The Talk -

[CatParty]

when do you think chris was given the "birds and the bees" talk? or do you think he was given it at all? based on his strange views of sexuality and intercourse i kinda think his parents might have been too old fashioned or didn't care enough to ever bring it up and he kinda just picked up bits and pieces from porn and the internet.

 

[duckduckgoose]

Considering he still believed in Santa until he was 15 or 16, it's likely he never received the talk from Borb.

 

[Saney]

Seems pretty unlikely that he ever got the Talk. Like CatParty said, Borb were probably too old fashioned to give it too him. Not that it matters, given how much educational porn Chris saw...porn is educational, right? Right?

 

[Kosher Dill]

He did watch actual educational porn from Sinclair Institute, and he had sex ed (but not Dating Ed) in school at the usual age.

 

[pickleniggo]

"Well you see Chris, when a man and woman like each other very much, the man puts his duck in the woman's china. Eventually, the man will feel his comeuppance rush inside the woman and - if they're lucky - nine months later she will give the birth to their God-given child from the Duck Navy."

Surely it went something like that.

 

[CatParty]

"Well you see Chris, when a man and woman like each other very much, the man puts his duck in the woman's china. Eventually, the man will feel his comeuppance rush inside the woman and - if they're lucky - nine months later she will give the birth to their God-given child from the Duck Navy."

Surely it went something like that.

sounds like the talk to crystal hahaha

 

[Banshee]

That would require effort from Bob and Barb, so I think they just skipped it.

 

[EzioCanLeapofFaith]

Maybe he just learned from Sex Ed at school.

 

[pickleniggo]

Something I kind of wonder is that 16 year old Chris had to unlock the adult channels in order to see that sweet, sweet skinemax. Was he actively seeking it out? Didn't he say he then "figured out" mass-debating after that? Was this around the same time he had his chats with Barb about jacking his bent duck?

 

[CatParty]

Something I kind of wonder is that 16 year old Chris had to unlock the adult channels in order to see that sweet, sweet skinemax. Was he actively seeking it out? Didn't he say he then "figured out" mass-debating after that? Was this around the same time he had his chats with Barb about jacking his bent duck?

he figured out massdebating by wrapping his duck in a washrag and humping his bed. so maybe he was taking one of his infrequent showers and all of a sudden it "felt good' and proceeded from there.

 

[pickleniggo]

Something I kind of wonder is that 16 year old Chris had to unlock the adult channels in order to see that sweet, sweet skinemax. Was he actively seeking it out? Didn't he say he then "figured out" mass-debating after that? Was this around the same time he had his chats with Barb about jacking his bent duck?

he figured out massdebating by wrapping his duck in a washrag and humping his bed. so maybe he was taking one of his infrequent showers and all of a sudden it "felt good' and proceeded from there.

Oh I know, I'm actually referencing this quote:

actually figured it out for myself, in my room one night after having unlocked the parental lock; I found the pool scene in "I Like to Play Games Too", and I just figured it out for myself.

Like, had the idea of mass debating never dawned on him until that moment? GOD WHY AM I STILL DISCUSSING THIS.

 

[Henry Bemis]

I'd imagine if it ever happened, it was a rote "when a man and woman love each other very much (and are married)..." speech, all the while skirting around the mechanics of it.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

The beginning of Chris's understanding of sex came from some softcore shit on HBO of all places. After all, Borb were never responsible parents in any other regard, why would they be in this?

 

[KatsuKitty]

To be fair, a lot of parents suck at the sex talk. About ten years ago I got an entire rundown of everything...for heterosexuals. That's still more than what staunchly Southern Christian parents are willing to give.

 

[Henry Bemis]

To be fair, a lot of parents suck at the sex talk. About ten years ago I got an entire rundown of everything...for heterosexuals. That's still more than what staunchly Southern Christian parents are willing to give.

Thing is, Bob 'n' Barb are only staunchly Southern; they only put in the bare minimum of being Christian (going to church) because they've been raised to treat their religion as a means to a social end. So really, they can't use religious beliefs as an excuse.

 

[CatParty]

To be fair, a lot of parents suck at the sex talk. About ten years ago I got an entire rundown of everything...for heterosexuals. That's still more than what staunchly Southern Christian parents are willing to give.

Thing is, Bob 'n' Barb are only staunchly Southern; they only put in the bare minimum of being Christian (going to church) because they've been raised to treat religion as a social means. So really, they can't use religious beliefs as an excuse.

it's as if they raised him to be retarded not raised him as if he were retarded

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Speaking of the talk...does Chris even know about a woman's menstrual cycle?

 

[Uzumaki]

Yeah when Chris talks about his sexual awakening (full body shiver) he seems to indicate that he was pretty much on his own. He definitely had Sex Ed in highschool but, since this was prior to his sweetheart search, there's a good chance that he slept through most of it and still got a passing grade because the alternative would be to have to teach him again next year.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Speaking of the talk...does Chris even know about a woman's menstrual cycle?

His Future Wife will be expected to keep the duck pond open 24/7. The details are secondary.

 

[TL 611]

Yeah when Chris talks about his sexual awakening (full body shiver) he seems to indicate that he was pretty much on his own. He definitely had Sex Ed in highschool but, since this was prior to his sweetheart search, there's a good chance that he slept through most of it and still got a passing grade because the alternative would be to have to teach him again next year.

Wait what? Do they test you in Sex Ex?! It's not like that here, just a few lessons in the latter years of secondary school (like 5 or 6) which you didn't even really have to turn up to (I skived like 90% of them).