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The Spooky Thread -

Cosmos

Cosmos

Soldier of Love and Bitching on the Internet
Local Moderator
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
It's that time of the year again. Halloween is just around the corner and if you're anything like me, you're in the mood for some creepy, spooky stories, movies, pictures, etc. I thought this thread could be a place where we share our favorite things!

To start things off, Sixpenceee is an awesome blog devoted to all things creepy/bizarre/horror/paranormal. I recommend browsing the "masterpost" tag first. There's days worth of entertainment there.

Next, here's a list of creepypasta/short horror stories I recommend (note: I bolded all the stories I consider to be the best):

First off are the “true” creepypastas, or stories that have no known author, just like IRL urban legends.
And here are my favorites from the King of Creepypasta, Slimebeast. Seriously, his stories are fantastic; in my opinion (and in many others’), he’s the best creepypasta author out there.
And these are from No Sleep on Reddit. No Sleep is one of the best resources of short horror fiction and I highly recommend looking around!

Also, here are a ton of awesome short horror films. Again, the best ones are bolded.

*All of the “T is for” films were created as part of a competition for the Drafthouse film “The ABCs of Death” where the letter T was up for grabs)*

That should be enough to start things off! Have fun!
 
Red

Red

I screwed up my future by becoming a lolcow.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I enjoyed the shit out of Soma of you want a spooky game. However I did find a lot of the gameplay distracted from the awesome story they'd set up. The concept would've been better as a movie or comic, in my opinion.

Sixpenceee is fun but a lot of the stuff they post is either misleading, false or stolen from other sources, so take it with a grain of salt.
 
Zorceror44

Zorceror44

Archmage of the Guild of Zorcery
kiwifarms.net
A year ago, searched the original Jeff The Killer story on Gizoogle, a search engine that translates all results into gangster slang. This was the result

Excerpt from a local Shitpaper:

OMINOUS UNKNOWN KILLER IS STILL AT LARGE.

After weekz of unexplained murders, tha ominous unknown killa is still on tha rise fo' realz. After lil evidence has been found, a lil' pimp states dat da perved-out muthafucka survived one of tha killerz attacks n' bravely drops some lyrics ta his story.

"I had a wack trip n' I raised up in tha middle of tha night," say tha boy, "I saw dat fo' some reason tha window was open, even though I remember it bein closed before I went ta bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I gots up n' shut it once mo' n' mo' n' mo' fo' realz. Afterwards, I simply crawled under mah covers n' tried ta git back ta chill. Thatz when I had a strange feeling, like one of mah thugs was watchin mah dirty ass. I looked up, n' nearly jumped outta mah bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! There, up in tha lil ray of light, illuminatin from between mah curtains, was a pair of two eyes. These weren't regular eyes; they was dark, ominous eyes. They was bordered up in black and... just plain up terrified mah dirty ass. Thatz when I saw his crazy-ass grill fo' realz. A long, horrendous smile dat made every last muthafuckin afro on mah body stand up. Da figure stood there, watchin mah dirty ass. Finally, afta what tha fuck seemed like forever, da perved-out muthafucka holla'd it fo' realz. A simple phrase yo, but holla'd up in a way only a mad playa could speak.

"Dude holla'd, 'Go To Sleep.' I let up a scream, thatz what tha fuck busted his ass all up in mah grill yo. Dude pulled up a knife; aimin at mah ass yo. Dude jumped on top of mah bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I fought his ass back; I kicked, I socked, I rolled around, tryin ta knock his ass off mah dirty ass. Thatz when mah daddy busted in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da playa threw tha knife, it went tha fuck into mah dadz shoulder n' shit. Da playa probably would've finished his ass off, if one of tha neighbors hadn't alerted tha police.

"They drove tha fuck into tha parkin lot, n' ran towardz tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da playa turned n' ran down tha hallway. I heard a smash, like glass breakin fo' realz. As I came outta mah room, I saw tha window dat was pointin towardz tha back of mah doggy den was broken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I looked up it ta peep his ass vanish tha fuck into tha distance. I can rap one thang, I aint NEVER gonna forget dat face. Those cold, evil eyes, n' dat psychotic smile. They aint NEVER gonna leave mah head."

Popo is still on tha look fo' dis man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If you peep mah playas dat fits tha description up in dis story, please contact yo' local five-o department.

