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The Bullying thread - stories and opinions

Discussion in 'Deep Thoughts' started by Heinrich Himmler, Nov 12, 2018.

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    1. I went to a fairly small private grade school, and I think the smallness of the classes might've helped minimize the amount of bullying that occurred -- perhaps kids are slightly less vicious to each other if everyone knows everyone and there's not as huge of a social pool for them to try to establish themselves in. And perhaps more significantly, being a private school probably filtered out a lot of the kids who ended up being bullies at the public schools in the area.

      Still, there were a small number of pretty odd/socially awkward kids that did get lightly bullied -- it was never anything physical or consistent/frequent, it was more like some of the other kids would occasionally mock them for various stupid kid reasons, or simply didn't socialize with them (which is arguably worse). It was the kind of stuff that made it difficult for teachers to ever overtly acknowledge and step in to prevent because it was often subtle. But I totally understand how adolescents can be deeply and negatively affected by even 'light' bullying, especially for girls -- to me it seemed like the weird girls had it way worse than the weird boys growing up, or at least they seemed to have been more negatively affected.

      Retrospectively I feel bad for those people, partly because they got bullied at all, but also because me and my group of friends never did anything to actively stop it, even when we knew it was a dick move on the other kids' part and we could have called out the bad behavior, or at least have been more friendly with the victims to make them feel more accepted.

      It really can be a vicious cycle: some kid is perceived as 'weird' by his peers for whatever reason, thus gets picked on and/or ostracized, thus doesn't have as much opportunity to develop socializing skills, thus becomes even more weird/withdrawn, thus gets bullied harder and perhaps by more people, etc.

      I agree with someone else's response in that there simply isn't a one-size fits all solution to the problem. A lot of bullying is way more subtle than some brutish mook demanding the bespectacled nerd's lunch money, and thus requires a more subtle kind of solution. And I can only imagine how much tougher social media has made it for outcasts growing up.

      One thing to possibly help the matter is promoting and creating media with stories that has the 'cool kids' being nice and friendly with the weirdos and 'losers', and the jerks portrayed as being overtly cliquish and shallow. Cliques are inevitable, a lot of people are just pricks, and kids especially are cruel to each other, but maybe if it's reinforced enough that being kind and inviting is way cooler than being rude and exclusive, perhaps kids will be more likely (at least subconsciously) to adopt that kind of attitude and behavior. There's plenty of movies out there with this message, but a lot of them seem to be geared more towards teenagers in high school. Maybe there could be more of these kinds of stories for a younger audience, because 'Mean Girls' doesn't seem all that accessible for adolescents. For all I know there probably is a lot of this already out there, of course I wouldn't know since I'm not watching media for adolescents.
       
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    2. The problem is one of the things that can make bullying a lot worse nearly immediately is if the kid is seen as a snitch and that's more or less assumed when adults get involved. Adults often know this and prudently stay out to some degree.

      What is infuriating is when they do this, though, and then the bullied kid hits back and suddenly they're there to punish it.

      If they do the hands-off approach to let things work out on their own, they should keep that shit up when the bully is the one getting a bloody nose.
       
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      AnOminous

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    3. Well, Merula bullied me until like year four, when we celebrated Christmas together and I asked her to be my Yule Ball date. I think we'll be fine now. Sure, she's still kinda mean every now and then but it's a huge improvement and I know she has my back.
       
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      #63 a feel, Feb 12, 2019
      Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
      a feel

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    4. Probably an Unpopular Opinion, but I think we're too quick to label any disagreement as bullying these days. Kids need to have negative social experiences as much as positive ones to learn from and a lot of adults seem to have a rose tinted perception of children all being friends and getting along.
      Actually, not just schools. I see people in the workplace and on social media using the word bullying to shut down any disagreement.

      I can think of a few adults in my life who owe what little social awareness and normal behaviour they can manage to 'bullying' at school. Which arguably is just kids rejecting their peers for being obnoxious/smelly/dumb or whatever. Some kids need the epiphany that if they want to be accepted they have to stop being obnoxious.

