The Dumbest Plans In Fiction - Be them in a movie, TV show, anime, cartoon, story, web series, book, comic, play, or video game, what are some of the dumbest plans you've ever seen? (Obvious Spoilers)

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Guts Gets Some

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Return of the Jedi.

I liked Star Wars growing up, same as everybody, but I grew out of it and never really thought it was anything special beyond that. However, watching the first two original films at least as an adult, they were competent and well done, if not basic, adventure films that were enjoyable enough.

But once I started Jedi, especially as an adult, I realized that whole bit literally makes zero sense. And really, even for Star Wars, almost the entire movie makes no sense. The plan especially is the worst part for me though.
Droids go in first to bargain? But then they are just given away.....? But then it turns out Lando's already there, and Chewbacca is set up as a prisoner... to get Leia in? But it's not even clear if she was always in the bounty hunter suit or something. Then Luke just comes in by force. Leia chooses to unthaw Han in the middle of night, yet Jabba and crew apparently anticipated it and were waiting? What? And so on and so on.
You almost think by the end it'll all make sense eventually, but no, the longer it goes on, the less sense it makes.

What the fuck kind of plan is this? When you're a kid, you don't think about this because it's just cool, but I couldn't make heads or tails about it.
And given it was the cliffhanger the prior (and better) movie ended on, starting it off like that was just lame. I'm not the only one these days who realize it makes no sense. No one can explain it because it can't be explained. Beautiful foreshadowing into the writing of the prequels.

Really too, the whole final movie has these issues. Nothing really makes sense if you think about it, and part of why it never held up for me as an adult.
 

Oh Shit I'm Sorry

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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The end of the first Rage game was one of the worst offenders. You play a vault-dweller who is woken up from stasis or whatever and tasked with fighting the evil post-apocalypse Nazi group and your master plan to overthrow them is to just wake up all the other vault-dwellers because there's no better army than one that's just woken up from centuries of sleep and has no fucking idea what's going on. You succeed in your mission and then the game just fucking ends immediately after without any kind of resolution whatsoever. I legit have no clue if any of it got resolved in Rage 2.

Then there's fucking Dead Island. At the end of Part 1 in the game your party adds an NPC character who they just drop off at safe areas and acts as a bank to store your items in. The 2nd part of the game takes place in a city (and also has a sewer level) where criminals have taken over the police station and use the city's loudspeakers to blare a message on repeat telling people to stay the fuck away if they know what's good for them. You drop the storage bitch off at a church filled with survivors and then you have to head to a different area through the aforementioned sewers. While you're away storage bitch and a senile old man come up with the ingenious idea to try and deliver supplies to the police station. Old man gets beaten to death and storage bitch is apparently used as a public toilet for a while (which is only explained in a book and I only discovered from the Wiki) until your party returns and has to rescue her stupid ass at which point she turns into an angry emo for the rest of the game.

Then of course there's the ending itself. The main goal of the game was to obtain what you believed was a cure for zombieism (because that always works) to deliver to a guy giving you instructions over the radio called Ryder in exchange for a... Ryde off the Island. After obtaining the supposed cure you head to Ryder's location and as you get near he decides to gas you to sleep in an elevator so he can... steal the cure that you are about to give him (only it turns out he was just being manipulated the entire time but you'd only find that out if you played his 10 dollar single-player DLC pack with a 32 rating on Metacritic!). The "cure" turns his wife into the Hulk, a few people die and everyone lives stupidly ever after.

The catalyst from Mass Effect 3

“Synthetics rising up against organics inevitable (you know despite a ton of evidence to the contrary). Therefore I will create a synthetic race to wipe out all organics every 50k years so this will never happen?”
Let's not forgot the thousands of Cerberus soldiers (and our favorite edgelord) who decided the best thing to do during the giant space lobster apocalypse invasion was to go shoot at the only people capable of stopping it for reasons incomprehensible and never explained. Obviously the Illusive Man was indoctrinated at that point but the idea of him ordering all his rank and file troops to murder Shepard so the space lobsters can successfully exterminate them, their loved ones and everyone they know and none of them going "wait, what?" is hysterical.
 

Duncan Hills Coffee

Face melted from French Vanilla Roast
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The Prince's plan near the end of Prince of Persia: Warrior Within is incomprehensible, largely because the game turns into a clusterfuck of time travel bullshit.

