Sonichu The Legend of Sonichu(my attempt at a good Sonichu series) -

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dariken

kiwifarms.net
Yes as so many others have tried I'm taking a shot of making a good Sonichu series.

The Plot
Once a powerful tyrant named Pulser ruled the land of Estallia. He forced the people to be slaves and to serve only him and executed anyone who opposed him or simply made him angry regardless of their age. Whether man woman or child a cruel death awaited anyone who angered him. Many mighty hedgehog warriors tried to defeat him but none were powerful enough until one day a young hedgehog named Magi-Chan defeated Pulser and brought peace to the land. However, Magi-Chan disappeared shortly after the battle and no one has seen him since. Fifty-three years later another tyrant, Naitsirhc , has taken over Estallia but this time there is no one strong enough to stop him. A group of rebels called The Order of Magi-Chan has started an underground warrior training academy to train aspiring young hedgehogs to fight against Naitsirhc and his army and to hopefully find someone powerful enough to defeat Naitsirhc himself. Will The Order of Magi-Chan bring forth the next Magi-Chan to restore peace to the land or will Naitsirhc destroy them all? Find out.

Note:Some things in this series will be changed from Chris' story. There will be no mention of Pokémon these will just be super powered hedgehogs. Also some things about the characters will also be changed. For instance, there will be no mention of God or any other religious figure so Angelica will not be a Christian. Rosechu will also not be useless. Chris-Chan will also not be in the comic in any form. Lastly this will be a text based story as I connot draw. If I find someone who can I may turn this into a comic but for now it will be text based. More updates soon!
 

Dr. Meme

Hardworking Libertarian Trans Woman
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The first paragraph sounds like a blurb. Don't do that. The pacing's off as well.
Also don't put a huge paragraph on stuff you've changed for the story. And why make a sonichu story without christian?
I don't mean to sound rude, but it could use some work.
 

dariken

kiwifarms.net
The first paragraph sounds like a blurb. Don't do that. The pacing's off as well.
Also don't put a huge paragraph on stuff you've changed for the story. And why make a sonichu story without christian?
I don't mean to sound rude, but it could use some work.

What do you mean by a blub, do you mean the way it's formed? And what do you mean by the pacing's off? I appreciate your feedback:)
 

Dr. Meme

Hardworking Libertarian Trans Woman
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
What do you mean by a blub, do you mean the way it's formed? And what do you mean by the pacing's off? I appreciate your feedback:)
Well, I think instead of giving the whole plot away in one paragraph, you should write a good first paragraph; ease the reader into your story. Then you can explain everything with exposition if you have to.
 
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dariken

kiwifarms.net
Well, I think instead of giving the whole plot away in one paragraph, you should write a good first paragraph; ease the reader into your story. Then you can explain everything with exposition if you have to.

Well that's not exactly the whole plot it's just how everything starts. Sorry, I'm kinda new to fanfiction. This isn't actually an episode it's just what the story's gonna be about.
 
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