The Cole Smithey Thread -

Muscle Bra

I passed high scholl bitch!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Wait, why would Cole need reconciling with Chris? What did Chris ever do to Cole?
Way back when, Chris contacted Cole from out of the blue to ask him to vote for him in the Parappa sweepstakes and, when Cole agreed to vote for him in exchange for Chris finding out who Cole's real father was, Chris did a half-ass job of it.

When Cole got married, Chris made some kind of video where he said "Whoop-dee-doo for you" and implied that Cole should be taking care of his mother.

Later, Chris informed Cole (via social media) that he needed to move back to Virginia to take care of Barb in her declining years and, when he got no response, Chris drew a picture of Cole living in Carnegie Hall and burning stacks of dollar bills.

Chris has also made a voodoo doll/Lego figure of Cole and pitted it against Chris-Chan Sonichu or Collossal Chan or some such shit.

While there may not be hostility between the half-brothers, it's safe to say there is no love there.

What Cole should do, is lean into this shit instead of pretending Chris doesn't exist. We are in a renaissance of documentary filmmaking, Cole probably has the best access to making the definitive Chris documentary, and those things are cheap as hell to produce.
Ohhh, me likey. Cole could also invite Chris to live with him and then fund the documentary by installing webcams in every room in his condo and putting up a paywall.
 

HavenlyKingdom

kiwifarms.net
Guaranteed, everyone in Chris's life would have been contacted by fools looking for Internet fame, David and Carol did the smart thing by keeping out of it.
Imagine one day discover that the weird autistic son of that relative you barely knew has an entire fucking Wiki dedicated to him and the fact you are related to him means a bunch of morons will try to harass you by phone.
 

Tennis-Ball-Tony

Coolest cracker in the box
kiwifarms.net
The Chandlers barely had any contact with David when Bob was alive. The last time Chris is known to have seen him was at Bob's funeral eight years ago. I doubt he'd feel much obligation toward Chris, or want him anywhere near his family.
That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
 

Francis Dollarhyde

And the woman, clothed in the sun.
kiwifarms.net
That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
I think he would show up at the closest relative first, and work his way down the list. They cannot tell you not to come over if you do not call in advance.
 

Mason Verger

was she a great big healthy at any size person?
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
I feel like at this point Barbs contact book is filled exclusively with numbers for QVC and various complaint lines. Chris is fucked in that regard.

Hell, the only way Chris could think of to reach Cole was to make a YouTube video addressing his half-brothers brother-in-law.
 

The handsome tard

We will wake up The Warrior!!
kiwifarms.net
What Cole should do, is lean into this shit instead of pretending Chris doesn't exist. We are in a renaissance of documentary filmmaking, Cole probably has the best access to making the definitive Chris documentary, and those things are cheap as hell to produce.

Though I suppose from a narrative standpoint, he should wait end see how this third act plays out.

"And the Tribecca film festival award goes to... Cole Smithey for 'My Brother, My Sister'!"
Its a modern remake of "Glenn and Glenda", "Chris and Christine (oh and Sonichu) "
Except Cole isnt as talented as Ed wood.
Way back when, Chris contacted Cole from out of the blue to ask him to vote for him in the Parappa sweepstakes and, when Cole agreed to vote for him in exchange for Chris finding out who Cole's real father was, Chris did a half-ass job of it.

When Cole got married, Chris made some kind of video where he said "Whoop-dee-doo for you" and implied that Cole should be taking care of his mother.

Later, Chris informed Cole (via social media) that he needed to move back to Virginia to take care of Barb in her declining years and, when he got no response, Chris drew a picture of Cole living in Carnegie Hall and burning stacks of dollar bills.

Chris has also made a voodoo doll/Lego figure of Cole and pitted it against Chris-Chan Sonichu or Collossal Chan or some such shit.

While there may not be hostility between the half-brothers, it's safe to say there is no love there.
Im sure Cole knows of the culture built around his brother. He reasonably wants to stay away from the I HAVE AUTISM PLEASE LAUGH AT ME...
That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
Usually anyone would refuse Chris a place to stay but we are in the age of social outrage and western guilt (to not say "white" straight up), so there is a chance they would take him in because "poor autistic Chris needs my help, he is lucky im so good hearted #goodheart" (then they would properly be punished for their artificial altruism by slowly realizing Chris is a selfish insane genetic dead end giving them a bad reputation). If Chris were smart (and despicable) enough, he would use this to his advantage to force his extended family into taking him in or risking the moral knights harassing and doxxing them (it wouldn't be above them, even if children were included). Thankfully Chris aint smart and his extended family probably is enough to refuse him (at most contact a local homeless shelter).
It'll be a center piece at a 2040 outsiders art MoMA exibition. Chris' time will come.
Post modern art is a fucking unironic joke so im not discarding that possibility. A real shame.
 

TheRedBaron

Knower of random subjects and Owner of Megatron
kiwifarms.net
In theory do you all think Cole follows Chris' life and sees whats going on? or just closes his eyes, covers his ears and rocks back in forth in a fetal position pretending Chris doesnt exist and neither do the likely I HAVE AUTISM PLEASE LAUGH AT ME he almost certainly hears from
 
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