The Horrors of the "Professional" World - Stories that will make you wonder how we exist.

DrunkJoe

kiwifarms.net
A mechinal engineer saved a part that was hotlisted for me to cut on my laser cutter with a circle about 3 feet below the part. It's like he dragged a circle towards the trashbin or something and left it there. Best part he put in the shared folder only his computer can fucking change. Couldn't delete it off the file in cad that's on my machine. Was supposed to be cut and welded by end of shift at 7am. He doesn't get in till 2 pm. I got out of management and hr for welding because I can't take entitled millennials anymore. Im starting to hate dumb engineers as much now.
 

KiwiLedian

One annoyed ladybug
kiwifarms.net
EDIT: No, most of all, the fact he was still employed despite all the other drivers approaching management as a group to ask that he be at least restrained from operating a truck, since his erratic driving was so bad no one would even ride with him.
If they're not willing to restrain this guy, they're asking for a fuckhuge lawsuit if he ends up in accident, especially one that ends up with injuries.
My manager pretty much told me that if my van touches another car and it's my fault, get on the ground and start praying no one's injured in that car because my job, my license, my wallet, and fuck even my freedom if I really fucked up. They all depend on that being the case cause the feds really care about what people with CDLs do, considering people like me and you drive vehicles that could potentially kill people.
The feds will not be happy to hear someone with a CDL drove like a maniac and consistently was an idiot while with a trailer caused an fatal accident.
 

Ped Xing

!Bigfoot! sightings please call 908-314-7784
kiwifarms.net
Yeah, I was not exactly impressed with how that company did business. On one inspection, I found that one of the truck fenders had broken off and some genius had avoided reporting a minor accident by tying it back on with a piece of poly rope. There was no accountability; trucks were first come first serve.


I don't work there anymore
 

Yolandi

Resident Pokemon Go expert
kiwifarms.net
I don't know how to say this exactly but there was a "special needs" woman who worked at the call center where I used to work as part of the mail room. I think she worked in the building (which was more than one company) rather than just the one I worked for. I have a few stories about her.

The lady was generally friendly, liked hugs and when she had to leave work to get a surgery she returned to find her little push-cart was covered in plush flowers. I asked a few of the people who worked there longer than me about her and opinions were a bit mixed. Apparently she'd stolen a bunch of stuff off of people's desks and was caught hiding it all. She had also smashed a cake a team got for a party they were having, just pushed her hands into it and smeared it all over the desk it was sitting on. The cake had only been left attended for a few minutes and when they literally caught her doing it she didn't have any remorse and didn't get in trouble because they didn't know if she knew what she did was wrong.

The next story is less about her and more about the employee who did a fairly crappy thing to her and the result of it - the girl I sat next to and who did part of my training was friends with the lady. They talked and hugged a lot and were always happy to see each other. One day the lady was passing through and asked the trainer what was going on. It was Halloween and we were allowed some time to decorate our part of the office. Ours was set up to look like a crime scene. The trainer told her (trying to be funny) that someone got killed. The lady, concerned asked who was killed and the trainer said "some little boy" then took a call. The special needs lady looked around a minute then burst into tears. She cried very loud in the middle of the call center, attracting the attention of literally everyone. The trainer muted her call and asked what was wrong and the lady said it was because of the dead boy. The trainer started hugging her and said no one was dead, it was just Halloween decorations but it took her a very long time to calm down. No one ever let the trainer live down making a special needs person cry.
 

Kheapathic

Weebs and Wall Runs
kiwifarms.net
IT at a decent sized company. We have several password requirements in place to include complex password. He's one of those guys where you don't want to follow security rules like "Don't write your password down;" because he doesn't have access to much, and the headaches he causes are the lesser of two evils. I get a call for a password reset. Spend 40 fucking minutes getting this guy to make a new password. I tell him to login, he freezes up, "I... I can't remember it." Took everything I had to not give him a "Really nigga? You that fucking stupid?" He's not black, but I refused to believe someone could be that fucking stupid, to forget a password they made not even 30 fucking seconds ago.
 

Malagor the dank omen

Reikland's Official Cattle Molester
kiwifarms.net
Reception hours at a hostel. It's a small cozy place that usually doesn't draw much attention, but we still have a lot of clientele throughout the year. I will tell a particular bad story that was etched in my mind due to how terrible it was.

