The Retail Horror Thread 2: More Tales to Chill your Bones -

[Surtur]

In the Beginning…


So a long ass fucking time ago in a land known as former, I created a thread called “The Retail Horror Thread’ and within its sanctified halls I told tales of the Eldritch Abominations of Wal-Mart and the Unspeakable Horrors of PetSmart. Others joined in and there was much celebration of the idiocy of the people who walked into the retail outlets manned by various Kiwis. But then came the dark times, when forces conspired to destroy the Kiwis. The Tyrants that ran Forumer destroyed the forums, leaving nothing but tears and fading memories. However, since then a hero rose and redeemed Kiwis everywhere. From his great perch in the sky he said, “Let there be Coke Zero.” And he saw that it was good. Now Kiwis everywhere can rejoice once again.


How it came to be…

After I was discharged from the military I was in need of work, because apparently being a lean green killing machine was a skill set that did not translate well into the civilian job market sector. My aunt however, was a hiring manager at the local Wal-Mart. She pulled a few strings and next thing I know I have a full time overnight position at the Land of Ever Dropping Prices and/or Standards.

Night Shift in Electronics

I was to go to night shift Electronics but after finishing my CBT’s they made me stock shit in grocery instead, because the night shift manager was a no bullshit re’tard. However, the next night this was remedied and I was sent to the Fabled Land of Vidya and Movies that I assumed would be easier for me. I was so fucking wrong. My first mission was to organize the movies and CDs. I dutifully organized them alphabetically and saw that it was good. It took me hours but it was worth it. The next day it was fucked again. So forth I went to organize them once again and for many days did this battle continue before I said “Fuck it” and just made sure they were lined up straight.

Things Found Inside of DVD and CD Racks

*Half Eaten Candy Bar

*Empty Popcorn Chicken cup

*Various Clothing Items

*Tampons

*Used Tampons (WHY?!)

*Beer Cans (Our store did not sell beer)

*Used Diapers (DOUBLE WHY?!)

*Various Empty Packaging

*Dip Cup (FUCK RETAIL)


Anyways, more soon. I hope @Saney did not have to wait too long for this.

 

[yasscat]

This is one of those threads where I can instantly tell I'll want to keep tabs on it, if only for the lulz/terrifying mental images.

 

[sm0t]

Night Shift in Electronics

I was to go to night shift Electronics but after finishing my CBT’s they made me stock shit in grocery instead, because the night shift manager was a no bullshit re’tard. However, the next night this was remedied and I was sent to the Fabled Land of Vidya and Movies that I assumed would be easier for me. I was so fucking wrong. My first mission was to organize the movies and CDs. I dutifully organized them alphabetically and saw that it was good. It took me hours but it was worth it. The next day it was fucked again. So forth I went to organize them once again and for many days did this battle continue before I said “Fuck it” and just made sure they were lined up straight.

This was pretty much my experience working at GameStop. We had these godawful coroplast bins on the floor that not only could hold game cases inside but also had racks along the sides to hold even more cases that are the perfect height for grabby toddlers/kids to tear them all down to the floor (not to mention tear chunks of skin off my shins everytime I bumped into them). I had to pick them up and sort them at least five times a shift.

Things Found Inside of DVD and CD Racks

I've found a half-melted ice cream cup in the shelves of the PetCo I used to work at. As well as many pet food cans that have burst from rot/botulism.

In addition to finding errant tennis balls and rawhide pieces under the shelves, I've found petrified fish, frogs, and lizards while sweeping...on the other side of the store from where the reptiles, fish, and amphibians were kept.

Also apparently the store had to get the cops over to drag out a tweaker that was shooting up in the bathroom. This happened sometime after I had clocked out for the day so I missed the action.

