The Tl;DR Crash Course for Goons with a Text-Wall Fetish

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Doc Cassidy

Notorious Bum Driller
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 16, 2014
Respect the Mods and Writers: The moderators are here to keep the forums safe, sane, and secure. If they ask you to do something, please do it. Please do not harass or intentionally annoy the mods or insult the front page writers. If you do not like the mods or the moderation, feel free to not post here.
Lol
 

Replicant Sasquatch

Do Lolcows Dream of Electric Hedgehog Pokemon?
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 24, 2015
lmao no wonder they all got doxxed

I don't understand why they need this massive rules page filled with a bunch of flippant quips to get their point across.

Rule #1 of making rules: rules should be clear, concise, and readily available. I don't want to look like I'm blowing Null's swastika-tattooed cock but seriously one of the best features of the Farms is the easy-to-read rules list on every page.
 

Scratch This Nut

Problematic Chihuahua
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 29, 2015
Herein lie the rules for the Something Awful Forums. Please visit our support FAQ page if you are experiencing any technical problems, problems with an order, problems with your account, or if you are thinking of contacting us for any other reason at all. Most questions can be answered there if you just READ IT. And now, on to the rules!

Make sure you are familiar with the rules below. Memorize them. Read them daily if you have to. They are guidelines you must follow in order to keep your account privileges. If you break a rule, you will likely be punished. Punishment can be a temporary or permanent loss of privileges. Most users have been around for many years and not had any problems. This is because they know the rules!


A Message To the Newbies!
We here on the Something Awful Forums are very elitist and strict assholes. We pride ourselves on running one of the most entertaining and troll-free forums on the internet. This is accomplished by charging a $10 fee to filter out folks not serious about adhering to the rules, and banning those who manage to slip through and break them. We are very serious about keeping our forums clean and troll-free, so please consider your account an investment and treat it accordingly. Read the rules, use common sense, and help keep the SA Forums the best message board on the internet!

General Conduct
Lurk before posting!
We cannot stress this enough. Each forum pretty much makes it clear from its name and description what is acceptable in there or not. Be sure you have the appropriate forum before posting. If there is no forum dedicated to the topic you wish to discuss, use General Bullshit. Do NOT post porn or any "questionable" material in GBS; if you would be uncomfortable viewing it at work, do not post it there. Keep all disgusting pics in FYAD. Additionally, please check to see if your post is a redux (it has already been posted before by another forum member).

Before you post: Before posting, please ask yourself the following question: "Am I making a post which is either funny, informative, or interesting on any level?"

If you can answer "yes" to this, then please post. If you cannot, then refrain from posting. If you post anyway, the mods will probably gas your thread,automatically awarding you a 15-minute probation.

Before you reply: Before replying, please ask yourself the following question: "Does my reply offer any significant advice or help contribute to the conversation in any fashion?"

If you can answer "yes" to this, then please reply. If you cannot, then refrain from replying.

Posting Rules
Low Content Posts:
Please do not make posts containing no content (ie, "first post," "hello, I'm new here," etc.). These just litter up the forums and with over 100,000 registered users, we need to eliminate these as much as possible. If you do not like a thread, then just vote it a "1" and move on; replies consisting solely of trolling fall into this category. As a general rule, write as if you were speaking in real life to another human being. Do not use any catchphrases, memes, internet slang, or any other crap that makes you look like a 12-year old.

Worthless Posts: We do not care if you are drunk or high; please do not inform us of either. Please do not register gimmick accounts and make posts as a gimmick, as they are not funny. Please do not post crap asking us to vote for you on some website, give you referrals for free iPods / flatscreens / spare tires, or any other semi-spam things.

Forum Fuckery: Don't fuck up the forums or any user on the forums. If you post a malicious link (any URL with spyware or code designed to annoy people) you will be banned. Do not vote spam a thread with your friends because you don't like the person who posted it; this makes the voting feature useless. Do not make plans to annoy / destroy other forums.

