The Brianna Wu empty promise list - If Elected to Congress I will "x"

[RP 520]

So I'm starting a list of 'promises' Wu tosses out there often. They're pretty amusing considering almost all of them follow the phrase "If elected to Congress I will..." Phrases will be quoted with an archive link to the tweet following them. This portion of the list is just about a month's worth of empty promises so feel free to search further back:

• "If elected, I plan to shut my mouth, roll up sleeves and get to work paying teachers a hell of a lot more. That's how we attract talent." http://archive.md/PqUqm
• "If I'm elected to congress, I plan to fight for higher police pay and more training. We need our best and brightest there." http://archive.md/Aeb7W
  
• "Today is #nationaldogsday. If elected to congress, I believe my Havanese Rocket will represent dogs of Mass with honor and distinction." http://archive.md/dp7Gj
  
• "What happened this week is not normal. If elected, I’ll work to #ImpeachTrump. Go to http://supportbrianna.com ." http://archive.md/REIfn
  
• "I agree with this. It's hostile to workers, and stops abuses from coming to light. If I'm elected, let's talk legislation - @susanthesquark." http://archive.md/S8z73
• "If I am elected to congress - I will be the strongest fighter for #NetNeutrality serving. I won't just defend it, I'll expand it." http://archive.md/6Hbg4
• "If elected to congress, I will do everything in my power to keep America safe from these alt-right domestic terrorists." http://archive.md/agna8
  
• "Note to self: If elected to Congress, PUT MONEY into funding research into next-generation antibiotics for resistant bacteria." http://archive.md/2mhXz
  
• "5/ If elected, I will show my respect to the military by not being another politician that treats you like a prop. My job is to to serve you" http://archive.md/yfAq5
• "3/ If I am elected to congress, women's rights won't be a boutique issue. We are 50 percent of the population. WE ARE IMPORTANT." http://archive.md/piQcP
  
• "Our voting systems are BEYOND vunerable to hacking, and congress has done nothing. If elected, I'll fix this." http://archive.md/6FpNY

 

[Jaimas]

We should really add a corollary "insane shit Wu has sworn to do if elected" segment, including shit like her intent to have the FBI investigated because Gamergate.

 

[AnOminous]

Pretty sure the biggest empty promise is the whole being elected thing.

 

[Hui]

Didn't his dog freeze to death outside?

 

[Francis York Morgan]

You should also search the phrase "when I am elected". There was a period where John had such an ego high that he started talking like him winning the election was a foregone conclusion.

 

[Datiko]

Voting systems beyond vulnerable to hacking? zzz

 

[stets]

I'll just touch on a few of these since I don't want to overdose on John's stupidity.

• "If elected, I plan to shut my mouth, roll up sleeves and get to work paying teachers a hell of a lot more. That's how we attract talent." http://archive.md/PqUqm

Local states and communities determine teacher pay, not the federal government.

• "If I'm elected to congress, I plan to fight for higher police pay and more training. We need our best and brightest there." http://archive.md/Aeb7W

Local states and communities determine police pay, not the federal government - at least 99% of the time. There's some federal police, but that's not what he's talking about.

• "Today is #nationaldogsday. If elected to congress, I believe my Havanese Rocket will represent dogs of Mass with honor and distinction." http://archive.md/dp7Gj

Have you seen pictures of members of Congress? Congress has enough dogs serving as Congressmen - they don't need more.

• "Note to self: If elected to Congress, PUT MONEY into funding research into next-generation antibiotics for resistant bacteria." http://archive.md/2mhXz

God help us all if we ever have to rely on advice from Wu on antibiotic resistance.

• "3/ If I am elected to congress, women's rights won't be a boutique issue. We are 50 percent of the population. WE ARE IMPORTANT." http://archive.md/piQcP

Meaningless political rhetoric. PS - you're a dude.

• "Our voting systems are BEYOND vunerable to hacking, and congress has done nothing. If elected, I'll fix this." http://archive.md/6FpNY

Voting systems are handled by states and local communities - the federal government has no roll in elections.

Wow, it's almost like John has absolutely no clue what office he's running for or how government works.

 

[twattycake]

Didn't his dog freeze to death outside?

