The Awful Creepypasta Thread - just in time for Halloween!

Judge Holden

Corpsefucker
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Ok, despite being a lover of both creepypasta AND hilariously bad schlock and fanfic idiocy, I dont actually know that many examples of "HAHAHAH OH WOW THIS IS BAD" creepypastas. Mostly because I actively try to avoid dumb shit when Im in the mood to be spooped. However I generally keep by three major rules when looking for crappy pasta

1) DEEPWEB IS ALWAYS SHIT: seriously, I have never seen a single deepweb/darkweb/dankweb/dinkweb pasta that isnt utter shit
2) LOST EPISODE/LOST MOVIE/BETA GAME/GAME MOD/WHATEVER PASTAS ARE 95% OF THE TIME SHIT: I mean its basically a cliche at this point that lost episodey shit and game pastas are terrible with very few exceptions, and most of those exceptions are pastas dedicated to original movies/series/whatever and are not based on IRL games or movies or tv or such.
3) REHASHES OF OLDER CREEPYPASTA CHARACTERS ARE 80% OF THE TIME SHIT: except in the case of Jeff the Killer. Then its 1000% always shit because Jeff was already utter shit to begin with

A few other pointers (particularly with the newer "nosleep" based pastas) is that entries dealing with rape or pedophilia are usually shit too since they use "OHNO RAEEEEP!" as the big shocker over actual scary shit (again, there are exceptions....one major one I cant even mention without spoiling the whole plotline)

When looking back and thinking of terrible pastas however, one floated to the top of the toilet that is my mind.

The story...of ANGRY sylvester



I'm pretty sure, that a lot of you remember watching Looney Tunes as a kid. So do I! And my favorite character was Sylvester the cat. Until one night back in the summer of 1998. I saw an episode that rather frightened me. But since the cartoon played at late night, when I should've already gotten to bed, I was half asleep, so I only remembered parts of it, like a creepy TV in Sylvester's room, that turned on all by itself. I thought, maybe it was just a nightmare. Sadly, it wasn't...

One Year Later...
The next summer, me and my brother were bored on an afternoon, so we decided to watch some TV. We flicked to Cartoon Network, just in time when Looney Tunes was starting. It played two normal episodes of Sylvester, nothing special, except for one thing... when the second part was coming to it's end, me and my brother felt like something wasn't right. We thought, that it might show that certain episode once again. And then, it happened...

Angry Sylvester
The episode didn't have the same intro, that most of the Looney Tunes cartoons had, neither the catchy title music. It just skipped right to the title screen. It didn't even fade, just switched right there. There was no title written on the screen, it just showed the living room of a house, and it looked like it was drawn entirely with only two colors: blood red and black as emptiness. There wasn't any music here either. The only sound that could be heard during this part was a woman saying "Directed by..." The creepy thing about it was, that it was in our country's native language, Hungarian, and this happened way before CN started broadcasting in our country's native language. And it sounded like if the announcer was strangled by somebody. Then, the episode started.

Once again, it didn't fade to the beginning, just switched right there. It showed Sylvester, standing in front of something, that looked like a military base. There wasn't any music or sound here either, just dead silence. Sylvester also didn't look like he did in the other cartoons. He looked bruised and badly beaten and his eyes had no pupils. He didn't say anything, he just looked really angry. In the next scene he entered the military base. It was empty, no guards or soldiers were there. But Sylvester still entered and he wanted to get revenge on the people for what they did to him. So he decided to sabotage the military base by destroying all the lights hanging from the ceiling. This scene also looked very disturbing. While Sylvester was tearing down the lights, his claws grew to a ridiculous size, and they were covered in blood and oil. The only sound that could be heard during this scene was the sound of sparking electricity, which also sounded very loud and frighteningly realistic. The scene also was flashing rapidly, making it look even more scary, and also dangerous to people, who suffer from epilepsy. This same scene also repeated itself 10 times until it cut to the next scene.

In the next scene, Sylvester was at home. However, Granny, Tweety or Hector were nowhere to be found. He was all alone. His room also looked empty and scary. The floor was blood red and the walls looked like if they were on fire. The room contained two tables, a large one that had something, that looked like a toy Dalek and a screwdriver on it, and a smaller one, that had an ancient TV on it. There was also a window in the background. But it's beams were misaligned, so it looked like an inverted crucifix, also outside it was just pitch black, not if it was like night outside, but like if there was literally no existence outside that window. So Sylvester proceeded to repair his toy Dalek with the screwdriver, when suddenly the TV on the smaller table behind him turned on by itself.