Stay On Target: Try to use the appropriate thread tag for your post. This helps people find your thread and makes the forums more user friendly. Do not use the mod-only tags or you will be autobanned by the server.

Contained Conflict: Keep all flamewars and other arguments in their appropriate forums (FYAD, YCS, etc).

Respect the Mods and Writers: The moderators are here to keep the forums safe, sane, and secure. If they ask you to do something, please do it. Please do not harass or intentionally annoy the mods or insult the front page writers. If you do not like the mods or the moderation, feel free to not post here.

Harass and Sass: If somebody is harassing you on the forums then discuss it with them over PM or email before contacting a mod about it. Flames and insults do not constitute harassment. Please do not post others' personal information (phone number, addresses, emails, etc.). Try to stay out of other peoples' personal lives as well. Keep in mind there's a good distinction between the Internet and real life.

Account Ability: Only one person may use a forum account. Account sharing is a bannable offense, so please keep your password secure.

Crazy Catchall: Please do not try to cleverly circumvent some rule listed here. These rules are general guidelines and are very flexible.

FYAD Freedoms: You cannot post illegal material, harass others by posting their personal information or nude photos, spam thread subject lines to break the forum tables, harass any admins or mods, or start forum invasions in FYAD.

I Hate Speech: Offensive terms such as "faggot" or "nigger" may or may not be bannable based on context of the sentence. If they were meant as humor with absolutely no offensive slurs meant, the user may not be banned or probated. This rule is completely, 100% subjective and is based on the mod reading the post at the time. Use at your own peril.

Account Inactivity
Accounts inactive for longer than a year may be deactivated. You may reactivate your account by contacting techsupport with a copy of your purchase receipt.This rule has been created to combat fraud (folks using hijacked accounts of idiots who used their same SA forum name / password on various third party sites).

Image / File Rules
Keep all images work-safe.
If you feel the need to post any pornographic or disgusting images, do it in FYAD. Please do not post any illegal (child porn, bestiality) images or else you will be banned. Do not post naked pictures of yourself. As a general rule, ask yourself "would my mother and boss be comfortable viewing this image?" when posting outside of FYAD.

Image size and linking. Keep all images smaller than 800 pixels horizontal and 600 pixels vertical. Make sure all images are hosted on your own webspace. We do not approve of bandwidth leeching and forcing other people to pay for your images.

No warez. No warez, no cracks, no CD codes, no illegal programs that are used to either crack software or perform any malicious activity. Don't post links, ask for links to download, or otherwise discuss illegal copies of copyrighted works, including movies, books, software, etc. 45-second "sampler" mp3 files are acceptable, within context. ROMs are only allowed if they are out-of-print and unavailable for purchase.

Your sig file and you. Keep in mind that everybody on the forums has to see your sig file over and over every time you post. Please make your sig file under 30k in size with less than three lines of text. Do not use images larger than 400 pixels wide and 125 pixels high.

What If I Get Banned?
If you break a semi-minor rule, you will be put on Posting Probation, where you will not be allowed to post threads for a specified amount of time. If you break the rules again after being put on probation, you will more than likely be banned. If you are banned, then your name will appear in the Leper's Colony followed by the rule you broke. You may re-register your account unless you have been perma-banned, which is rarely done and only for serious cases (such as child pornography). If your email account matches that of your banned account, you can register your account again, but if they do not match then there is nothing we can do. This is to prevent fraud and user impersonation.

I Don't Agree With a Mod or Admin Decision!
If you would like to inquire about a particular mod or admin action, we welcome any questions in the Questions, Comments, and Suggestions forum. Please be civil, explain your point, and detail your opinion on it. You may question any mod or admin you like as long as you are not rude about it.

This Place Sounds Like a Ripoff!
If you do not agree with these rules, please do not register an account. If you are not sure about buying an account, please do not purchase one. The only people we want to register accounts are those who really want to be here and will respect the rules and other forum members. We reserve the right to ban anybody on the forums, especially furries, Scientologists, and Libertarians.

