The Cole Smithey Thread -

Senor Cardgage Mortgage

Funposter extraordinare
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Why is there a pickle to the left of Bob's head? Also why are there spices and garlic powder and shit on a shelf full of VHS videotapes? I think that's Old Bay Seasoning on the upper right. It's usually put on crabs and other seafood.
That's a Key Chain of Larry The Cucumber from Veggietales. I used to have one of those as a kid.
If you don't know Veggietales, here.
 

DeathHeat

kiwifarms.net
Greene, for a variety of reasons, could no longer meet Chris' educational needs. I usually am a fan of partial mainstreaming for kids like Chris, depending on the school. (Children on the spectrum are more prone to bullying, but they're also prone to imitating the behaviors of those around them and normalizing them.) Bob would have made more as an engineer than Barb would have made, and I'm pretty sure she would have been able to get an entry level position like that wherever.

Legitimately, I don't understand why Barb didn't have Early Intervention services if she cared so much. He would have qualified for PT/OT/ST for free until he was three in Virginia through Infant Toddler Connection. That would have carried over to the same services at pre-K, likely with the same people, and those referrals are made through UVA, and he would have been referred to UVA by his pediatrician when he failed to hit mentioned milestones, because as far back as 1985, AMA standards mean his ped would have been documenting those assessments. This means either she didn't take him to the doctor or she flat ignored the referrals and assistance. (And yeah, in the 1980's, moms did the appointments, so I'm pointing the finger at Barb.)

And while it isn't fair, moms just know a lot of extraneous bullshit about their children.

Before taking another mortgage against the house, Barb could have thought about Chris' future and bought a small condo, or even had Rocky set up a trust for Chris, used Medicare to get her in an assisted living apartment, and had Chris live with her. Bob tried to set up a career and future for Chris, although unlike Greene Co., the other school system just gave Bob asspats and said Chris was fine, rather than really evaluating and helping him. Barb has yelled at trolls for bothering her, but did she ever try to negotiate for Chris on his behalf?
What you're saying is admirable, but you have to look at it from a different perspective.

Barb is a greedy, self-serving witch who abused Cole physically and Chris mentally.

She does not care about her children beyond meeting very basic needs because of her narcissistic ways.

Going the extra mile to keep Cole safe or makes sure Chris got the early help he needed requires caring, compassion, something this broad knows nothing about.

Expecting anything more than her not letting her children starve to death is going to far and there's plenty of evidence to back thism
 
I kind of wonder if Cole didn't like Bob, because he was a man old enough to be a grandfather, but also here is this old man coming into the picture and Barb dating terrible abusive men in the past. I'm just tempted to take one of these tours asked questions like a reporter would about his mother, Chris, and Bob.
 

Glassshardballpit

kiwifarms.net
Kinda is amazing Chris has three older sibs and not one has anything to do with or ever had barely anything to do with him. I'm not saying their responsibile but the fact that frigging none of them ever tried short of Cole visiting for Chris's 18th birthday. The poor sap didn't even find out he had a niece until he was twelve.

The Chandlers only have themselves to blame, like us all, but that Chris's older siblings never even sent chintzy little gifts or even cared to call to make sure Chris was alive ( my guess is that was why Cole bothered ever, at all) is wasted chances.
 

Nurse Ratchet

DUN-DAHNUHNUH DAH-BOWBOW!!!
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The Chandlers only have themselves to blame, like us all, but that Chris's older siblings never even sent chintzy little gifts or even cared to call to make sure Chris was alive ( my guess is that was why Cole bothered ever, at all) is wasted chances.
I know but honestly to them, Barb is just the Whore of Babylon & who even cares about the quarterbaked sperm trophy she has to show for stealing Dad from Mom?

And even if you had the most basal biological curiosity about your sibling, coming at Chris from any angle of an internet search would take no more than 3 New York minutes to nope right the fuck on out of that adventure & lay flamethrower to your browsing history.

Ellen Ripley style.

The only thing they've not done that confuses me is legally change their fuckin surnames & force their families into WPP..
 

