The mind of Barbara -

[Dreamatorium]

What is Barb's mental state, if just speculating? We know that she lives in an unhealthy, vermin-filled environ of pestilence and neck-sweat, lying on her back all day and watching Maury. She can't be to well in the brain.

Do you think that she will crack one day and with a sudden epiphany brought on by a falling box of Hummel christmas figurines from 1977 to the noggin, realize that she is wasting her life, literally and figuratively, pack up Chris and move away?

Do we know if she is actively disappointed in Chris' cross dressing - "I didn't raise no got-dang woman!" - or is past the point of caring?

I think it's been known for a while that she has some sort of an Oedipus thing with Chris, as fucking disgusting as that is. Is she just using him as a proxy for the affection that she hasn't had in like 20 years?

Is she going to kick it soon?

tl;dr, Blarb psychology thread

 

[DJAndyMD]

We all know that Chris got a lot of his traits from Barb, such as blaming others for their problems, not wanting to throw their shit away, and of course, threats of suicide (take the recent facebook posts).

Barb also has a lot of things she might be holding back. When she has two children and one of them hates her guts and refuses to see her, basically making her think Cole abandoned her, its not surprising that she sees her last child, Chris, as nothing more than that love that Cole could have given her and if he leaves, she would then have no one.

 

[Watcher]

Barb's senile, she's waiting for the end and wants to take anyone down with her. She doesn't care about public embarrassment like going to a gamestore with your autistic son and acting like a child anymore.

 

[CatParty]

Old woman scarred of being alone. Possible personality disorder. Completely selfish.

 

[Watcher]

Old woman scarred of being alone. Possible personality disorder. Completely selfish.

There are of course theories that the only reason Barb had Chris was to put her hooks into Bob so he'd take care of her.

 

[CatParty]

Whoops. Forgot that one! That is a definite.

 

[dangerousanalysis]

What is Barb's mental state, if just speculating? We know that she lives in an unhealthy, vermin-filled environ of pestilence and neck-sweat, lying on her back all day and watching Maury. She can't be to well in the brain.

Do you think that she will crack one day and with a sudden epiphany brought on by a falling box of Hummel christmas figurines from 1977 to the noggin, realize that she is wasting her life, literally and figuratively, pack up Chris and move away?

Do we know if she is actively disappointed in Chris' cross dressing - "I didn't raise no got-dang woman!" - or is past the point of caring?

I think it's been known for a while that she has some sort of an Oedipus thing with Chris, as fucking disgusting as that is. Is she just using him as a proxy for the affection that she hasn't had in like 20 years?

Is she going to kick it soon?

tl;dr, Blarb psychology thread

Hmm lemme think.

People call her for a reason; she never seems to do much of anything and so it's hard to get a handle on just where Barb's head is at. I definitely know that she was none too happy with all the that she had to clean and was able to be assertive to Chris on that front, but now that bob has moved on to the great lumber yard in the sky, she seems to just let Chris do whatever he wants. That kinda seems to be the running theme with Chris: parental laziness and lack of care resulting in one spoiled man child. I know that she was less pissed with Chris over the whole saga than Bob who threw the "DAMNED FAG card" at Chris. The one thing that gives us insight into her Psyche IMO truly is the Michael Snyder attempted vehicular manslaughter thing. In that instance she showed that she is every bit as deluded as Chris is and is willing to believe anything he tells her and will support him in his insane endeavors to "get back" at his enemies 100%. The fact that Barb was all the way in on that basically shows me that much like Chris, she is a lost cause with no sign of personal growth likely in the foreseeable future.

As for the disgusting Oedipus complex, apparently they are now sharing a room so make of that what you will

 

[Henry Bemis]

Given her rocky upbringing and the norms of her childhood, Barb successfully managed to not only claw her way up into a superior socioeconomic class (lower class to lower-middle class, true, but there's a difference), but she also did everything that was expected of women at the time: snag a man, get married, and have a kid.

So why wasn't she happy? That's a huge running theme in her adulthood: security and fulfillment are not mutually inclusive.

 

[Very Honest Content]

Poor white trash with a whole sized load of undiagnosed and untreated mental problems.

If you want to take Coleslaw's word at face value, she's one hell of a bitch it sounds like as well, even worse than an abusive babysitter for a child.

Let's face it, there's a reason why she hasn't repeated as the winner of the Mother of the Year award in 13 years now!

 

[CatParty]

There's no doubt she's a bitch. I've always characterized her as one of those seemingly harmless old ladies who once you tell her one of her coupons is a day expired, she throws a nuclear meltdown hissy fit.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

I think the biggest difference between Barb and Chris these days is the fact that her mental condition is undiagnosed.