This Stuff Annoys the Mods and Admins
Here are some general tips and posting pointers that the mods and admins do not like in general. We are including this list because, having run the forums for 16 years, we've noticed that trends and catchphrases light up the place and catch on like wildfire. Unlike those other forums out there, we despise these things and feel they hinder creativity and humor.

  • Beginning a thread with "so," such as "So my parents got me pregnant today."
  • Catchphrases in general. Just because somebody else wrote something humorous does not necessarily mean if you do the same thing then you will be humorous.
  • Backseat modding. We have more than enough mods and admins here. Please do not act like an armchair admin.
  • Internet lingo or slang of any sort. Please do not act as if you are posting through AIM.
Mod Contact Directory
If you have a question or concern about your Something Awful Forums experience (tm), please feel free to contact the appropriate mod or admin. As a general rule, mods queue up actions such as probations, thread gassings, and bans, while administrators simply approve or decline these requests. Please discuss your issue with the appropriate mod through email; if that fails, contact an admin. Refrain from posting your disagreement on the forums, as they are usually private discussions which can only be answered by a single mod or admin.

GBS - gnarlyhotep, forbidden lesbian, Butt Wizard
FYAD - paraone
Games - Cowcaster, Kewpuh, Zoolooman, Shalinor
A Blizzard Subforum - Incoherence
Traditional Games - Ettin
Let's Play - Geop, Fedule
Inspect Your Gadgets - Star War Sex Parrot,Thermopyle
Ask / Tell - Grand Fromage, Slo-Tek
Science, Academics and Languages - slap me silly
Debate & Discussion - XyloJW, Brown Moses, Xandu, Exclamation Marx, Absurd Alhazred
Serious Hardware / Software Crap - Alereon, movax, Star War Sex Parrot
Sports Argument Stadium* - Hand Knit, MourningView
The Football Funhouse - Intruder
The Ray Parlour - Gigi Galli
Punchsport Pagoda - fatherdog, HulkaMatt
You Look Like Shit - A.s.P., Shine
The Goon Doctor - Invicta{HOG}, M.D.
Goons with Spoons - bartolimu, Happy Abobo
Post Your Favorite (Or Request) - blunt for century, Matthew Beet
Automotive Insanity - IOwnCalculus
Pet Island - Khelmar. LITERALLY A BIRD
The Firing Range - Lincoln`s Wax
The Crackhead Clubhouse - Beaters, DrAlexanderTobacco
Goons in Platoons - Nostalgia4Infinity
Creative Convention - SoundMonkey, Humboldt Squid
Cinema Discusso - GonSmithe
The Book Barn - Hieronymous Alloy
No Music Discussion - het
The TV IV - OldSenileGuy, Deadpool
Batman's Shameful Secret - Deadpool
ADTRW - Beef Waifu
Entertainment, Weakly - het
Rapidly Going Deaf - The Young Homer
SA-Mart - Nyc_Tattoo,Star War Sex Parrot
Coupons and Deals - Dr. Eldarion
Questions, Comments and Suggestions - Ralp
Moperator - Pork Lift

Admin Contact Directory
DocEvil
Danny Manic
Ralp
XyloJW
garbage day
Livestock
Cowcaster

Forums Tech Support - General Bugs and Issues
If you have a general tech support concern, please check out the SAVB Public Tracker, which lists all known issues and their status. If your problem is not listed, please peruse through the SA Forums Faq.

Forums Tech Support - Specific Account-Related Issues
If you are experiencing a problem or issue with your account, please consult the SA Forums Faq.
For the fuck of shit. And I thought the Polyamory group was nuts.
 