Syaoran Li

Commie Punks Fuck Off!
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Meh, I get the feeling why Bob's kids became estranged from him had a lot less to do with him and almost everything to do with Barb (and possibly Chris after he achieved internet infamy)

Barb's family explicitly hate her because of her horrible personality and backstabbing ways, so I wouldn't be surprised if Bob's kids had the same sentiments and avoided Barb at all costs, even if they still liked Bob.

The only one of Chris's siblings who we can definitely confirm as hating Bob is Cole.

Cole hates Bob, but Cole is also a notorious douchebag and mainly hates Chris out of a mix of projected hatred towards Barb and envy over the fact that Chris is a legend in internet culture (especially after PewDiePie and other mainstream e-celebs started talking about him) while he's pretty much a "literally who?" figure among anyone who isn't closely following Chris's antics.

Cole's only claims to fame or notoriety are the fact he's Chris's brother and for being the asshole hipster that gave Toy Story 3 a bad review.

We know next to nothing at all about Carol Chandler other than she has a government job somewhere, and David Chandler was already leaving the nest by the time Barb entered the picture and was likely in college and working on his professional life when Chris was a kid.

Notably, Dave Chandler did show up to Bob's funeral, so he couldn't have hated his father that much. Carol didn't show up, but she has a government job and we don't even know if she lives in the same state as the Chandlers. It may have been possible she wanted to say her goodbyes but couldn't due to distance or some other unknown factor.

Honestly, Barb is the main reason why Chris is so fucked up as a person and has no real family support to speak of.

Don't get me wrong, Bob was a shitty parent too, but his parental failings stemmed mostly a mix of from incompetence and old age while Barb was more directly malevolent and abusive.

Bob at least tried up to a point, while Barb only cared about herself and the hoard.
 

NavyGuzzler

kiwifarms.net
Cole is taking aim at Star Wars:


And while I agree that the movies aren't very good, it's also sad how badly he wants to be taken seriously by the film community. Hey, Cole: I enjoy grind house trash too, but if you think your beloved "Ms. .45" is really any better than Disney's latest cash grab, you are fucking delusional.

Also, I've said it before, but the older and fatter he gets, the more he looks like Chris. Even has the same expression in some pictures.
 

ChurchOfGodBear

He's just this guy, you know?
True & Honest Fan
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Cole is taking aim at Star Wars:


And while I agree that the movies aren't very good, it's also sad how badly he wants to be taken seriously by the film community. Hey, Cole: I enjoy grind house trash too, but if you think your beloved "Ms. .45" is really any better than Disney's latest cash grab, you are fucking delusional.

Also, I've said it before, but the older and fatter he gets, the more he looks like Chris. Even has the same expression in some pictures.
Ironically, as much as Cole hated Bob, he would have been better off with Bob's genes. From every sample we have, Chandler genetic material outperforms Weston.
 

8777BB5

Keep Her Sexy and Straightforward
kiwifarms.net
Something I've always wondered is where did Cole go when he moved out at 17? He wouldn't be able to go to University of San Diego until the next year, the Rocking Dogs weren't yet formed so he couldn't stay with them and it couldn't have been anyone locally because I have a feeling Chris would've let slip about Cole staying with someone locally. Did he just drive out to California in his car and stay in Section 8 housing or did he know someone already there and stay with them? Or did he spend his time as a barely legal sexy buddy for some old Hollywood socialite?
 

depressedfurry

kiwifarms.net
Bob at least tried up to a point, while Barb only cared about herself and the hoard.
Bob was a below average parent, but I feel like in a normal situation he might have done better.
Barb is a narcissistic monster who definitely made everything more difficult for Bob and allowed Chris to get much much worse.
Cole might have hated Bob because he's a normal person and at least tried to do some normal parent things with Chris.
 

