The Magniloquence of Christian Weston Chandler

[BigBoss]

All good suggestions. Do slip-ups count?

Because, "My mommy and I--my, my family and I..." will always be one of my favorite moments of Chris-speak.

God, was that one of my favorites too. It's like he caught on to how creepy and childish it sounds to other people to say "mommy" as a man in his late 20s, which is saying something considering how this is from the same man who gave us the "It's okay to poop yourself" video.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Reading Cwcspeak is like reading a giant barrel of poetry that's been mixed up and then reassembled with magnets on a refridgerator by people who are still learning english.

Shakespere+autism=Cwcism.

and then there's that video where he tries to speak shakesperian for http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Ode_to_Julie

I look at and see your picture…as you have sent to me. And I look into your eyes…and I am deeply in awe, as your eyes are like chocolate-covered strawberries. They're brown on the outside, but the sweet, wonderful woman…that cares about me very much…and will love me no matter what—that is the strawberry within. That is your soul.

And, uh, we yet have a similar storyline to, uh, Romeo and Juliet. Only one syllable misting—missing. It'd be like—if we’d add a syllable, it'd be like, "Christian-o and Juliet".

But every night, you can cr—e-e-every night you may cry, "Christian-o! Christian-o! Wherefore art thou, Christian-o?" And I would be there… int—in your heart – for I have—for my heart is with you. For if I called you up—for I would be there in your heart. And I would personally be calling out, "I am here, O fair Juliet. 'Tis no—'tis nobler thy name be heard every mom—every waking moment."

"And Ju—the sun is in the east, and Juliet is the sun." Though I know not much Shakespeare, but at least I know enough… to getteth by!

and it just goes on from there

Clearly, Chris has country matters on his mind.

 

[Chrus Chundlur]

It's like he caught on to how creepy and childish it sounds to other people to say "mommy" as a man in his late 20s

Heh, and still, he didnt feel like redoing the video without that...(Like when he farts or belches on videos addressed to sweethearts and still thinks its good enough to make chicks fall in love with him despite his sudden attacks of flatulence)

Although extremely unlikely, here is a frightening thought...what if Chris actually does film several takes and what we get are the good ones? (Again, Im sure this is not the case )

 

[Yawning Squirtle]

We can ask that question about pretty much everything Chris has done, ever, and we will never get an answer.

I think you just summed up the reason why I keep coming back to this forum (and to the CWCki, of course).

 

[Tim Buckley]

Holy fuck Chris is a retarded comedic version of a bryonic hero!

 

[Aristocrat]

All good suggestions. Do slip-ups count?

Because, "My mommy and I--my, my family and I..." will always be one of my favorite moments of Chris-speak.

God, was that one of my favorites too. It's like he caught on to how creepy and childish it sounds to other people to say "mommy" as a man in his late 20s, which is saying something considering how this is from the same man who gave us the "It's okay to poop yourself" video.

"Look at me smile".

 

[stablefable]

It's like he caught on to how creepy and childish it sounds to other people to say "mommy" as a man in his late 20s

Heh, and still, he didnt feel like redoing the video without that...(Like when he farts or belches on videos addressed to sweethearts and still thinks its good enough to make chicks fall in love with him despite his sudden attacks of flatulence)

Although extremely unlikely, here is a frightening thought...what if Chris actually does film several takes and what we get are the good ones? (Again, Im sure this is not the case )

The amount that Chris allows himself to look worse on video is telling about how little he understands body language and psychology. Quotes like this and the fact that he was willing to post any videos in which he "exercises" make me feel bad for him because he just doesn't really understand certain things we understand so easily.

 

[Christ-Chan]

"I name is not Ian... Brandon... Something!" will always be just about the funniest thing I've ever heard.

 

[Prowldent]

"The Graduation Ceremony at Manchester High was not very swift for me. First off, During the Early Awards ceremony, I was a LITTLE thrilled to get a star for my grades. But then I find out that I am outshined in my creative skills, because those people did not appreciate the time and effort I took into making my Star Rainbow Coil Pot, or the Computer Graphics Poster I put together, or my ceramic Hot Dog Sonic the Hedgehog Happy Meal, or the Lounging Autistic Student Sculpture. Even my two strong characters were born at MHS; Bionic the Hedgehog, and Sonichu and Rosechu. So while I sit there and feel happy for my friends who got something, I was feelling so %$@# JEALOUS. I was a High-Functioning Autistic Boy who came WAAAAAAAAAY BEYOND OUT OF HIS SOCIAL SHELL, only to get ZILCH, NADA, ZIP; A BIG FAT ZERO! I felt so Devistated and Out Of Sync.

