The Fifth Annual Kiwi Farms Secret Santa! - Show us yer hauls!

  • There is a bug with the post editor. Images pasted from other websites from your clipboard will automatically use the [img] tag instead of uploading a copy as an attachment. Please manually save the image, upload it to the site, and then insert it as a thumbnail instead if you experience this.


Destroyer of the Universe.
Retired Staff
Feb 3, 2013
Ho ho ho too all you nerds out there. Once again, we are coming to the FIFTH Secret Santa. It is so hard to believe that its that time again and we have been doing this for so long. Anyways, you guys should know the deal already, but I am I gonna tell you anyways.

Anyways, here are the rules:

1. The gift must be something you made yourself.

It must be something you created, and something transferable via pm


Art you made

A story you wrote

A game you made

Music you wrote yourself

Any media you yourself have created.


Electronic Gift Cards

Purchased Digital Content

Any media you did not make yourself.

Anything purchased with cash.

Simply put, this is something from the heart and must be something that you did not pay for. This also includes anything purchasable that you received for free, so if you have an extra game key, that is still unacceptable. This must be something you made yourself.

2. The gift must be appropriate

After the last few years, I think I need to specify more here. Gifts should be mostly SFW. Like, I get that gifts often revolve around lolcows but please make sure your recipient would be ok with it. Photoshop’s of shock images, such as goatse and 9/11 are never acceptable.

3. Please turn it in on time.

Sign-ups will last until November 20th, the Friday before thanksgiving. You will receive your assignment sometime that weekend. From there you have until December 24th to turn in your gift. If you cannot create your gift in time, you have until December 10th to drop out without punishment. If you fail to turn in a gift and do not give an explanation, you will not be allowed to participate in future Secret Santa events.

4. Sign up requirements.

In order to participate you must:

Be able to access off-topic

Be in good standing (As in, not a shit head)

Have not been banned from Previous Secret Santas.

So this year I also have a few extra things I need.

So, last year was kind of rough because of the sheer amount people who joined and it was hard for the few of us doing it. So I am asking for at least 5 Surtur's Little Helpers this year, in order to do this. In return, those of you who help me will receive a special Trophy. Previous helpers will receive it as well. Anyways, if you want to help, let me know and I will pick out a few soon, previous helpers, staff and long-term members will get priority.

I will also be asking for people to be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000. If you have been here before, you know the drill. I need people to make back up gifts in case a Santa is unable to deliver a gift, so if you are willing to do an emergency gift, let me know.

Anyways, I will start:

Name: Surtur

Likes: Video games, PC games, Dungeons & Dragons, Tabletop games in general, reptiles, science fiction, cheesy horror movies, Lovecraftian things, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Vikings.

Dislikes: Idiots, nerds, hipsters, my job, strawberries, JJ Abrams, F.A.T.A.L

Fun Fact About Me: Not a fan of Kiwi fruit.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No


Users participating: (those with * are Spirit Bots)

1. @Galvatron *
2. @Surtur
3. @ChurchOfGodBear *
4. @Guardian G.I.
5. @Scratch This Nut
6. @_blank_ *
7. @Cunty Boo Boo *
8. @Kaiser Wilhelm Il.
9. @jenffer a jay
10. @Dr.Research
11. @The Viking of Disapproval
12. @Becquerel
13. @TheImportantFart
14. @Petronella
15. @Todesfurcht *
16. @The Great Goatse
17. @Firesharpie
18. @Aquinas (Please let me know if you want to stay or drop out)
19. @GG Allin
20. @Randall Fragg
21. @CricketVonChirp *
22. @Slurms McCorgi
23. @GingerDixie
24. @Kurosaki Ichigo
25. @cumrobbery
26. @ShiningPokeStar
27. @admiral *
28. @Lurkette *
29. @Danny_Mothers *
30. @ScrewTheRules
31. @Valiant *
32. @meatslab *

1. @Bones
2. @Dr.Research
Last edited by a moderator:

GV 998

Sure, I'm in

Name: Galvatron

Likes: Video Games, Reading, Writing, Building Models, cats, Disney, Science Fiction, Dark Comedy, musicals

Dislikes: Hypocrites, arrogant people, social justice, and pretty much every "lolcow" community, especially the fandoms (they ruin it for the rest of us)

Fun Fact About Me: I am trying to become a writer

Can you be an X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: sure, I could probably manage an extra gift or two


He's just this guy, you know?
True & Honest Fan
Feb 3, 2013
Name: ChurchOfGodBear

Likes: Science Fiction, MST3k, Superman, boobs, chicken wings, travel, Nintendo, comic books

SJWs, the TSA, all the bullshit you have to go through just to get on a plane

Fun Fact About Me: My first Lolcow was Joe Cracker, and I've been following him since the glory days of Chris.