FightenGnome

Amateur Christorian
kiwifarms.net
Ironically, as much as Cole hated Bob, he would have been better off with Bob's genes. From every sample we have, Chandler genetic material outperforms Weston.
Meh, to be fair, I think most of Cole's problems stems from nurture rather than nature. All it takes is a bad start to life and suddenly you're entering your 30s with no useful skills whatsoever. I think having Barbara as a parent is what did him in.

Bob at least encouraged Chris to try and be creative with Sonichu and seemed to set bars for him to try to achieve. Whether it be Sonichu as an Autism mascot or to go up to Nintendo and give them a nice, firm handshake (Boomer style baby) and ask to be partners, I'd attribute the successes to Bob's pushing. If genes had anything to do with it, Chris would be inventing plastic molds.

Cole might have hated Bob because he's a normal person and at least tried to do some normal parent things with Chris.
I think Cole hated Bob because Bob was a Republican, possibly old tyme racist, and religious. Cole went to California to mature and now lives in New York. Bob is like some stereotypical hillbilly to Cole. Bob may have tried to parent Cole while he was still at home and he felt like he was better than that. I've never seen or heard of Bob being malicious except for the whole Game Place conspiracy thing.
 

AnOminous

Really?
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Retired Staff
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I've never seen or heard of Bob being malicious except for the whole Game Place conspiracy thing.
That wasn't even malicious. It was just a normie's interpretation of fucked up behavior that was incredibly weird even for the Internet. The idea there was a global conspiracy to perpetrate incredibly elaborate bullshit wasn't at all something a sane person would think. So he probably just thought all the weird shit happening was the same locals who already had a beef with Chris.
 

ChurchOfGodBear

He's just this guy, you know?
True & Honest Fan
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That wasn't even malicious. It was just a normie's interpretation of fucked up behavior that was incredibly weird even for the Internet. The idea there was a global conspiracy to perpetrate incredibly elaborate bullshit wasn't at all something a sane person would think. So he probably just thought all the weird shit happening was the same locals who already had a beef with Chris.
To be honest, if you found me before I discovered Chris, and tried to tell me that a giant webpage and for him would obsess over a doofus Who never sought out or wanted the attention, I would never have believed you. Bob's interpretation of those events, from his point of view, Seems reasonable.
 

Slimy Time

Read 'em and weep
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Meh, I get the feeling why Bob's kids became estranged from him had a lot less to do with him and almost everything to do with Barb (and possibly Chris after he achieved internet infamy)

Barb's family explicitly hate her because of her horrible personality and backstabbing ways, so I wouldn't be surprised if Bob's kids had the same sentiments and avoided Barb at all costs, even if they still liked Bob.

The only one of Chris's siblings who we can definitely confirm as hating Bob is Cole.

Cole hates Bob, but Cole is also a notorious douchebag and mainly hates Chris out of a mix of projected hatred towards Barb and envy over the fact that Chris is a legend in internet culture (especially after PewDiePie and other mainstream e-celebs started talking about him) while he's pretty much a "literally who?" figure among anyone who isn't closely following Chris's antics.

Cole's only claims to fame or notoriety are the fact he's Chris's brother and for being the asshole hipster that gave Toy Story 3 a bad review.

We know next to nothing at all about Carol Chandler other than she has a government job somewhere, and David Chandler was already leaving the nest by the time Barb entered the picture and was likely in college and working on his professional life when Chris was a kid.

Notably, Dave Chandler did show up to Bob's funeral, so he couldn't have hated his father that much. Carol didn't show up, but she has a government job and we don't even know if she lives in the same state as the Chandlers. It may have been possible she wanted to say her goodbyes but couldn't due to distance or some other unknown factor.

Honestly, Barb is the main reason why Chris is so fucked up as a person and has no real family support to speak of.

Don't get me wrong, Bob was a shitty parent too, but his parental failings stemmed mostly a mix of from incompetence and old age while Barb was more directly malevolent and abusive.

Bob at least tried up to a point, while Barb only cared about herself and the hoard.
Outside of the trolling, notice how everything went to shit for Chris once he died? Ends up in court multiple times, troons out, house fire, constant money problems... So on and so forth.