Secondly, it was a dark, rainy day on the Graduation Ceremony Day...And thirdly, I was leaving my happy days and my friends at MHS...With ALL THAT (mostly the Award thing), I ended up doing what I did when I went up there to accept the diploma; NO HANDSHAKE, TEARS, AND RUNNING AWAY TO HIDE. They don't even have any pictures of that in the Y2K Yearbook; the caption could have read "Student Christian Chandler is Depressed and Sad for some reasons. His response is tears and fright."

 

[Bugaboo]

"The Graduation Ceremony at Manchester High was not very swift for me. First off, During the Early Awards ceremony, I was a LITTLE thrilled to get a star for my grades. But then I find out that I am outshined in my creative skills, because those people did not appreciate the time and effort I took into making my Star Rainbow Coil Pot, or the Computer Graphics Poster I put together, or my ceramic Hot Dog Sonic the Hedgehog Happy Meal, or the Lounging Autistic Student Sculpture. Even my two strong characters were born at MHS; Bionic the Hedgehog, and Sonichu and Rosechu. So while I sit there and feel happy for my friends who got something, I was feelling so %$@# JEALOUS. I was a High-Functioning Autistic Boy who came WAAAAAAAAAY BEYOND OUT OF HIS SOCIAL SHELL, only to get ZILCH, NADA, ZIP; A BIG FAT ZERO! I felt so Devistated and Out Of Sync.

Secondly, it was a dark, rainy day on the Graduation Ceremony Day...And thirdly, I was leaving my happy days and my friends at MHS...With ALL THAT (mostly the Award thing), I ended up doing what I did when I went up there to accept the diploma; NO HANDSHAKE, TEARS, AND RUNNING AWAY TO HIDE. They don't even have any pictures of that in the Y2K Yearbook; the caption could have read "Student Christian Chandler is Depressed and Sad for some reasons. His response is tears and fright."

I don't understand why he says his graduation ceremony was not very "swift" a normal person would say my graduation ceremony was very slow.
Also it really creeps me out when he said "My Mom is sleeping in comfort in my room" something about the "in comfort" part is just creepy, he could have just said she's sleeping in my room.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

He uses "swift" as an all-purpose substitute for "good." I don't know if that's a Sonic fandom thing, an old-parents thing, or what, but recall that when he told Jackie he didn't like Kahlua very much, he said something like "the flavor combination of coffee, chocolate, and liquor was not too swift."

 

[Bugaboo]

He uses "swift" as an all-purpose substitute for "good." I don't know if that's a Sonic fandom thing, an old-parents thing, or what, but recall that when he told Jackie he didn't like Kahlua very much, he said something like "the flavor combination of coffee, chocolate, and liquor was not too swift."

That is literally one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

 

[CatParty]

He uses "swift" as an all-purpose substitute for "good." I don't know if that's a Sonic fandom thing, an old-parents thing, or what, but recall that when he told Jackie he didn't like Kahlua very much, he said something like "the flavor combination of coffee, chocolate, and liquor was not too swift."

That is literally one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

chris isn't so swift.

 

[Billpalazzo-sama]

"Even my two strong characters were born at MHS; Bionic the Hedgehog, and Sonichu and Rosechu"

Way to show off your HONOR ROLL math skills while complaining about how they didn't honor you enough at graduation, Christian.

Either that, or he's basically admitting that Rosechu exists just to be Sonichu's girlfriend.

 

[QI 541]

Maybe he uses "swift" because it's the opposite of "slow" but sounds cooler than "fast".

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Maybe he uses "swift" because it's the opposite of "slow" but sounds cooler than "fast".

That could very well be. My friend Ctrl+F and I found the exact quote about the Kahlua:

The kaluah isn't bad, but I feel the combination of coffee, chocolate and liqour isn't a swift flavor combination. I got a bottle for only 8 bucks.

I mean, what the hell? There's no literal sense in which a combination of flavors can be speedy, unless Parkay is a flavor now.

 

[Bugaboo]

The kaluah isn't bad, but I feel the combination of coffee, chocolate and liqour isn't a swift flavor combination. I got a bottle for only 8 bucks.

I mean, what the hell? There's no literal sense in which a combination of flavors can be speedy, unless Parkay is a flavor now.

Unless i was some kind of Sonic the hegdehog drink.
Blended Blue Blur

 

[JULAY]

All good suggestions. Do slip-ups count?

Because, "My mommy and I--my, my family and I..." will always be one of my favorite moments of Chris-speak.

This is from the same man who gave us the "It's okay to poop yourself" video.

Two it's OK to poop yourself videos.

 

[nyelva]

I personally love this bit of transparent groveling from the Julie reveal:

Chris: Max— Max, you are a great being. You are— You're a humble person. Please, I'm only a lowly— I'm only a lowly servant among your trestles.

BlueSpike's little stutter of disbelief immediately following it makes it even funnier.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Now I'm picturing BlueSpike demanding that OPL get away from his railroad bridges immediately.