 

[The Knife]

WARNING: this is all apt to break down into a personal story very quickly.

I've said on this board that Barb reminds me a great deal of my own mother, which is one of the reason I got addicted to Chris to begin with; looking at Chris, I get a pretty good idea of what I might have been in for if I hadn't gotten the hell out of that house. Like, my mother and Barb are similar down to eerie, ridiculously small details like sneaking q-sands into restaurants and being the middle child of a brood of eight.

Barb has fucking entitlement issues. Probably this is seated from her childhood, where she grew up in what seems to be pretty desperate conditions. With eight kids around, most of them older, it was probably really difficult to claim anything as her own, up to and including attention from her parents. She may have learned that the only way to get attention was by going to extreme measures. When she was old enough, she realized she could get attention from men by putting out, hence the multiple marriages/quasi-marriages that produced Cole.

I believe Cole might have actually been right to say that Barb isolated herself with her mates, especially if they were "scurrilous," which I'm going to assume is Cole-speak for "allegedly abusive assholes who scared away anyone who otherwise might have wanted to get involved." Abusers, for everything else they have going, tend to be possessive to the point of obsession. In that situation, with whatever else might have been going on, Barb would have been reasonably assured that at last someone was paying her exclusive attention.

I know there's a lot of joking on this board about "now Barb's hoarding Chris," but I also believe that might be very close to the truth. Barb sees Chris as a possession. For all the trouble he's caused the family, Chris is a creature who is absolutely dependent on Barb. He's a manchild who will never grow up and leave her. He will never find a mate that might take his affection away from Barb (and say what you want about Chris, but I totally believe that his "sweetheart search" was always, at least partially, a "get me the hell away from Mommy" search). He pays attention to her mood-swings and takes them deadly seriously, the way a small child would. He's thirty years old and she can still snuggle him like a baby. He fetches her q-sands and changes her bandages. Barb is a drama-queen and Chris is her captive audience--forever. She's taken no efforts to prepare him to survive after her death because she's so wrapped up in herself that she doesn't believe she'll die, or, worse, she plans on leaving him in a state where he'll literally need Mommy forever, even after she's gone.

Plus, Chris provides Barb with the perfect excuse. Without him and his autism diagnosis, she's a lazy elderly drama-queen. With him she's a long-suffering mother taking care of her poor mentally disabled son. Chris's drama is always Barb's drama-by-proxy. I think a lot of Chris's current helplessness and attitudes on his own disabilities today was probably fostered by Barb constantly playing the pity-me-my-life-is-so-hard card. She probably used him for attention from others as much as she made him tend to her emotional needs.

I also believe CatParty's correct that Barb probably has some kind of personality disorder, but that sort of thing is hard to diagnose without first-hand observation and I'm not getting close enough to try.

Wow that got bitter quickly.

 

[Optimistic]

I've always been curious about Barb. We can infer a lot about her from Chris - victim complex, entitlement complex, hoarder, bizarre fashion sense, selfish, lazy. There is really nothing to like about her, but she wasn't always the Snorlax.

The first time I saw this picture it made me want to cry. If you saw this picture without context of who it was, it just looks like a happy, still-attractive new mother showing off her cute, happy baby. I don't think Barb was ever taught about love or introspection or self-care or anything about being a person from anyone. I think her parents left her to her own devices, much as she does with Chris, and so she had to make sense of the world in her own severely misguided way. But unlike Chris, she was a reasonably attractive young woman and managed to hitch her wagon to a man or two. Desperate for attention and validation of her self-worth, she would do anything to keep her man happy and interested, including sacrificing her own son to his whims. She did this with Cole's father, and even with Bob - choosing to go out drinking with him rather than spending time with her son. Her flower was fading in Chris's early years however, and when Bob turned into a raging asshole like the rest of them, she could no longer use sex and alcohol to get him to call her pretty, she resorted to threats of suicide, and finally surrounding herself with a cocoon of junk to feel secure. I don't think anyone ever tried to talk to Barb about her problems, or help her through them, or even get her to recognize that she HAD serious problems. She was just left to bumble her way through life and despite her entitlement, she has probably had zero self-esteem. This doesn't excuse her behavior by any means. Much like this picture, it just makes me sad.

We know it's not a happy new mother full of pride in this picture. We know it's Barb, and she's probably wondering when she can put him the hell down and get a drink. And we know that baby is Chris, and he doesn't stand a chance of being a decent person under her care.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

The fuck has she got on her head? Also, is that 14 Branchland Court?

 

[CalmMyTits]

Is I remember correctly, Borb married in 1980, so Chris wasn't a trap baby, as he was born over a year later. It doesn't mean Barb didn't trap Bob, maybe she had another baby before Chris (that she miscarried)

 

[Optimistic]

The fuck has she got on her head? Also, is that 14 Branchland Court?

