The Horrors of the "Professional" World - Stories that will make you wonder how we exist.

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
One of the people I worked with was a 50-something white male who was not even in a management position but was occasionally pulled off the phones to help answer questions. He spent most of his downtime complaining about how a change in the law made him unable to perform properly at his previous debt collection job, where at one point he was allowed to, quote, "really raw dog it" with people on the phone.
I kinda sympathise sometimes. Yes, there's people who can't pay because they're terminally broke or lost their jobs or married a woman with expensive tastes and traded the opportunity for two and a half minutes of squelching noises twice a week for their car, house, and half their salary. But also there's people who just take the piss.

I had a client who was owed 32 grand by a former tenant relating to a pub that he had rented out to them. The tenant then fucked off leaving tons of arrears. We managed to get into contact with him by post at some other address we found and then we got an angry call off him from a number in Broadstairs, Kent, saying our client was scum and we were scum and on the day he paid us what he owed, Satan would be skating to work.

There's no inverse directory lookup in the UK. I thought, maybe if I were to go out to a phone box or something, ring the number and pretend to be BT and asking him to confirm his address because we have a question about billing, and have to take him through security to snag his address and send in the bailiffs. However a call to the Law Society's ethics line told me that if I did that I would probably be struck off for conduct unbecoming of a solicitor.

I couldn't persuade a tracing agent to do it either. Fucking code of conduct.
 

XYZpdq

fbi most wanted sskealeaton
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I had other colleagues there who came from debt collection and unsurprisingly it seemed like the older women who could bring some patience to it and actually talk to people instead of screaming threats at them had better success both with getting people to pay and avoiding constantly skirting the boundary of what's legal and illegal to do on the phone.
tapping into secret Mom powers
 

AnOminous

So what?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
I couldn't persuade a tracing agent to do it either. Fucking code of conduct.
You can get PIs to do anything here. Well, you don't actually ask them to do anything unethical. You just say get me X and don't concern yourself with the details. Only if you actually directly want to file what they get, i.e. they will need to submit an affidavit explaining how they got it, do you particularly care how.
 

God Emperor

Holy boredom is sufficient.
kiwifarms.net
For exactly one year, I was working in a cubicle for a prominent toy company, the first and last time I ever set foot in an office environment.

The company in question had fallen ass backwards into a massively successful property, that they had no idea what to do with, and so were expanding their art department at a ludicrous rate, just gobbling up every available artist they could find and offering good salaries with benefits.

Now, up until that point, my entire adult working life had been spent being self-employed, taking short contracts depending on the project, working in studios or from home, so I was completely unprepared for what I was about to encounter.

It was the worst, most mind numbing, tedium I had ever experienced... the production schedule was completely wide open, there were no real deadlines to speak of, and the department was bloated with far too many people. Those in charge had never been involved in a creative endeavour, and the people they hired to oversee their project were taking them for one hell of a ride. Most of those in my department were recent graduates, and all it took was one meeting with my boss to get me a supervisory position, where all I really had to do was give direction and revisions to work that was, in all honesty, complete and utter shit.

I'd spend about a third of my day, every day, in meetings of absolutely no consequence. I'd sometimes have to pinch the inside of my forearm just to stay awake, as some representative of a separate department gave a monotonous update on the progress of their project, which didn't matter and would never get complete, and hadn't changed since the last meeting. Sitting in on conference calls with clients, where half the meeting is spent waiting for people to show up, or trying to figure out how to work the phone. Meetings about the direction the company was moving in, meetings looking for input for the safety council, meetings about organizing a holiday party, etc.

I'd take two hour lunches, or sometimes just randomly leave for hours at a time, and never got called out on it.

The actual amount of work I did each day could be completed in about 40 minutes.

The boredom was so intolerable that I decided to see how long I could go with doing no work at all, other than meetings. I brought an external drive to work full of movies and television shows, sat down in my cubicle, and went a full six business days accomplishing NOTHING before even that became boring.

I started putting on weight, started drinking at lunch, and on my one year work anniversary quit without warning and with no plans for the future just to get out of there before the damage got any worse, and I've never looked back.

My wife also works in an office environment, in a technical department, and informs me that my experiences are basically the norm. You basically pretend to work most of the day, spend a great deal of time in meetings listening to people talk about nonsense that doesn't matter, and just do your best not to go crazy from a lack of stimulation.

But what really gets me, what still amazes me about the people I encountered at this job, is how most of them seemed to be genuinely challenged and content with their work life... these people even complained that their work was difficult, that they were hard done by and deserved more praise and money. It wasn't any surprise to learn that most of them hadn't had any jobs prior to going to university, and started working in offices right out of school. They had no basis for comparison, to them, this was real work.