After realizing that killing Kaileena results in the creation of the Sands of Time, the Prince decides that if he kills her in the present, the Sands will be created well after he was meant to open them and thus will have never opened them in the first place. To that end, he becomes the Sand Wraith and makes sure that his past self is killed which somehow doesn't result in his own death. I guess being the Sand Wraith meant he was immune to his past self getting killed, but if that were the case, why did the previous Sand Wraith get killed by the Dahaka? The Sand Wraith followed the timeline at every point except that one instance, so why is the first one killed but the second one lives?

The one thing that does make sense is how moving the creation of the Sands of Time to the present undid the first game, but that only affects the third game so I don't know if it counts. Warrior Within falls victim to a bunch of time-travel problems that the first and third game largely avoid, and it's a shame.
 

Maggots on a Train v2

new and improved account
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Almost every plan or decision made on The Walking Dead was stupid, up to the point that I stopped watching it. It would have been a great show if the main cast had made reasonable choices, and just got continually fucked over by bad luck.
 

Notgoodwithusernames

My wife’s boyfriend is my son
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Let's not forgot the thousands of Cerberus soldiers (and our favorite edgelord) who decided the best thing to do during the giant space lobster apocalypse invasion was to go shoot at the only people capable of stopping it for reasons incomprehensible and never explained. Obviously the Illusive Man was indoctrinated at that point but the idea of him ordering all his rank and file troops to murder Shepard so the space lobsters can successfully exterminate them, their loved ones and everyone they know and none of them going "wait, what?" is hysterical.
That didn’t bug me so much since I basically The Illusive Man to go fuck himself at the end of ME2 and blew up the collector base but I can see how it railroads people who took the other option. If you spared the collector Base in 2 Cerberus should have been on your side in 3... at least at first.
 

Honka Honka Burning Love

I am the Clownvis..Honk Honk Ba Donk.
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I know I brought up Wheel of Time in the Lolcow fictional characters? but did I mention Elaida ordering her minions stuffing the Main Character in a box, and them proceeding to beat him for weeks? Thus giving the (Known and recognized) Savior of the World Claustrophobia and PTSD?

cause that was a thing that happened and it went about as well as you would think.

also from Game of Thrones/Song of Fire and Ice

You know that wall that needs defended? Lets send our Crippled people and Rapists up there and nobody else for hundreds of years.
 

Cardenio

*YAWN*
True & Honest Fan
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This really is only slightly related to the topic, but I got nowhere else to sperg about this. Booksmart (2019) was the critical darling that no one saw. The film is about two straight A high school graduates in a lower middle class town who decide to live it up when they realize that all their obsessive grade studing was for nothing because as it turns out all the cool partying classmates are all going to the most prestigious universities. They then go thru typical juvenile delinquents partying and mayhem. More or less Superbad with lesbians.

This movie shows the literal privilege that those in the Hollywood are gifted with. Whichever dope born with a silver spoon in his mouth wrote this thought that kids raised in $200,000 houses can easily find themselves accepted into elite education. In reality we all know that unless you're in the elite, utterly brilliant, a jock, or at the very least gifted with some affirmative action sob story you're not going to an Ivy League.

You can scoff up my anger as being mad at a movie that's not meant to reflect reality. But otherwise its shot in a very realistic style. And I don't think I'm the only one bothered by this absurd break from reality because hardly anyone saw this cookie cutter trash flick despite the Twitter Blue Checkmarks raving about it.
 

Dom Cruise

Spooky!
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The Prince's plan near the end of Prince of Persia: Warrior Within is incomprehensible, largely because the game turns into a clusterfuck of time travel bullshit.

After realizing that killing Kaileena results in the creation of the Sands of Time, the Prince decides that if he kills her in the present, the Sands will be created well after he was meant to open them and thus will have never opened them in the first place. To that end, he becomes the Sand Wraith and makes sure that his past self is killed which somehow doesn't result in his own death. I guess being the Sand Wraith meant he was immune to his past self getting killed, but if that were the case, why did the previous Sand Wraith get killed by the Dahaka? The Sand Wraith followed the timeline at every point except that one instance, so why is the first one killed but the second one lives?

The one thing that does make sense is how moving the creation of the Sands of Time to the present undid the first game, but that only affects the third game so I don't know if it counts. Warrior Within falls victim to a bunch of time-travel problems that the first and third game largely avoid, and it's a shame.