Jeff n' his crew had just moved tha fuck into a freshly smoked up hood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! His daddy had gotten a promotion at work, n' they thought it would be dopest ta live up in one of dem "fancy" hoods. Jeff n' his brutha Liu couldn't diss though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce fo' realz. A new, mo' betta house. What was not ta love, biatch? As they was gettin unpacked, one of they neighbors came by.

"Hello," her big-ass booty holla'd, "I be Barbara; I live across tha street from yo thugged-out ass. Well, I just wanted ta introduce mah self n' ta introduce mah son." Biatch turns round n' calls her lil hustla over n' shit. "Bizzley, these is our freshly smoked up neighbors." Bizzley holla'd hi n' ran back ta play up in his yard.

"Well," holla'd Jeffz mom, "I be Margaret, n' dis is mah homeboy Peter, n' mah two sons, Jeff n' Liu." They each introduced theyselves, n' then Barbara invited dem ta her sonz birthday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Jeff n' his brutha was bout ta object, when they mutha holla'd dat they would ludd to. When Jeff n' his crew is done packing, Jeff went up ta his crazy-ass momma.

"Mom, why would you invite our asses ta some kidz party, biatch? If you aint noticed, I aint some dumb kid."

"Jeff," holla'd his crazy-ass mother, "Us playas just moved here; we should show dat we wanna spend time wit our neighbors. Now, we goin ta dat party, n' thatz final." Jeff started ta rap yo, but stopped his dirty ass, knowin dat his schmoooove ass couldn't do anything. Whenever his crazy-ass momma holla'd something, dat shiznit was final. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack yo. Dude strutted up ta his bangin room n' plopped down on his bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude sat there lookin at his ceilin when suddenly, he gots a weird feeling. Not so much a pain yo, but... a weird feelin yo. Dude dissed n' dismissed it as just some random feelin yo. Dude heard his crazy-ass mutha call his ass down ta git his stuff, n' da thug strutted down ta git dat shit.

Da next day, Jeff strutted down stairs ta git breakfast n' gots locked n loaded fo' school fo' realz. As da perved-out muthafucka sat there, smokin his breakfast, he once again n' again n' again gots dat feeling. This time dat shiznit was stronger n' shit. Well shiiiit, it gave his ass a slight tuggin pain yo, but he once again n' again n' again dissed n' dismissed it fo' realz. As he n' Liu finished breakfast, they strutted down ta tha bus stop. They sat there waitin fo' tha bus, n' then, all of a sudden, some kid on a skateboard jumped over them, only inches above they laps. They both jumped back up in surprise. "Yo, what tha fuck tha hell?"

Da kid landed n' turned back ta em yo. Dude kicked his skate board up n' caught it wit his hands. Da kid seems ta be bout twelve; one year younger than Jeff yo. Dude wears a Aeropostale hoodie n' ripped blue jeans.

"Well, well, well. Well shiiiit, it be lookin like we gots some freshly smoked up meat." Suddenly, two other lil playas rocked up. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! One was supa skinny n' tha other was huge. "Well, since you freshly smoked up here, I'd like ta introduce ourselves, over there is Keith." Jeff n' Liu looked over ta tha skinny kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude had a thugged-out dopey grill dat you would expect a sidekick ta have. "And he Troy." They looked over all up in tha fat kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Talk on some tub of lard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This kid looked like dat schmoooove muthafucka hadn't exercised since da thug was crawling.

"And I," holla'd tha straight-up original gangsta kid, "am Randy. Now, fo' all tha lil playas up in dis hood there be a lil' small-ass price fo' bus fare, if you catch mah drift." Liu stood up, locked n loaded ta punch tha lights outta tha kidz eyes when one of his wild lil' playaz pulled a knife on his muthafuckin ass. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, I had hoped you would be mo' cooperatizzle yo, but it seems we must do dis tha hard way." Da kid strutted up ta Liu n' took his wallet outta his thugged-out lil' pocket. Jeff gots dat feelin again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Now, dat shiznit was truly strong; a funky-ass burnin sensation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude stood up yo, but Liu gestured his ass ta sit tha fuck down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Jeff ignored his ass n' strutted up ta tha kid.

"Listen here you lil punk, give back mah broz wallet or else." Randy put tha wallet up in his thugged-out lil' pocket n' pulled up his own knife.