It's a kicky beret! With what appears to be a Swastika button pinned to it. No "I want people to think I went horseback riding" ensemble would be complete without it!

 

[Descent]

I've wondered about Barb. I don't doubt that she's a shitty parent, but I wonder if we've gotten the whole story about her since they only information we have about her comes from Chris (and to a lesser extent, Cole). It got lost among a sea of crap when it was released, but http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Kacey_Call_15 has Barb talking to Chris for a decent amount of time and has made me flip flop on my opinion of Barb. (I suggest listening to it because the transcription leaves out a bit)

The first part of Barb's first, long paragraph sounds like she's trying to teach Chris some sense of responsibility and work ethic. Theeeeeen we get here

Spoiler

And I'm here to tell you that I almost killed myself at least twice accidentally. I mean it was just a hairline thing that kept me from killing myself after that. One was that big chair of dad's out there [drunken slur talk] and I fell with it, going down the back steps over there. And then picking it up on the hill in the wagon, aaand it- it fell off- it fell off the wagon twice. I fell down the steps with one part of it. And it was like four or five steps. That was the worst time. Scared me, [something] me...But we allowed you to go to your gay-game. [muffle]

Chris might bullshit a lot, but I'm willing to believe that Barb has threatened to commit suicide whenever someone from the hoard displeases her. Who the fuck says "I almost killed myself" instead of "I almost accidently died" or whatever to a situation like that? (Also, no surprise that right after Barb had a serious fall, Chris probably whined about his Pogeymans at the Game Place.)
Now the whole thing about Barb's stuff being brought over last, I can kinda feel bad about (this was before her hoarding isn't it?). I don't think it's too unlikely that there was some kind of argument about how Bob's record collection and Chris's mausoleum of children's toys were high priority and Barb's stuff was deemed worthless and would be brought over at the very end. But the fact that she's bringing this up nine fucking years later does point to her trying to guilt Chris.

Spoiler

Because of my health and because of the medicine, I only have three hours of energy at the most. [Chris says something] Now today I did one thing that totally put me down [?] That was I brought the new wagon [?] So we can hang up in this out here and [unclear] wagon in the trash cans and and take it up to be [?]. And on top of that, another thing that upsets me is [unclear] banging away with your father yelling at me, and I was asleep. Instead of coming in and being nice and being like [unclear] It's abusive. The way he screams at me. So I won't help ya [unclear] When I tried to recharge that battery the last time I spent a long time out there.
Chris: Oh by the way uh-
Barbara: And!-and he was determined- he didn't want to help me. Okay? He wasn't interested.He is only interested in making things look like he did it [sounded like sheep diddle] it was his idea and I really didn't have anything to do with it. Even when I help him. I get no credit for anything. He never gives me credit to my face. Or if[?] he's talking to anybody else. Just like he tells you sometimes “well I don't get no help from your moma huuur.” No it's his own[?] attitude to- which is wrong, which is absolutely wrong.

I don't doubt for a second that Barb isn't healthy and on meds. Whether or not she only has "a few hours of energy" is anyone's guess. It does sound like she was trying to clean up a bit when she does have energy. Bob being abusive and yelling a lot...I don't know, maybe he did start more arguments then there are flies on a garbage dump.

Spoiler

Barbara: I need you to start looking around and doing what you can do because there's a lot you could do. You are healthy and young. And you get so involved with these other things that you've been involved in- [Chris: Yeah but-] I've let you ride. I've let you ride. And now it's time that I'm going to crack down on you, and I'm going to demand that you help me everyday whether I ask you to, or not. I'm expecting you to help improve the indoors of the house and the at-
Chris: I don't know what er whya-why d-you want me to do!
Barbara: ANYTHING.
Chris: I don't even- I can't even ah-
Barbara: Come here and look. What is it that you can clean up, straighten up, in-in your room? There's a lot you could do.
Chris: Okay well, when can we concentrate outside my room? Like uhyah, I know we can do the kitchen and the uh, the living room. But you know that's gonna be [unintelligible] that would require your direction on that, [unintelligible] thing.
Barbara: Downstairs right now there's vacuuming that needs to be done, there's carpet that needs to be cleaned and there are things to be...[Chris sighs] And there are looooot of things that gotta go upstairs, or go to Good Will. [Chris sighs again]

(I bolded that last part for a reason later). Holy shit, Chris listens quietly until Barb suggests that maybe he step away from the internet and help out around the house (and it doesn't sound like she's asking him to do much) then he starts squawking out his excuses. Barb sounds like she's trying to parent (yeah, a little late for that) and possibly trying to get Chris's mind off the internet. Also, Barb sounds like she wanted to donate some of her shit.

