One score and near fourteen years ago, outward into this world came Christopher Weston Chandler from the depths of Barbara Weston’s decrepit uterus. Over the course of near thirty-four years, we have learned the sundry habits and developments of both Chris’s psyche and physical form, through the private intercourses of Chris and company and from the details of many weens through the ages. We have documented and speculated Chris’s past, from his prophetic encounter with GodBear the Wise – a meeting which changed Chris for aeons, and now we have learned to some extent the strange leap Chris has taken into trannydom. Yet, there are no things as ever-changing or mysterious as the rise and decline of Chris’s hair.
You read that right. His hair.
Christine came into this world nothing more than a mewling babe whose autism had not yet manifested for him to use as his crutch. Of course, he was, as many children are, an ugly mass of naked flesh those cursed with vaginas seem to find cute. This was Chris as a neonate:
As with many infants, hair does not grow to any great length until the first few months into life’s journey. Likely, by age two, Chris had a full head of hair that was short in length and kept well-groomed by his parents. Or not, considering that by age three, Chris’s hair had reached a length that many of the time would have considered inappropriate for a young, male toddler, as illustrated here:
As a young boy, Chris likely had no say in the style of his hair, as parents are wont to dictate to the barber exactly what style their children should have. However, considering that the pageboy haircut, illustrated just below, is one of the many staple haircuts given to children by parents who try to save a few dollars by cutting their children’s hair themselves, Chris is unlikely to have visited a barber in the earlier stages of his life.
It was not until later on in grade school when Chris had a seemingly normal haircut, made worse by his taste in rugby shirts:
It is important to note that the length of young Chris’s fringe is set quite low. This may of course be an effort to hide the fact that Chris was naturally selected not to have a prominent widow’s peak, which is one of many common hereditary traits. The lack of a widow’s peak gives the hairline a rather high appearance, as though the hair is receding; ergo, Chris’s receding hairline was genetically foreshadowed to a certain extent; it was not until he began his rocky journey into womanhood when the recession was completely unignorable by cowherds.
While Chris’s bangs were prominent, it was likely this was due to the fact that Chris’s autism began to manifest, and in order to encourage him, he was sent to the barber’s and given his own choice. With it being the 80s and early 90s during Chris’s prepubescence, male bangs were likely all the rage, and so Chris – in order to imitate the popular folk he had seen on television – wanted length in his hair because he saw it as “cool”. He kept this hairstyle well on into the 90s, as in high school, his forehead was cleverly concealed by a short drape of hair:
His hair’s college years were rife with changes, both moderate to severe. This was, of course, the beginning of Chris’s lovequest, which of course led to a need to change his hair in order to attract a sweetheart. Is this not logical?
In the beginning, of course, Chris still maintained a certain amount of length in his hair, though the bangs are noticeably shorter from how they were in his high school days. It is hard to tell how long he kept this hairstyle, as an aversion to changes is symptomatic of autism; yet, it’s clear that by the time he met and “befriended” Megan Schroeder, he had not only changed his hair, but gotten rid of it entirely:
Of course, there is a noticeable amount of length to Chris’s hair, as though he had shaved it off and let it grow for a week or two.
By Chris’s discovery in the late 20-oughts, he had allowed some of the length to come back, yet there is clearly something strange: it seems as though his hair is higher on his head, at the same length as it was in the before-times, but covering less ground. In 2008, Chris’s hair was already receding:
Several blurry images later, Chris’s hair is noticeably thinner:
And by 2011, when his tomgirl nature was blooming, he decided to let his hair become a large, frothy mixture of grease and keratin simply because he saw it as feminine:
And around the time that photo was taken, Bob was on his deathbed.
He had of course allowed his hair to gain considerable length in the name of all that was feminine, before he had declared himself to be a spiritual lesbian female soul, and in 2013, we see the beginning of Chris not as a greasy autist who likes Sonic the Hedgehog, but as a greasy autist who likes Sonic the Hedgehog and thinks mullets are feminine:
Thus, by 2014, we see the full extent of his hair’s decline. It is, at this point in time, unable to be saved by contemporary medicines:
There is good news, though: he has dyed his hair blue, and taken such a liking to it that the hilariously bad dye job persists to this day.
