The Julays First Annual Lolcow Awards 2015 (RESULTS ARE OUT!) -

José Mourinho

The Special One
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
I'm horribly offended by the selfie poll. That's StraySheep's girlfriend Kinzie's "guvking selfie", not StraySheep. Does that disqualify it?
Still a notable selfie though, so no disqualifications for it.

And plus sadly I can't edit the strawpolls too either.


Coolest camel in the desert
My votes:

  • Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2015: Shaner
  • Best Loveshy of 2015: UltraVNT
  • Best Tumblrina of 2015: FemaleGoodra
  • Best Halal of 2015: Cucky
  • Best Lolcow Group of 2015: Sluthate/Lookism
  • Best Artcow of 2015: Sophie Labelle
  • Best Careercow of 2015: Left blank
  • Best Dramacow of 2015: Left blank
  • Best Horrorcow of 2015: PregoAppleBloom
  • Best Skitzocow of 2015: Barneyfag (@x86x2)
  • Best Back From Obscurity Cow of 2015: Misunderstood the poll back when it was named "most improved." Voted for Connor Bible
  • Best Lolcow Art of 2015: Wikihow Flapping Pic
  • Best Lolcow Writing of 2015: Left Blank
  • Best Lolcow Video of 2015: Dacheffen Returns
  • Best Lolcow Post of 2015: IALunafanboy calls the police
  • Best Lolcow Selfie of 2015: GUVKING HAPPY
  • Best Lolcow FanWork of 2015: Puffertons


Fresh Prince of Bel-Ur
I vote for Nick Bate as Best Improved Cow. All other "improvements" pale in comparison to how that sick fuck has been "improved" by being incarcerated.


Christorical Figure
True & Honest Fan
Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath for Halal. I mean c'mon, you can't top that. She got arrested in Canada for terrorism.
Oh yeah. Really, Lindsay is my underdog lolcow of the year. Her botched mass shooting happened this year. Like what kind of lolcow trajectory is it where a lolcow goes from being a salty bitch about being dumped to planning a mass shooting in a mall?
lolcow lifetime achivement award CwC
Lifetime achievement awards are kiss-offs to lolcows who aren't going to do anything more. I think there's still some solid milk left in Chris. (And I know, this kind of clashes with things I've said in the past, but you can't argue with results.)

Edit: Actually, y'know, Lindsay might qualify. I doubt she's going to be doing much lolcowing when she's in Canadian prison for a decade or two.
Best Back From Obscurity Cow of 2015: (Link redacted)
Is this thread going to be the main lolcow of the year 2015 thread too?


Return Of The Spinning Kiwis From Middle Earth~~
True & Honest Fan
I feel I should note that the Captcha at times asked me to identify pictures of trains, road signs, bicycles, and milkshakes. Is it possible that it's caught autism from the cows?
Yeah asked me similar stuff ("Which of these images has pictures of bodies of water?" etc). Maybe its an anti-autism captcha?

José Mourinho

The Special One
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
Alright, it's time for the results!

For individuals, the nominations are chosen by order of this priority:
1. Number of votes
2. Number of posts in said lolcow's thread
3. Whether the lolcow has an active subforum (This is to ensure that it will give other lolcows chances to qualify since bigger lolcows which are ADF and CWC dominating the awards is really unfair.)

For works, the nominations are chosen by number of votes, then followed by my opinion of them. If a lolcow has more than 2 nominations for an award, only the top 2 are chosen for fairness (unless you want to see all 5 of his works being nominations)

Also, after I got the 5 nominations for each award, they're randomized so that there won't be any bias in voting, since if I left them unrandomized, the top nomination is the one that has the most votes which there will be a bias for it.

Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2015
  • StrikerWolf1
  • Kent/Kentray E Brown
  • whiteguys fartinmyface
  • Connor Bible
  • Leonard F. Shaner Jr.
Winner: StrikerWolf1
For having a diaperfur fetish as well as having random Twitter moments, this lolcow has gained momentum really quick to be one of the top threads on the Kiwi Farms!

