The Kiwi Farms Fourth Annual Secret Santa *CLOSED*

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Destroyer of the Universe.
Retired Staff
Feb 3, 2013
Welcome to the Fourth Annual Kiwi Farms Secret Santa! For the last few years I have ran an event where all us Kiwi Spergs get together and make gifts for each other. Last year was a success and we once again broke the record for the number of participants, this year I expect this to happen again! The first year (sadly lost to a TOS) we had around 30 people. In 2013 we had 43. Last year we had 54. I hope we can break at least 60 this year! I am starting this a bit earlier this year to give people more time this year to make gifts.

Anyways, here are the rules:

1. The gift must be something you made yourself.

It must be something you created, and something transferable via pm


Art you made

A story you wrote

A game you made

Music you wrote yourself

Any media you yourself have created.


Electronic Gift Cards

Purchased Digital Content

Any media you did not make yourself.

Anything purchased with cash.

Simply put, this is something from the heart and must be something that you did not pay for.

A bit of a change from last year, a participant who has a 3D Printer can set a choice to receive a 3D Printable gift. This is kind of a test thing this year, as most people still don’t have #D printers, but if you have one and would not have a problem receiving one, it is an option for your Santa

2. The gift must be appropriate

After last year, I think I need to specify more here. Gifts should be mostly SFW. Like, I get that gifts often revolve around lolcows but please make sure your recipient would be ok with it. Photoshop’s of shock images, such as goatse and 9/11 are never acceptable.

3. Please turn it in on time.

Sign-ups will last until November 20th, the Friday before thanksgiving. You will receive your assignment sometime that weekend. From there you have until December 24th to turn in your gift. If you cannot create your gift in time, you have until December 10th to drop out without punishment. If you fail to turn in a gift and do not give an explanation, you will not be allowed to participate in future Secret Santa events.

4. Sign up requirements.

In order to participate you must:

Be able to access off-topic

Be in good standing (As in, not a shit head)

Have not been banned from Previous Secret Santas.

So this year I also have a few extra things I need.

In the first two evens, @Fibonacci assisted me in this even and later year, @Watcher did and I cannot thank them enough. However, this year neither can do so and I would like at least one volunteer to assist me in handing out assignments, receiving and later giving out the gifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. You may still participate in the event even if you are helping me.

I will also be asking for people to be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000. If you have been here before, you know the drill. I need people to make back up gifts in case a Santa is unable to deliver a gift, so if you are willing to do an emergency gift, let me know.

Anyways, I will start:

Name: Surtur

Likes: Video games, PC games, Dungeons & Dragons, Tabletop games in general, reptiles, science fiction, cheesy horror movies, Lovecraftian things, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Vikings.

Dislikes: Idiots, nerds, hipsters, my job, strawberries, JJ Abrams, F.A.T.A.L

Fun Fact About Me: Not a fan of Kiwi fruit.

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No


1 Sutur
2 Alan Pardew
3 The Doctor
4 Coster
5 ChurchofGodBear
6 Night Terror
7 _blank_
8 Asmik Otaku
9 AbetheDemon
10 Len Kaganomey
11 Magpie
12 Scratch This Nut
13 Trapped_Fairy
14 MerriedxReldnahc
16 AN/ALR-56
17 Pandas Galore
18 Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard
19 Lechugark
20 karngood8
21 Pikonic
22 Elijah
23 Clownshirt
24 The Viking of Dissaproval
25 Hi I am From Page 6
26 Cumrobbery
27 Quijibo69
28 Valiant
29 Yog-Sogoth
30 Dalish
31 Have a pepsi
32 Papa nier
33 The Lizard Queen
34 Fire Sharpie
35 Hat
36 Rat Speaker
37 Spooky Scary
38 Dr Meme
39 Sanae Kochiya
40 Master Disaster
41 Nanoblock Enthusiast
42 Venusaur
43 Hellblazer
44 Marionette
45 FallenSaint
46 Philosophy Zombie
47 Misty
48 Jonzun
49 Chanbob
50 Shiningpokestar
51 Stan Commodore
52 cheersensei
53 amandahugenkiss
54 TheMightyMonarch
55 Lagoona Blue
56 Bones
57 BoldySpicy
58 Voiceguy
59 GG Alin
60 Sigyn
61 Enix Squared
62 The Master Debater
63 Flamesoul
64 Dollars2009(Hunger Mythos)
65 Grand Number Of Pounds
66 Dork of Ages
67 Admiral
68 Ja'mie
69 King Casio
70 APerson
71 Abeline
72 John Furrman
73 Dog Telephone
74. Meatslab
75 Flowers for Sonichu
76 Randell Fragg
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José Mourinho

The Special One
Forum Staff
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
Feb 3, 2013
Name: Alan Pardew

Likes: Video games, PC games, Steam, Nintendo, Simulation games, Open-world games, Strategy games, Games with good mod support, Game shows, Board games, Association Football, Pokemon, Lolcows, Classic music, Comics, Cartoons, Programming, Modding, Classic games, Music.

