The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - 18 NEGLECTFUL COWBOYS IN THE ALPACA BARNS AT TRAN RANCH! TRAN RANCH IS UNDER SIEGE!

[Law]

I do think his mom asked him not to proclaim himself a member of antifa because when it was declared a terrorist organization it really complicated her job at DHS or something.

"Jarrod, sweetie? Could you maybe cool it with the muhajadeen larping on Facebook? Mommy's boss says it might make me look bad, and Mommy's job is what buys you tacos."

And for someone who supposedly has to play army to protect the tranch, you’d think he would prioritize movement and not looking like a bursting can of biscuits.

Penny's bellowing man voice screaming "move in!" and "cover!" like a dorky theatre kid singing Les Mis songs in a Denny's was the funniest part of that video.
Also what was the point of that drill? If Earl was attacking on an open moonscape with no cover, why run towards him while braying like a jackass? I'm not a mil-sperg, but fat men flailing and wasting ammo doesn't really seem like a drill.

 

[JohnDoe]

Can firearm spergs weigh in on Bonnie's pistol grip?

It's real fucking bad. This entire image is pain to me, from the disgusting physical condition of this twisted pervert to his complete inability to hold a pistol. I have seen ten year old girls with better stance and confidence that this pathetic waste of flesh.

Call the Inquisitors, let them declare Exterminatus.

 

[Chapstick4Lyfe]

Penny's bellowing man voice screaming "move in!" and "cover!" like a dorky theatre kid singing Les Mis songs in a Denny's was the funniest part of that video.
Also what was the point of that drill? If Earl was attacking on an open moonscape with no cover, why run towards him while braying like a jackass? I'm not a mil-sperg, but fat men flailing and wasting ammo doesn't really seem like a drill.

That was my favorite part, too. That very female battle cry was the cherry on top.

He should have been running zigzag. Earl can't shoot you when you run zigzag. Or maybe that's alligators

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

I feel that his fat layers would offer more protection then what ever he's wearing as a plate.

 

[Ghjkl63]

I feel that his fat layers would offer more protection then what ever he's wearing as a plate.

They would but not by much lmao the plates they have are arguably just as bad as having no plates

 

[Prolego]

That was my favorite part, too. That very female battle cry was the cherry on top.

He should have been running zigzag. Earl can't shoot you when you run zigzag. Or maybe that's alligators

Running's a bit pointless if you have to lay out your soft mat every time you want to lie down.


In other news, it looks like that year's supply of hay they got with the last lot of alpacas has run out

https://twitter.com/TenaciousRanch/status/1406044667351764997

And the three flids who turned up to help with the steps seem to have moved in. Or so Kevin thinks. I wonder how long till they too have a physique like Paul. A dozen or so burrito nights should do the trick.

Spoiler: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Oh, and Hi Phil. I'm glad this thread gives you as many laughs as it gives the rest of us.



https://twitter.com/SteampunkPenny/status/1405956654517014532 (X)

 

[Chapstick4Lyfe]

Running's a bit pointless if you have to lay out your soft mat every time you want to lie down.
View attachment 2276236

In other news, it looks like that year's supply of hay they got with the last lot of alpacas has run out

View attachment 2276235

https://twitter.com/TenaciousRanch/status/1406044667351764997

And the three flids who turned up to help with the steps seem to have moved in. Or so Kevin thinks. I wonder how long till they too have a physique like Paul. A dozen or so burrito nights should do the trick.

Spoiler: Follow the Yellow Brick Road

View attachment 2276233

Oh, and Hi Phil. I'm glad this thread gives you as many laughs as it gives the rest of us.

View attachment 2276234

https://twitter.com/SteampunkPenny/status/1405956654517014532 (X)

Whenever Kevin comments on pics of tranchers doing work it really highlights the fact that he's a lazy layabout that doesn't leave the house unless it's for more toys.

Gods, now I want to hear some of the stupid shit that people come up with about all you lovely people.

This post is giving off big Mac energy

 

[EvaBraunsGhost]

Oh, and Hi Phil. I'm glad this thread gives you as many laughs as it gives the rest of us.

View attachment 2276234

https://twitter.com/SteampunkPenny/status/1405956654517014532 (X)

Philip thread-reader confirmed

The most hilarious thing about this tweet is that, bar the occasional speculation about them fucking the poor animals (which honestly isn't that much of a leap considering many of their self-admitted interests) this thread IS JUST ARCHIVING YOUR OWN WORDS AND SOCIAL MEDIA

KF isn't a fanfic as much as it's a mirror - 'abusers and pedos' - you said it Penis, I say - 'if the cap fits, wear it'

 

[Aaa0aaa0]

I disagree as occassionally someone on the thread will go into hysterics. Most do jokes at their expense but there's occasional turbo speds in the thread, but they're just that: occasional. The rest is the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch's own hard work from their own hands.