 

[Saney]

In the Beginning…


So a long ass fucking time ago in a land known as former, I created a thread called “The Retail Horror Thread’ and within its sanctified halls I told tales of the Eldritch Abominations of Wal-Mart and the Unspeakable Horrors of PetSmart. Others joined in and there was much celebration of the idiocy of the people who walked into the retail outlets manned by various Kiwis. But then came the dark times, when forces conspired to destroy the Kiwis. The Tyrants that ran Forumer destroyed the forums, leaving nothing but tears and fading memories. However, since then a hero rose and redeemed Kiwis everywhere. From his great perch in the sky he said, “Let there be Coke Zero.” And he saw that it was good. Now Kiwis everywhere can rejoice once again.


How it came to be…

After I was discharged from the military I was in need of work, because apparently being a lean green killing machine was a skill set that did not translate well into the civilian job market sector. My aunt however, was a hiring manager at the local Wal-Mart. She pulled a few strings and next thing I know I have a full time overnight position at the Land of Ever Dropping Prices and/or Standards.

Night Shift in Electronics

I was to go to night shift Electronics but after finishing my CBT’s they made me stock shit in grocery instead, because the night shift manager was a no bullshit re’tard. However, the next night this was remedied and I was sent to the Fabled Land of Vidya and Movies that I assumed would be easier for me. I was so fucking wrong. My first mission was to organize the movies and CDs. I dutifully organized them alphabetically and saw that it was good. It took me hours but it was worth it. The next day it was fucked again. So forth I went to organize them once again and for many days did this battle continue before I said “Fuck it” and just made sure they were lined up straight.

Things Found Inside of DVD and CD Racks

*Half Eaten Candy Bar

*Empty Popcorn Chicken cup

*Various Clothing Items

*Tampons

*Used Tampons (WHY?!)

*Beer Cans (Our store did not sell beer)

*Used Diapers (DOUBLE WHY?!)

*Various Empty Packaging

*Dip Cup (FUCK RETAIL)


Anyways, more soon. I hope @Saney did not have to wait too long for this.

You, Surtur.

 

[AnOminous]

When I worked in a Weis Markets grocery store, they would routinely take the meat on those styrofoam trays wrapped in cellophane with the dates and stuff on the sticker, rip the wrap off, then re-wrap it and put a new date on it when it was a few days old. So that shit you bought that said it was wrapped that day could have been a couple weeks old.

Oh, also, they'd mix up the ground beef, and shove that near-rotten gray stuff into the inside and put the red stuff on the outside, so it would look new. Meanwhile, it was foul and decaying, and the whole butcher room smelled like rotting corpses.

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

While working for a movie theater, I would find a bizarre variety of items left under seats after shows ended. Knives, wallets, and the like were common, but of one of the stranger things I found was one of those clamshell packages they sell rotisserie chickens in, filled with bones. It doesn't sound too crazy at first, but management was incredibly strict about outside food. We were required to get people to leave backpacks, shopping bags, and most anything bigger than a purse at the front desk before entering, and you were written up for forgetting to do so, since concessions is almost all of their profits.
How did someone get an entire chicken inside? Who eats a whole rotisserie chicken as a movie snack? Did they hide it on their person somehow, or did they slip a fucking chicken in a purse? I still wonder about it sometimes...

 

[AnimuGinger]

You are a true hero in more ways than one.

 

[AnOminous]

While working for a movie theater, I would find a bizarre variety of items left under seats after shows ended. Knives, wallets, and the like were common, but of one of the stranger things I found was one of those clamshell packages they sell rotisserie chickens in, filled with bones. It doesn't sound too crazy at first, but management was incredibly strict about outside food. We were required to get people to leave backpacks, shopping bags, and most anything bigger than a purse at the front desk before entering, and you were written up for forgetting to do so, since concessions is almost all of their profits.
How did someone get an entire chicken inside? Who eats a whole rotisserie chicken as a movie snack? Did they hide it on their person somehow, or did they slip a fucking chicken in a purse? I still wonder about it sometimes...

Really? Just getting a chicken inside was tough? Because this reminds me of a time I saw Terminator 2.

We brought in two full chickens from a local Kenny Rogers, and some dude stole a couple bottles of Stoli.