I've already said many times that chinese tourists are a blight on the land and this is cemented on the many headaches they have caused me time and time again. But not like a special couple of them did last year. It was in late spring when this couple arrived and they booked a room for 3 days, pretty standard. When they arrived they smelled like death incarnate and i could barely stand their horrid stench. They were backpackers and their hygiene was abysmal. When they checked in they asked us if they would use the kitchen and i told them it was only for employees (because we keep money, payment registries and all sorts of stuff in there too as office), which prompted them to chimp out on me for 10 minutes about "We paid for this and we will not accept it". Finally they calmed down and i took them to their room, but not without telling them that the last day of their stay they would have to move to another room because we had to undergo renovations in the attic. This caused them to chimp out even further, but they calmed down and finally settled for the room. The following days during breakfast and dinner i could smell them before they arrived to the dining room and once inside, i had to close the door to prevent me from gagging because their stench was unbearable. But i discovered why they smelled so bad: not only they didn't showered (we have to check bathrooms before we close after some people flooded them), they travelled around with their food and cooking stuff. I discovered it after the first day's dinner when they came downstairs and unloaded their luggage on the dining room's tables, unpacking a kettle and a small stove to cook something that smelled as bad as them.

Last day we had to move them to the shared dorm. I already had my concerns because they had to share the room with one guy and when i took him there i saw how they were hanging clothes between the bunk beds and they turned the common table in their private mini kitchen. And let's not talk about the smell. The owner of the place came to me an hour before closing and told me "If the guy complains about something, move him to another room away from them. Don't charge him extra." Luckly there was no problem and i was thankful that next morning the chinese couple finally left.
 

neverendingmidi

it just goes on and on and on and on...
kiwifarms.net
Has anybody else had a former coworker who's name becomes a verb? Like "ah hell, this project was screwed up three years ago from the data. It's been Smithed"? Someone whose screwups just keep popping up, months or even years after they're gone?

Yeah. Keep finding shit from a guy fired months ago.
 

Malagor the dank omen

Reikland's Official Cattle Molester
kiwifarms.net
Has anybody else had a former coworker who's name becomes a verb? Like "ah hell, this project was screwed up three years ago from the data. It's been Smithed"? Someone whose screwups just keep popping up, months or even years after they're gone?

Yeah. Keep finding shit from a guy fired months ago.
For me it happened once when i worked translating a webpage for a statistics organization. After a couple of days they were talking that someone made a "José" after realizing that one of the clerks of the office deemed good to throw out data papers that weren't classified yet.

It's in these kinds of things that you find hidden lore on your work enviroment.
 

Goofy Logic

Is this thing working right?
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Recently a millwright had to cut out some pylons. He saw an old areosol can inside, so he punctured it to confirm it did not have pressure in it, then fired up the torch and started cutting.

The contents of the can caught fire, and a absolutely horrible, nauseating smell with a background of hot oil permeated the building, triggering a plant evacuation.

Fun times.
 

Ped Xing

!Bigfoot! sightings please call 908-314-7784
kiwifarms.net
When I worked for a cattle vet, we went to see a guy who lost several yearling heifers over the Fourth of July weekend. He wanted a necropsy because he was livid that the local fireworks display had "scared them so bad they died."

I'm not sure how he expected that to show up in a necropsy, but as soon as we touched one and felt the bubblewrap level crepitus we knew that these animals had died of blackleg, the effective vaccine for which he had refused to give because he thought it was a scam.

Blackleg vaccine is like nine cents a shot.
 

Molester Stallone

Trust me, I'm a doctor.
kiwifarms.net
I found out on my first day at a new job that phantom shitters do indeed exist. It was about 10:30 in the morning and I had just begun my official safety training. The guy in charge of conducting this training took it very seriously. His full time job was to walk around the building and insure there were no hazards that could get them sued. Anyway, he's showing me how to operate the forklift. It's something I've done before but I didn't want to start trouble on my first day. He asks me to remove a pallet from the top rack. As the pallet reaches the ground I see him jump back with this horrific look on his face. There sitting on top of a stack of boxes is one of the biggest turds I've ever seen. The only thing more impressive than the size of it was the fact that someone climbed 30 feet up a storage rack and left it there.

Apparently this had been a common occurrence. They were finding shit everywhere. Over the next few weeks more shit was found. Eventually it just stopped, and we never did figure out who it was. There was one old guy some suspected, but there was no way he could have gotten to most of the locations where shit was found.
 

An Sionnach Seang

Russell Greer audiobook in profile
kiwifarms.net
quite a few years ago I used to work for a multinational household/toiletry manufacturer, which had several factories in northern England
our microbiology lab, being the biggest and the best-equipped, soon became the main micro test centre for all the UK sites, to ensure that bulk liquids and finished products didn't have any bacteria, yeasts or moulds growing in them
the manager of the lab, who also ran the QC lab next door to it, often visited other sites for troubleshooting, and recounted one memorable problem he'd encountered

a lot of water is used during the manufacture of these products, and the central site, an enormous factory near Rochdale, had a 100-ton process water tank which fed all the reactors and supplied them with filtered, sterilised water suitable for making household cleaning products - at least, that was the idea

the reality was that far from being sterile, the process water at that site routinely had bacteria counts of over a hundred billion cfu/g, i.e. it was crawling with bacteria, yet the final products were clean because the bacteria were killed off by the preservative, or by the bleach or by the hydrochloric acid, depending which product they ended up in

the reason? the water was kept at a constant 35-37°C, because some of the products required warm water, and the ideal temperature range for bacterial growth is 25-40°C

the scariest thing was that the on-site microbiologist genuinely had no idea why this was occurring, even when our microbiologist asked him "Phil, what temperature do you run your incubators at?" and he replied "37°C, why?" - still not making the connection
 

Ped Xing

!Bigfoot! sightings please call 908-314-7784
kiwifarms.net
I come to work this morning and see the box truck is parked in the one and only loading dock. "Ugh," says me, "I'll have to move that to load the semi."