Can you be an X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Yes.

Guardian G.I.

СНГ scum
Oct 14, 2013
Let's try this out:

Name: Guardian G.I.

Likes: Art (drawing, digital painting and concept art), vehicles and aircraft, space (especially Soviet space program), science fiction, elves, cyberpunk and dieselpunk, history (XXth century to the present day), landscapes (urban landscapes as well), video games (C&C, GTA and similar sandbox games, city-building games like SimCity, grand strategy games by Paradox), electronic music (especially non-progressive trance, techno and retrowave as done by Perturbator)

Dislikes: my personal flaws, pretentious, arrogant and hateful people, people with a hair-trigger temper, extremism of all kinds, gross fetishes.

Fun facts about me:
  • I am from Belarus, a country few people are aware of even in Europe.
  • I'm afraid of steep stairs and escalators for some dumb reason.
  • I want to become a concept artist someday.
Can you be an X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000? No.
Last edited:

Scratch This Nut

Problematic Chihuahua
Apr 29, 2015
Name: Scratch This Nut

Likes: Pokémon(Fennekin and Sableye are my faves), pitbulls, horror movies, kittens, guinea pigs, Rick and Morty, Disney, South Park, AHS, Pusheen

Dislikes: Fetish art, Creepy assholes, half of Tumblr, John Green novels

Fun Fact About Me: My family owns four dogs because we're insane. Also I can make any stuffed animal out of a sock.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Nope, sorry.
Last edited:


The Charles Dickens of Disco
True & Honest Fan
May 25, 2013
Let's do this.

Name: Blank. Pronouns are Blank, Blank, and Bee-Bye-Bicky-Bye-Bicky-Bye-Bo-Blank.

Likes: Bethesda Games, Hitman, Animals, Clutch, Blue Oyster Cult, KMFDM, the color purple and green, and schadenfreude. Also? Swedish Fish and Andy Capp's Cheddar Fries.

Dislikes: Mandatory happiness, most comedy movies, television, the number 28, the depreciation of the Oxford comma, soggy bread, miserable little pikers who sign up to Secret Santa and don't do shit, people who lack self-awareness, and sermonizers.

Fun Fact About Me: I really have no goddamn idea what I'm doing. With anything.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Dude, last year I did like four or five Secret Santas. Just give me a half dozen to begin with and let's be done with it.

Cunty Boo Boo

Dec 24, 2015
Fuck it, I'm down

Cunty Boo Boo

Likes: Pretty much all the geeky shit, girly-cutesy shit, dogs, dank may-mays

Dislikes: Carrots, hamsters, cyclists

Fun Fact About Me: I once thought I saw Bill Cosby in a Walmart parking lot...but it wasn't him.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: I make some great MS Paint crafts, so I don't mind being a merry-making little elf.

Kaiser Wilhelm II.

German by birth, guatemalan truck driver in spirit
True & Honest Fan
Sep 25, 2016
Name: KaiserWilhelmII

Likes: Video games, PC games, Hearthstone, Magic The Gathering, German Past, german national identity

Dislikes: SJW, german right parties ( afd npd et al.)

Fun Fact About Me: I live in a hippie community (shared living)

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Idont know what this is


Dissertation Topic: Lolcows
True & Honest Fan
Jan 9, 2014
Name: Dr.Research

Likes: Norway, Type O Negative, the Pendergast novels, cats, owls, blue mixed drinks, Pokemon (Haunter is my spirit Pokemon), Avatar: TLA/ Legend of Korra, Gudetama, tea

Dislikes: MRAs, math, religion, super hero movies, driving

Fun Fact About Me: I'm applying to graduate school.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?:

What does being a Little Helper entail? That being said, I can probably help.
Last edited:

The Viking of Disapproval

looks in your direction
Jul 1, 2015
Name: The Viking of Disapproval

Likes: Horror/Gore films, Dogs, Vikings. Assorted media that mostly consists of: Guild Wars 2, Oyasumi Punpun, Yume Nikki, Shadow of the Colossus, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Vinland Saga, and Pokémon (the cubone/gastly evo lines are best)

Dislikes: Politics in general, third-wave feminism, SJW bullshit, root beer, inhabiting a vessel made of flesh and bone.