Then we openly smoked dope and drank them and generally acted like total dicks through the whole movie.

This was in Wyoming.

The cowboys who wanted to kick our asses before our speedy escape while the credits rolled were an issue. The supposedly strict management wasn't.

 

[Strewth]

I worked at French Connection for a while, and we would constantly have the same four/five people coming in and trying to steal stuff.

It was ridiculous really, because we recognised them and they recognised us. It wasn't even a big shop. Some people really just do no give a solitary shit.

 

[Surtur]

I worked at French Connection for a while, and we would constantly have the same four/five people coming in and trying to steal stuff.

It was ridiculous really, because we recognised them and they recognised us. It wasn't even a big shop. Some people really just do no give a solitary shit.

This actually reminds me of a story...

Surtur and the Clueless Thief

Winter was quickly approaching and getting ready for the Christmas sales was a bitch when you only had two people to stock the entire electronics department. This would not have been so bad, had we not had to deal with legions of thieves. One day me and my partner are stocking shelves when it was time for my break. As I was leaving. I noticed that someone had pried the DS from the DS display. Moments before, we had noticed an obese Mexican man in the area and when we talked to the boss, he checked the cameras. That guy took the DS. We were not in trouble as he knew we were too busy to keep an eye on that and we let it go.

The next night was less busy. We had stocked everything the night before so it was more a matter of cleaning up and taking care of returns. I was behind the counter when I was approached by a familiar, fat face. The thief had returned and was asking to buy a game for the fucking DS he stole. I was stunned, I could not believe that he would be stupid enough to return to the scene of the crime and to purchase software for the fucking DS he stole. I told him I did not have the keys (a lie) and needed to get someone else. I went to the manager, who sent me on break while he took care of it. He went out and banned the guy from the store.

The next day, I was off but when I returned one of my co-workers informed me that he had returned yet again for reasons beyond me. Apparently they chased him out of the store.

 

[AnOminous]

I used to know junkies and they were some of the more brazen thieves I've ever seen. I knew one guy, who could pass for a businessman if you didn't notice how gaunt and haggard he was, who would literally steal the highest ticket item he could find in the electronics section of a Sam Goody, then literally just walk it over to the customer service section and somehow convince them to give him the full value of it as a "refund" and then blow it on smack.

This is not possible. It does not happen. But I've seen it happen.

I don't think Sam Goody even exists any more. Maybe this is part of why.

 

[littlebiscuits]

I think I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again because I love it.

Long ago, when I still I worked at Gamestop, I had a customer come and try to buy a psvita game for her son. Only problem? Her son didn't have a vita. He had a PSP. I tried to explain this.

Woman: "Will this work with my son's system?"

Me: "No, unfortunately the game you picked is for a new, updated system called the PS Vita. I can help you find a similar game for his PSP or you could look into maybe upgrading to a vita." (Also: I kick ass at retail. True facts.)

"Well, we'll buy this now and just take it home and try."

"Mmm, no, the problem with that is that the vita game your holding there actually doesn't even work in the PSP. It would be like trying to play a DVD in a tape player."

"You never know until you try, though!" And man, she was soooo confident that this was going to work, let me tell you. She had the most smug expression on her face, like she knew I was just trying to bully her into a sale.

"Well, no, again, this is a completely different kind of game. This is a small chip and the PSP takes little round circles, or 'disks'". (More facts about me: I am also a huge bitch.) She snorted and rolled her eyes. She bought the game. Later, another gamestop in our district got a call from a customer who wanted to know our return policy, because she had jammed a little vita game into a PSP's disk drive and now everything was broken.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I haven't had a retail job, just tutoring and receptionist work, but my mom has accumulated some really great stories over the years.
There used to be a shitty chain called Newberry's that she worked at when I was a baby. She has vivid memories of people changing their babies in the towel aisle ON THE TOWELS THEMSELVES before folding them back up with the shitty diapers still inside.

Now she works at Whole Foods, where the customers are shitty in a less literal sense.

