At the end of my High School senior year, my English class was assigned a 'brochure' project, which constituted that we make mock brochures for our future jobs. I recall little from the other brochures but that they were repetitive; half the girls wanted to be nurses, for instance. I saw it coming, as they showed us a lot of examples from previous years, so I decided to have some fun with it.
Let me give you an image: That day, I wore a reproduction Civil War uniform, asked to be the final presenter, and had a practiced imitation of Joseph Goebbels prepared. During the presentation, I spoke in my loudest voice, which had been rehearsed to prevent stumbling and stuttering, and I made all sorts of stances and hand movements. At the end, I threw my hat up in the air and sat down. My peers - who had to write down summaries of what each presenter said - spent twice the time asking me questions as I did giving the presentation.
I got an A.
I've been going through my old Word documents, many of which date back several years, and found the transcript. I hope it to be an entertaining read.
Let me give you an image: That day, I wore a reproduction Civil War uniform, asked to be the final presenter, and had a practiced imitation of Joseph Goebbels prepared. During the presentation, I spoke in my loudest voice, which had been rehearsed to prevent stumbling and stuttering, and I made all sorts of stances and hand movements. At the end, I threw my hat up in the air and sat down. My peers - who had to write down summaries of what each presenter said - spent twice the time asking me questions as I did giving the presentation.
I got an A.
I've been going through my old Word documents, many of which date back several years, and found the transcript. I hope it to be an entertaining read.
Has your life ever felt devoid of comfort or joy? Have you ever felt lost in the world, with no seeming path to follow? Well, have you ever considered joining the Church of Charles Bronson?
That’s right; no longer must you wander between the winds searching for the spirit land, because you’ve wandered right into Charles Bronson’s gaze! Prepare to have your minds blown, your souls healed, and your horses stolen by the savior himself!
Now, even before noon, some may question this decision to devote themselves to the cause of Charles Bronson. One may wonder, “Will my soul really heal under his gaze?” But really, whose couldn’t? “Is it possible to get back up after a baptism?” It is possible if he wills it to be. “What if I don’t draw fast enough?” Don’t count on it, but count on this: one horse... can buy you a lifetime of life.
Consider how drastically your life would change. With one gaze, one draw, the joy of a thousand action movie goings could be yours at all times, for the rest or your life - if rather short. Or consider, rather, that just by joining the Church of Charles Bronson, that joy could be taken in fully over a longer period, if you have peace to make with the world. Finally, you can feel what it’s like to live in the warm shadow, or at least under the cold boot heel of Charles Bronson, and rest in his peace.
You will never need to eat or sleep again. You will be entirely sustained by the energy of Charles Bronson. Neither will you need to worry about bandit raids or crime ever again, as Charles Bronson is the one-man crackdown. You will never need to worry about money – it won’t be hard to find openings for work any longer, and especially not in the Church, where all comers are welcome. You won’t even need to worry about shelter, any longer, for Charles Bronson has direct manipulation over the weather.
And best of all, once you attain clergy status in the Church, your hand is his weapon whenever you draw. Think, you will never again be dishonored! Action movie extras will quake in their boots, and maybe a bandit or two if you’re feeling brave.
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