The Kiwi Hero All-Stars vs the D-bot Menace - A tale of a group of exceptional people.

[Count K. Rumulon]

Prologue - The beginning of the invasion
Inside the control room for the S.S Evanescence, Vordrak sat on his throne of broken dreams and store-bought skull models. He was ready to launch his attack on planet Earth. Oh, how he hated earth, with its men that hated him and its women that wouldn’t suck his cock. They had cast him out years ago. He only felt it was fair that he conquer the planet so that he could get revenge on them all, especially Null. Oh, how he absolutely hated that damned Null. Null was responsible for all of his shortcomings in life, that had to be the case.

Him being a social outcast couldn’t have all been because of his actions, right?

He fixed his glasses and pressed a bright red button on his throne, then the ship jetissoned several capsules filled to the brim with D-bots, sending them falling towards the earth. They landed almost everywhere, Britain, France, even North Korea. Soon enough, they were almost everywhere. They began attacking people left and right. The police fell to them, then the Swat teams, and lastly the army. Nothing, it seemed, could stand up to the might of Vordrak and his army…

Except for one being... the man Vordrak wanted to kill the most, the great Null.

Problem is, he didn’t know that this was happening, and the D-bots neglected to land in Ukraine. While he was safe for the time being, he also didn’t think there was any cause for alarm, so he didn’t rally the Kiwi army to fight the machines. Someone needed to tell him what was going on, and fast!

Fortunately, there was someone who could reach him. Someone who could find Null and gather a group of remarkable and exceptional beings to fight Vordrak and his army. There was just one issue with that statement...

It was a Bipedal Sonic Frog.

Yeah, humanity was pretty much fucked.

 

[Diabeetus]

 

[I should be working]

The fuck's up with the Kiwi farms related prose popping up recently?

First we had that "New Kiwi Rangers" Kiwi Power rangers fanfic thread, and now this.

 

[Count K. Rumulon]

Chapter 1 - Pingu the Frog commits first degree murder on two robots
“That’ll be $5.90, please” said the cashier.

Pingu reached into his pockets with his Sonic frog hands and pulled out a folded five dollar note and a dollar coin. After receiving his change of ten whole cents, he walked over to one of the computers, sat down on one of the gaming chairs and turned on the PC. Considering his normal computer was complete shit, a LAN café was the only way he could get his fix of PC gaming. Meanwhile he didn’t have a job yet. To be fair he had only just finished high school, so it made sense that he didn’t have a job just yet. He was about to play some VrChat, a game so graphically intensive it crashed his whole PC when he tried to play it at home, until he got a message on his discord. He opened up the app and read a message from @iheartdickpix.

“OH SHIT THERE’S ROBOTS ATTACKING ME IN MY HOUSE PLEASE HELP” read her message.

Immediately, Pingu thought she was pulling his leg. He had been strung along for gags in the past but now it was getting too obvious. He put the phone back in his pocket, put the message out of his mind and continued his quest to find a funny meme avatar that would make the people over at the Great Pug laugh.

That message never held any real significance until he saw two of those same sleek robots trying to break down his front door when he got home. They had large stun bats on one arm and a claw hand on the other, with a large, red camera for an eye. They were certainly menacing.

However, they also appeared to be quite poorly programmed, so because they were so intently focused on breaking down the door, they never noticed the bipedal frog man sneaking into his house through the side gate. Thankfully he left a key in the dog kennel just in case he forgot his own. He looked around the house for a weapon to fight back with and decided to go with an empty deodorant bottle. He slowly moved over to the door, bludgeoning weapon in hand. Once he opened the large wooden door, the two robots rushed towards him with intent.

They were fast, but he was faster.

He swung the deodorant at one of the machines, crushing the side of its head on impact, then threw it at the other. It went straight into the large, red camera-eye. He then rushed over and shoved the deodorant bottle right through the robot’s head, with it tearing cleanly through to the other side. Both machines fell over, having been defeated.

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck was all that about?” Pingu said to himself. He decided to turn on the news to see what was happening.

“And in other news, everything is fine. You should all be happy. We are definitely not being attacked by robots please help” said the newscaster for Channel Nine news before he got stunned. Pingu was more shocked that there weren’t any in the city. Perhaps he just hadn’t seen any. He had seen a group of people screaming and cowering off in the distance from the train station, but he just assumed it was more climate protesters being pepper sprayed by police.