"Oh, biatch? And what tha fuck will you do?" Just as he finished tha sentence, Jeff popped tha kid up in tha nozzle fo' realz. As Randy reached fo' his wild lil' face, Jeff grabbed tha kidz wrist n' broke dat shit. Randy screamed n' Jeff grabbed tha knife from his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Troy n' Keith rushed Jeff yo, but Jeff was too quick yo. Dude threw Randy ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Keith lashed up at his ass yo, but Jeff ducked n' jabbed his ass up in tha arm. Keith dropped his knife n' fell tha fuck ta tha ground screaming. Troy rushed his ass too yo, but Jeff didn't even need tha knife yo. Dude just socked Troy straight up in tha stomach n' Troy went down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As he fell, he puked all over n' shit. Liu could do not a god damn thang but look up in amazement at Jeff.

"Jeff how'd yo slick ass?" dat was all da perved-out muthafucka holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They saw tha bus comin n' knew they'd be blamed fo' tha whole thang. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So they started hustlin as fast as they could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As they ran, they looked back n' saw tha bus driver rushin over ta Randy n' tha others fo' realz. As Jeff n' Liu juiced it up ta school, they didn't dare tell what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! All they did was sit n' listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Liu just thought of dat as his brutha whoopin up all dem lil playas yo, but Jeff knew dat shiznit was mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Dat shiznit was something, freaky fo' realz. As he gots dat feelin he felt how tha fuck bangin it was, tha urge ta just, hurt one of mah thugs yo. Dude didn't like how tha fuck it sounded yo, but his schmoooove ass couldn't help feelin horny yo. Dude felt dat strange feelin go away, n' stay away fo' tha entire dizzle of school. Even as da thug strutted home cuz of tha whole thang near tha bus stop, n' how tha fuck now he probably wouldn't be takin tha bus no mo', he felt horny. When he gots home his thugged-out lil' muthafathas axed his ass how tha fuck his fuckin lil' dizzle was, n' da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, up in a somewhat ominous voice, "Dat shiznit was a straight-up dope day." Next morning, dat schmoooove muthafucka heard a knock at his wild lil' front door yo. Dude strutted down ta find two five-o fools all up in tha door, his crazy-ass mutha lookin back at his ass wit a mad salty look.

"Jeff, these fools tell me dat you beat down three kids. That it wasn't regular fighting, n' dat they was jabbed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Stabbed, son!" Jeffz gaze fell tha fuck ta tha floor, showin his crazy-ass mutha dat dat shiznit was true.

"Mom, they was tha ones whoz ass pulled tha knives on me n' Liu."

"Son," holla'd one of tha cops," We found three kids, two jabbed, one havin a funky-ass bruise on his stomach, n' our crazy asses have witnesses provin dat you fled tha scene. Now, what tha fuck do dat tell us?" Jeff knew dat shiznit was no use yo. Dude could say his ass n' Liu had been beat down yo, but then there was no proof dat shiznit was not dem whoz ass beat down first. They couldn't say dat they weren't fleeing, cuz truth be holla'd at they were, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So Jeff couldn't defend his dirty ass or Liu.

"Son, call down yo' brother." Jeff couldn't do it, since dat shiznit was his ass whoz ass beat up all tha kids.

"Sir, dat shit...it was mah dirty ass. I was tha one whoz ass beat up tha kids. Liu tried ta hold mah crazy ass back yo, but his schmoooove ass couldn't stop mah dirty ass." Da cop looked at his thugged-out lil' partner n' they both nod.

"Well kid, be lookin like a year up in Juvy..."

"Wait!" say Liu fo'sho. They all looked up ta peep his ass holdin a knife. Da fools pulled they glocks n' locked dem on Liu.

"Dat shiznit was me, I beat up dem lil punks yo. Have tha marks ta prove dat shit." Dude lifted up his sleeves ta reveal cuts n' bruises, as if da thug was up in a struggle.

"Son, just put tha knife down," holla'd tha fool. Liu held up tha knife n' dropped it ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude put his handz up n' strutted over ta tha cops.

"No Liu, dat shiznit was me biaaatch! I did dat shiznit son!" Jeff had tears hustlin down his wild lil' face.

"Huh, skanky bro. Tryin ta take tha blame fo' what tha fuck I done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well, take me away." Da five-o hustled Liu up ta tha patrol car.

"Liu, tell dem dat shiznit was me biaaatch! Tell them! I was tha one whoz ass beat up dem kids!" Jeffz mutha put her handz on his shoulders.

