The Julays Third Annual Lolcow Awards 2017 + Lolcow of the Year 2017 (WINNER: RUSSELL GREER) - Rolling the red carpets.... with a hopefully larger attendance!

Best Heavyweight Lolcow of 2017

  • Ahuviya Harel/ADF/Phillip V. Haskins-DeLici

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
  • Poll closed .

Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.

Original Prick
True & Honest Fan
Regardless, here's my votes:
  • Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2017: Michael Issacson
  • Best Tumblrina of 2017: Rabbiedee
  • Best Halal of 2017: FuckYou
  • Best Artcow of 2017: Jennifer A Jay
  • Best Careercow of 2017: Brianna Wu
  • Best Horrorcow of 2017: Chance
  • Best Rat King Lolcow of 2017: Zinnia Jones
  • Best Beauty Parlour Lolcow of 2017: ThiccSamus
  • Best Back From Obscurity Cow of 2017: King of Pol
  • Best Lolcow FanWork of 2017: "Rage Against the Washing Machine" from the Tommy Tooter thread.
  • Best Cultcow of 2017: Mikemikev
  • Custom Award of 2017: Best "TAKIN DOWN THE FARMS" Attempt of 2017: Greta and Pajeet

José Mourinho

The Special One
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
i nominate stephen winchell for best artcow 2017

Jake Alley aka Secretgamergirl for best rat king. Other trannies are grosser but nobody spergs and creates content like this guy.

Custom award: Best Lawcow, Maddox (George Ouzounian)

For his $20+ million lawsuit, for getting cucked by his ex-co-host

I think the cultcow of the year has to be Russell Greer.

Can I nominate the custom award to be an honourable one?

"Worst casting couch interview ever" and @FuckYou.

Custom award, huh?

Overall greatest moment of 2017?
Worst lolcow art of 2017?
Most disappointing lolcow of 2017?

What to pick...

For best newcomer and loveshy, I nominate Russell "shit lips" Greer.

Throwing out Dan Cilley for best schizocow. His court case for harassing a minor and blaming it on animal products, going to jail, looking absolutely insane during his news interviews, getting run out of his hometown for being a creep, then returning to the internet months later with his Dan Cilley live streams on twitchtv. Best life possible.

"I'm getting so horny thinking about my sister sucking my dick, not my fat sister though that would be gross" or whatever the exact quote was

I nominate @PrincessPartyPickles as a custom award for worst ween for literally utterly destroying John S. Bulla as a lolcow.

The custom one should be "best honorary non-kiwi who burned a lolcow" like Shatner did to Wu.

That or "Best lolcow moment that got attention in social media" eg; moonrocks

Boogie made a fool of himself repeatedly over the year so whatever categories that apply to him he should win

Best cult cow/New for 2017 is Russ Greer. He is the cow that keeps on giving.

Beauty Parlor would be Raven Sparks, for dumping her child bride and flying across the world to sit in an empty trailor with her love that is more than love, getting in a car crash and admitting fault on camera and much more.

Horror Cow would be Susan Schofield for drugging her children into oblivion on the daily and filming it for for our enjoyment.


Edited for addition: Best Drama Cow is Boogie2988. Although it seems he caused more drama among forum members, it was all amusing. His passive aggressive whining has gotten worse as he’s lost weight and his desire for food slowly increases. He was recently caught filming with three cans of open Dew in the background. His spinning of that made it obvious his weighloss journey will be brief and we’ll soon see him gain even more weight. Without a wife to care for him now, he may be out first completely bedridden fat. It’s a race between him and Amberlynn.

Schitzo Cow: not a category I like much but Dan Cilley has captured my interest. I found his accosting videos amusing and his struggle to find a way to get his message out about living the best life possible since his jail stint interesting-he started a talk show his autism made impossible to manage. Alas, weens keep reporting him and content has been deleted so I think this could be the last year he’s eligible.

Best Beauty Parlour cow - Milo Stewart.
Best Rat King cow - Zinnia Jones.
Best Tumblrina - rabbiedee (or PK, but I think PK should count for Animal Control).
Best Newcomer Cow - coolbreeze88.
Best Artcow - Matt Furie.
Best Horrowcow - Susan Schofield.

For custom awards, Best Potatoes goes to the Hartley Hooligans.

Best Lolcow of 2017 is the (wo)man, the myth, the legend, Brianna Wu for Congress 2018. It must be so.

That's all I have, unfortunately.

Throw one in for Susan Schofield as Best Horrorcow.

I suggest a "pseudointellectual" award and nominate either MovieBob, Destiny, or Jerry Peet.

It would be great to have an award for the shameless hacks that think they're smarter than they actually are.

rcdart for best tumblrina and best artcow

Skyler Ittner for best newcomer

Susan Schofield for best horrorcow

best newcomer: Skyler Ittner
Best Halal: MHirtes
best Dramacow: Boogie2988, he's really stepped his game up since Fall
Best Skitzocow: Obviously Terry A. Davis
Best Back From Obscurity Cow of 2017: JustinRPG

I'd like to see the custom award go to the Most-lamented Cow Disappearance of 2017. I know plenty of Kiwis would pick John S. Bulla, but I'd nominate Lucas Werner for that honor.

Custom award: ebegging lifetime achievement award for either DSP or Chris. They've been begging like hell this year. I feel DSP needs something this year. Not sure what though.