He figured that he needed to find more people to help him understand what was going on. He decided to start with @Cedric_Eff. It was a good thing he knew what his discord @ was.

“Hey, so I got attacked by robots today and so did @IHeart, do you know what’s going on?” Asked Pingu.

“Can’t talk right now, I’m going temple raiding” replied Cedric before he went offline.

“…Who goes spelunking in the middle of a robot invasion?” Pingu thought to himself as he went to get a Watermelon Vodka Kruiser. With all the shit that went down today, he certainly needed one.

 

[nippleonbonerfart]

The fuck's up with the Kiwi farms related prose popping up recently?

First we had that "New Kiwi Rangers" Kiwi Power rangers fanfic thread, and now this.

Learn 2 appreciate fine literature u plebian.

 

[Cedric_Eff]

CHAPTER Extra I -
“The Grand Temple holds a treasure incomprehensible by man.” “A treasure that was seemingly placed there by Gods...”

Those were the words Cedric heard from an archaeologist that he met at an bar. At the way he spoke, Cedric was captivated at the prospect of an unimaginable treasure. The thought about the treasure were challenged as Cedric imagined the treasure to be some generic writings or a stash of gold. At that exact moment, Cedric decides to go spelunking to see the treasure with his own eyes

Cedric packed all the supplies needed for the trip, cramming any useful supplies needed in his small beige coloured rucksack. Squeezing and nearly ripping the bag. He then made his way to the airport there after.

As per usual, the airport was extremely crowded with a whole range of people, some looking very similar to people Cedric has seen on poorly made YouTube adverts or a generic billboard. He didn’t mind the people, Cedric passed through most of them without a thought, doing the whole procedure to get his ticket and getting through security.

A man with an extremely large backpack came up to Cedric and asked him, “Did he dupe ya?” Confused, Cedric asked him in return what he meant by that. The man then explains to him about the treasure thing and Cedric learns most don’t return from the trip. Cedric then tells the man to fuck off.

Hours after arriving at the destination, Cedric perilously makes his way towards the Grand Temple. He then notices an obviously placed spike trap not too far from the temple. He avoids the spike trap, noticing that the spikes retracts as he walks towards the entrance of the temple.

Wandering into the halls of the temple, he noticed that there is a hallway that forks into two paths. He pulls out a dice and rolls a six. Cedric decides to go left and kept going.

Cedric walks into large room with a network of interconnected stone tetrahedron, noticing a loud buzz as Cedric processes what appeared in front of him. He then proceeded to climb on top of one of the Stone tetrahedron. The stone then proceeded to rumble violently, throwing Cedric off it and into a deep 2 meter pit.

At the end of the 2 meter pit, Cedric ends up in a tube like opening at the bottom of the pit and then Cedric rolls down the tube. After Cedric picks himself up, he kept walking down a corridor, heading towards a bright light.

Cedric becomes bewildered as he enters an cylindrical room with circular patterns cut out in the walls. At the center of the room, a Giant kitchen ladle about half the size of Cedric lays on a stone pedestal.

“Yo that’s it!? A fucking ladle!? A FUCKING LADLE!!”

Cedric picks up the Large kitchen ladle and proceeded to throw the ladle against the walls of the room. But doing that cause giant rats to appear, attempting to attacking Cedric.

Without noticing, Cedric had the ladle on his hand like a sword. Then suddenly, Cedric gets a call from Pingu on Discord.

“Hey, so I got attacked by robots today and so did @IHeart, do you know what’s going on?”


“Can’t talk right now, I’ve going temple raiding” says Cedric, while holding back the giant rats.

The ladle was swung at the rats, cracking one of their skulls open. Cedric ran as fast as he could.

Cedric kept running until he somehow ended up outside of the temple. He knew something was wrong, but he didn’t care.

He took everything he had and chartered a private jet back home.

 

[dirt lamb]

Damn I'm the token chick who gets murdered right at the beginning of the movie RIP

 

[Coelacanth]

Holy shit this made me laugh so hard. Please continue with this thread lads, I'm interested to see where this goes.

 

[Cedric_Eff]

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