to use 9 memes to convey her point of how hard of a time being a #singlemom is! She did this when she was in the whore house bathtub, filming herself while Bowie was having a tantrum just down the hall. It’s as if she never had raised a child before...
(:_(

Also, LOL at “demanding career” & “not having anytime left for myself”

Edit to add-

DC14C8F1-6F64-4025-A855-ADFF2D3F05DD.jpeg
she’s just going to knock him out with melatonin instead of, you know, being a parent.
 
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Free the Pedos

What the fuck's a washing machine doing in a pub?
kiwifarms.net
I find this particularly vapid: "I hope gender stops being a thing in our life & we just love & appreciate people for who they are as human beings."

For the vast majority of people, their gender or gender identity is part of who they are.
The important thing is that we know Tess and her ilk are smarter than all human civilizations that have come before them and had conceptions of gender.
 

SpeedOSanicRee

Gotta Scroll Fast
kiwifarms.net
LMAO @ 'I work a demanding job'. You sure have a lot of time to post on Insta considering how demanding it is.

I'm also really fucking sick of people dunking on their kids. She only likes him when she can use him like a little doll, posing him and dressing him up and taking pics for the 'gram to show what a wonderful single parent she is. But when he does things that are more difficult to deal with, she makes constant posts just shitting on him for being a bad kid under the guise of 'jokes'.
DC14C8F1-6F64-4025-A855-ADFF2D3F05DD.jpeg
she’s just going to knock him out with melatonin instead of, you know, being a parent.
I mean, she's said she was going to put Rylee on anxiety meds for some undisclosed 'disorder' so I'm not surprised. Just pump them full of meds, it's fine, right?

Something about her dispensing medicine like that worries me. I'm sure you can ask a doctor about recommended dose, but you know she won't and she'll give him whatever she has to to make him sleep. This is a bad enough idea, but there's also the fact that he's barely potty trained. She'll probably post in a few days/weeks whining that he's regressed on that and is wetting the bed at night.
 

Cheesegirl78

"I want to f**k you sex sex sex"
kiwifarms.net
First world problems Tessy, first world problems... just what the hell in particular is she whining about? There are tons of single parents out there, many with more than 1 child & no help whatsoever; no nanny to offer a place to crash when they lose their home, as well as providing built in child care so they can gallivant around the state finding new, delightful sheet cakes.

Bowie isn't her first toddler; you'd think she'd understand by now that at Bowie's age, what's needed is the solid underpinning of a safe, steady routine; boundaries against which a child can measure itself, learn & grow. Regular wakeup & bed times, proper nourishing meals, (most of the time), lots of fresh air & exercise rather than photo op play dates & reliable people in their little lives as opposed to the cause de jour.

Some days she only gets ONE HOUR to herself at the end of the day? Poor, poor Tessy! One hour no doubt, is barely enough time to read the endless e-mails from awestruck fans, never mind answer them. Come & bitch when both you & Bowie have a massive case of flu & you can barely manage to crawl out of bed, stagger to the cupboards & feed him from the health emergency stash of crackers & other snacks you keep handy for such occasions.

No I'm not MOTI nor a single parent to tiny tots but more than a little exasperated that she's using a complete normal phase of most adult & children's lives to e-whine for sympathy. Suck it up, Momma & be grateful that right now the adage "small children, small problems" applies.
Didn't Tess's mom raise Rylee herself?
What does Tess really know about raising a child by herself? Very little, it looks like.
 

Angry New Ager

CLINTON 2020: "One Nation, Under a Groove..."
True & Honest Fan
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I'm getting second-hand embarrassment watching Two-Ton suck up to Chrissy Teigen.
But they're both Z-list "celebrities", so I guess they deserve each other.
I think the best possible outcome of a Chrissy Teigen/Tess Holliday meetup would be Tess getting the number of whoever does Chrissy's Botox and fillers, and going to that person to get her own work done.

Because while Chrissy Teigen's always had a weird, not-pretty face, she looks like an alien in a skinsuit now. Her face is actually disturbing to look at, and even more disturbing is that somebody with some sort of medical training thinks it's totally acceptable to do this to a woman's face, as long as she's willing to keep forking over the cash. But Tess would be just the sort to brag about how she and Chrissy Teigen use the same doc, and frankly, she'd deserve the face she'd end up with. The trainwreck potential would be awesome.
 

Blonde Bomb

when you got it, flaunt it
Verified Kiwileak
kiwifarms.net
If Rylee is living with the ex, I wonder if Tess is still listed as his emergency contact for school, who goes to parent conferences, who signs forms, etc. Usually, if a child lives with someone who isn't a relative or a step-parent, the school will ask for clarification as to what the relationship between the adult & the student is & will want documentation of that.
 

Dorsia.Reservation

Dorsia's Dixie Stampede & Plantation Wedding Venue
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I love how two tons is complaining about people having a party when she was driving for HOURS just to stuff her face when the pandemic was at its worst.
Plus she currently has someone staying with her that flew internationally to get there AND managed to get a tattoo when tattoo parlors are still closed in California.

Looking at the abysmal covid with obesity survival rates, THAT is what two tons really should be worrying about!

As for her bitching about Bowie.
Her neglectful shit parenting is coming back to bite her in the ass...couldn't happen to anyone more deserving.
Unless she seriously and drastically changes, it will only get worse as he gets older.
 

Angry New Ager

CLINTON 2020: "One Nation, Under a Groove..."
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I love how two tons is complaining about people having a party when she was driving for HOURS just to stuff her face when the pandemic was at its worst.
Not to mention her birthday get-together in Palm Springs.

Plus she currently has someone staying with her that flew internationally to get there AND managed to get a tattoo when tattoo parlors are still closed in California.
This is Tess. Tess is a Narcissist. Therefore, rules are for other people.

Looking at the abysmal covid with obesity survival rates, THAT is what two tons really should be worrying about!
Honestly, I am amazed she hasn't been more cautious about mingling with other people, knowing that obesity is a major factor in who dies from Covid-19. But then, she'd have to admit there are real medical consequences to being fat--and she can't do that. At least not where her followers might see. Because she's supposed to be living her best life, and totally healthy, and anybody who says otherwise is just an ignorant hater.

As for her bitching about Bowie.
Her neglectful shit parenting is coming back to bite her in the ass...couldn't happen to anyone more deserving.
Unless she seriously and drastically changes, it will only get worse as he gets older.
Unfortunately, Bowie never deserved to have a neglectful shit parent (though I suspect Tess's parenting style is more a combination of neglectful-indulgent-tyrannical, because that's what Narc parents do). Rylee at least got to experience stability in his earliest years, so there's plenty of hope for him, but Bowie's going to have a shit time of it.