They look so fucking pathetic in the video. The drills have them spaz about in no order. They have an army of about 3 from that video, hardly impressive, and likely to get separated if Earl comes. Penny looks like a dance mom cheering on his flailing children.

Paul's gut hanging out is the most unwomanly thing I can think of: you have to be HARDCORE trailer trash or homeless to leave your gunt exposed as a woman. Even poor women would find a way to cover up, whether its insisting the reporters shoot only her torso and up or tying a shirt around their waist or other garment. Paul won't experience the same roasting women of his weight would, nor the shame. Troons really don't have the same experiences as women.

Nothing they wear is anything close to women's wear colors now that I think about it. Women can dress however they want, but we'll have more colorful wardrobes most of the time than these guys. Even you plaid clad lesbians have more variety than black, grays, whites, greens, & browns. Obviously the cut is non feminine because they couldn't fit it, but had you shown me a picture and said they were just a bunch of male gays I'd believe you without a second thought.

I want to complement the ranch on how impressive it is for them to slowly put on weight in spite of their active lifestyle. I'm guessing that's an accomplishment somehow, somewhere. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I think Penny has some muscle on his arms? How much of the tranch is fat vs actual muscle since not all useful buff muscles give you a body builder physique?

Lastly, the inside of the house is pathetic. We've said it numerous times before but damn. Them sitting down at the table awkwardly is also sad. I don't know how much social interaction they have with each other that they still look awkward while sitting down, or maybe that's because they're being filmed.

Depressive Unicorn Ranch.

 

[S.C.U.D.]

View attachment 2276234

I have never called any denizens of the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch pedos or abusers. I have, however, called them fat, stupid, and slovenly.

 

[Taylor Swift's Ghostwrite]

I don't think they're necessarily pedos, other than Kevvie, but I do think they're animal abusers 100%. And I base that off the images they provide of their animals, and nothing else really.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

Tranch fans - Philip's mama's famous hummus has landed and it looks as awful as I feared (disclosure: I hate the stuff so I may be biased)

View attachment 2275557

Spoiler

View attachment 2275563

https://twitter.com/SteampunkPenny/status/1406090247201431561?s=20

Archive

Regarding that hilarious AJ fluffumentary, I had to rewind this bit as I was sure I had misheard;

View attachment 2275600

I hadn't...'no reliance on my family' - say what now?

Remind me again who at the minimum enabled you to be on the ranch in the first place - what's that word again Paul?
Oh, yea...'Mother' your MOTHER

But no reliance on family? Sure, whatever you say...

End thought: believe me Mr Mendoza, you have no concerns on the 'visibility' score either, lard-ass

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say that hummus looks fine. Not sure why the circle of oil is there though, it's already plenty oily. Maybe Kevin and Bonny want to pack on some more calories.

Congrats Penny, you made a single decent dish. Everyone might still get food poisoning as you made it in your filthy kitchen, though.

 

[Fetish Roulette]

"Jarrod, sweetie? Could you maybe cool it with the muhajadeen larping on Facebook? Mommy's boss says it might make me look bad, and Mommy's job is what buys you tacos."

Penny's bellowing man voice screaming "move in!" and "cover!" like a dorky theatre kid singing Les Mis songs in a Denny's was the funniest part of that video.
Also what was the point of that drill? If Earl was attacking on an open moonscape with no cover, why run towards him while braying like a jackass? I'm not a mil-sperg, but fat men flailing and wasting ammo doesn't really seem like a drill.

I had that exact same thought. If Earl and his Nazi collaborators run at the tranchers on a completely flat plain, the only thing dropping onto the ground is going to do is make it harder for you to shoot. Traditionally, the command "cover!" is issued to soldiers when there is cover to hide behind.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Tranch fans - Philip's mama's famous hummus has landed and it looks as awful as I feared (disclosure: I hate the stuff so I may be biased)

View attachment 2275557

Spoiler

View attachment 2275563

Hummus isn't supposed to have grease in the middle of it.

If he had said "It's almost done here" I would've believed him

Ranch Folk, since you're apparently reading this, I got no problem with trans people. I do have a problem with awful food, though

 

[Prolego]

I had that exact same thought. If Earl and his Nazi collaborators run at the tranchers on a completely flat plain, the only thing dropping onto the ground is going to do is make it harder for you to shoot. Traditionally, the command "cover!" is issued to soldiers when there is cover to hide behind.

