Off-Topic The Official History of Australatina: A New Zealander's Account - Ex-Dictator's Propaganda and Rip-Off of Israel is a Lie

[Adamska]

So we all know what Phil did when it came to making up the history of Australatina; he just ripped off Israel and Palestine because apparently the idea of unrecognized states and ethnic clashes blew his mind. That he's also really stupid and really only got his stimming fix by sperging about roads and traffic really didn't help. But I've digressed.

In this thread, we will do what Phil is too mentally incapable of doing; we will make up our own history of Australatina, starting from the settlement of the island to the modern day Republic. Let's have fun and do some genuine world building. Or shitposting I should say since I know what the fuck site we are. The game's simple, we come up with a singular event and just write a shortish report on what it was; about 3-5 sentences or so. You can do more than one as well. Let me start to give you an idea:

1833-1835: The Federalista War. It rocked through the recently founded 1st Republic of Australatina as Liberales and Conservadors could not come to an agreement on whether or not the Republic should be based on the US' model of bimercal federal system, or the French model of a unitary centralized state. By the end of the war, the Liberales ultimately won, and were able to enforce the French System.

1862: The Pronunciamiento de Aguilar. After the disasterous handling of the Redleg Uprising in 1856 and the divisive elections that lead to a near civil war, Hernando de Aguilar, a popular general with his men due to his personal investment in their needs, marched on Santa Judas. He very quickly was able to work with jefes to establish a new state and effectively take control only three weeks later. He set up a junta and proceeded to reform the economic system, taking the nation into the modern age. His death in 1894 would spark the Australatine Revolution.

Just have fun with it.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

378 million years ago: The Great Race of Yith arrive and inhabit the bodies of terrestrial species; The Yithians conquer and imprison the spectral polyps under an part of Pangea that will one day form an obscure island in the Atlantic off the north American coast.

 

[Splendid]

OP forgot to mention thetans. 0/10

 

[Xanax]

I enjoy worldbuilding (particularly language construction) but I don't know enough about Phil's version of Australatina to contribute anything worthwhile, and the native language of Australatina is just Spanish which I don't know enough about to come up with a divergent dialect.

 

[Corn Sake]

the native language of Australatina is just Spanish which I don't know enough about

Don't worry, Phil doesn't know Spanish either.

 

[Xanax]

Don't worry, Phil doesn't know Spanish either.

I suppose if I just wrote what I assume Spanish looks like, based on my cursory knowledge of the phonology and grammar, it'd be pretty close to what Phil would come up with if he actually gave a fuck about Australatina beyond making edgy anti-imperialist statements.

 

[Adamska]

I enjoy worldbuilding (particularly language construction) but I don't know enough about Phil's version of Australatina to contribute anything worthwhile, and the native language of Australatina is just Spanish which I don't know enough about to come up with a divergent dialect.

You legit need to know nothing when world building here. Phil's so stupid and bad at it that the entire history of his shitty country was him taking Israel's history and changing the names of events; he's too retarded to do anything else.

Case in point; here's another historical event that I legit just came up with with only a few minutes of research to place a good date.

1721: The Formal Acquisition of Ciscadia. The newly ensconced Spanish Bourbons in one of the few bright spots in the War of the Quadruple Alliance was able to decisively gain the region of Ciscadia from the British due to a similar demographic majority that the British enjoyed against New France. This gain was formalized in the Treaty of Bern, which established that it would be officially granted to Spain in exchange for 5 million pounds sterling and a lowered tariff to British goods. This acquisition would begin the long drawn out and often tempestuous working relationship between Ciscadians and Austrolatines.

 

[Corn Sake]

I suppose if I just wrote what I assume Spanish looks like, based on my cursory knowledge of the phonology and grammar, it'd be pretty close to what Phil would come up with if he actually gave a fuck about Australatina beyond making edgy anti-imperialist statements.

Use Google Translate, that's what Phil uses. His whole body is riddled in garbled Spanish Google Translate phrases.

 

[Henry Bemis]

1903: Roads.

Just a lotta fuckin' roads.

 

[ON 190]

1903: Roads.

Just a lotta fuckin' roads.

2076: Cars for those roads.

Only three cars, though.

 

[Adamska]

1903: Roads.

Just a lotta fuckin' roads.

1903: The New Jersey Zinc Company alongside a series of other American and British mining consortiums take advantage of a still recovering from a revolution Australatina and carve out a strong presence in the economy. In this respect, they fund a series of roads and railroads into the interior of the country, to the Pesteco Range where veins of zinc, copper, and sulfur are in abundance. These calles corporativas would form the nucleus of a modern transportation network for a country that for all too often lacked the valuable resources of countries like Mexico, Venezuela, and Brazil. However, they would also become the root of a long running obsession with roads for the eventual communist dictator Philip Delici.

 

[nvrwastetree]

2076: Cars for those roads.

Only three cars, though.

2078: the nation's only three cars, once used by ex dictator Phillip Vincent Haskins-Delici (Isabel "Izzy hell" Rosa Arajo), have now been converted into fedoras with wheels at the ex dictators personal request. However, said request was denied due to ex dictator currently being in a nuclear pit.