Best Loveshy of 2015

  • Cherokee T Smith/UltraVNT
  • Marijan Šiklić
  • Malik Curtis (aka Jamil)
  • Thonis
  • Kent/Kentray E Brown
Winner: Marijan Šiklić
Sperging here and having 2 threads of having over 1000 pages, and having a third thread, as well as being the most negative rated user on the Kiwi Farms, this loveshy has received this award for his hard work. Congrats, @Marjan Šiklić !

Best Tumblrina of 2015

  • James Terry Mitchell Jr./Everyoneisworthyoflove
  • Creator of Assigned Male, Sophie Labelle
  • FemaleGoodra/Slugfucker
  • Vade/Scoutgender/AutisticLeafeon/SpiritLore
  • StraySheep
Winner: Creator of Assigned Male, Sophie Labelle
A popular icon on Tumblr and on /v/ cringe threads, Sophie Labelle's masterpiece about an 11-year old transgender girl has inspired Internet users almost everywhere!

Best Halal of 2015

  • Connor Bible
  • ZSponge/WumboCombo
  • Cucky/Crikey
  • Homer Ramza Beoulve/Homer Ruglia Beoulve/Homer Carlos Garcia
  • Wizzrobe
Winner: Connor Bible
An infamous user here and he was infamous even before he's Halal, Connor Bible's tardrages here have entertained users on the Kiwi Farms, especially the part in the middle of the thread and has spawned numerous hilarious fan-art too. Congrats, @Connor Bible !

Best Lolcow Group of 2015

  • Pro-GamerGate
  • Furries
  • SlutHate/Lookism
  • Wikia
  • Anti-GamerGate
Winner: Pro-GamerGate
Despite the anti side was universally notorious for being worse than the Pro side all over the Internet, Pro-GamerGate managed to gain a cult here as well as having Halals of their own compared with the Anti side. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get some salt and popcorn for the outcome from this.

Best Artcow of 2015

  • Deceptihog001
  • Andrew Dobson/Tom Preston
  • CraftyBeautyDiva1/crappybeautydummy
  • Creator of Assigned Male, Sophie Labelle
  • TommyNC2010
Winner: Creator of Assigned Male, Sophie Labelle
Congrats to the Tumblrina for getting more than one award! As well as having hilarious coloring books and dramas all over the Internet, be sure to look forward to more of her comics every Tuesdays and Fridays!

Best Careercow of 2015


  • Leonard F. Shaner Jr.
  • Derek Savage, Creator of Cool Cat
  • whiteguys fartinmyface
  • Brianna Wu/John Flynt
  • Kenneth Erwin Englehardt/Kengle
Winner: Brianna Wu/John Flynt
One of the top threads here, John Flynt's Twitter is a goldmine filled with ramblings and whinings and addition to that, enjoy his Revolution 60 game coming to Steam soon with huge amounts of drama!

Best Dramacow of 2015


  • Gabe Navarro, Moleman9000, MolemanNineThousand, ResonX
  • Harold E Hall/ShadowJoe/Colonel McBadass
  • Derek Savage, Creator of Cool Cat
  • Zoe Quinn
  • Peter Coffin
Winner: Gabe Navarro, Moleman9000, MolemanNineThousand, ResonX
Despite being about to fade into obscurity, he began to rise up at the last minute to get into huge Wikia drama to the point he got global banned, 4 times. Congrats for the last-minute resort and a great job at it, @Moleman9000 !

Best Horrorcow of 2015


  • Sarah Butts/srhbutts/Sarah Nyberg
  • Nick Bate
  • StrikerWolf1
  • Stefonknee Wolscht
  • Joshua Robert Barnes, aka Preggo Apple Bloom / Preggo Arale Bloom / PAB / PreggoBloom / Barnphene
Winner: Nick Bate
From ramblings from Twitter about butts to masturbating to shit, and from raping children to getting arrested. These events made him one of the most remarkable horrorcows and we'll miss him for a maximum of 40 years. Have fun in prison, Sick Nick!