DrainRedRain

trap thirsty
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 13, 2016
As a general rule, write as if you were speaking in real life to another human being.
"would my mother and boss be comfortable viewing this image?" when posting outside of FYAD.
Keep all images smaller than 800 pixels horizontal and 600 pixels vertical.
If you post anyway, the mods will probably gas your thread,automatically awarding you a 15-minute probation.
We do not care if you are drunk or high; please do not inform us of either.
Offensive terms such as "faggot" or "nigger" may or may not be bannable based on context of the sentence.
Do not use any catchphrases, memes, internet slang, or any other crap that makes you look like a 12-year old.

:story:
 

It's HK-47

Meatbag's Bounty of Bodies
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Herein lie the rules for the Something Awful Forums. Please visit our support FAQ page if you are experiencing any technical problems, problems with an order, problems with your account, or if you are thinking of contacting us for any other reason at all. Most questions can be answered there if you just READ IT. And now, on to the rules!

Make sure you are familiar with the rules below. Memorize them. Read them daily if you have to. They are guidelines you must follow in order to keep your account privileges. If you break a rule, you will likely be punished. Punishment can be a temporary or permanent loss of privileges. Most users have been around for many years and not had any problems. This is because they know the rules!


A Message To the Newbies!
We here on the Something Awful Forums are very elitist and strict assholes. We pride ourselves on running one of the most entertaining and troll-free forums on the internet. This is accomplished by charging a $10 fee to filter out folks not serious about adhering to the rules, and banning those who manage to slip through and break them. We are very serious about keeping our forums clean and troll-free, so please consider your account an investment and treat it accordingly. Read the rules, use common sense, and help keep the SA Forums the best message board on the internet!

General Conduct
Lurk before posting!
We cannot stress this enough. Each forum pretty much makes it clear from its name and description what is acceptable in there or not. Be sure you have the appropriate forum before posting. If there is no forum dedicated to the topic you wish to discuss, use General Bullshit. Do NOT post porn or any "questionable" material in GBS; if you would be uncomfortable viewing it at work, do not post it there. Keep all disgusting pics in FYAD. Additionally, please check to see if your post is a redux (it has already been posted before by another forum member).

Before you post: Before posting, please ask yourself the following question: "Am I making a post which is either funny, informative, or interesting on any level?"

If you can answer "yes" to this, then please post. If you cannot, then refrain from posting. If you post anyway, the mods will probably gas your thread,automatically awarding you a 15-minute probation.

Before you reply: Before replying, please ask yourself the following question: "Does my reply offer any significant advice or help contribute to the conversation in any fashion?"

If you can answer "yes" to this, then please reply. If you cannot, then refrain from replying.

Posting Rules
Low Content Posts:
Please do not make posts containing no content (ie, "first post," "hello, I'm new here," etc.). These just litter up the forums and with over 100,000 registered users, we need to eliminate these as much as possible. If you do not like a thread, then just vote it a "1" and move on; replies consisting solely of trolling fall into this category. As a general rule, write as if you were speaking in real life to another human being. Do not use any catchphrases, memes, internet slang, or any other crap that makes you look like a 12-year old.

Worthless Posts: We do not care if you are drunk or high; please do not inform us of either. Please do not register gimmick accounts and make posts as a gimmick, as they are not funny. Please do not post crap asking us to vote for you on some website, give you referrals for free iPods / flatscreens / spare tires, or any other semi-spam things.

Forum Fuckery: Don't fuck up the forums or any user on the forums. If you post a malicious link (any URL with spyware or code designed to annoy people) you will be banned. Do not vote spam a thread with your friends because you don't like the person who posted it; this makes the voting feature useless. Do not make plans to annoy / destroy other forums.

Stay On Target: Try to use the appropriate thread tag for your post. This helps people find your thread and makes the forums more user friendly. Do not use the mod-only tags or you will be autobanned by the server.

Contained Conflict: Keep all flamewars and other arguments in their appropriate forums (FYAD, YCS, etc).

Respect the Mods and Writers: The moderators are here to keep the forums safe, sane, and secure. If they ask you to do something, please do it. Please do not harass or intentionally annoy the mods or insult the front page writers. If you do not like the mods or the moderation, feel free to not post here.