 

[ASoulMan]

Nobody in my family to my knowledge has ever worked at a retail store, but once my mother saw someone visit our local Walmart wearing nothing but a hospital gown and had an IV with them. Why the fuck they were out of a hospital or their home like that, I have no idea.

 

[littlebiscuits]

I think it's time for me to share the story of Extreme Gamestop Kid. (henceforth known as EGK). This is a long(ish) story, so I'll spoiler it!

Spoiler: Extreme Gamestop Kid

So, wayyyy back while I was in college, I worked at Gamestop. I actually had a great experience, I loved the people I worked with and it kept me from starving on the streets AND it provided me with healthcare- so that was pretty useful. But there was this one customer who just drove me up the wall.


Okay, so EGK realllly liked him some vidya. Like, really liked them. Way more than he liked showering and deodorant, but a bit less than he liked Big Macs, if you catch my drift. He had the classic eau de fedora, complete with cool ranch dorito breath - but that wasn't what made him my absolute least favorite customer. This kid was absolutely obsessed with the local Gamestops and all the people who worked in them. He knew ALL the employees by name, and spend every free moment of his breathing down our necks trying to talk to us about his precious vidya.


Almost everyday, he'd stroll into our gamestop around 11 or twelve and would hang around till about four, at which point he'd go back to his parents house for dinner.... and a lot of times he would return to gamestop till we finally closed around 9:30.


His life dream was to work at Gamestop. Every single day he asked if we were hiring and when I told him were weren't, he would ignore me and go into a thirty minute speech about how he would make the best employee Gamestop has ever had. But I couldn't hire him even if I wanted too. He had previously been arrested for shoplifting and had no retail experience – or any job experience, really, which was a big no-no for potential Gamestop employees.


Never the less he flat out pretended that he worked for the company. He would stand as close to the counter as possible and awkwardly insert himself into every conversation the other employees and I would have with each other.


Me: “Wait, is shipment coming today? I though they said that they were coming on Wednesdays now, but it's almost five and......?”


Other employee, “Yeah, they did, I don't know what's happening with that, but Shipment Guy definitely said -”


EGK “Is there a problem with shipments again! UGGGH that guy is the worst! God, I don't even believe in God, but God, why don't they just fire him already? He makes our lives so difficult! Why do people like him even have to exist?”


Other employee: “Dude, you don't even work here.”


EGK, “But I might soon, so....”


He also never bought anything. Ever. He spent an insane amount of time browsing and picking out games, but never, ever did he purchase any – and he seemed hell bent on making sure none of my other customers did either. If any customer ever tried to even look at a game that EGK didn't like he absolutely chimp out and follow them around trying to whining about how absolutely terrible said game was, and how they would be tooootally lame if they bought it. Once he even freaked out when a mentally handicapped woman tried to buy herself a Littlest Pet Shoppe game.


“Littlest Pet Shoppe! I like the blue one. That one!”she told me.

“The blue one is fun, but you know what? That's actually the one you already have, that's the one in your DS. Do you want to pick out a different one, maybe? How bout the pink version?” I was also prepared to recommend a few other games in case that didn't work out. I knew how to do my job, and I know how to treat people with respect, even if they are slow. But EGK apparently felt that this was his moment to shine, so he stepped in to “assist” me.

“You know-” he interjected in his usual smug (yet whiny) way, “Animal crossing Wild World would be a be a better option for her. Littlest Pet Shop is a shuffleware money-grab. I mean, what is the game play even like? With Animal Crossing at least you can-”

“You know what EGK? I think she wants to go with Littlest Pet Shop. I think that's going to be her choice regardless of your opinion.”

“I like the finding the puppies,” my customer added.

“You see? She wants to find the puppies.” A bit bitchy maybe, but I had been dealing with him talking my customers out of games allll week and I just couldn't take it any longer.

“That's retarded. If you want item retrieval, there are wayyyy-”

“You can't call me retarded. I'm not retarded. I have a job,” my customer informed him.