"Jeff please, you don't gotta lie. We know itz Liu, you can stop." Jeff peeped helplessly as tha cop hoopty speedz off wit Liu inside fo' realz. A few minutes later Jeffz daddy pulled tha fuck into tha driveway, seein Jeffz grill n' knowin suttin' was wrong.

"Son, lil hustla what tha fuck is it?" Jeff couldn't answer n' shiznit yo. His vocal cordz was strained from bustin up. Instead, Jeffz mutha strutted his wild lil' daddy inside ta break tha wack shizzle ta his ass as Jeff wept up in tha driveway fo' realz. After a minute or so Jeff strutted back up in ta tha house, seein dat his thugged-out lil' muthafathas was both shocked, sad, n' pissed tha fuck off. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time yo. Dude couldn't peep em yo. Dude couldn't peep how tha fuck they thought of Liu when dat shiznit was his wild lil' fault yo. Dude just went ta chill, tryin ta git tha whole thang off his crazy-ass mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Two minutes went by, wit no word from Liu at JDC. No playaz ta ride with. Nothang but sadnizz n' guilt. That is until Saturday, when Jeff is raised up by his crazy-ass mother, wit a happy, sunshiny face.

"Jeff, itz tha day." her big-ass booty holla'd as she opened up tha curtains n' let light flood tha fuck into his bangin room.

"What, whatz todizzle?" axed Jeff as da perved-out muthafucka stirs awake.

"Why, itz Bizzleyz party." Dude was now straight-up awake.

"Mom, you clownin, right, biatch? Yo ass don't expect me ta git all up in some kidz jam after..." There was a long-ass pause.

"Jeff, we both know what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be thinkin dis jam could be tha thang dat brightens up tha past days. Now, git dressed." Jeffz mutha strutted outta tha room n' downstairs ta git locked n loaded her muthafuckin ass yo. Dude fought his dirty ass ta git up yo. Dude picked up a random hoodie n' pair of jeans n' strutted down stairs yo. Dude saw his crazy-ass mutha n' daddy all dressed up; his crazy-ass mutha up in a thugged-out dress n' his wild lil' daddy up in a suit yo. Dude thought, why they would eva wear such fancy threadz ta a kidz party?

"Son, is dat all yo' goin ta wear?" holla'd Jeffz momma.

"Better than bustin too much." da perved-out muthafucka holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His mutha pushed down tha feelin ta yell at his ass n' hid it wit a smile.

"Now Jeff, we may be over-dressed yo, but dis is how tha fuck you go if you wanna cook up a impression." holla'd his wild lil' daddy n' shit. Jeff grunted n' went back up ta his bangin room.

"I aint gots any fancy clothes!" he yelled down stairs.

"Just pick up something." called his crazy-ass mutha n' shiznit yo. Dude looked round up in his closet fo' what tha fuck da thug would call fancy yo. Dude found a pair of black dress baggy-ass pants dat schmoooove muthafucka had fo' special occasions n' a undershirt yo. Dude couldn't find a hoodie ta go wit it though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce yo. Dude looked around, n' found only striped n' patterned shirts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. None of which go wit dress pants, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Finally he found a white hoodie n' put it on.

"Yo ass is bustin that?" they both holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His mutha looked at her watch. "Oh, no time ta chizzle. Letz just go." Biatch holla'd as dat freaky freaky biatch herded Jeff n' his wild lil' daddy up tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They crossed tha street over ta Barbara n' Bizzleyz house. They knocked on tha door n' at it rocked up dat Barbara, just like his thugged-out lil' muthafathas, way over-dressed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As they strutted inside all Jeff could peep was adults, no kids.

"Da lil playas is up in tha yard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Jeff, how tha fuck bout you go n' hook up a shitload of them?" holla'd Barbara.

Jeff strutted outside ta a yard full of kids. They was hustlin round up in weird cowboy costumes n' blastin each other wit plastic glocks yo. Dude might as well be standin up in a Toys R Us. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly a kid came up ta his ass n' handed his ass a toy glock n' hat.

"Hey. Wanna pway?" da perved-out muthafucka holla'd.

"Ah, no kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be way too oldschool fo' dis stuff." Da kid looked at his ass wit dat weird puppydog face.