Harass and Sass: If somebody is harassing you on the forums then discuss it with them over PM or email before contacting a mod about it. Flames and insults do not constitute harassment. Please do not post others' personal information (phone number, addresses, emails, etc.). Try to stay out of other peoples' personal lives as well. Keep in mind there's a good distinction between the Internet and real life.

Account Ability: Only one person may use a forum account. Account sharing is a bannable offense, so please keep your password secure.

Crazy Catchall: Please do not try to cleverly circumvent some rule listed here. These rules are general guidelines and are very flexible.

FYAD Freedoms: You cannot post illegal material, harass others by posting their personal information or nude photos, spam thread subject lines to break the forum tables, harass any admins or mods, or start forum invasions in FYAD.

I Hate Speech: Offensive terms such as "faggot" or "nigger" may or may not be bannable based on context of the sentence. If they were meant as humor with absolutely no offensive slurs meant, the user may not be banned or probated. This rule is completely, 100% subjective and is based on the mod reading the post at the time. Use at your own peril.

Account Inactivity
Accounts inactive for longer than a year may be deactivated. You may reactivate your account by contacting techsupport with a copy of your purchase receipt.This rule has been created to combat fraud (folks using hijacked accounts of idiots who used their same SA forum name / password on various third party sites).

Image / File Rules
Keep all images work-safe.
If you feel the need to post any pornographic or disgusting images, do it in FYAD. Please do not post any illegal (child porn, bestiality) images or else you will be banned. Do not post naked pictures of yourself. As a general rule, ask yourself "would my mother and boss be comfortable viewing this image?" when posting outside of FYAD.

Image size and linking. Keep all images smaller than 800 pixels horizontal and 600 pixels vertical. Make sure all images are hosted on your own webspace. We do not approve of bandwidth leeching and forcing other people to pay for your images.

No warez. No warez, no cracks, no CD codes, no illegal programs that are used to either crack software or perform any malicious activity. Don't post links, ask for links to download, or otherwise discuss illegal copies of copyrighted works, including movies, books, software, etc. 45-second "sampler" mp3 files are acceptable, within context. ROMs are only allowed if they are out-of-print and unavailable for purchase.

Your sig file and you. Keep in mind that everybody on the forums has to see your sig file over and over every time you post. Please make your sig file under 30k in size with less than three lines of text. Do not use images larger than 400 pixels wide and 125 pixels high.

What If I Get Banned?
If you break a semi-minor rule, you will be put on Posting Probation, where you will not be allowed to post threads for a specified amount of time. If you break the rules again after being put on probation, you will more than likely be banned. If you are banned, then your name will appear in the Leper's Colony followed by the rule you broke. You may re-register your account unless you have been perma-banned, which is rarely done and only for serious cases (such as child pornography). If your email account matches that of your banned account, you can register your account again, but if they do not match then there is nothing we can do. This is to prevent fraud and user impersonation.

I Don't Agree With a Mod or Admin Decision!
If you would like to inquire about a particular mod or admin action, we welcome any questions in the Questions, Comments, and Suggestions forum. Please be civil, explain your point, and detail your opinion on it. You may question any mod or admin you like as long as you are not rude about it.

This Place Sounds Like a Ripoff!
If you do not agree with these rules, please do not register an account. If you are not sure about buying an account, please do not purchase one. The only people we want to register accounts are those who really want to be here and will respect the rules and other forum members. We reserve the right to ban anybody on the forums, especially furries, Scientologists, and Libertarians.

This Stuff Annoys the Mods and Admins
Here are some general tips and posting pointers that the mods and admins do not like in general. We are including this list because, having run the forums for 16 years, we've noticed that trends and catchphrases light up the place and catch on like wildfire. Unlike those other forums out there, we despise these things and feel they hinder creativity and humor.