My picks for 2017 still need to fill in two spaces
Best Newcomer Lolcow of 2017: Allen John Jones 2 ( made his own thread talking about his ocs ,tried to make us his personal army creates an antikiwi task force her hacked by a Russian bear)
Best Loveshy of 2017: Grotesque ( he's a real creep and someone needs to take his car away from him )
Best Tumblrina of 2017: Rory rcdart ( her art has regressed even worse this year )
Best Halal of 2017: hirtes ( out a logged even Anthony a lot himself )
Best Lolcow Group of 2017: antifa ( their chimpouts were amazing especially their November 4th communist revolution with a unicorn )
Best Artcow of 2017: Stephen A. Winchell ( a cuck whos art is only good for kiwi edit parodies )
Best Careercow of 2017: yandev ( her paid for doing nothing but slurp anime titties)
Best Dramacow of 2017: digibrony ( brony turned weeaboo neckbeard )
Best Horrorcow of 2017: daddyofive /mommyofive ( it's just a prank bro )
Best Skitzocow of 2017: Terry A. Davis ( glow in the dark cia niggas )
Best General Lolcow of 2017: Vordrak ( shut us down )
Best Rat King Lolcow of 2017: Eden Belmont ( started the year off fantastic with getting fired from walmart for sucking sick on the job. )
Best Beauty Parlour Lolcow of 2017: Tana mongoose ( repulsive liar who's dog shits in her laundry)
Best Back From Obscurity Cow of 2017:
Best Lolcow FanWork of 2017:
Best TGWTG Lolcow of 2017:
Lindsay Ellis ( gets arrested)
Best Cultcow of 2017:mikemikev
Best DSP-Related Lolcow of 2017: Mystery woman ( brownies )
Best Furfag of 2017: Foxler ( Nazi furries that would be thrown into the gas chamber by Hitler )
Best Salt Mine of 2017: Donald trump existence salt ( so much salt )
Best Lolcow-Related Pic of 2017:

Custom Award of 2017: Best newfag chimpout : Wednesday

The custom award would be best used as a forum based award, I think. Jen's suggestion of a best kiwi farm poster could work. I'd also add these suggestions:

OP is (not) a Fag: The best original post for a lolcow thread this year.

Autistic Pulitzer: Best 'scoop' uncovered and posted this year. Could be either someone who personally knows the cow spilling the beans or some dedicated kiwi who dug around the net and found some juicy content

Lol Calm Down Award: Biggest sperg or sperg out by a non-halal kiwi. Could be someone who frequently shits up a thread by getting mad about a lolcow or one supernova-level sperg post

I nominate Chance Carmichael and James Terry as Best Horrorcows of 2017, considering the former's chimpout on his thread back in March.

Okay, I'll bite. I nominate Bryan "King of Pol" Dunn for Best Comeback Cow of 2017. After all, his thread was nearly dead and forgotten about like most of Gamergate. Bryan's thread hadn't been replied to for almost two years when it became active again.

And I propose a special award for Vidar "BrightSideViking" Elvi (since it seems like Fred Fuchs is the hands-down choice for Best DSP-Related Cow): Petty Betty of 2017. The prize is a Petty Hat for everyone to Photoshop onto their favorite BSV memes.

View attachment 349397

I nominate @Allen John Jones III for best Furfag. His thread is completely dead at right now, but you have to give credit where credit is due. The little snot came onto the PurpleKecleon thread to rant about her not liking his shitty oc, outright admitted that he wanted KF to be his personal army, then declared Meme Jihad when he got his own thread. A thread which rocketed to over a hundred pages in only a week due to him coming on spaz out while calling everyone a communist or an Antifa supporter. I could go own, but we'd be here all day.

Most disappointing lolcow of 2017?

Gotta go with Alex Mauer. Started with SO much lulz and potential, and has trailed off to such depths of pathetic it's hitting Spoony levels.

Kraut And Tea for best newcomer Lolcow.

Please be sure to PM me your nominations! Nominations posted here will not be counted!


True & Honest Fan
  • Best Lolcow-Related Pic of 2017: terryberry's b-hole
I don’t care if it was from 2016. Julie terryberry’s b-hole is timeless. Right @wagglyplacebo (this is the hint to post the pic)


Sacred Cows Make The Juiciest Hamburgers
True & Honest Fan
No Mike Issacson love for best new cow?
Oh cmon, look at this fucker.


Even his own anatomy is making fun of him.
He deserves an honorable mention. But his claim to fame is being a college professor ANTIFAggot. A title that also belongs to George Ciccariello Maher and Kevin Allred.

I'm leaning towards someone who actually did something retarded. Like Randy Stair for thinking he was a mass shooting away from becoming a Nickelodeon ghost girl or @FuckYou for stealing the title of most pathetic mass shooter from him.

Marchesa of the Vast

Mediocre Commentator
So does this year get an award itself for breaking up e-celeb power couples of moderately attractive women leaving their overweight drama "gamer" youtuber?

Sharing my nominations for the custom categories so others can vote for them if they want.

Best Lolcow FanWork of 2017 - Wu ISIS flag
(credit to @Anita360NoTrope for the pic)
Best Lolcow-Related Pic of 2017 - Ali Rapp's selfie that started the dox trail on her husbando
Custom Award of 2017 - Distinguished Cow-chievement Award: Zoe Quinn, for writing a book that her own mother shit on in Amazon reviews, and being personally responsible for Trump's election (her words). And GamerGate.
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Pepito The Cat

Gotta go Rapido!
True & Honest Fan
No Mike Issacson love for best new cow?
Oh cmon, look at this fucker.


Even his own anatomy is making fun of him.
He isn't very funny, just desperate and cringy. I consider someone a good cow when I get a laugh out of the shit they do, not when their mere existence makes me wanna punch them in the dick.

José Mourinho

The Special One
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
I'm proud to announce that this event got us the most ever nominations compared with the previous ones, to the point that I have to pick more than 5 options for an award!

Now get in here, and vote! Strawpoll links are also available in the OP! Keep in mind winners of most of these awards will be nominations for Lolcow of the Year 2017!

Voting ends at 19 January 2018, at 4:00 PM UTC!

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