What we haven't called them out for yet is that the Tranchers aren't doing defensive manoeuvres, they're doing attacking ones. If you've got a castle to defend then you dig in. Find nice secure places that you hope are virtually impregnable and that let you blast away at anything that comes near. Let the attackers run out of ammo while you feast on giant cans of processed orange cheese. Look at the big line of concrete bunkers on the Northern French coast from WW2. Look at Verdun. Look at any mediaeval castle. Now it just happens that their over-grazing of their land has given them great sight lines in all directions, but if they really are expecting to be besieged then they should be putting up some places where they can shoot from and not get shot. You don't need to run across open ground shouting "down" and "cover" when you're the defender. That's the attacker's job. So either they're secretly planning a pre-emptive revenge strike against Earl, or they're total and utter genuine fuckwits. Hmmmmm.

 

[UVB-76]

Penny's bellowing man voice screaming "move in!" and "cover!" like a dorky theatre kid singing Les Mis songs in a Denny's was the funniest part of that video.

It was straight out of a skit by Sam Hyde and Commander Jace Stryker.

I had that exact same thought. If Earl and his Nazi collaborators run at the tranchers on a completely flat plain, the only thing dropping onto the ground is going to do is make it harder for you to shoot.

On flat ground the prone position is golden. People standing tend to get hit.

Spoiler: enlisting the help of Abu Hajaar to demonstrate

Start at 3:46

The other fighters can be seen rolling on the ground so that they can move without getting hit.
Abu Hajaar tries to run standing, lasts a grand total of 10 seconds before he catches a round

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

What we haven't called them out for yet is that the Tranchers aren't doing defensive manoeuvres, they're doing attacking ones. If you've got a castle to defend then you dig in. Find nice secure places that you hope are virtually impregnable and that let you blast away at anything that comes near. Let the attackers run out of ammo while you feast on giant cans of processed orange cheese. Look at the big line of concrete bunkers on the Northern French coast from WW2. Look at Verdun. Look at any mediaeval castle. Now it just happens that their over-grazing of their land has given them great sight lines in all directions, but if they really are expecting to be besieged then they should be putting up some places where they can shoot from and not get shot. You don't need to run across open ground shouting "down" and "cover" when you're the defender. That's the attacker's job. So either they're secretly planning a pre-emptive revenge strike against Earl, or they're total and utter genuine fuckwits. Hmmmmm.

The only thought that comes to mind is if they believe Earls Militia is large enough that they would have to counter assault to push them off whatever land they've claimed on the Tranch, as if this was some flags and zones Battlefield map.

I don't really think its occurred to them that any militia large enough to require an assault to finish off after throwing themselves against your defenses, won't throw themselves against your defenses. They can just wrap around and shoot you from every direction, you'll never stand a chance. They have no hard cover, no real reserves of food or water. The campers and home aren't gonna stop bullets, rifle rounds will go right through that dome and the rest of it.

Hell, if Earl's been learning anything from /k/, they'll just rig up a drone as a firebomb and smash it into the tranch roof. Or just put a few rounds into the solar panels to fuck them up good, kill the power to their freezers and water pump. There's no sign of the tranch having any reasonably deep pantry, just instant foods, they'd be starved out within a day. A couple bored high schoolers could ruin the place, much less a coordinated militia.

 

[Shaka Brah]

The only thought that comes to mind is if they believe Earls Militia is large enough that they would have to counter assault to push them off whatever land they've claimed on the Tranch, as if this was some flags and zones Battlefield map.

I don't really think its occurred to them that any militia large enough to require an assault to finish off after throwing themselves against your defenses, won't throw themselves against your defenses. They can just wrap around and shoot you from every direction, you'll never stand a chance. They have no hard cover, no real reserves of food or water. The campers and home aren't gonna stop bullets, rifle rounds will go right through that dome and the rest of it.

Hell, if Earl's been learning anything from /k/, they'll just rig up a drone as a firebomb and smash it into the tranch roof. Or just put a few rounds into the solar panels to fuck them up good, kill the power to their freezers and water pump. There's no sign of the tranch having any reasonably deep pantry, just instant foods, they'd be starved out within a day. A couple bored high schoolers could ruin the place, much less a coordinated militia.

This implies they even exist.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

This implies they even exist.

Perhaps, but whats more fun. Believing that the tranchers are just normal deranged idiots?

Or believing that the Tranchers are facing off against Colorado's most elite Paramilitary force, backed by /pol/ tacticians and /k/ armorers, but somehow think that riveted plastic plates and 5.7 handguns will bring them out on top.

Regular crazy isn't as fun as deranged perception crazy.

 

[On a Journey]

From the comments on the AJ video:


"intrinsically queer animals"




Why put "Kiwi Farms" in quotes?