“Here that EGK? She has a job. Do you have a job, EGK?”

“I submitted my application-”

“And didn't get hired. So I think we should let the woman buy her Littlest Pet Shop, with the money that she makes at her job, don't you?” Again, bitchy, but eh.

“I'll get pink one. Green one next?” she asked.

“That sounds like a great plan. That's a really good idea.” I told her. And then I rang her out, because again, I actually worked there, unlike EGK.

Honestly though. EGK drove me crazy. It was just every little thing, every friggin' day. I snapped, but it felt awesome. And I didn't get in trouble for it, because I was a Gamestop employee and therefore totally divinely benevolent in his eyes. He would have walked through fire before complaining.

Also, everyone I ever meet is a lolcow. Why is that?

 

[Surtur]

I think it's time for me to share the story of Extreme Gamestop Kid. (henceforth known as EGK). This is a long(ish) story, so I'll spoiler it!

Spoiler: Extreme Gamestop Kid

So, wayyyy back while I was in college, I worked at Gamestop. I actually had a great experience, I loved the people I worked with and it kept me from starving on the streets AND it provided me with healthcare- so that was pretty useful. But there was this one customer who just drove me up the wall.


Okay, so EGK realllly liked him some vidya. Like, really liked them. Way more than he liked showering and deodorant, but a bit less than he liked Big Macs, if you catch my drift. He had the classic eau de fedora, complete with cool ranch dorito breath - but that wasn't what made him my absolute least favorite customer. This kid was absolutely obsessed with the local Gamestops and all the people who worked in them. He knew ALL the employees by name, and spend every free moment of his breathing down our necks trying to talk to us about his precious vidya.


Almost everyday, he'd stroll into our gamestop around 11 or twelve and would hang around till about four, at which point he'd go back to his parents house for dinner.... and a lot of times he would return to gamestop till we finally closed around 9:30.


His life dream was to work at Gamestop. Every single day he asked if we were hiring and when I told him were weren't, he would ignore me and go into a thirty minute speech about how he would make the best employee Gamestop has ever had. But I couldn't hire him even if I wanted too. He had previously been arrested for shoplifting and had no retail experience – or any job experience, really, which was a big no-no for potential Gamestop employees.


Never the less he flat out pretended that he worked for the company. He would stand as close to the counter as possible and awkwardly insert himself into every conversation the other employees and I would have with each other.


Me: “Wait, is shipment coming today? I though they said that they were coming on Wednesdays now, but it's almost five and......?”


Other employee, “Yeah, they did, I don't know what's happening with that, but Shipment Guy definitely said -”


EGK “Is there a problem with shipments again! UGGGH that guy is the worst! God, I don't even believe in God, but God, why don't they just fire him already? He makes our lives so difficult! Why do people like him even have to exist?”


Other employee: “Dude, you don't even work here.”


EGK, “But I might soon, so....”


He also never bought anything. Ever. He spent an insane amount of time browsing and picking out games, but never, ever did he purchase any – and he seemed hell bent on making sure none of my other customers did either. If any customer ever tried to even look at a game that EGK didn't like he absolutely chimp out and follow them around trying to whining about how absolutely terrible said game was, and how they would be tooootally lame if they bought it. Once he even freaked out when a mentally handicapped woman tried to buy herself a Littlest Pet Shoppe game.


“Littlest Pet Shoppe! I like the blue one. That one!”she told me.

“The blue one is fun, but you know what? That's actually the one you already have, that's the one in your DS. Do you want to pick out a different one, maybe? How bout the pink version?” I was also prepared to recommend a few other games in case that didn't work out. I knew how to do my job, and I know how to treat people with respect, even if they are slow. But EGK apparently felt that this was his moment to shine, so he stepped in to “assist” me.

“You know-” he interjected in his usual smug (yet whiny) way, “Animal crossing Wild World would be a be a better option for her. Littlest Pet Shop is a shuffleware money-grab. I mean, what is the game play even like? With Animal Crossing at least you can-”

“You know what EGK? I think she wants to go with Littlest Pet Shop. I think that's going to be her choice regardless of your opinion.”