The TV showed an extremely creepy cartoon. The background music sounded like somebody was randomly banging an electric guitar, and the recording was reversed and played back that way. It started by showing a forest with a cartoony moon above it with an extremely creepy look on it's face. A few seconds later, it switched to long room. The room was empty, but something can be heard lurking at the end of the room and it made a really creepy metallic thumping sound with every step it made. A few seconds later it switched to the other end of the room. Porky Pig was standing there, also looking angry, and he was holding a pistol in his hand, but he didn't look bruised like Sylvester did. He said something to the monster at the other end of the room, then fired his gun a few times. After that, it went static, and a few seconds later, a really loud bang was heard and the screen faded to red. A few seconds later, the red screen faded back to Sylvester in his room, standing next to a wreckage of his TV. He looked even more angry, even more bruised and his eyes were blood red this time. The creepy of image of angry Sylvester stayed on the screen for about ten seconds, then it just went black... About half a minute later, Cartoon Network came back, with a normal "Coming up next..." screen.
 

Adolf Von Merkel

kiwifarms.net
3) REHASHES OF OLDER CREEPYPASTA CHARACTERS ARE 80% OF THE TIME SHIT: except in the case of Jeff the Killer. Then its 1000% always shit because Jeff was already utter shit to begin with
God, that make me remember Jane the killer.Is literally a girl in love with that gay pasta and selfinserting in it with a mary sue character.
 

Káiser Futura

AKA Generalissimo Futura
kiwifarms.net
Jeff the Killer is the most autistic creepypasta I've read.
https://www.creepypasta.com/jeff-the-killer/ said:
“Oh, finally! you stand and fight!” Jeff is now to his feet, blood and vodka on his face. Once again he gets that strange feeling, the one in which he hasn’t felt for a while. “Finally. He’s up!” says Randy as he runs at Jeff. That’s when it happens. Something inside Jeff snaps. His psyche is destroyed, all rational thinking is gone, all he can do, is kill. He grabs Randy and pile drives him to the ground. He gets on top of him and punches him straight in the heart. The punch causes Randy’s heart to stop. As Randy gasps for breath. Jeff hammers down on him. Punch after punch, blood gushes from Randy’s body, until he takes one final breath, and dies.
Seriously, what the fuck...
 

Judge Holden

Corpsefucker
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Jeff the Killer is the most autistic creepypasta I've read.
Seriously, what the fuck...
I remember reading it for the first time after hearing all the hype and just straight up laughing my ass off when the generic school bullies randomly pulled out guns and started shooting people. How did this Cool Cat tier shit become such a legend for fuck sake?!
 

Tanti-Fanti

kiwifarms.net
Any sonic creepypasta will automatically suck. I've read and listened to readings of some of the more obscure ones and they still manage to be below average at best.

That being said, creepypastas can work, it's just that they've been overrun by awful cringy OCs, horrible fanfictions, and the refusal to learn how the write anything other than edge. Most of the good creepypastas I've found, I've had to really look for because the grand scale of the creepypasta fandom is overrun by shit. Good stuff definitely exists, but you really have to look.
 

PsychoNerd054

Green people are so sexy!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net

There's also this one which I think would work a hundred times better as a Billy and Mandy Episode judging by the writing:

 

BeanBidan

Welcome to Silent Hill faggots.
kiwifarms.net
Once upon time, there was this boy. He was angry all the time because peple bullied him > : ( one day he decided that was enough so when his parents won't home he grabbed sciccors and went to the jerks homes and scratched at there winddow the mean guys wer scared not becuz the boy was trying to kill them but becuz he was actually a ghost.

The mean boys wor afried becuz he haunted the pepl tht killed them.

Edit: Also Slender man was his best his friend and killd the mean peepool
 

Medafag

From Furfag to Waluigifag
kiwifarms.net
I hate Ben Drowned with a passion, not only it popularized the "cursed game creepypasta" subgenre, it was for a time, during it's peak in popularity, completely unavoidable, if you liked Majora's Mask, and liked to talk about the game in imageboards or internet forums, you couldn't escape it, sooner or later someone would spam the hell of that creepypasta, fuck your favorite side-quest, fuck your favorite dungeon, your favorite boss battle, lets shitpost Ben Drowned and derail the discussion again, the worst part about it, is that there was a lot of people who pretty much refused to play the game thanks to that creepypasta and its autistic fans, that behavior made Majora's Mask look like some cheap and edgy 2Dark4U game
 

ThePurpleProse

Average Joe
kiwifarms.net
Aight, back on track, read this some time ago, just couldn't remember it properly to write it down here, but finally found it.
I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy there’s somebody on my bed.”

-Juan J Ruiz
Begs the question, which one will you shoot first?
 
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Count groudon

Saltier than Njord's left testicle
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I don't remember the names, but there are two pastas I remember being laughably shit. One was essentially some teenaged weeb girl's fantasy about some hot boy moving into her trailer park (yeah she felt the need to mention she lives in a trailer park for some reason) and them both hitting it off, but his mom and his sister who were a white trash ho and a slutty "popular" girl respectively hated her and then it turns out they were like satanic witches or something and they kidnap her for leading the boy astray from their cause or some such shit and then he saves her I think. The other was an attempt at making one of those creepy Stockholm stories where some guy turned a girl in to a living doll but the writing was atrocious and it was all capped off by some jpeg of an anime doll at the end.

Really I considered most pastas that weren't written by one of the big names like slimebeast to be pretty hit or miss.
 
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