  • Beginning a thread with "so," such as "So my parents got me pregnant today."
  • Catchphrases in general. Just because somebody else wrote something humorous does not necessarily mean if you do the same thing then you will be humorous.
  • Backseat modding. We have more than enough mods and admins here. Please do not act like an armchair admin.
  • Internet lingo or slang of any sort. Please do not act as if you are posting through AIM.
Mod Contact Directory
If you have a question or concern about your Something Awful Forums experience (tm), please feel free to contact the appropriate mod or admin. As a general rule, mods queue up actions such as probations, thread gassings, and bans, while administrators simply approve or decline these requests. Please discuss your issue with the appropriate mod through email; if that fails, contact an admin. Refrain from posting your disagreement on the forums, as they are usually private discussions which can only be answered by a single mod or admin.

GBS - gnarlyhotep, forbidden lesbian, Butt Wizard
FYAD - paraone
Games - Cowcaster, Kewpuh, Zoolooman, Shalinor
A Blizzard Subforum - Incoherence
Traditional Games - Ettin
Let's Play - Geop, Fedule
Inspect Your Gadgets - Star War Sex Parrot,Thermopyle
Ask / Tell - Grand Fromage, Slo-Tek
Science, Academics and Languages - slap me silly
Debate & Discussion - XyloJW, Brown Moses, Xandu, Exclamation Marx, Absurd Alhazred
Serious Hardware / Software Crap - Alereon, movax, Star War Sex Parrot
Sports Argument Stadium* - Hand Knit, MourningView
The Football Funhouse - Intruder
The Ray Parlour - Gigi Galli
Punchsport Pagoda - fatherdog, HulkaMatt
You Look Like Shit - A.s.P., Shine
The Goon Doctor - Invicta{HOG}, M.D.
Goons with Spoons - bartolimu, Happy Abobo
Post Your Favorite (Or Request) - blunt for century, Matthew Beet
Automotive Insanity - IOwnCalculus
Pet Island - Khelmar. LITERALLY A BIRD
The Firing Range - Lincoln`s Wax
The Crackhead Clubhouse - Beaters, DrAlexanderTobacco
Goons in Platoons - Nostalgia4Infinity
Creative Convention - SoundMonkey, Humboldt Squid
Cinema Discusso - GonSmithe
The Book Barn - Hieronymous Alloy
No Music Discussion - het
The TV IV - OldSenileGuy, Deadpool
Batman's Shameful Secret - Deadpool
ADTRW - Beef Waifu
Entertainment, Weakly - het
Rapidly Going Deaf - The Young Homer
SA-Mart - Nyc_Tattoo,Star War Sex Parrot
Coupons and Deals - Dr. Eldarion
Questions, Comments and Suggestions - Ralp
Moperator - Pork Lift

Admin Contact Directory
DocEvil
Danny Manic
Ralp
XyloJW
garbage day
Livestock
Cowcaster

Forums Tech Support - General Bugs and Issues
If you have a general tech support concern, please check out the SAVB Public Tracker, which lists all known issues and their status. If your problem is not listed, please peruse through the SA Forums Faq.

Forums Tech Support - Specific Account-Related Issues
If you are experiencing a problem or issue with your account, please consult the SA Forums Faq.


They really could have saved themselves an awful lot of time and just gone with:

oVJf8xC.jpg
 
H

HG 400

Guest
kiwifarms.net
We are in United States jurisdiction. You are liable for your posts. I will comply with US court orders and FBI investigations.

Literally this is the only hard rule. Everything else @Null listed is more of a helpful suggestion, so don't be surprised if you see people flaunting them and getting away with it pretty often b/c that's fine. Just don't flaunt them while being an annoying jerk that irritates everybody and you'll be fine.
 

Sphere of Many Eyes

chill out
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 28, 2016
Did some shit go down to prompt this? I'm pretty slow at board related news/drama.


Also, just to be clear, I hope nobody thinks I'm a character-poster. Paul Rudd is just dope lol