The rate at which Chris’s hair is receding, combined with the addition of hormones whose side effects may include hair loss, we may one day be blessed with the arrival of the greatest hairstyle known to all creation: the dyed-blue skullet of Christine Weston Chandler, King of the Lesbians. As for you, kiwis, what future do you think Chris’s hair has in store?
You read that right. His hair.
Christine came into this world nothing more than a mewling babe whose autism had not yet manifested for him to use as his crutch. Of course, he was, as many children are, an ugly mass of naked flesh those cursed with vaginas seem to find cute. This was Chris as a neonate:
As with many infants, hair does not grow to any great length until the first few months into life’s journey. Likely, by age two, Chris had a full head of hair that was short in length and kept well-groomed by his parents. Or not, considering that by age three, Chris’s hair had reached a length that many of the time would have considered inappropriate for a young, male toddler, as illustrated here:
As a young boy, Chris likely had no say in the style of his hair, as parents are wont to dictate to the barber exactly what style their children should have. However, considering that the pageboy haircut, illustrated just below, is one of the many staple haircuts given to children by parents who try to save a few dollars by cutting their children’s hair themselves, Chris is unlikely to have visited a barber in the earlier stages of his life.
It was not until later on in grade school when Chris had a seemingly normal haircut, made worse by his taste in rugby shirts:
It is important to note that the length of young Chris’s fringe is set quite low. This may of course be an effort to hide the fact that Chris was naturally selected not to have a prominent widow’s peak, which is one of many common hereditary traits. The lack of a widow’s peak gives the hairline a rather high appearance, as though the hair is receding; ergo, Chris’s receding hairline was genetically foreshadowed to a certain extent; it was not until he began his rocky journey into womanhood when the recession was completely unignorable by cowherds.
While Chris’s bangs were prominent, it was likely this was due to the fact that Chris’s autism began to manifest, and in order to encourage him, he was sent to the barber’s and given his own choice. With it being the 80s and early 90s during Chris’s prepubescence, male bangs were likely all the rage, and so Chris – in order to imitate the popular folk he had seen on television – wanted length in his hair because he saw it as “cool”. He kept this hairstyle well on into the 90s, as in high school, his forehead was cleverly concealed by a short drape of hair:
His hair’s college years were rife with changes, both moderate to severe. This was, of course, the beginning of Chris’s lovequest, which of course led to a need to change his hair in order to attract a sweetheart. Is this not logical?
In the beginning, of course, Chris still maintained a certain amount of length in his hair, though the bangs are noticeably shorter from how they were in his high school days. It is hard to tell how long he kept this hairstyle, as an aversion to changes is symptomatic of autism; yet, it’s clear that by the time he met and “befriended” Megan Schroeder, he had not only changed his hair, but gotten rid of it entirely:
Of course, there is a noticeable amount of length to Chris’s hair, as though he had shaved it off and let it grow for a week or two.
By Chris’s discovery in the late 20-oughts, he had allowed some of the length to come back, yet there is clearly something strange: it seems as though his hair is higher on his head, at the same length as it was in the before-times, but covering less ground. In 2008, Chris’s hair was already receding:
Several blurry images later, Chris’s hair is noticeably thinner:
And by 2011, when his tomgirl nature was blooming, he decided to let his hair become a large, frothy mixture of grease and keratin simply because he saw it as feminine:
And around the time that photo was taken, Bob was on his deathbed.
He had of course allowed his hair to gain considerable length in the name of all that was feminine, before he had declared himself to be a spiritual lesbian female soul, and in 2013, we see the beginning of Chris not as a greasy autist who likes Sonic the Hedgehog, but as a greasy autist who likes Sonic the Hedgehog and thinks mullets are feminine:
Thus, by 2014, we see the full extent of his hair’s decline. It is, at this point in time, unable to be saved by contemporary medicines:
There is good news, though: he has dyed his hair blue, and taken such a liking to it that the hilariously bad dye job persists to this day.
The rate at which Chris’s hair is receding, combined with the addition of hormones whose side effects may include hair loss, we may one day be blessed with the arrival of the greatest hairstyle known to all creation: the dyed-blue skullet of Christine Weston Chandler, King of the Lesbians. As for you, kiwis, what future do you think Chris’s hair has in store?
from the look of his blonde toddler pictures you'd think he'd be really attractive now..