      I guess I'm just trying to say that the childhood social environment is complex and we shouldn't just interfere and shut it down if someone gets their feelings hurt and invokes the B-word.

      That said, physical harm like throwing ppl out of windows and systematic tormenting of individuals is obviously wrong in and of itself, step in and stop that when it happens.
       
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      Clovis

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    5. Eh, considering what people deem bullying today, I was probably most definitely a bully in jr. high.

      So when I was in like 7th or 8th grade, this really nerdy kid with jeans two inches too short and greasy hair, who really enjoyed running around playing pokémon in the hallways, decided he was into me. Not only did he decide he was into me - had he kept it to himself, it would've been alright - he also had to go on social media posting about it + how he enjoyed jacking off to photos of me. Anyway, so I decided that was fucked up, right? So not only did I call him out on his bullshit, I also went and complained to my friends who beat the fuck out of said kid. Oh, and then I spent the rest of the school year tormenting him - you know, making a fake fb profile of him to embarrass him in front of the few friends he had (and the rest of the school), always acting really sarcastic whenever we had class together (kid did not understand sarcasm), asking him shit like "what does it feel like to have absolutely zero social intelligence?" and "how come your brothers are so normal when you're like r.etarded?". He cried a lot that year.

      A solution to stop that kind of "bullying"? Teach your kids social awareness and that it's not ok to go on social media posting about how they like to jack off to pictures of girls in their classes.

      Not so sure what to do about real bullying though, like the event described in the original post. Only ever heard of one such occasion while in school. Some dudes beat up this chick and set fire to her hair extensions. They were expelled and the incident was reported to authorities. Not sure what happened to the girl. I think she and her family moved towns or something.
       
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    6. Is exceptional to believe in the ultra glorified morality of this times, the one with the bigger stick is the "good" person and the people he smashes into a pulp are the "bad" people, it has always been like that no matter what hypocrites otherwise preach about to feel better.
       
      La Luz Extinguido

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    7. Nah I think you're right, schools are hyper aware of small stuff (like exclusion or behind-the-back shit talking) and will force a group to include a kid they're picking on, which is horribly uncomfortable for everyone. Kids just learn sooner to be sneaky about picking on people and calling anything "bullying" just turns into a huge joke.

      The thing is, I find increasingly that "bullying" just means internet shit. Social media wasn't a thing until I was in university so I can't say I fully understand how important it is to kids nowadays but I find the concept of "cyberbullying" ridiculous. I suppose social media can be an extension of insults or exclusion that a kid might already be putting up with, it is not at all the same thing as a gang of kids taking a dump in your backpack and following you home to beat the shit out of you. I mean, if this generation of kids are such pussies that the worst they do to someone is call them ugly and unfriend them on Facebook that's great, but I have a feeling the real nasty shit still goes on and gets ignored the same as it did in 1998.

      The only "cyberbullying" issue I find to be a real problem is older kids distributing nudes or sex tapes, and that definitely needs to be dealt with when it happens, but the big takeaway for me there is the importance of teaching kids not to let anyone make intimate recordings of them in the first place.
       
      vanilla_pepsi_head

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    8. Looking back at my school I always think it was interesting which kids got bullied. I can think of one fat ugly ginger from scummy home: should have been a natural born bully magnet. But she had a strong personality and sailed through school whereas a completely nondescript nice quiet kid had a hellish time thanks to a weaker personality and less social poise.

      A lot of the talk around school bullying makes out it's kids being picked on for differences they can't help but in my experience it's not that simple.

      On the other hand most people on the internet getting "bullied" do seem to behave exceptionally and draw attention.

      I'm confused by the cyber-prefix on most things. If you're harassing/scamming/thieving/inciting violence/whatever...those things are already crimes. I don't think it makes and difference if youre breaking the law in meatspace or via the internet.
      I guess MSM and a lot of people took a long time to catch up to the conceptual shift the internet brought about and they still think human interaction facilitated by communications technology is some how less 'real'.
       
      Clovis

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