Spoiler

Chris: Yeah but I mean where do you expect me to put- where do you expect me to put them in here, in my room?
Barbara: I didn't say put them in your room. There's a chest in that closet, there's a chest at the end of the kitchen. What- all you do is stack up stuff in the kitchen like you do in here and...We gotta, yeah neatly put things in the kitchen. But it takes two. And I have to feel like doing it. And I- I don't feel like-

(bolded again for later) We can debate forever about Barb "needing to feel like cleaning up". On the one hand I want to believe that Barb does have a legit medical condition and Chris needs to step the fuck up, but on the other hand, well, them Chandler folks can't be trusted.

Spoiler

Barbara: Right, we need...we need to clean the tiles of the shower.
Chris: Yeah.
Barbara: In the bathroom.
Chris: Yeah we've got a lot to do, I know but-
Barbara: And re-grouting putting-the uh- removing the grout between the uh, tiles then re-grouting.

No fucking kidding they need to clean that bathroom. Also, Barb says "we need to" not "you need to" like she wants to try and get the place clean.
Once Barb leaves, Chris goes back to talking to Kacey and gives his version of the conversation that just happened.

Chris: Yeah, I've been wanting to help her for a long time but I just didn't have- I didn't ah shu- I just didn't know where to put the things.
Kacey: Uh-it-you- if you don't need it, you throw it out. Quite simple.
Chris: Yeah, I tell her that too but she doesn't want to throw any of her stuff out but- plus did you get it from the beginning it was like, you know, mostly dealt with me and my father's stuff. It never ever started on her stuff it was like, whatever you know, it's like at that point it's psychologically linked. Like you know, whatever's hers is like, you know she feels like she has to hold onto herself.

No Chris, she didn't "mostly deal with your's and your father's stuff". Remember all that stuff I bolded? If was Barb telling Chris how he can clean up the house and nothing at all about getting rid of his stuff.
See, this is why I'm not sure that Barb is this evil hoarder mother that is resistant to change. I mean, she probably is, but it does kind of sound like she's a sick woman trying to do what she can a little bit at a time. Chris obviously can't be trusted to tell the truth, even if it's about something that happened two minutes ago.

 

[KatsuKitty]

Barb isn't pleased with what the hoard is doing to her. No hoarder is, really. But that doesn't mean she'll clean anything up, though.

 

[Pikonic]

Is I remember correctly, Borb married in 1980, so Chris wasn't a trap baby, as he was born over a year later. It doesn't mean Barb didn't trap Bob, maybe she had another baby before Chris (that she miscarried)

The trap hypothesis is flawed, if there was a miscarriage, barb probably would have told Chris, and we'd hear all about the Crystal that never was. I think Barb was close to menopause so the idea of birth control didn't even cross their minds. "There's no way we can get preg……fuck" Chris was probably an honest mistake. (Not saying there's anything wrong wih mistake babies, I know a few, some know they're mistakes and are doing just fine)

As for the question at hand we need to look at Barb's past. Here's a woman who lost her virginity in high school (at the time a big deal, she was probably labeled the town skank), she has a husband who both pretend they were never married to their son with the father being ok with said son not knowing he's the father. She married another who abused her first son, and she was fucked enough to join in with the abuse. Instead of building a positive relationship with her son after that marriage she goes and marries another man, 20 years older. Keep in mind Bob was in the Army, in the South that's basically an invitation for good digger tramps.

So why does this all happen, I think something happened to Barb as a child, maybe she was neglected or abused and the only way to fill that hole was to find a man. 3 husbands later she knows she can't use her power of seduction since she's old and used up, so she clings to the last man she'll ever have, the only son who will deal with her.

 

[Kosher Dill]

So why does this all happen, I think something happened to Barb as a child, maybe she was neglected or abused and the only way to fill that hole was to find a man.

I don't think she was necessarily abused, but she just kind of failed at life in general. In that same Kacey call, she talked about how she bounced from job to job, which wasn't really the norm in her day. I'm guessing that she caused too much drama, or just made everyone hate her, and so she was subtly or overtly shown the door over and over. You'll notice that she hasn't stayed in touch with anyone she ever worked with - or anyone she ever knew, really.
Given that, I suspect her man-chasing ways are just the only thing she knew how to do with any measure of success. Just show up, have a few reebs, and let things happen! Personal validation the easy way.

EDIT: but it's true that IF she really did lose her virginity in high school (not sure if I believe anything about sex filtered through Chris's brain), she probably was seen as damaged goods, so there is that.
I think I've plugged this book on here once before, but I'll recommend it again:
Premarital Intercourse and Interpersonal Relationships - written in 1965, and has a lot of information about what things were really like Back In The Day.