"Pwease?" holla'd tha kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Fine," holla'd Jeff yo. Dude put on tha basebizzle cap n' started ta pretend blast all up in tha lil playas fo' realz. At first tha pimpin' muthafucka thought dat shiznit was straight-up ridiculous yo, but then da perved-out muthafucka started ta straight-up have fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well shiiiit, it might not done been supa def yo, but dat shiznit was tha last time dat schmoooove muthafucka had done suttin' dat took his crazy-ass mind off of Liu fo'sho. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So he played wit tha lil playas fo' a while, until dat schmoooove muthafucka heard a noise fo' realz. A weird rollin noise. Then it hit his muthafuckin ass. Randy, Troy, n' Keith all jumped over tha fence on they skateboards. Jeff dropped tha fake glock n' ripped off tha hat. Randy looked at Jeff wit a funky-ass burnin hatred.

"Yo muthafucka, Jeff, is it?" da perved-out muthafucka holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Our thugged-out asses have some unfinished bidnizz." Jeff saw his bruised nose." I be thinkin we even. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I beat tha crap outta you, n' you git mah brutha busted ta JDC."

Randy gots a mad salty look up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes. "Oh shiiiiiiiit, I don't go fo' even, I go fo' winning. Yo ass may have kicked our asses dat one dizzle yo, but not todizzle." As da perved-out muthafucka holla'd dat Randy rushed at Jeff. They both fell tha fuck ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Randy socked Jeff up in tha nose, n' Jeff grabbed his ass by tha ears n' head butted his muthafuckin ass. Jeff pushed Randy off of his ass n' both rose ta they Nikes. Kidz was beatboxin n' muthafathas was hustlin outta tha house. Troy n' Keith both pulled glocks outta they pockets.

"No one interrupts or guts will fly!" they holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Randy pulled a knife on Jeff n' jabbed it tha fuck into his shoulder.

Jeff screamed n' fell tha fuck ta his knees. Randy started kickin his ass up in tha grill fo' realz. After three kicks Jeff grabs his wild lil' foot n' twists it, causin Randy ta fall ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Jeff stood up n' strutted towardz tha back door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Troy grabbed his muthafuckin ass.

"Need some help?" Dude picks Jeff up by tha back of tha collar n' throws his ass all up in tha patio door fo' realz. As Jeff tries ta stand he is kicked down ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Randy repeatedly starts kickin Jeff, until da perved-out muthafucka starts ta cough up blood.

"Come on Jeff, fight me!" Dude picks Jeff up n' throws his ass tha fuck into tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Randy sees a funky-ass forty of vodka on tha counter n' smashes tha glass over Jeffz head.

"Fight!" Dude throws Jeff back tha fuck into tha livin room.

"Come on Jeff, peep me!" Jeff glances up, his wild lil' grill riddled wit blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! "I was tha one whoz ass gots yo' brutha busted ta JDC! And now you just gonna sit here n' let his ass rot up in there fo' a whole year playa! Yo ass should be ashamed!" Jeff starts ta git up.

"Oh, finally dawwwwg! you stand n' fight!" Jeff is now ta his wild lil' feet, blood n' vodka on his wild lil' face. Once again n' again n' again he gets dat strange feeling, tha one up in which dat schmoooove muthafucka aint felt fo' a while. "Finally. Dat punk up!" say Randy as he runs at Jeff. Thatz when it happens. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethang inside Jeff snaps yo. His psyche is destroyed, all rationizzle thankin is gone, all his schmoooove ass can do, is bust a cap up in yo. Dude grabs Randy n' pile drives his ass ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude gets on top of his ass n' punches his ass straight up in tha ass. Da punch causes Randyz ass ta stop fo' realz. As Randy gasps fo' breath. Jeff hammers down on his muthafuckin ass. Punch afta punch, blood gushes from Randyz body, until tha pimpin' muthafucka takes one final breath, n' dies.

Everyone is lookin at Jeff now, nahmeean, biatch? Da muthafathas, tha bustin up like a biatch kids, even Troy n' Keith fo' realz. Although they easily break from they gaze n' point they glocks at Jeff. Jeff seez tha glocks trained on his ass n' runs fo' tha stairs fo' realz. As he runs Troy n' Keith let up fire on him, each blasted missing. Jeff runs up tha stairs yo. Dude hears Troy n' Keith follow up behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As they let up they final roundz of bullets Jeff ducks tha fuck into tha bathroom yo. Dude grabs tha towel rack n' rips it off tha wall. Troy n' Keith race in, knives ready.