Best Skitzocow of 2015


  • Barneyfag / x86x2 / Revved
  • Conald Petersen aka Fedsmoker, Saint Herkster, Herknews, Pukekiller
  • Brad Watson Miami
  • Taxman
  • Lynn Ann
Winner: Barneyfag / x86x2 / Revved
Infamous on 4chan and as well as actually making the brony fandom look normal in comparison, @x86x2 has entertained us such as his ramblings on how Barney is 9/11 of Network Television and how it scarred his soul!

Best Back From Obscurity Cow of 2015

  • Ahuviya Harel/ADF
  • Iconoclast
  • Christian Weston Chandler/CWC
  • Nick Bate
  • Connor Bible
Winner: Christian Weston Chandler/CWC
Probably a preview to the upcoming Lolcow of the Year award this year at this point, CWC is back from last year and entertained us with multiple Amiibos, videos and more Sonichu along the way!

Best Lolcow Art of 2015

Winner: Sonichu 11 Pages
After years of waiting, it's now worth it with more Sonichu content coming soon hopefully next year! Thank God it's Christmas!

Best Lolcow Writing of 2015

Winner: ADF's GamerGate Shooting
The event that caught the attention of multiple websites, ADF has made a hilarious lie that probably made it one of the most lolcow notable events that has happened this year.

Best Lolcow Video of 2015

Winner: CWC: HelloLadyFans
To quote from one user: "This is like the sequel to the Rape of Ivy"

Best Lolcow Post of 2015
  • James Terry Mitchell Jr's Puberty Story:
  • IALunaFanboy Reporting Us To The Police:
  • ZSponge's Long Textwall:
  • TranLord's Infamous Dogfucking Post:
  • Crickets Killing Herself:
Winner: TranLord's Infamous Dogfucking Post
It's so infamous that it spawned numerous variations here, that it might as well be a copypasta at this point, congrats @TranLord for the amazing post!

Best Lolcow Selfie of 2015


Winner: StraySheep's Guvking Happy Selfie
It's actually Kinzie's, but hey, still infamous. :spudking: ARE YOU GUVKING HAPPY? ARE YOU? :spudking:

Best Lolcow FanWork of 2015


Winner: Puffertons by @BOLDYSPICY!
Spawned a train of Pufferton avatars, making the Shaner train more fun!

And that's the end of the awards. Be sure to watch out soon for
Lolcow of the Year 2015! :julay:

Complete Poll Results:

Last edited:


True & Honest Fan
Now if you'll excuse me I need to get some salt and popcorn for the outcome from this.

It's not likely to be as spectacular as you're likely hoping, I'm afraid. Mostly because between voting blocks and general setup, that one was getting in there anyway. But the thing is, even with that, I really can't argue with it. Why? Well, pretty simple:

I remember fucking Sir Wolfington and Homer.

We can say whatever we want about Anti-GG being worse (and insofar as lolcow production goes it's no contest), but there is nothing that can be said or done to negate the outbursts by Lord Balderdash and Homer, or make their content any less autistic, insane, and ridiculous. When we had Homer try to grandstand against Null and Wolfington utterly lose his shit not once, not twice, but multiple times, this thing was pretty much cinched outright by these two idiots, and power to them for it.

And their content generation alone was insane. Between the LRD Rating Spam incident to try to attack Dynastia and Cat, to the Homer halal attempts and repeated chimp-outs, there's really not a fuck of a lot that needs to be said on this one. Anti-GG may have brought us Sarah Nyberg, Brianna Wu, Ryulong, and more, but Pro-GG brought us the raging weal of idiocy at our doorstep that was these two, a legendary bout of bullshit despite multiple attempts to deal with the two and ultimately led to their being banned.

I really can't argue with that.

Johnny Bravo

thank you all for your loyalty and support

In all honesty, you may be a sick fuck, but...

Here's a dikdik to make up for it.