Warrior Within was a complete clusterfuck, to the point I still haven't played Two Thrones even though I heard it was better, I just like to pretend Sands of Time is a standalone game.

Only thing I liked about WW was the close up of that girl's ass in the opening cutscene.
 

Duncan Hills Coffee

Face melted from French Vanilla Roast
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Warrior Within was a complete clusterfuck, to the point I still haven't played Two Thrones even though I heard it was better, I just like to pretend Sands of Time is a standalone game.

Only thing I liked about WW was the close up of that girl's ass in the opening cutscene.
The Two Thrones is the sequel Warrior Within wishes it was. It actually enhances the platforming, the combat's not a slog, the music returns to the Middle Eastern roots of the first one, and Yuri Lowenthal returns as the Prince. In every way, it's the game that should have been the sequel to Sands of Time.

I actually skipped Warrior Within for years, skipping right on to Two Thrones. I only played it for the first time a couple years ago. Trust me, Two Thrones is actually worth it.
 

MysticMisty

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Return of the Jedi.

I liked Star Wars growing up, same as everybody, but I grew out of it and never really thought it was anything special beyond that. However, watching the first two original films at least as an adult, they were competent and well done, if not basic, adventure films that were enjoyable enough.

But once I started Jedi, especially as an adult, I realized that whole bit literally makes zero sense. And really, even for Star Wars, almost the entire movie makes no sense. The plan especially is the worst part for me though.
Droids go in first to bargain? But then they are just given away.....? But then it turns out Lando's already there, and Chewbacca is set up as a prisoner... to get Leia in? But it's not even clear if she was always in the bounty hunter suit or something. Then Luke just comes in by force. Leia chooses to unthaw Han in the middle of night, yet Jabba and crew apparently anticipated it and were waiting? What? And so on and so on.
You almost think by the end it'll all make sense eventually, but no, the longer it goes on, the less sense it makes.

What the fuck kind of plan is this? When you're a kid, you don't think about this because it's just cool, but I couldn't make heads or tails about it.
And given it was the cliffhanger the prior (and better) movie ended on, starting it off like that was just lame. I'm not the only one these days who realize it makes no sense. No one can explain it because it can't be explained. Beautiful foreshadowing into the writing of the prequels.

Really too, the whole final movie has these issues. Nothing really makes sense if you think about it, and part of why it never held up for me as an adult.
I read somewhere a few years ago that supposedly Lucas originally had planned for four more movies to follow The Empire Strikes Back. Three of those would involve Luke and friends chasing Boba Fett and frozen Han Solo all over the place with the empire taking a backseat, then the last movie they would face off against the emperor. And then he'd start work on the prequel trilogy.

At any rate everyone else realized that this was a really bad fucking idea and talked him out of it (except for the prequel part), which left the problem that now Lucas had to bring the Jabba the Hutt and Boba Fett subplot to a close while defeating the empire/killing the emperor in the same movie. That's why Return of the Jedi is something of a clusterfuck, and why the first 40-45 minutes don't really match up with the rest of the movie.
 

Pokemonquistador2

Electric Boogaloo
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I read somewhere a few years ago that supposedly Lucas originally had planned for four more movies to follow The Empire Strikes Back. Three of those would involve Luke and friends chasing Boba Fett and frozen Han Solo all over the place with the empire taking a backseat, then the last movie they would face off against the emperor. And then he'd start work on the prequel trilogy.

At any rate everyone else realized that this was a really bad fucking idea and talked him out of it (except for the prequel part), which left the problem that now Lucas had to bring the Jabba the Hutt and Boba Fett subplot to a close while defeating the empire/killing the emperor in the same movie. That's why Return of the Jedi is something of a clusterfuck, and why the first 40-45 minutes don't really match up with the rest of the movie.


I didn't really mind the "Rescue Han" plot arc in Jedi. I thought it was a chance to see how much Luke had grown since the last movie. He seemed to come into his own confronting Jabba, escaping from his rancor pit, and rescuing his friends. And Luke HAD to fight an intermediate enemy before he fought Darth Vader again. We the audience had to see how far he had improved before we could believe him capable of facing the final bad guys.

Indiana Jones and James Bond films were also movies had action-y beginnings that had nothing to do with the plot of the rest of their films, and I don't see anyone complaining about that. I think the reason Jedi gets pissed on is because it's the conclusion of a trilogy, and fans had high expectations for it. Lucas didn't do himself any favors retreading the Death Star battle and shoving warrior teddy bears into the plot, but it wrapped up the Luke/Vader arc quite nicely, and it ended on a hopeful note with freedom in the galaxy restored. Appreciate it for what it was: a blown up Republic Serial with some philosophical Heroes Journey themes thrown in.
 