Dislikes: Fetishes in general, Bad memory

Fun Facts About Me:
  1. I haven't played TF2 in 10 months and still counting ever since I got a Bill's Hat.
  2. I knew a bit of the Chinese language.
Receive a 3D Printable gift?: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No


Shooting Pearls.
Jan 12, 2014
Name: The_Doctor
Likes: PC Gaming, Germany, Shitting on Lolcows, Holidays, Spooky Stuff, Computer stuff a la /g/ (/tech/)
Dislikes: Edgelords, Unwarranted Self-Importance, Cartoon Animation (ruined by the lolcows)

Fun Facts About Me: Although never visiting Germany, and knowing very little German, I am very engrossed in German culture (all of my family pre 1939 lived in Germany, on both sides)
I fucking despise cherry pie.
I've met a lolcow in real life, by accident.

Receive a 3D Printable Gift: No.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Yes, PM when/ if it's needed.

YI 457

I'm in.


Likes: vidya, books, traveling, cooking, movies, music, writing, more books, photography, blood, lolcows, even more books, painting, editing, Plinkett, some tv shows (currently watching Mr. Robot, not bad at all), feels, and so on.

Dislikes: short-term memory loss, hungovers, USI, crazy fandoms.

Fun Facts About Me:
  1. I am a digital hoarder.
  2. I live in Europe.
  3. I am currently learning russian, next will be chinese.
Receive a 3D Printable gift?: don't have a printer, but I could find one.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: maybe? PM with more information :o


True & Honest Fan
Apr 1, 2014
Name: :coster:

Likes: Vidya gaems, anime (no big boob high school harem shit, stuff like DBZ, Yu Yu Hakusho, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, etc.), puns, King of the Hill, Steven Universe it's a neat show ok, wordplay, non-lyrical music

Dislikes: Spiders, shitty anime, puns I find awful (super low bar, just sayin)

Fun Facts about me: My avatar is from a manga only I have a translation for and it's a character I'm super attached to, I can do voices and would like to be a voice actor, and I love to draw.

Receive a 3D Printable Gift: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No


He's just this guy, you know?
True & Honest Fan
Feb 3, 2013
Name: ChurchOfGodBear

Likes: MST3k, Comic books, Metroid, boobs, science fiction of any sort

Dislikes: Anime (there, I said it), Celebrities with no actual talent (TMZ material), SJWs, Diet Soda

Fun Fact About Me: I spend way more time talking about video games than actually playing them.

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: I don't have a 3D printer, but if you wanted to send me something, and could send me a 2D mockup, I'd store the file for future reference. :)

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Sure

Night Terror

outta my way
True & Honest Fan
Feb 4, 2013
Name: Night Terror
Likes: TF2, Dota 2, Payday 2, heavy metal and classic rock, synthwave music/aesthetic, meat, giant robots, big boob harem anime, reptiles (crocodiles!), furry nonsense
Dislikes: People who take things too seriously, man. And babies
Fun Fact About Me: I wanted to be a military sniper when I was a kid. It's a career I still occasionally consider to this day.
Receive a 3D Printable Gift: No
Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No, I'm far too unreliable and irresponsible
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The Charles Dickens of Disco
True & Honest Fan
May 25, 2013

Name: Blank. (The underscores are silent, unless you are a saucy child.)

Likes: Vidya (bascially anything published by Bethesda, Earth Defense Force, 999, etc.), early 90s comics (New Warriors, Darkhawk, Ghost Rider), Black Lagoon, Prog Rock, Hard Rock, Clutch, Genuine humor, Spam musubi, the sublime roundness of James Spader's head, chicks with bitchin' tattoos, the smell of rain on hot asphalt, alcohol-based markers, anything sung by Graham Bonnet, "Sundown" by Gordon Lightfoot.

Dislikes: Animal abuse, Fantards, Comedies (except for Steve Martin, Bill Murray, and Chris Farley movies), Webcomics, San Francisco, Florida, the number 28, Liars, Thieves, modern comic books (anything after House of M), being part of the bandwagon, the word "wholesome," any music that is mostly comprised of ukeleles, and/or plinky pianos, Forced Fun.

