The Julays First Annual Lolcow Awards 2015 (RESULTS ARE OUT!) -

[chimpburgers]

Most "Normal" Lolcow

It would be a category to see which lolcow actually has the most characteristics that we'd associate with non lolcows, like having a job, not chimping out much, all of that.

 

[José Mourinho]

Okay listen up.

Initially I wanted to do the typical 5 nominees for the categories, but I'm thinking of giving users to PM me their votes instead so that I can choose the nominees easily instead (5 nominees based on the most votes), and this will result in more categories since I can't really think of nominees for some categories (such as lolcow videos). What do you think?

 

[Le Bateleur]

Best-funded lolcow Patreon?
Most prolific sperging?
Tranny game dev of the year?
Tranny developed-game of the year?

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Worst lolcow parent?

Hmm that might be sad.

 

[NumberingYourState]

Best Kiwi Close Encounter (Real Life) with an LOLCow? Hmm may be too far and few between for that.

 

[José Mourinho]

Okay, altogether there are 17 categories for the First Annual Julays. This will work completely different from the Lolcow of the Year ones so read this carefully, as the Nomination Round begins!

How does the Nomination Round works?
To vote for the nomination round, you must PM me your votes. No strawpolls, you have to PM me for it. You can only vote for one lolcow/event for each category. You don't need to vote for all the categories, you can choose the ones you want to.

I will then collect the votes and choose the five nominees (at most) for each category. If there's some point I'm unable to get sufficient nominees for some categories, the category is cancelled.

How to Vote
Here are the categories for the awards, and their descriptions:

• Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2015: The best lolcow who has a thread here, and the thread must be started in the year 2015. If the lolcow has a second thread but the first one is started before 2015, it does not count.
• Best Loveshy of 2015: The best loveshy who has a thread in the Loveshy Therapy Center subforum and must be last replied this year. This includes Thonis.
• Best Tumblrina of 2015: The best Tumblrina who has a thread in the Tumblr subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Halal of 2015: The best lolcow who has a Halal prefix thread in the Lolcow subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Lolcow Group of 2015: The best lolcow group who have their thread in the Community Watch subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Artcow of 2015: The best lolcow who has a Artcow prefix thread in the Lolcow subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Careercow of 2015: The best lolcow who has a Careercow prefix thread in the Lolcow subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Dramacow of 2015: The best lolcow who has a Dramacow prefix thread in the Lolcow subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Horrorcow of 2015: The best lolcow who has a Horrorcow prefix thread in the Lolcow subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Skitzocow of 2015: The best lolcow who has a Skitzocow prefix thread in the Lolcow subforum and must be last replied this year.
• Best Improved Cow of 2015: The most improved lolcow who has his/her own thread here for this year. Best for lolcows who had their threads made before the year 2015 but had lots of activity this year. The thread must be last replied this year
• Best Lolcow Art of 2015:The best art made by a lolcow in the year 2015 who has his/her own thread here. You must post the link to the said art.
• Best Lolcow Writing of 2015:The best fanfic/writing stuff made by a lolcow in the year 2015 who has his/her own thread here. You must post the link to the said writing stuff/fanfic.
• Best Lolcow Video of 2015:The best video made by a lolcow in the year 2015 who has his/her own thread here. You must post the link to the said video.
• Best Lolcow Post of 2015: The best kiwifarms.net post made by a member in the year 2015 who has the Verified tag here. You must provide the link to the post.
• Best Lolcow Selfie of 2015: The best selfie pic made by a lolcow in the year 2015 who has his/her own thread here. You most post the link to the pic.
• Best Lolcow FanWork of 2015: The best fanwork for lolcows made by members in the year 2015 . Can be fanart, or readings. You must post the link to them though.

If your vote for some categories are invalid, you will receive a PM from me about it to fill in it again.

You can try clicking here to PM me your votes.

Example of a vote:

Spoiler: Example

• Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2015: StrikerWolf1
• Best Loveshy of 2015: Thonis
• Best Tumblrina of 2015: ShavedSheep
• Best Halal of 2015: mapdark
• Best Lolcow Group of 2015: NeoGAF
• Best Artcow of 2015: Deceptihog001
• Best Careercow of 2015: Brianna Wu
• Best Dramacow of 2015: Derek Savage
• Best Horrorcow of 2015: StrikerWolf1
• Best Skitzocow of 2015: Taxman
• Best Improved Cow of 2015: Ahuviya Harel
• Best Lolcow Art of 2015: Sonichu 11 New Pages
• Best Lolcow Writing of 2015: Peter Guerin's Sailor Moon Fanfic
• Best Lolcow Video of 2015: HelloLadyFans by CWC
• Best Lolcow Post of 2015: IntellegentAtheist wanting to report us to the police
• Best Lolcow Selfie of 2015: Chris's Vinyl Scratch Costume
• Best Lolcow FanWork of 2015: Rosechu's Story by Trickie

Voting will end at 11 December 2015, at 3:00 PM UTC, so get ready!