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Guts Gets Some

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I read somewhere a few years ago that supposedly Lucas originally had planned for four more movies to follow The Empire Strikes Back. Three of those would involve Luke and friends chasing Boba Fett and frozen Han Solo all over the place with the empire taking a backseat, then the last movie they would face off against the emperor. And then he'd start work on the prequel trilogy.

At any rate everyone else realized that this was a really bad fucking idea and talked him out of it (except for the prequel part), which left the problem that now Lucas had to bring the Jabba the Hutt and Boba Fett subplot to a close while defeating the empire/killing the emperor in the same movie. That's why Return of the Jedi is something of a clusterfuck, and why the first 40-45 minutes don't really match up with the rest of the movie.

That is insane Lucas thought something like that needed FOUR full movies, when he had already gotten to this point by movie 3.

I'm beginning to think this was for money reasons, than story reasons. Lucas has always been a businessman first after all.
 

Calandrino

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Has nobody mentioned DKR's plane scene yet? It's not like there's a little subtle niggling plot hole in there... absolutely nothing that happens makes any sense or could possibly work.

Thanos already beat Hulk in Infinity War
What bugged me most about the movie is that nobody just... killed Thanos. I mean, I guess they were sort of trying but the script wouldn't let them? There's really not a single timeline where Thor is smart enough to chop his head off? He just didn't seem like that big of a deal. Cap was 1v1ing him.
 

Ilikeoreos

Bronies are terrible people Lois
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Classic Power Rangers villains were full of these. There were countless times that Rita and Zedd easily could have won if they had just thought things out a little more carefully.
 

Stab You in the Back

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What bugged me most about the movie is that nobody just... killed Thanos. I mean, I guess they were sort of trying but the script wouldn't let them? There's really not a single timeline where Thor is smart enough to chop his head off? He just didn't seem like that big of a deal. Cap was 1v1ing him.

There is no scenario in which Captain America successfully beats Thanos 1v1. Even without the Gauntlet, Thanos is pretty fucking powerful. You'd either need magic (Scarlet Witch, Dr. Strange, Vision) or god-tier powers (Thor, Hulk) to hurt the dude. Basic bitch brawlers like Cap, Spider-Man and Black Panther wouldn't stand a chance.
 

PeruvianPerun

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I know I brought up Wheel of Time in the Lolcow fictional characters? but did I mention Elaida ordering her minions stuffing the Main Character in a box, and them proceeding to beat him for weeks? Thus giving the (Known and recognized) Savior of the World Claustrophobia and PTSD?

cause that was a thing that happened and it went about as well as you would think.
To be fair it's not really Elaida's fault, she JUST wanted capture and control Dragon, which is in itself stupid, but that is what thousands of years of White tower reign do. Box stuff is entirely Galina's idea, who is Black.
However WoT have it fair share of stupidest plans. Whole Elaine's shtick of "My babies will be born fine, therefore I shall emerge from every problem fine too" is so unbearable.
And Cadsuane's plan. Just wow. "Hey, this mentally unstable boy, which went from a farmer to a savior in one year and has fate of the world on his shoulders, struggles with so many hardships, so he is trying to cope by making himself unemotional. How can I help. Why, embarrass him in front of his subordinates, humiliate him and as always manipulate him." No wonder her plan backfired so spectacularly
 

AnOminous

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Retired Staff
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Has nobody mentioned DKR's plane scene yet? It's not like there's a little subtle niggling plot hole in there... absolutely nothing that happens makes any sense or could possibly work.

The memes from the ludicrous writing and janky acting completely distracted from the fact that the plan was also pure loony tunes.
 

ProfDongs

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As soon as you get to the church in RE4 the plot collapses in on itself. Saddler's plan is to kidnap the presidents daughter Ashley and send her back to America infected with Las Plagas to infect everybody. Leon fights through a village to get into a church where she is being kept to get her out and then escape with a helicopter. So the plan is working flawlessly until for no reason at all Saddler pops out of the back of the Church and tells Leon his plan, and then actively tries to stop him and re-kidnap Ashley. I know its a video game, but there has to be a point when you're writing this scene and realize how dumb it is.
 

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