Troy swings his knife at Jeff, whoz ass backs away n' bangs tha towel rack tha fuck into Troyz face. Troy goes down hard n' now all thatz left is Keith yo. Dude is mo' agile than Troy though, n' ducks when Jeff swings tha towel rack yo. Dude dropped tha knife n' grabbed Jeff by tha neck yo. Dude pushed his ass tha fuck into tha wall fo' realz. A thang of bleach fell tha fuck down on top of his ass from tha top shelf. Well shiiiit, it burnt both of dem n' they both started ta scream. Jeff wiped his wild lil' fuckin eyes as dopest as his schmoooove ass could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude pulled back tha towel rack n' swung it straight tha fuck into Keithz head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As he lay there, bleedin ta dirtnap, he let up a ominous smile.

"Whatz so funky?" axed Jeff. Keith pulled up a lighter n' switched it on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Whatz funky," da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, "Is dat you covered up in bleach n' alcohol." Jeffz eyes widened as Keith threw tha lighter at his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. As soon as tha flame made contact wit him, tha flames ignited tha brew up in tha vodka. While tha brew burned him, tha bleach bleached his skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Jeff let up a shitty screech as his schmoooove ass caught on fire yo. Dude tried ta roll up tha fire but dat shiznit was no use, tha brew had made his ass a struttin inferno yo. Dude ran down tha hall, n' fell tha fuck down tha stairs. All Y'all started beatboxin as they saw Jeff, now a playa on fire, drop ta tha ground, nearly dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da last thang Jeff saw was his crazy-ass mutha n' tha other muthafathas tryin ta extinguish tha flame. Thatz when he passed out.

When Jeff woke dat schmoooove muthafucka had a cold-ass lil cast wrapped round his wild lil' grill yo. Dude couldn't peep anythang yo, but he felt a cold-ass lil cast on his shoulder, n' stitches all over his body yo. Dude tried ta stand up yo, but he realized dat there was some tube up in his thugged-out arm, n' when tha pimpin' muthafucka tried ta git up it fell tha fuck out, n' a nurse rushed in.

"I don't be thinkin you can git outta bed just yet." her big-ass booty holla'd as she put his ass back up in his bed n' re-inserted tha tube. Jeff sat there, wit no vision, no clue of what tha fuck his surroundings were, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Finally, afta hours, dat schmoooove muthafucka heard his crazy-ass mother.

"Honey, is you aiiight?" she asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Jeff couldn't answer though, his wild lil' grill was covered, n' da thug was unable ta speak. "Oh honey, I have pimped out shizzle fo' realz. After all tha witnesses holla'd all up in tha five-o dat Randy confessed of tryin ta battle you, they decided ta let Liu go." This made Jeff almost bolt up, stoppin halfway, rememberin tha tube comin outta his thugged-out arm. "Dude bout ta be up by tomorrow, n' then you two is ghon be able ta be together again."

Jeffz mutha hugs Jeff n' say her peace outs, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da next couple weeks was dem where Jeff was hit up by his crew. Then came tha dizzle where his bandages was ta be removed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His crew was all there ta peep it, what tha fuck da thug would look like fo' realz. As tha doctors unwrapped tha bandages from Jeffz grill mah playas was on tha edge of they seats, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. They waited until tha last bandage holdin tha cover over his wild lil' grill was almost removed.

"Letz hope fo' tha best," holla'd tha doctor yo. Dude quickly pulls tha cloth; lettin tha rest fall from Jeffz face.

Jeffz mutha screams all up in tha sight of his wild lil' face. Liu n' Jeffz daddy stare awe-struck at his wild lil' face.

"What, biatch? What happened ta mah face?" Jeff holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude rushed outta bed n' ran ta tha bathroom yo. Dude looked up in tha mirror n' saw tha cause of tha distress yo. His face. It... itz horrible yo. His lips was burnt ta a thugged-out deep shade of red. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His grill was turned tha fuck into a pure white color, n' his afro singed from brown ta black yo. Dude slowly put his hand ta his wild lil' face. Well shiiiit, it had a sort of leathery feel ta it now yo. Dude looked back at his crew then back all up in tha mirror.

"Jeff," holla'd Liu, "It aint nuthin but not dat bad..."

"Not dat bad?" holla'd Jeff," It aint nuthin but perfect!" His crew was equally surprised. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Jeff started bustin up uncontrollably His muthafathas noticed dat his fuckin left eye n' hand was twitching.

