The Magniloquence of Christian Weston Chandler

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Well well well.

Man. The recent facebook leak dump (or facebook dump leak, whatev) paints a picture of Mayor Chandler’s life and attitudes that, while aggravating and disgusting in places, is ultimately a rather grim example of where is life is and, even worse, how bleak his future looks.

So, enough of that sad crap, let’s talk about something fun! Chris’s mauling of his native language has been an aggravating joy to read over the years, if for no other reason than the poetic way this overgrown toddler tries to convey the sober solemnity of his sentiments. It’s the empty babbling of someone whose entire exposure to literary dialog came from a TV set (with all due respect to R.L. Stine, Pamela Anderson, and that one kid).

Having said that, I present to you a treasured selection of the magniloquence of Christian Weston Chandler. What are some of your favorites?

"I stand here now, taking your blows like a brave leading warrior who has seen so much in his lifetime to lead up to a final battle and win. One shall stand, One shall fall, Both will emerge victorious for a better, bright future for each of them after the blows have been dealt, and the scars have been issued. The final thing to do is simply to move on to other, more required objectives of life that have to be done."

"Stress. Stress hinders the emotions and physical abiltites as swiftly as a bullet."

"Remember some time ago, you jested that you wanted me to give up my heart to you? Well, basically, I had already done that just after you and I met; my heart still cries for you; not a moment passes by when I don't have a tender, caring or worried thought about you.

I'll see you Sunday..., and I guess that's ALL I'll get to do with you...seeing you...from a long distance; as long as the most perilous journey, as long as a dream where I'm constantly running towards you; you'd look like you're near, yet you are soo far away from completing me... I Love You, Megan Schroeder. "

 

[Bugaboo]

Pretty much anything Chris writes is a hilarious read.

 

[BigBoss]

"I'll see you Sunday..., and I guess that's ALL I'll get to do with you...seeing you...from a long distance; as long as the most perilous journey, as long as a dream where I'm constantly running towards you; you'd look like you're near, yet you are soo far away from completing me... I Love You, Megan Schroeder. "

And then he goes on to bash the poor, Nazi-worshipping girl.

Hm.

 

[Yawning Squirtle]

These are some of my favorites:

Ah, For Her I Would travel even A Thousand Miles, just to be with her. Fortunately, she lives only about one hour from my house, and I meet her once a week at a closer-to-home social. This feeling, It was, and still is, so pure and true, it was like as if I was Born to Love Her. When She Smiles, I feel like I'm Walking on Sunshine as I give my replying smile and gaze into her eyes. And her hair is the softest and most warm-tingling. Cloud Nine? I feel like I'm on Ten.

(From Story of my current days)

I do wear glasses. Take it or leave it, losers! It helps me see better… see more detail and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together out of your own ego that you so richly... consume of.

(From CWC's second message)

 

[Bugaboo]

Actually I liked it when he refered to tradionl art as "hand artery"

 

[Marvin]

http://aschmann.net/AmEng/

This map has really shown how diverse english is in North America and made me a lot more forgiving of strange dialects or accents. Really, if I'm in an area of the country I'm not familiar (pretty much anywhere outside of, say, Maryland, Virginia or southeast Pennsylvania), and they're speaking understandable english, I'm not confident enough in the local dialect to correct them. Hell, even Marylanders who live in western Maryland could speak a strange enough dialect to put me off without me thinking they might be illiterate rednecks.

Basically, until a person starts expression actual unintelligence, I won't start thinking they're stupid.

Mostly, Chris' speaking patterns don't suggest that he's stupid to me. I mostly find his abbreviation patterns annoying and illogical. That's kinda stupid, I guess.

 

[BigBoss]

I just hate how he thinks his abbreviations are clever and cute when they're really more obnoxious and barely readable to someone who neither knows nor gets Chris.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

I just hate how he thinks his abbreviations are clever and cute when they're really more obnoxious and barely readable to someone who neither knows nor gets Chris.

He thinks everything he does is clever and worthy of hanging on the world's refrigerator.

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

Mostly, Chris' speaking patterns don't suggest that he's stupid to me. I mostly find his abbreviation patterns annoying and illogical. That's kinda stupid, I guess.

It's not so much how he says it, but what he says that suggest he is stupid.

 

[Zim]

Reading Cwcspeak is like reading a giant barrel of poetry that's been mixed up and then reassembled with magnets on a refridgerator by people who are still learning english.

Not like He Sets Me On Fire who's way of posting I always like to read.

 

[CatParty]

His speaking doesn't bother me. But his writing I what really grinds my gears and really questions his intelligence. The abbreviations drive me up the wall and the misuse of a lot of his words are awful.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I find abbreviations irritating no matter who types them, it seems overly prevalent in games forums where somebody will drop the name of a game, character or place in abbreviated form and just assume people know whet they're on about.

I much prefer Chris' written pieces to his spoken ones because you can read them at a normal pace and they're often very amusing as this thread highlights. What I find almost unbearable is Chris' speech patterns in his videos where it takes him fucking ages to say anything. It's almost impressive how somebody can talk so much, yet say so little.

Although strangely the angrier he gets, the better and more fluid his speech becomes.

 

[Seahorses]

I had to look up magniloquence.

 

[applecat]

It's the Randomly Capitalized Words that really Piss me off for some Reason.

 

[Marvin]

Mostly, Chris' speaking patterns don't suggest that he's stupid to me. I mostly find his abbreviation patterns annoying and illogical. That's kinda stupid, I guess.

It's not so much how he says it, but what he says that suggest he is stupid.

Yeah, pretty much. The content.

 

[Golly]

It's expressions like "warm-tingling" and "butterfly-heartful" that kind of make me think that if Gertrude Stein or James Joyce were using them, they'd be hailed for poetic ingenuity. Coming out of Chris though, it all just sounds, well, Chrisfully-stupid.

 

[pickleniggo]

"If she is willing to allow the pleasure, I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured. But I digress on that."
-[cwc]For_My_True_Love,_I_Would…[/cwc]

He uses "tickle her/my fancy" as a euphemism for foreplay, then violently "gives it to her" with all his pent-up frustration. BUT THEN HE DIGRESSES. Fuck's sake, when you break it down, it's kind of scary.

 

[MY 405]

It's expressions like "warm-tingling" and "butterfly-heartful" that kind of make me think that if Gertrude Stein or James Joyce were using them, they'd be hailed for poetic ingenuity. Coming out of Chris though, it all just sounds, well, Chrisfully-stupid.

Lord, yes! This is perfect. Somewhere in the Epic Dump for the Ages he says something like: ' I've decided to say 'bode' instead of 'bored' because I like wordplay. So I'm bode and lonely' (or something similar). It just reminded me of something an 11-year-old girl who though she was being clever would come up with, and she'd repeat it ad nauseum all week until the new episode of MLP:FIM came on and Pinkie Pie did something kawaii.

 

[Yawning Squirtle]

His speaking doesn't bother me. But his writing I what really grinds my gears and really questions his intelligence. The abbreviations drive me up the wall and the misuse of a lot of his words are awful.

I can deal with most of this, what I really can't stand is how he always writes "soo". I feel soo lonely and bored. That shit's annoying.

 

[king shit]

I always found his portentous use of the English language to be one his more endearing traits, but it seems to be in short supply in the latest leak, but maybe that's just me?