Continue this or my beard will be unhappy.Just when we thought his ego couldn't get any more inflated goldie goes: he wrote fanfiction about himself.
Today, there is a team of developers working on what they hope will be the Ultimate Quest for Glory! Jay, the project lead and writer, has invested his fortune in time and limited money from birthday and Christmas gifts to start up this video game project.
Bi-yearly income isn't usually enough to sustain a video game development company, but we're only on sentence two, so I'm going to try to withhold judgment.
His manly long hair and booming voice took control when he was not scheming about what to create or how to do it.
Today, his plan has been set in motion: make a small but awesome video game with the help of friends over the course of a few months, play God in it, and enjoy the adventures alongside his team with his Ultimate Quest for Glory! To help him manifest his plot, he has first enlisted the aid of his beloved Heather as artist. Her smooth natural red hair flowed heavenly like thick velvet, and she was modestly dressed.
We should have known Heather was going to show up at some point. Can't "play God and enjoy adventures" without your super bad-ass action hero girlfriend.
Writing and drawing would be good enough if they were making a comic book, but their aims were set higher. The most obvious roles still needed were coding and sound. Jay could handle code to a limited extent, enough to modify games that already existed. But his confidence was shot when trying to make anything from scratch. For this, he enlisted the aid of Luke, a towering meat wall with summer blonde hair. Luke was a giant who could dual-wield broadswords, which compliments Jay's explosive marksmanship and Heather's deliberative magic.
Wait they're magical game developers now? Who don't know how to program? And like, if your having trouble with coding, why would a dual wielding giant help? Unless he has a computer science degree or something, but I'm thinking probably not.
At this point, the Team could not yet think of a name for their development team. But that was not so important; making an awesome game was what became most important. So they got to work right away. The three of them were in the same room, which was no bigger than a humble office space. All 3 of them had their own computers and desks, although Jay's was positioned behind the others so he could peer around his own monitor to check on progress. With riveting symphonic \M/ETAL rocking the suite to inspire and empower, the creative process was a lot of fun, even though it took several months to complete.
He has to be an asshole control freak even in his fantasies. How is Luke the Giant even able to sit at a desk and use a computer? And it's a good thing Luke and giant and Heather are so tolerant of Goldie's need to blast power \M/ETAL every goddamn second. I mean, they owe it to him not to complain since he was kind enough to give them their own desks and everything!
Given how long such an undertaking requires, a \M/ETAL montage ensues of the three doing their jobs long and hard. Jay couldn't help screwing up his sense of time and date as sleep schedules no longer mean anything to him, and more times than not, he didn't need sleep or couldn't sleep even if he tried. Excitement and sugar sustained him! Heather, on the other hand, remained on a strict schedule with a very precise daily routine from waking up to checking messages to working on the game project to sleeping so deeply, not even a bombing run would disturb her. Luke was somewhere in the middle, managing the philosophy of "8 hours for work, 8 hours of sleep, and 8 hours free," even though his schedule varied upon college courses and demands.
I'm going to ignore everything else and just focus on the fact that Luke the dual wielding giant is attending college. I'm so curious about Luke now. He is now the most interesting character.
When they gather together, Jay exemplifies his drive by writing and firing out ideas like a minigun, while the others processed those ideas with their appropriate means. Once or twice every 2 weeks, there would be a sound-recording day, which involved a collaboration of Foley and musical instruments. For example, there was a particularly cool guitar riff for the sounds of shields running out and recharging. Everything else was taken from free sound sites or other stock sources that could be used freely. Jay even wrote in a character named Wilhelm for the express purpose of using the cliché death sound. Heather was not so keen on Jay's love for the over-the-top and other such clichés, but she had plenty of other reasons to love the dreaming action hero, especially adoring his unending stream of optimism and bright-eyed eagerness, even though that came at the cost of impatience.
So writing a character just for a specific sound effect is a bad idea, but adding a dual wielding giant just for shits and giggles isn't? Alright. Also, Mage!Heather is just as annoyed by you in the story as actual heather is in real life.
So the trio worked every free minute they had together, through the epic \M/ETAL montage of months on end as they toiled; Jay scheming and roaring his literally earth-quaking ideas nonstop as his rocking in his chair seriously shook the floorboards, Heather drawing them as fast as she could, and Luke coding while making sure all the assets functioned; the sounds synced with the actions, the timings of the scripts written worked appropriately, the graphics fit the scenes or deliberately mismatched for intended comedic effect, and so forth. After all that time and effort has been spent, finally, the real story can begin...
So this whole thing has been a \M/ETAL training montage? How is this a good montage? It's just Goldie screaming and sperging while Mage!Heather and Luke the Dual Wielding Computer Science Major Giant do all the hard work.
First, there was nothing. Then a voice boomed, "We have now readied a world most glorious, where tales of epic heroism and adventure can be spun regularly, for my name is The Maker, and in this realm, my word is the final law. We shall have our own universe where we can do as we will, completely free from the inhibitions of our current world. Team, let its creation be done!" And then a moment passed by, what felt like an eternity. Only one thing existed, and it was a single image: "compiling." As soon as "compiling" changed to "done," there was a flash of life that spanned All Existence! Where there was once absolute nothing, now very bright dots shined, representing stars in the sky. A planet spontaneously popped up, which looked like Earth but manifested clearly different geography. It showed a singular giant landmass akin to Pangaea. Thus, The Maker willed that "Pangaea" shall be the planet's name.
Before, there was nothing. Now, there is existence. Next was to spawn life. Based on the manifestations of the Creators, all manners of activity materialized in only a fraction of a second, including humans bustling with basic intelligence; a species shaped in the image of their Makers. The Makers called them "NPCs," meaning Non Player Characters; filling the roles of the commoners, nobles, shopkeepers, and anyone not of heroic status. Only one chosen character was the "PC," the Player Character who shall rise as the Chosen One to do the bidding of the Three Creators. Despite all the tranquility and harmony, there were things to do, missions and quests defined by the Three Creators. Thus begins THE Ultimate Quest for Glory!
Fuck, he really is on a God mode power trip.
I...I liked Blossom.This is brilliant. I always found it hilarious how he's obsessed with becoming an 'epic badass warrior with golden battle armour' yet is a huge fan of The Powerpuff Girls, going so far as to say "By Blossom" when he's upset. Now I can never watch the PPG's again without thinking of this. Also, I always found it weird how his favourite is Blossom. No-one likes Blossom. Everyone I've ever known had either Bubbles or Buttercup as their favourite.
It's not so much about beating him up as much as just morbid curiosity, since he's talked about training to be an epic warrior of what the fuck ever. I can't remember if he's said anything about actual martial arts experience, but something tells me he has little to no actual experience with even a heavy bag, much less a live opponent. I just think the reality check ("You mean I have to put forth EFFORT? That's not EPIC!") would be really amusing.I don't want to get into the whole "I could beat him up" gimmick. We're all better than that. I would be absolutely fascinated to see him in a physical confrontation though. I assume it'd be like the CWC Fighter video. He'll know what a punch and kick are but he'd throw them insanely poorly.