“I like the finding the puppies,” my customer added.

“You see? She wants to find the puppies.” A bit bitchy maybe, but I had been dealing with him talking my customers out of games allll week and I just couldn't take it any longer.

“That's retarded. If you want item retrieval, there are wayyyy-”

“You can't call me retarded. I'm not retarded. I have a job,” my customer informed him.

“Here that EGK? She has a job. Do you have a job, EGK?”

“I submitted my application-”

“And didn't get hired. So I think we should let the woman buy her Littlest Pet Shop, with the money that she makes at her job, don't you?” Again, bitchy, but eh.

“I'll get pink one. Green one next?” she asked.

“That sounds like a great plan. That's a really good idea.” I told her. And then I rang her out, because again, I actually worked there, unlike EGK.

Honestly though. EGK drove me crazy. It was just every little thing, every friggin' day. I snapped, but it felt awesome. And I didn't get in trouble for it, because I was a Gamestop employee and therefore totally divinely benevolent in his eyes. He would have walked through fire before complaining.

Also, everyone I ever meet is a lolcow. Why is that?

I want to hear more about this kid. Also, why the fuck was he not at home playing vidya instead of being at GameStop?

 

[EI 903]

I want to hear more about this kid. Also, why the fuck was he not at home playing vidya instead of being at GameStop?

The story would gain another layer of pathetic if he didn't own any game systems.

 

[sugoi-chan]

Couple of stories:

Baby Shit

Was a cashier at a supermarket. Lady comes up, cart full of stuff, baby in her arm. I don't notice this at the time, but the baby has no diaper on. She sets the baby down on the far end of the conveyor belt and holds him in place with one hand while she's loading stuff onto the belt with the other. She gets like two cans onto the belt before the baby lets loose a huge (for a baby), runny shit. I'm so busy trying not to puke on everything that I don't stop the belt in time and the liquid puddle of shit goes underneath the edge and runs down into the gears and whatever else are under the belt. Whatever does drip off then comes around the other side.

They had to shut down that register for a couple of days. The lady, once she realized what had happened, took the kid and left before anyone could stop her. To this day, zero idea why the kid had no diaper on.

The Omen

Several years after the supermarket, I was working at a convenience store, third shift. This was in 2006 and was a few days before the movie The Omen came out. This is important.

Early in my shift, kid comes in and asks for a single cigar. I card him. ID says that his birthday is the next day (as in, twenty minutes from then). He tells me, "Do the math man. Yeah. I turn 21 in twenty fucking minutes man. My friends are taking me out to get waaaasted. I'm gonna be like the fucking Omen man. The world ain't ready for me to turn fucking 21." I wish him a happy birthday and he leaves.

A couple of hours later, he returns. And he was, indeed, waaaaasted. Stumbling all over, bleary. His (very sober and very embarrassed) friend had to open the store door for him, wait while he leaned against my counter to steady himself (and proceeded to knock over a display), then had to help him get into the bathroom. Friend helped me clean up the mess, apologized. Drunk kid comes back out of the bathroom, sees me, yells, "IM THE FUCKING OMEN MAN YEAH TOLD YOU I WRECKED YEAH OMEN!" and stuff similar.

The Drunk

Same convenience store. Drunk as fuck adult wanders into the store, goes to the milkshake machine and gets himself one. Takes him four tries to get the straw into the cup, and he only managed it on the fourth because he stuck the straw into his mouth and lowered his head down into the cup like one of those drinky birds. Paid by throwing his credit card at the register and just kept walking out the store. As soon as he's out, I'm over to the window to make sure that he's not driving. He stops to talk to this guy who just pulled up then goes and gets into the drivers seat of a truck. I call the cops. He puts his car into reverse, sideswipes the rear end of the car of the guy he just talked to and makes it out onto the road. A few seconds later, one of the local cops goes screaming down the road after him.