Yes, because he was too busy milking it for sympathy on Twitter rather than getting it to a vet. The dog would still be alive if John weren't a sociopath with an asspat habit

EDIT: Thanks for the new word filter mods

2ND EDIT:

"What happened this week is not normal. If elected, I’ll work to #ImpeachTrump. Go to http://supportbrianna.com ." http://archive.md/REIfn

Republicans are a majority in the House and will probably stay that way through 2022. Promising to do something 4 years and 2 elections after the race you're currently in is as presumptuous as it gets.

"I agree with this. It's hostile to workers, and stops abuses from coming to light. If I'm elected, let's talk legislation - @susanthesquark." http://archive.md/S8z73

Here John is talking about "binding arbitration" clauses in contracts that require arbitration in place of a lawsuit & trial. They do nothing to stop employees from reporting abuse either internally or to the media, and do not stop criminal prosecution. A contract forbidding employees from going to the police/FBI/whoever is already illegal.

 

[Picklechu]

Republicans are a majority in the House and will probably stay that way through 2022. Promising to do something 4 years and 2 elections after the race you're currently in is as presumptuous as it gets.

Eh. There's a chance (key word is chance) that Democrats win the House next year, based on historical trends, the way districts voted last year, and other such factors. Still, even if Woowoo were to win (not even remotely likely), she'd be a junior member of Congress--even if she were part of the majority, she'd have basically no power whatsoever. Honestly, that's why a small part of me would like to see her win, just so that the whole country could see her sperg out.

 

[stets]

Honestly, that's why a small part of me would like to see her win, just so that the whole country could see her sperg out.

Seeing john win would be fucking awesome. The dude is so crazy, uninformed, stupid, and loud that it would be a treat to see her REEEEEEEEE from a larger platform. Im so sad it won’t happen.

 

[AnOminous]

Didn't his dog freeze to death outside?

He blamed Gamergate for somehow forcing him to do that.

 

[ShittyRecolor]

Didn't his dog freeze to death outside?

Aaaaand just like that I want to force-feed John the shriveled up remains of his mangled cock.

 

[Elbe]

I put together a modest collection a while back - sorry no links or anything, just pics.

 

[twattycake]

We should really add a corollary "insane shit Wu has sworn to do if elected" segment, including shit like her intent to have the FBI investigated because Gamergate.

Congressional hearings on sexism in tech (http://archive.md/O47Q9)

Stop the weaponization of space ("moon rocks" tweets): http://archive.md/hl0eB

 

[TrippinKahlua]

I hope during the actual race, the catchphrase "Who's Wu?" finally becomes popularized.

Because it fits so fucking much. WHO. THE FUCK. IS. WU?

(this whole thing wasn't even a whole alliteration and play on words. The question truly describes Brianna Wu to me)

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

He blamed Gamergate for somehow forcing him to do that.

Wow, seriously? Was it a "Gamergate had me so stressed that I crashed into slumber and let my dog freeze to death" sort of thing?

 

[sikotik]

Wow, seriously? Was it a "Gamergate had me so stressed that I crashed into slumber and let my dog freeze to death" sort of thing?

No he was too busy arguing with trolls on the internet to take his dog to the vet when people were literally screaming at him to do so.

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

No he was too busy arguing with trolls on the internet to take his dog to the vet when people were literally screaming at him to do so.

"Let a dog die so they could argue on the internet", that'll go over great with the voters if the incumbent got ahold of it.

 

[MG 620]

Wu Logic at its finest.

 

[AnOminous]

Wow, seriously? Was it a "Gamergate had me so stressed that I crashed into slumber and let my dog freeze to death" sort of thing?

No, despite having admitted that he had actually just left the dog outside in the cold to die of encephalitis, John later changed his story to claim Gamergate somehow had something to do with it.

https://archive.md/ql3ye#selection-793.0-793.137 for the whole tweet chain. John later changed his story to having the dog on his lap shivering 12 hours before the dog died. Which if true makes his fatal decision to leave the animal outside to die in the cold even more horrifying and despicable.

The story is more complicated than that, because John then told at least a half dozen different versions of his lie after the original, which clearly makes him look like the monster he is.

https://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Brianna_Wu's_Harassment#Crash_Incident