I walk inside to clock in and find a note politely asking me to move the box truck before I load the semi

Assuming I intend to do my job today, I can't think of an option B. Did thebnote-leaver think I would just turn around and go home?

It's that feeling when someone requests that you do the unavoidably obvious.
 

Dunkirk

My other car is a STUG
kiwifarms.net
Have you ever needed to scream "SIR THE ROCKET IS THE WRONG WAY" at an officer in an active fucking warzone? Because I have.
not 20 seconds later i need to start screaming "SIR DON'T FIRE, BACKBLAST" as he nearly tore my fucking head off with the god damn backblast.

This was one of the trained professional sent to Ukraine.
 

An Sionnach Seang

Russell Greer audiobook in profile
kiwifarms.net
a large and very well-known multinational firm had developed a new hard surface cleaning spray, and subcontracted the manufacturing to the firm I worked for at the time; production was scheduled to take place at a site mostly used for making aerosols and flammable liquids, as they had more spare capacity than the site where hard surface cleansers were normally made

the formula was successfully reproduced in the site's R&D lab, and the first batch passed QC testing without any corrections - however, as it was being filled on the production line, the line QC technician spotted shards of what looked like hard clear plastic floating in the liquid, and stopped the line straight away

for a while, these shards had everyone stumped; they couldn't be reproduced in the lab, and they couldn't have come from the packaging or any of the chemicals, so there must have been an external source of contamination

it was only when they looked at what had been in the vessel before the surface cleaner that the answer was found: the vessel was typically used for hairspray, which consisted of a water-resistant hard resin dissolved in alcohol, and multiple batches of the same product were often made consecutively

the vessel was not typically cleaned between different batches of the same product, and after the vessel had been drained, the remaining traces of product evaporated from the mixer blades and the walls, leaving behind some of the resin; after 8-10 consecutive batches, this was a thick layer

now for whatever reason, the vessel had not been cleaned before the hard surface cleaner went into it, and still had a transparent layer of resin on the inner surfaces - and because the hard surface cleaner was alkaline, it stripped the resin from the vessel and the resin wound up being mixed into the product itself, in the form of long splinters and shards

needless to say, plant operators at that site have since had the importance of cleaning vessels thoroughly dinned into them!
 

XYZpdq

fbi most wanted sskealeaton
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
a large and very well-known multinational firm had developed a new hard surface cleaning spray, and subcontracted the manufacturing to the firm I worked for at the time; production was scheduled to take place at a site mostly used for making aerosols and flammable liquids, as they had more spare capacity than the site where hard surface cleansers were normally made

the formula was successfully reproduced in the site's R&D lab, and the first batch passed QC testing without any corrections - however, as it was being filled on the production line, the line QC technician spotted shards of what looked like hard clear plastic floating in the liquid, and stopped the line straight away

for a while, these shards had everyone stumped; they couldn't be reproduced in the lab, and they couldn't have come from the packaging or any of the chemicals, so there must have been an external source of contamination

it was only when they looked at what had been in the vessel before the surface cleaner that the answer was found: the vessel was typically used for hairspray, which consisted of a water-resistant hard resin dissolved in alcohol, and multiple batches of the same product were often made consecutively

the vessel was not typically cleaned between different batches of the same product, and after the vessel had been drained, the remaining traces of product evaporated from the mixer blades and the walls, leaving behind some of the resin; after 8-10 consecutive batches, this was a thick layer

now for whatever reason, the vessel had not been cleaned before the hard surface cleaner went into it, and still had a transparent layer of resin on the inner surfaces - and because the hard surface cleaner was alkaline, it stripped the resin from the vessel and the resin wound up being mixed into the product itself, in the form of long splinters and shards

needless to say, plant operators at that site have since had the importance of cleaning vessels thoroughly dinned into them!
so basically it's really strong at cleaning
 

REGENDarySumanai

Man of excellent taste
kiwifarms.net
Not my story, since I can't be arsed to keep a job for more than two weeks, but a friend's story. Someone thought that a computer's serial port was a reverse gender VGA port. To this day, I am baffled that someone that dumb was able to be in the IT department. For those who are wondering if she got fired or not, sadly, no. Apparently, she got promoted. Then again, the higher ups there are incompetent fucks who kiss ass and can't be bothered to hire competent people. Fuck them, I hope the higher ups die in a burning car wreck.
 
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