The most dick thing you've ever done

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Blood Debts

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
Aug 17, 2018
A long time ago I laughed at my uncle when he walked into my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving---he had always been a really chubby dude and I hadn't seen him in a long time, and when he came in he was so thin he'd disappear if he stood sideways. I laughed out of surprise mostly, it was just so surreal seeing him that way.

Turns out he had been struggling with an eating disorder. Thanksgiving was really uncomfortable that year.

Kiwi Lime Pie

The tasteful spring treat. 🥝🥧🐈
Jun 11, 2018
In one of the lower years of elementary school, our teacher read us the story of The Three Billy Goats Gruff. This version was more kid-friendly where the troll had a sign on the bridge and the last goat makes him remove his sign and leave.

Some of our classmates were selected to reenact the story by making basic props and performing in front of the class. While I've forgotten all the details, I still recall believing I was to be part of the group only to be told I wasn't for whatever reason. My young self got even by throwing away the group's sign for the bridge. When my classmates got to part about the sign, one of them mentioned they couldn't find it/didn't have it. I was never confronted or caught.

At a family get-together for a holiday weekend, a cousin's cousin was openly bragging about how poorly she'd treat her boy friends, preferably before they could treat her poorly. Upon going back inside the house, I noticed she had a change of clothes in the living room, so I hid what I could of them under the couch in what was intended as a taste of her own medicine.


Keep Her Sexy and Straightforward
Dec 14, 2017
When I was in fifth grade we had a fun event at field day called Climb, Crawl, Walk and Ride. The object of the game was to get to El Dorado and get the tube you carried filled with treasure and then head back Home. To make this interesting, the person who had the tube could not move so it was up to the team members to move them around the obstacles to get the treasure.

in order to make sure everyone had a turn each game was played five times. On our last turn we were tied with this other team and this made my captain angry because it was my turn to do the ride. The ride was a homemade mining car that went down the hill from the soccer fields to El Dorado (A.K.A The first grade gardens) The problem was that when leaving El Dorado the other four team members had to push the person back up the hill. As I was quite tall for my age my team members were not looking forward to pushing me up. The Team captain tried to persuade me to let a lighter person do it, but the person running the event said we'd forfeit if we did it. Annoyed, my team captain told me "You are not riding in it on your way up. You will help us push."

When we got to the Ride part I jumped into the cart and before my time could get me sent the cart down the hill. As I got to the bottom of the hill I saw the spot where I was supposed to go. Deciding to pay my team out, I didn't put on the brakes and sailed past the El Dorado. Due to the speed I was going I snapped the safety rope and quickly headed into the woods towards the nature area. I managed to go all the way to the creek, which was where I stopped the cart. Needless to say my teammates were outraged, but I didn't care


#1 Wogglebug Fan
True & Honest Fan
Sep 10, 2013
I may or may not have used someone unpleasent's email address for nefarious purposes. By that I mean he got a lot of "enlarge your penis" emails and confirmations that he sent in applications to be a model.
I did try to impersonate him on 4chan briefly but it was terribly executed and was less of a dick move and more of a huge faggot move. Young Merried's weening was shitty even for ween standards.
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oogity boogity boo motherfucker
True & Honest Fan
Jun 28, 2018
Actually, I got an even better one.
This is a secret I have held to myself for years and now the kiwis will be the first one to hear it.

In response to a derogatory joke made by a friend that was just passing by, I flipped him off. Two police officers came over and accused another friend who was sitting next to me of flipping the bird. The police came off so aggressive that my friend came to believe that he actually flipped the middle finger. But it was me and I never told him the truth a dozen years later


the future is now whitey
Oct 4, 2018
First job I ever had working at McDonalds I use to fuck with this one cunts burger on a daily basis, including but not limited to spitting into her burger, mixxing some jizz in with mayo into her burger, dropping her burger on the floor and leaving it there for like half a minute. I did all this over a period of like a year or two and never got in trouble. Wonder if she ever realized or reported it.


pretends to be Russian for stickers
Sep 9, 2018
I went camping one time and made the mistake of setting up camp nearby a bunch of load, rich assholes who would party all fucking night. Knowing the cops would be useless I instead decided to spike their drinking water with some a ton of laxatives. To this day I still laugh at the sound of 8 young adults praying to God for an end to their ass explosions.

Kari Kamiya

"I beat her up, so I gave her a cuck-cup."
True & Honest Fan
Jan 12, 2017
Once kicked sand in a kid's eyes and never apologized, even when my mom was called up about my behavior. I don't remember why I did it, but the kid probably had it coming to him.


Osama bin Ladkin
Jul 7, 2015
I scammed some super poor black kids in 4th grade by selling them a bunch of shitty yugioh cards for like 50x what they were worth. I remember one of my "customers" kept getting black eyes towards the end of the thing, so he was either beaten up by other niglets for his cards, or by his mom for spending all his lunch money, because of me. Feels bad man (but not as bad as it would feel if they didn't grow into the same niggers that would rob 7-11s and shit).


Aug 11, 2017
Many many years ago, I was dating a guy I had grown to hate. So, I started cheating on him. I would always wear his favorite shirt over to the other guys house, and use it to clean up with.