Then I think about how these are the people running things, that they make up the majority of workers, that administrative support is the largest occupational sector in the nation, and it just depresses me.
 

Stasi

kiwifarms.net
Got a company wide email recently about avoiding microaggressions. Thankfully not mandatory reading, more of a recommendation. I was bored so decided to take a look.

It was basically a load of scenarios and what to do (or in most cases what not to do). Some of them were crazy. If you have an ethnic co-worker under no circumstances ask them where they are from. If co-workers are wearing some form of ethnic dress don't ask any questions about it. If someone is trans don't say something like "oh I totally coulndn't tell". Don't use the word gossip around a group of women because thats sexist etc. Basically all boiled down to "keep your fucking mouth shut you disgusting corporate drone and don't talk to the other plebs lest you offend one of them".

I was always under the impression microaggressions were like passive aggressive ways of being an asshole. Apparently in most cases its just being curious or ignorant about someones culture or just a bit socially awkward? Who the hell is offended at these things? I need to get the fuck out of office work, shit is getting ridiculous.
 

neverendingmidi

it just goes on and on and on and on...
kiwifarms.net
Got a company wide email recently about avoiding microaggressions. Thankfully not mandatory reading, more of a recommendation. I was bored so decided to take a look.

It was basically a load of scenarios and what to do (or in most cases what not to do). Some of them were crazy. If you have an ethnic co-worker under no circumstances ask them where they are from. If co-workers are wearing some form of ethnic dress don't ask any questions about it. If someone is trans don't say something like "oh I totally coulndn't tell". Don't use the word gossip around a group of women because thats sexist etc. Basically all boiled down to "keep your fucking mouth shut you disgusting corporate drone and don't talk to the other plebs lest you offend one of them".

I was always under the impression microaggressions were like passive aggressive ways of being an asshole. Apparently in most cases its just being curious or ignorant about someones culture or just a bit socially awkward? Who the hell is offended at these things? I need to get the fuck out of office work, shit is getting ridiculous.
Pfft, microaggressions can be right down to asking a black coworker to pass the salt because
a- How dare you assume a Black person would be unhealthy and use salt!
b- Salt is white therefore racist,
c- Expecting a black coworker to do the unpaid labor of passing an item to you during their lunch break is White Supremacy, do better
d- All of the above.

Anybody who bitches about microaggressions needs to have macroaggressions applied to them.
 

MarvinTheParanoidAndroid

This will all end in tears, I just know it.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Call centres are the sweatshops of the 21st century. It's absolutely soul destroying work.

My school friend who later trooned out worked in a call centre selling insurance on cold call a number of years back. On Fridays, in order to motivate the phone monkeys, they instituted a rule that you had to stand up and only once you made your first sale that day were you allowed to sit down.

Frankly if I had to work in such a dismal job I'd chop off my dick and rename myself Cynthia as well.
I'm legitimately surprised that nobody's gone postal at a call center yet.
 
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The boredom was so intolerable that I decided to see how long I could go with doing no work at all, other than meetings. I brought an external drive to work full of movies and television shows, sat down in my cubicle, and went a full six business days accomplishing NOTHING before even that became boring.

I started putting on weight, started drinking at lunch, and on my one year work anniversary quit without warning and with no plans for the future just to get out of there before the damage got any worse, and I've never looked back.

My wife also works in an office environment, in a technical department, and informs me that my experiences are basically the norm. You basically pretend to work most of the day, spend a great deal of time in meetings listening to people talk about nonsense that doesn't matter, and just do your best not to go crazy from a lack of stimulation.
Jesus god this perfectly describes the last ten years of my life. After getting a couple certs and like the first 5 years or so of IT which were pretty fun/challenging, I just feel like I've been at a roadblock where I'm not learning much and I only have about an hour of work a week. I'm still learning but just not getting much out of work besides feeling like I dont do enough work.
 

Ginger Piglet

Burglar of Jess Phillips MP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Got a company wide email recently about avoiding microaggressions. Thankfully not mandatory reading, more of a recommendation. I was bored so decided to take a look.

It was basically a load of scenarios and what to do (or in most cases what not to do). Some of them were crazy. If you have an ethnic co-worker under no circumstances ask them where they are from. If co-workers are wearing some form of ethnic dress don't ask any questions about it. If someone is trans don't say something like "oh I totally coulndn't tell". Don't use the word gossip around a group of women because thats sexist etc. Basically all boiled down to "keep your fucking mouth shut you disgusting corporate drone and don't talk to the other plebs lest you offend one of them".