"Uh... Jeff, is you aiiight?"

"Okay, biatch? I've never felt mo' aiiight dawwwwg! Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa, look all up in mah face. This grill goes perfectly wit me!" Dude couldn't stop bustin up yo. Dude stroked his wild lil' grill feelin dat shit. Lookin at it up in tha mirror. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. What caused this, biatch? Well, you may recall dat when Jeff was fightin Randy suttin' up in his crazy-ass mind, his sanity, snapped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Now da thug was left as a wild-ass cappin' machine, dat is, his thugged-out lil' muthafathas didn't give a fuck.

"Doctor," holla'd Jeffz mom, "Is mah son... aiiiight, you know. In tha head?"

"Oh fo'sho, dis behavior is typical fo' patients dat have taken straight-up big-ass amountz of pain killers. If his behavior don't chizzle up in all dem weeks, brang his ass back here, n' we'll give his ass a psychedelic test."

"Oh fuck you doctor." Jeffz mutha went over ta Jeff." Jeff, dopey. It aint nuthin but time ta bounce tha fuck out."

Jeff looks away from tha mirror, his wild lil' grill still formed tha fuck into a wild-ass smile. "Kay mommy, ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa!" his crazy-ass mutha took his ass by tha shoulder n' took his ass ta git his clothes.

"This is what tha fuck came in," holla'd tha lady all up in tha desk. Jeffz momma looked down ta peep tha black dress baggy-ass pants n' white hoodie her lil hustla wore. Now they was clean of blood n' now stitched together n' shit. Jeffz mutha hustled his ass ta his bangin room n' made his ass put his threadz on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then they left, not knowin dat dis was they final dizzle of game.

Later dat night, Jeffz mutha woke ta a sound comin from tha bathroom. Well shiiiit, it sounded as if one of mah thugs was bustin up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch slowly strutted over ta peep what tha fuck it was. When she looked tha fuck into tha bathroom her big-ass booty saw a horrendous sight. Jeff had taken a knife n' carved a smile tha fuck into his cheeks.

"Jeff, what tha fuck is you bustin?" axed his crazy-ass mother.

Jeff looked over ta his crazy-ass mutha n' shit. "I couldn't keep smilin mommy. Well shiiiit, it hurt afta awhile. Now, I can smile forever n' shit. Jeffz mutha noticed his wild lil' fuckin eyes, ringed up in black.

"Jeff, yo' eyes!" His eyes was seemingly never closing.

"I couldn't peep mah face. I gots chillaxed n' mah eyes started ta close. I burned up tha eyelidz so I could forever peep mah dirty ass; mah freshly smoked up face." Jeffz mutha slowly started ta back away, seein dat her lil hustla was goin insane. "Whatz wack mommy, biatch? Aren't I dope?

"Yes yes y'all, son," her big-ass booty holla'd, "Yes yes y'all, yo ass is. L-let me go git daddy, so his schmoooove ass can peep yo' face." Biatch ran tha fuck into tha room n' shook Jeffz daddy from his chill. "Honey, git tha glock we..." Biatch stopped as her big-ass booty saw Jeff up in tha doorway, holdin a knife.

"Mommy, you lied." Thatz tha last thang they hear as Jeff rushes dem wit tha knife, guttin both of em.

His brutha Liu woke up, startled by some noise yo. Dude didn't hear anythang else, so he just shut his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' tried ta go back ta chill fo' realz. As da thug was on tha border of slumber, he gots tha strangest feelin dat one of mah thugs was watchin his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude looked up, before Jeffz hand covered his crazy-ass grill yo. Dude slowly raised tha knife locked n loaded ta plunge it tha fuck into Liu fo'sho. Liu thrashed here n' there tryin ta escape Jeffz grip.

"Shhhhhhh," Jeff holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Just chill like a pimp."

In my opinion, it makes the story even funnier than before.
 
cypocraphy

cypocraphy

Deader than the parents on "Party Of Five"
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
carrot-top-353x.jpg
 
S

SP 199

Guest
kiwifarms.net
Close the thread, I'm here, no more can be done
 
APerson

APerson

Official Lolcattle Abductor
kiwifarms.net
Spooky stuff?
Fine. 22-year-old college seniors were born after Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie) came out, there are high school freshmen who were born after 9/11, Revenge of the Sith came out a whole decade ago, you are getting older at a rate of 1 second per second, and you can add 4 years to every number in this xkcd.
 
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