Fun Facts:
  • Was very much a borderline SJW for most of his life. But after the last few years of watching internet culture and popular culture degenerate into where everything is offensive and just by existing he is offending something... Blank just doesn't give a fuck anymore and is only ashamed for spending years trying to appease everyone.
  • Tends to swear, like, a lot. It's gotten to the point where it's almost completely unconscious to do so.
  • The Charles Dickens of Disco.
  • Somehow hasn't been involved in any Kiwi Drama yet, but promises to do better in the future.

Receive a 3D Printable Gift: Nope

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Let's do this. Give me five.

There, hopefully that gives people something to go off of.

Asmik Otaku

Will strip for 100 yen
Jun 15, 2015
Name: Asmik Otaku

Soccer, Anime, Beer, Tea, Coffee, Black Licorice, EDM, Indie Games, NES, Japanese Candies, computers, photography, Cats, Nature, also a fan of the band Mew, BABYMETAL, fitness, fit Asian women (yum), SUVs, gold watches, Android, Business (especially finance and accounting)

Dislikes: Bananas, Red Licorice, Raccoons, Needles, Surprises (though I'm willing to make an exception), most heavy metal, American Football, weeaboos, Blondie babes (sorry, just not my cup of tea), philosophy, my ex girlfriend, socialism

Fun Fact About Me: I am terrified of needles despite having both my ears pierced. I can read and write in Arabic (though not very well). I'm lactose intolerant (Yay Arab Genetics)

Receive a 3D Printable Gift: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No

Please note, I will be in Japan from the 26th of December to the second week of January. Don't panic if I'm unable to share my gift for a while.
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Trve and Honest
Aug 30, 2014
Name: Abethedemon
Likes: Metal, religion, art, writing, the occult, tabletop games, speculative fiction, Cthulhu Mythos, anthropology, weird stuff, obscure stuff, books, puns, the word "memes".
Dislikes: Having to choose between things, most (but not all) fandoms, indie music, unironic memes, people who try too hard.
Fun Facts: When I was a kid, I wanted to be a professional "Bathroom Critic"
I write piano doom metal about tabletop games, archaeology and My Little Pony.
Receive a 3D Printable Gift: I don't have a 3D printer.
Can you be an X-mas Spirit Bot 9000?: Nope.

Len Kagamoney

damn you len
True & Honest Fan
Sep 29, 2015
Name: Len Kagamoney

Likes: Undertale, cave story (mimigas especially), Vocaloid, anime, Indie Vidya Games like yume nikki/.flow, jpop, lolcows, medicine, furry stuff, dogs, horses, ghosts/the paranormal, jersey devil, gore, horror movies, okami, RE4, pokemon, skeletons, halloween

Dislikes: people who take their religions too far, sjws, transtrenders, smash bros, spaghetti

Fun Fact About Me: Once when I was taking cookies out of the oven my hand slipped and I punched one

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: Don't have a 3D printer

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Yes


Your local feathered friend.
True & Honest Fan
Jan 21, 2015
Name: Magpie

Likes: Birds (big shock I'm sure), animals in general, video games (FPSs, RPGs, and rhythm games come to mind but I like a whole bunch), drawing/painting/sculpting/etc., furry bullshit, esoteric Danish alt-rock/indie band Mew, birds again for good measure, cooking, nature, taxidermy/bone collecting/vulture culture stuff, foreign languages, Ghibli films, candles/incense/good smelling stuff... Did I mention birds yet?

Dislikes: People on both sides of the SJW - Anti-SJW spectrum, children, people who treat animals like shit and/or with disrespect, modern art, typography, most graphic designers.

Fun Facts About Me:
  1. I'm an aspiring polyglot and am currently working on finishing off German after years of study. After that I hope to get fluent in Spanish, then start picking up other languages. They're damn cool.
  2. I want to get into taxidermy, but I don't exactly have the space for it unless I wanted to start burying things in flower pots.
  3. I really have no idea where the heck life is going to take me and I am just kind of rolling with it. Chances are I'll keep moving around places because a military brat childhood gave me a terminal case of wanderlust.
Receive a 3D Printable gift?: Not able to get to a 3D printer easily I'm afraid.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No

Scratch This Nut

Problematic Chihuahua
Apr 29, 2015
Name: Scratch This Nut

Likes: Horror, art, cats, Pokemon, unicorns, Adventure Time, Studio Ghibli, Marvel, painting, nature, Shiba Inus, Greek Mythology

Dislikes: Being stabbed, edgy kids, SJWs, fetish art

Fun Fact About Me: 1. I'm currently trying to illustrate a book about dogs from around the world and make a webcomic about a hospital run by monsters.
2. I have a shelter puppy that's half husky, part Shepard, and part Golden. Her name is Ellie.

