The Unnecessary Heterosexuality of Jupiter Ascending -

[CatParty]

https://www.themarysue.com/the-unnecessary-heterosexuality-of-jupiter-ascending/

Over the long weekend, I watched the Wachowskis’ 2015 space opera Jupiter Ascending fully for the first time. Jupiter Ascending has always gotten a mixed reaction from audiences. In a lot of the queer and female spaces, it is quite beloved despite the messy aspects of it, and upon giving it a proper watch, I could see why.

The film has majesty and an almost fairytale-like narrative journey. Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) has the name of a comic book character, played by Hollywood’s favorite cool girl. She has elements of Cinderella, the Chosen One, and an action heroine rolled into one, with her love interest being the wolf-human hybrid warrior Caine Wise (Channing Tatum). However, somehow, it is the relationship between Jupiter and Caine that stands out as the most ridiculous aspect of the film.

And yes, I am putting that over the scene with the bees.
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full article in the link

 

[The Lizard Queen]

Trying to start a discussion about this awful movie by writing an article about it years after it ceased to be relevant should be a literal crime.

 

[Johan Schmidt]

Watching the film was cock and ball torture. The article was worse.

 

[Inflatable Julay]

People are fucking dying. Shut the fuck up.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

What? And more importantly, why?

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Literally who gives a shit.

 

[Reverend]

This was the Wachowski's excuse to dress up in fancy women's outfits and say they were apart of something "Beautiful".

 

[The Lizard Queen]

In my experience, trying to understand this film is an exercise in madness.
The Wachowski "Brothers" were already going downhill long before this, but Jupiter Ascending was when they threw themselves off a cliff and hit rock bottom. It's full of terrible ideas, vapid Mary Sue characters, and a script that would be mocked by 12 year old writers for being too cliche and dumb. Their brains were so stir-fried by drugs and cross sex hormones that the final result is simply not of this ken of reality. The only reviews it deserves are mockery, the only award a Darwin.
Trying to make sense of it will quickly send you plummeting into the pit of insanity, screaming, "Lord Sheogorath, take me into thy mercy!"


TLDR: I rate the movie about a D... D minus.

 

[The Door]

Who? What? Where? When?

Oh. Watchowski “sisters.” Forget I asked.

 

[knobslobbin]

I liked the part where entire worlds' populations are processed into grey goo to be used as a topical cream for aging. They should have focused on that more and been a lot more graphic.

 

[Haramburger]

Honestly I liked the film just because I hadn't seen something fresh in sci-fi in years. Melting humans into a dust where 100 dead people = 1 year of your life back in a special bath is pretty good as a premise, as is seeding worlds with backwards civilizations just to harvest them as beauty cream later.

This is so unrelevant 5 years later that I'm a little mad. I wouldn't mind a sequel since I know there are some in books, but if fags are gonna argue that it isn't faggy enough from the trannies that filmed it, I'm not sure it would be worth watching.

 

[The handsome tard]

You just posted cringe

Ya gonna lose subscriber

 

[tehpope]

Just a reminder that even if you follow the woke crowd's suggestions to a T or be the largest ally in the universe, they will still cancel you over nothing at the drop of a hat.

 

[Atomic Wangler]

Jupiter Ascending was too heterosexual? Seemed both fake AND gay when I saw it.

Also, it was released in 2015!? I could have sworn it was a late 2000s/early 2010s movie in that same wave as Twilight or Hunger Games.

 

[CatParty]

I liked the part where entire worlds' populations are processed into grey goo to be used as a topical cream for aging. They should have focused on that more and been a lot more graphic.

That’s just evangelion they ripped off

 

[President Joe Biden]

That’s just evangelion they ripped off

You mean jews.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Jupiter Ascending was too heterosexual? Seemed both fake AND gay when I saw it.

Also, it was released in 2015!? I could have sworn it was a late 2000s/early 2010s movie in that same wave as Twilight or Hunger Games.

And even if you write their favorite show they despise you with the burning hatred of a thousand suns and want you dead

 

[ADHD]

That movie was horrible and all I remember is that one of those guys had a really punchable face.

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

I will admit I like Jupiter Ascending simply because of the visuals.

Same with Valerian and the city of whatever thefuckitwascalled.

So I have terrible taste in movies...your mom still likes me.

 

[Pentex]

I see two choices: One, I can attempt to refute this kulturkampf consoomerist drivel. Or two, I can make fun of the writer's appearance, because Mary Sue writers aren't people.





I regret nothing.