Fun Fact About Me: I can do a handstand for 15 minutes.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Maybe next year. I don't handle commitment very well.
Last edited:


Breakin' Wind
True & Honest Fan
Aug 9, 2014
Ah what the hell. I like Secret Santas, especially if it's something I can create.


Likes: Star Wars, Doctor Who, sitcoms, creative writing, creepypastas, R.E.M., Genesis, SJWs humiliating themselves, bears, Lego, early Bioware RPGs, Jak and Daxter.

The Star Wars prequels, recent Doctor Who, Beyonce, horror and slasher films, bell peppers, Wil Wheaton, the US version of The Inbetweeners, heights, spiders.

Fun Fact About Me: I once stole a taxi from Brian Cox (the actor, not the astronomer).

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Nah, this is my first rodeo. Not gonna push my luck.
Last edited:


True & Honest Fan
Oct 14, 2016
Name: Todesfurcht

Likes: Video games, art, singing, pastel aesthetics, and the internet.

Dislikes: Modern feminism, math, Leafyishere, and SJWs.

Fun Fact About Me: I'd like to study game design.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Yes. Need an emergency gift? I'll give it my best! (No more than 2 pls)

The Great Goatse
Aug 29, 2016
Name: The Great Goatse

Likes: Blizzard games, politics, wargaming, tabletop RPGs

Dislikes: Tumblr, the alt-right, people who repeat what they've heard unquestioningly

Fun Fact About Me: I work as the chief of staff of an elected official

Can you be an X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Not right now, too busy


no bones about it
Apr 20, 2014
Name: Firesharpie

Likes: pokemon (mew is my fav!), comics, steven universe, pastel, rocks/gems (labradorite, topaz, and rose quartz are A+), cats, dungeons and dragons

Dislikes: people flaunting their disgusting fetishes, dumb people who think they know what they're talking about, tumblr fandoms

Fun Fact About Me: I mix dresses and skirts with ratty converse and snapbacks to get something truly disgusting

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: no, sorry


Local Forum Celebrity
True & Honest Fan
May 25, 2015
Name: Aquinas

Likes: Vidya, jokes(good bad or otherwise), Tabletop

Dislikes: Theres not really much i can say that i dislike, to be honest

Fun Fact About Me: I love the idea of making a roguelike game, but between not knowing how to code and just being generally uncreative, that probably wont happen.

Can you be a X-mas Spirit Bot 9000?: No, sorry man.

Rap Scallion

Always ringing, never answering
Sep 12, 2016
edit: I've dropped out since there's been no activity for a couple weeks, sorry! Maybe next year.


Likes: Sharks, baby animals, dancing, 80s style neon shit, animal skulls/general macabre shit, antagonist characters, video games, synthpop, Saga, Skies of Arcadia, Crypt of the NecroDancer.

Dislikes: Pretty much anything that doesn't have a credible source attached to it, "tumblr culture", people who don't use their goddamn turn signal, subpar acoustic covers, creepy crawlies, having to spend more than .000001 seconds trying to teach myself something new, tomatoes.

Fun Fact About Me: I wrote a novel I'm trying to pitch to publishers at the moment.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Sure, I could probably do two or more, just let me know ASAP beforehand if you'll need something so I can make sure to set some time aside to make stuff.
Last edited:

GG Allin

outlaw skumfukk
Sep 10, 2015
Just copypasting my post from last year

GG Allin

Likes: Traveling, heavy/doom/stoner/sludge/drone/folk/thrash/black/progressive metal, cats, raccoons, Meshuggah, PC and consolegames, painting, writing and drawing, singing, Regular Show, Kalashnikovs, GG Allin, philosophy, classical music and body modifications.

Dislikes: Tumblr, feminists, weebs and the colour green.

Fun Facts About Me:

I've broken nearly every bone in my body.
2. I'm colourblind.
3. I once painted paintings while on drugs, like acid, cocaine, shrooms, XTC etc, like some dude once did. I sold the paintings and donated the cash to charity.

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: No cause im too poor to purchase a 3D printer

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No.

Similar threads

  • Locked
Better late than never
GS 281