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: If I have the time, but for now, no.
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I need a beta male to cuck my salmon.
True & Honest Fan
Nov 12, 2014
Name: Trapped_Fairy

Likes: Chinese Water Dragons/Reptiles in general, Skeletons, HP Lovecraft, Edgar Allan Poe, Venus flytraps, SOMA, anything involving The Thing on the Doorstep, anything chemistry or psychology related, sappy romance manga, cute or funny icons

Dislikes: MLP, gross fetish stuff, new overused memes (ancient ones are fine), fandoms, sad animals

Fun Fact About Me: I'm currently a biology major and collect Giant Microbes (little germ and cells plushies)

Receive a 3D Printable Gift: Nope.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: No


Hammer Whore-er
True & Honest Fan
Sep 10, 2013
Name: MerriedxReldnahc

Likes: Cats, Heavy metal, especially Metalachi ( El Cucuy is my husbando) and Black Sabbath, (And GWAR. GWAR is the shit) Skulls and various dead things, drawing and writing comics, MST3K or weird movies in general

Dislikes: Vampires that sparkle, Benedict Cuberbatch's general existence, when people tell me to turn my Steel Panther down

Fun Fact About Me: I've been collecting bones for several years, and my favorite bones are vertebrae. I am also an aspiring comic artist with a graphic novel in progress.
Protip: I am a girl

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: I'd love to, but I've got too many other things to do. *sigh*


I may be but small, but I will die a colossus.
True & Honest Fan
Jul 14, 2015
Oh yes.

Name: VLAD

Likes: Hammer horror movies, doom/stoner/sludge/drone metal, anything Mad Max, China Mieville, HP Lovecraft, salmiakki, stroopwaffels, Iceland, Fedsmoker, Metal Gear Solid 5.

Dislikes: Forced gender-neutral pronouns, forced memes, transtrenders, Top 40, the fact that Martin Shkreli is still alive.

Fun Facts: I just bought my 500th LP today.

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?: Not at this time of year. :(


Meu avô era do DOPS
True & Honest Fan
Mar 13, 2015
Name:a radar that everyone thinks its funny cause it has "anal" on it. *sigh*

Likes:nationalistic anthem's,everything mechanical and military shit,the 2nd amendment, Brazilian booty,pão de queijo,feijoada,churrasco,vidya gaems,imperial Japan,ancient cultures and planes,(I fucking love planes *foams*).
Dislikes:speaking against my country, mixing up Spanish with Portuguese,far-left,fascists,anime that it isn't made by studio ghibli,weaboos and Portuguese people.

Fun facts:I named myself because I like planes and lolcows,so I picked a radar warning receiver to "locate lolcows", sadly several people that I like have became halal before I could warn them :(
Also I'm Brazilian, I'm not a hot Latino man with a thick accent,sorry,also we don't go wearing green and yellow bikinis and party all day,sorry.
Also I have nightmares about my poor English being mixed up with autism and I being declared a halal.

3d gifts: man,perhaps when its 2050 that this creepy tech arrives here,so no.
Can you be a x-mas spirit bot?: wut is that

Pandas Galore

Feb 27, 2015
Name: Pendez Galore

Likes: video games [specifically starcraft, Journey, League of Legends, Shadow of the Colossus and the Jak series, ESPECIALLY OVERWATCH], cute asian fashion, Physics, Astronomy, chill electronic music, Piano music.

Dislikes: lewd, crude, most tabletop games like D&D, horror in general, idiots, Metal music, rap.

Fun Fact About Me: Isn't religious but still celebrates Christmas because some of my best memories are from it.

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: No

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?:No
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Mauvman Shuffleboard

Space Friend of the People
True & Honest Fan
Feb 3, 2013
Name: Mauv

Likes: You (:tomgirl:), fueling the fight, bootlegs and knockoffs, the Punchmaster, stupid old comic book advertisements, skelemen, cats, bees, spacemen, pretty dresses and faggy shit like that, robots, silly things, Engrish, Stephen Chow movies.

Dislikes: Fremdschämen, that kind of music with the wubs or something of that nature, babies.

Fun Fact About Me: My weight in pounds is equivalent to the number of completed Pokedex entries my dad had in Pokemon Blue.

Receive a 3D Printable gift?: I don't even have a 2D printer. Please don't send me any number of D's.

Can you be a X-MAS SPIRIT BOT 9000?:
Prime Directives:
1. Serve the public trust
2. Protect the innocent
3. Uphold holiday cheer
4. (classified)