 

[Jaimas]

Time to Genitalia Photo Record
(Quickest time until the Farms has a photo of their junk; pretty sure Striker would Win)

Biggest Health Problems

Jay Geis Award for Failure in Livestreaming

Most Hilarious Failure at looking Intimidating
(I nominate GOTH BRIANNA WU)

Biggest Kiwi-to-Lolcow Self-Immolation
(I nominate Lord Balderdash)

 

[Foltest]

This will be a tough one. So many lolcows to choose from.

 

[Jaimas]

I made my picks. If you're interested, check below the tag.

Spoiler: Personal Opinions, Naturally

Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2015: StrikerWolf1
I need say nothing. Strikerwolf has set multiple records, including fastest period of time before we had photos of his junk and biggest stretch of hilarity. A lolcow that legitimately is a credit to what we do on the farms.

Best Loveshy of 2015: Thonis
I want to nominate Marijan, MRZ, or even Ken, but we all know who the proper winner is in this one. Between "would you like to drink my urine with me" and his general demeanor, Thonis is like the result of a hilarious crossbreeding experiment conducted by Null between Connor, Marijan, and Homer. A year later, Thonis was taken from the spawning pits and brought to our attention, a scion amongst loveshies who has made the bulk of the people the loveshy forum covers look better simply through existing. There's something beautiful - and hilarious - about that.

Best Tumblrina of 2015: Vade
Vade's destruction commenced in earnest in 2014, but her being nuked from Orbit occurred right at the end of December and into early January as a Christmas Present to the entire internet, debuting one of the largest article sets in Lolcow Wiki's History. She's faded from memory, but no less relevant for her failure and for the damage she caused. We only found out the full details of her involvement with Kenneth's death this year, as well. She's also the only lolcow I've chronicled with a body count.

Best Halal of 2015: mapdark
Be fair, mapdark's already won this one. All the other Halals this year have either been tinged with a lot of bitterness over myriad nonsense involved with them (KOM), brought up unpleasant shit that nobody wanted to deal with and now has to (Waifu), and so on. Mapdark laughs at these conventions, and instead gives us something worth mocking without remorse or restraint. If anything, we're voting for second place with this entry.

Best Lolcow Group of 2015: Anti-Gamergate as a Whole
I'm cheating a little with this one, but HOLY FUCKING SHIT. More lolcows and lolcalves have emerged from Gamergate's opposition than anything since Tumblr. From short-but-intense fails like Geordie Tait to the slow-moving train-wreck that is Brianna Wu, to the emergence of entire communities of caustic autism like GamerGhazi and NeoGAF, Anti-GG has earned this spot on the list, on top of dedicated schizocows like Carolyn Petit and Horrorcows like Nyberg. If Gamergate accomplished literally nothing the fuck else, bringing us these morons was worth the price of admission.

Best Artcow of 2015: Sophie Labelle
Sophie Labelle alternates between being halfway decent and being soul-scarring existential horror in every comic she does. Curiously obsessed with genitals and coining terms like female penis in a comic that's otsensibly supposed to be for kids, she's spawned hundreds of Jack Chick-esque edits, most of which are fucking hilarious, as well as the always-appreciated image at the bottom of Assigned Male's thread. A tinge of tragedy stains her comics as it's very clear she's skilled with nonsequitors and could be outright funny if she focused on literally anything other than trans issues.

Best Careercow of 2015: Brianna Wu
Often derogatorily called Chris With a Budget, Brianna Wu defines Careercow, and has given us both the biggest article set on Lolcow Wiki (and coincidentally, one we're heavily praised for) and she's one of the most inveterate liars this forum has ever covered, to the point where she makes a lot of previous lolcows look like lightweights. Claiming she has accomplishments she doesn't, abusing her authority to harass and hurt people, and being responsible for a metric shitton of failure, Brianna Wu is the sort of Lolcow that is the reason Lolcow Wiki exists. Uniquely amongst the Antis, taking her down is invariably hilarious because she's completely incompetent and she never seems to ever get the memo.