2018: Before the 2018 primary elections, dictator Phillip Vincent Haskins-Delici declared war on the United States. His reason, "they (USA) have been deporting illegal immagrants back to Mexico, as well as separating families. The nation of Australatina will not stand for this!! So for every Hispanic/Latin person/family the US separates or deports, the nation of Australatina will kill one American citizen/visitor. Expect a fly over of the White House very shortly!"

Unfortunately, like many things, the dictators plan failed. The Eastern coast of Australatina was left undefended, which allowed American forces, and their allies to invade and free the American citizens before Phillip could execute his plan. The once weakend Air Force of Australatina has now been made virtually non-existent, for when dictator Phillip had them flyover the White House, they were immeadiatly intercepted and shot down, leading Australatina citizens to question what their dictators plan was to begin with.

Responding to this latest development, the stressed out and anxious dictator Phillip stated the following, "we will not stand for this! Out research and development branch has been working on Australatinas first (and only) nuclear missile that will be launched tomorrow, at the US capital. As for myself, this concludes the meeting. Now leave me alone, subcommendant Xochi and myself are going to work on Australatinas roadmaps." This was said as the dictator waddled away, which left citizens confused due to their dictator talking to thin air, nqd questioning the sanity of their leader. We will keep you updated of more devlopmebts.

2018: Australatinas very first nuclear missile launch ended in failure and a death toll. At launch, US scientists say that Australatina research and development, even though they successfully created their first nuclear warhead, forgot to research and development of a nuclear launch pad, which cause the launch and trajectory of said warhead to be non existent. The death toll is now in the thousands, with dictator Phillip stating the following, "this is not our countries, nor my fault. It's the fault of those US cis spy's sent over here."

 

[Adamska]

-2018 events-

Oh please, Phil hasn't ruined his shitty country since like May of 2016, when he postured like an ape by pretending his shitty country ate parts of Canada without getting airstriked and invaded to hell and back. I'd knock the last three events back by two or so years because of it.

Anyways:

May 2016: Operation Bolivar. After a failed invasion of the Canadian Maritime provinces due to irredentist claims loosely tied to Algonquin tribes living in the region to shore a rapidly destabilizing country, a UN response force headed mainly by Canadian and US forces invade Australatina to oust the clearly insane dictatorship of Philip Delici. The collapse of the Maoist Worker's Party's influence in the country was rapid, as angry and tired Australatines and Ciscadians united and worked with the UN forces to take control of the country. Ex-strongman Philip escaped via a tugboat and escaped the people's justice, hiding out as a bum in Portland. This resulted in the foundation of the Fourth Republic of Australatina.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

2016 saw a bloodless coup when the presidential palace was somehow taken by a single fat alcoholic transvestite.

 

[Adamska]

1974: The Night of Figs. Ever since the 1930s, Australatina had issues with communist banditry and insurgency. It was made all the worse by the heavy foreign control over the nation's industry, which formed a common sticking point for communists to rally support against. Since the 1960s Maoism became the most popular of the branches of communism, alongside the Partida de Obrero Maoistas, mainly due to the efforts of a figure only known by their nom de guerre la Pantera. The spark would be the failed Renacimiento Program headed by the Partida Rosada, who managed to successfully get elected in the 1960s as rising anti-imperialist sentiments rocked the nation. The US bombing of ports and a threatened intervention forced the Republic to stand down from nationalizing the mines, which led to an overnight coup and proclamation of the People's State of Australatina. This would spark a near world war as the PRC and Soviets backed the new government against the US, but tensions quickly cooled as the anti-war movement in the US was still strong over the failed war in Vietnam. This would begin over 40 years of suffering for the country.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

1701: the first Italian colonists arrive on the shores of Australatina. There they encounter the indigenous tribesman of the Wasabi dialect, an offshoot of the Algonquin language family. Initial contact was awkward but amiable, but this soon soured as the settlers began further encroaching into Wasabi land. Tensions reached a boiling point with the Battle of Bent Duck, where the settlers were wholly routed. Sadly, despite the valiant defenses of the Wasabi tribesmen, the settlers' increasing numbers and spread of Old World diseases all but wiped out the Wasabis.

 

[Adamska]

1894 - 1901: The Australatine Revolution. Hernando de Aguilar's role as Padre of Australatina lasted for over thirty years by the time of his death. While he was a modernizer and reformer, he was not above crushing dissent with heavy force. In his last years, he grew increasingly reliant on caciques and caudillos to manage the state due to dotage, and on his death these strongmen ripped the country apart to see who would win the spoils. The three main contenders were the Aquinistas, those who supported Gustavo Aquino and his religious populism; the Palomistas, those who backed Octavio Palomo and his belief in a decentralized anarchist commune; and lastly the Vargistas, those who backed Antonio Vargas and the rebirth of the Republic. Ultimately Vargas would win due to US support and establish the Third Republic... which led to their beginning economic stranglehold of the country.

 

[uncleShitHeel]

1800-Present Day.

New Zealand sends infiltrators. So many infiltrators.

 

[MasterDisaster]

Don't forget the strictly vegan diet lifestyle.
Pizza
Cheese
Soda
Five pounds of salad
Various condiment packets
Ramen noodles
Potatoes
Rice
Trees

 

[ToroidalBoat]

What about the potash industry?