I was always under the impression microaggressions were like passive aggressive ways of being an asshole. Apparently in most cases its just being curious or ignorant about someones culture or just a bit socially awkward? Who the hell is offended at these things? I need to get the fuck out of office work, shit is getting ridiculous.
Nope, microaggressions are anything that might conceivable offend someone on any level whatever. Whether you intended it or not is irrelevant and indeed claiming you didn't mean to offend is problematic and makes it hurt more.

It's basically a way of trapping people so they can be manipulated, bullied, or blackmailed later. Oh shit, did I just associate people of colour with extortion? Best report for re-education.

Of course, they'll swear up and down on a stack of holy book of your choice that that's not what they are, and give some academic bumble language about what they are ACKCHUALLY, but that is what they are used for in the real world. Thankfully I have never worked anywhere in which such circulars were sent around, but it's only a matter of time before the Solicitors' Regulation Authority comes up with a profession or sector-wide wheeze like that. We live in a society, after all, where the entire Seattle city council was sent for a struggle session on whiteness, it's only a matter of time.
 

haunted vagina

kiwifarms.net
I'm legitimately surprised that nobody's gone postal at a call center yet.
We almost never had real violence happen despite the population of rough around the edges people - I think one of the major reasons is that most call centers are clustered in certain areas where there are 20 companies running them and anyone can just walk out of one and get a job at another. There's no emotional attachment from the people answering the phones and when they get tired of the job they just ghost immediately. The people trying to herd the cats are the ones who get the most frustrated.
 

BrunoMattei

No I am not the Cinema Snob
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
We almost never had real violence happen despite the population of rough around the edges people - I think one of the major reasons is that most call centers are clustered in certain areas where there are 20 companies running them and anyone can just walk out of one and get a job at another. There's no emotional attachment from the people answering the phones and when they get tired of the job they just ghost immediately. The people trying to herd the cats are the ones who get the most frustrated.
Like I said, mine lost 4 managers in less than a year.
 

neverendingmidi

it just goes on and on and on and on...
kiwifarms.net
Anybody else having company wide call-in meetings where the miscellaneous Presidents pat themselves on the back for their COVID restrictions on the plebs while they work from home and don't have to follow them? It's really, really tiresome.
 
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Gaius Caesar

kiwifarms.net
Anybody else having company wide call-in meetings where the miscellaneous Presidents pat themselves on the back for their COVID restrictions on the plebs while they work from home and don't have to follow them? It's really, really tiresome.
I am, especially the patronizing shit that assumes everyone can enjoy the WFH lifestyle when it's complete shit for anyone with real responsibility...training is virtually impossible, accountability is virtually impossible, and yet we're supposed to issue audits earlier than ever. I'm sure it's great working from your massive house on the golf course with the elaborate in-home office that is every bit comparable to your main office if not more lavish while I have to work in my living room which means I never actually get away from work because the damn laptop is always there and must stay open and connected to the VPN.

The "virtual happy hours" are even worse. Oh, haha, you're drinking wine at your other house up at the vineyard! How funny and random, I hope you don't get in trouble for violating social distancing, Home is Where the Wine Is tee hee! Sure you said you weren't going to lay anyone off, but then you did, and made everyone else pick up the additional work, haha! No raises, no big deal, we're all staying safe and helping to #stop the spread, haha!

Fuck this gay Earth.
 

Goofy Logic

Is this thing working right?
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Last year I watched a company implode on itself because everyone in management was disorganized and fighting with each other.

I wish I could be more specific, but all I'll say was upper management was working around each other and ignoring what anyone else had to to say because fuck you, my idea's better. Everybody on the production floor was getting mixed messages from supervisors on what to do, and QC techs went ignored.

The plant I worked at was a new startup of a mothballed mill, and the CEO had the bright idea of hiring a bunch of inexperienced millennials under 30 (including the shift supervisors) to run a line of dangerous industrial machinery.
The supervisors brought their buddies in, and suddenly you had a clique of cowboys that became resistant to safety concerns or feedback. Im still surprised noone had a serious injury.

We all got laid off in December, and I later heard news that Covid made them declare bankruptcy. At least they made it so we got unemployment.
 

XYZpdq

fbi most wanted sskealeaton
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The "virtual happy hours" are even worse. Oh, haha, you're drinking wine at your other house up at the vineyard! How funny and random, I hope you don't get in trouble for violating social distancing, Home is Where the Wine Is tee hee! Sure you said you weren't going to lay anyone off, but then you did, and made everyone else pick up the additional work, haha! No raises, no big deal, we're all staying safe and helping to #stop the spread, haha!
wait, there's times you aren't drinking?
 
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