Best Dramacow of 2015: ShadowJoe
A self-appointed lolcow crusader who turns out to be a pedophile. A wonderful cross-section of so-called Cyberbullying Opposition, putting to shame his contemporaries. ShadowJoe is the kind of internet crusader who has his head rammed inside a clothes hamper and a massive shit in his pants saying he's a real internet vigilante, and the Farms just pets him and goes "of course you are."

Best Horrorcow of 2015: Sarah Nyberg and the Pedophile Internet Defense Force
I don't believe in allowing a cow to win more than one Julay, and these two are so interconnected as to be one and the same, but Nyberg and the PIDF are fucking terrifying, including multiple confirmed pedophiles (including several convicted ones), proven cases of Nyberg trafficking in child pornography, and of the PIDF acting as fucking apologists for it. Special thanks goes to Salon, for trying to normalize this shit in a fashion that made an entire thread cry out for access to a Horrifying rating. Not since Nick Bate has there been this much disgust.

Best Skitzocow of 2015: BarneyFag
I really wanted to put Slugfucker here, but rules are rules, and Thonis already got one vote. BarneyFag is a suitable substitute, and fucking hilarious. A self-appointed savior in the same fashion as Shadowjoe, but with the competence of Slugfucker? Glorious.

Best Improved Cow of 2015: Nick Bate
He went to prison. I need say nothing else.

Best Lolcow Art of 2015: Sonichu 11 New Pages
Chris remains glorious. Sonichu content is always a delight.

Best Lolcow Writing of 2015: Carolyn Petit's Linkle Sperging
I fucking dare you to make less sense.

Best Lolcow Video of 2015: HelloLadyFans by CWC
Never change, Chris. Never.

Best Lolcow Post of 2015: IntellegentAtheist wanting to report us to the police
Short of ZSponge's infamous sperg-out, one of the best ones.

Best Lolcow Selfie of 2015: Goth Brianna Wu
Now that Goth Brianna Wu has been unleashed, DOES ANYONE WANT TO DISCUSS HILARITY?

Best Lolcow FanWork of 2015: Rosechu's Story by Trickie
I wholeheartedly vote with the majority here. Trickie's going places.

 

[Randall Fragg]

Can we have a "Best Lolcow Event" catagory, for things like ADF's suicide attempts, the end of Deagle Nation, and general chimpouts or changes in a lolcow's life?

 

[Von Clausewitz]

Come on guys! That's not fair! I can't possibly choose between Wu and Dobson!

 

[Pikimon]

Best Shitposter

 

[KatsuKitty]

Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath for Halal. I mean c'mon, you can't top that. She got arrested in Canada for terrorism.

 

[Jaimas]

Best Shitposter

We all know who'd win that.

 

[PurpleSquirrel]

I'd also add a Best Overall Lolcow 2015 that encompasses all prefixes and categories.

My nomination for it? ADF/Philthy. He's the only other individual /cow/ besides OPL who's produced enough milk to be put in his own "cult" category, and in turn has spun out of his milieu such hilarious loons as Kylie Brooks and Zayn Zaki.

 

[John Daker]

I'd also add a Best Overall Lolcow 2015 that encompasses all prefixes and categories.

My nomination for it? ADF/Philthy. He's the only other individual /cow/ besides OPL who's produced enough milk to be put in his own "cult" category, and in turn has spun out of his milieu such hilarious loons as Kylie Brooks and Zayn Zaki.

That's just the lolcow of the year award, which is something different and forthcoming.

 

[Lunete]

Best "Mr Potato Head" look alike.

 

[sauroo]

lolcow lifetime achivement award CwC

 

[AnchuentProphecy]

Submitted my votes:

• Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2015:
• Strikerwolf
• Best Tumblrina of 2015: James Terry Mitchell
• Best Halal of 2015: Connor Bible
• Best Lolcow Group of 2015:Gamergate
• Best Careercow of 2015: whiteguys fartinmyface
• Best Dramacow of 2015: Zoe Quinn
• Best Horrorcow of 2015: Nick Bate
• Best Skitzocow of 2015: Barneyfag

Edit: dunno if I should keep the same or change whiteguys fartinmyface to best newcomer.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

• Best Loveshy of 2015: Kent
• Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2015: Aaron McCluske
• Best Careercow of 2015: Brianna Wu
• Best Skitzocow of 2015: Barneyfag
• Best Horrorcow of 2015: strikerwolf1
• Best Halal of 2015: Connor Bible
• Best Improved Cow of 2015: ADF