Couple of hours later, cop comes in to get his coffee (convenience store was out in the middle of nowhere, sorta. Just off a highway exit, but there was nothing but forests and farms for a couple of miles in every direction. We made sure cops were always nearby by giving them free coffee and fountain drinks) and tells us that the guy had driven off the side of a bridge (little thing in the road that crossed a tiny creek) and ended up in the creekbed. When the cops got to him, he wasn't hurt and was screaming in a drunken rage at the "road" for being "shit".

The Flirt

I learned this one fairly early on: three friends go to a store. Two go inside, one stays out in the car (technically, I guess, you don't even need the friend out in the car if it's dark). One of the friends says to the cashier, "My friend out there thinks you're cute." While the cashier is straining his neck to see the friend who thinks he's cute and not paying attention to anything, the friend completely out of the cashier's view starts pocketing candy and such from the counter.

Two people pulled this on me, one male, one female. I'm male, for the record. Male friend says "My friend out in the car thinks you're cute." I reply, without looking away from the transaction I'm ringing up, "Uh huh. What's her name?" "Heather," he says. I say to him, "Well...let Heather know that I'm not really into her if you catch my drift." And I give him a flirty look.

His face goes from confusion to recognition to horror in about one second. He grabs the other friend and drags her out of the store. I hear him yell "FUCKING FAGGOT!" as he pulls the car away.

 

[sugoi-chan]

Couple of more I remembered:

The Clothes

I was working at Walmart as a cashier. I don't know if you've ever spent a lot of time in one of those stores, but clothes lose their tag ALL the time. You're supposed to have one of the floor managers or someone go do a price check and they come back with one of the tags for scanning, but more often than not, we'd just ask the customer "Do you remember the price?" and punch it in. Floor managers at my store were too busy sucking Managerial cock in the back office to be useful so it took forever.

Anyway, when you punch in a manual price, you have to type a description for the item for the receipt. All of the normal register buttons on our units have these little tags on them that indicate, when you press a modifier, they function as that letter. If you press, say, Keyboard and then Void, you'll get a B. Except the labels were all fucked up on my register. Letters were missing or in the wrong place and I was trying to type CLOTHES and kept mistyping it. CLA, CLOK, CLOG, CLOTL, etc etc. Each time you fucked up, you had to void it and try again.

The customer in question was like the epitome of the sweet ol' southern lady stereotype. (I was living in the south at the time). She was with her daughter. Woman looks to the daughter, says "Bless him, he's slow," in that tone that only Sweet Ol' Southern Ladies can pull of that is both pitying and superior and proceeds to loudly and slowly spell out the word CLOTHES for me.

I only worked at the Walmart for a few months while I lived in the south. Surprisingly, I don't have a whole lot of Walmart horror stories, save for the time where I was almost gay bashed.

Oh, and a pair of Best Buy stories too.

Was working in the cellphone department. Hear really loud yelling. Guy at the front gate with a huge, heavy looking box in his hand is being moved out the door by security and a couple of managers. Guy is screaming about something. He breaks free of their grasp, yells, "WELL FUCK YOU COCKSUCKERS" and throws the box down, spilling a computer and peripherals. Turns out he was trying to return a computer he had bought three years previous and was angry that he couldn't.

There's also the guy who was buying a couple hundred dollars worth of crap. Payed with an unsigned credit card. When they're unsigned, you have to ask for ID. I do so and he snatches the card out of my hand, yells "I DONT NEED TO SHOW MY ID TO SOMEONE WHO MAKES MINIMUM WAGE" and marches out of the store.

EDIT - There was also the guy who brought his computer to be fixed at the Geek Squad. They identified the problem as a failing harddrive and were doing this disk copy thing to copy the data to the replacement drive. Guy running the process looks through some of the pictures. He's not supposed to, but he does. Discovers a huuuuuuge child pornography stash. I forget the exact count, but there were more than a thousand pictures. In a folder. On the desktop. Called "Child porn".

Cops were called, guy was arrested.

 

[OtterParty]