The Worst Shovelware Video Games You've Ever Played -

[Just Dont]

Everything on Itch.io

 

[Dang Woodchucks!]

Ultimate Muscle: Path of a Superhero:
The fighting got really repetitive and the CPU almost always had the advantage on you. If you wanted to do the cool moves the characters did on the show, you had to build up your power meter by constantly doing grapple moves faster than your opponent, make your opponent dizzy, and throw them in the air. Then, you're given a meter where you have to land on blue to make sure you move actually lands. The CPU could seemingly do this as much as it wanted. To the game's credit, it at least had a wide variety of wrestlers to pick from if you actually had a friend who wanted to play it with you, but it was no where near as good as the Ultimate Muscle games on Gamecube and PS2.

I actually got pretty far on that game's story-mode on an emulator, despite the air borne finishers being basically CPU exclusive (I got by using Muscle Millenium ) It was an obvious cash grab done to draw money, but it has a place in my heart as janky as it was.

I forgot what it was called, but it had the title of "Crazy Chicken". I was a stupid pup at that time and thought it was a platformer. It was just a Bejewled/Zookeeper Clone.

At least Zookeeper DS was fun.

Drawn to Life on the Wii was really bad. There is a Switch "Reboot" and has mixed reviews as well.


Lunar Dragon Song was horrible. Running made you loose HP.

Sadly this is not true, for I too have beaten Lunar: Dragon Song.

I feel both admiration and pity of anyone that actually went through that sisyphean task of playing Dragon Song (I'm not calling that aberration Lunar). That pile of excrement in the shape of a DS cartridge is comparable to cock and ball torture and is flagrantly unplayable!

- Characters attack randomly, you have NO input whatsoever
- Running docks your HP
- Map / Level design is dogshit
- The difficulty is schizophrenic
- The game gives you "helpful" hints on where to go that make old NES npc's look like Strategy guides

I am 100% convince that game only came to exist as part of a money laundering scheme.

 

[Capsaicin Addict]

No mention of the Burger King tie in games?

A friend of mine picked up Sneak King and we all laughed ourselves silly as the King stalks his chosen prey before shoving fast food into their faces.

 

[JamesFargo]

the King stalks his chosen prey before shoving fast food into their faces.

 

[Jeff Boomhauer]

I just remembered one that I'm ashamed to admit that I bought with Christmas money when I was younger.

Pokemon Dash on the DS. Ugly graphics for a DS game, a single player can only play as Pikachu and Pikachu won't shut up, and the "find the checkpoint" style of racing didn't really work from a top down perspective.

The best comparison I can think of is Sonic R, except I actually kinda like that game, despite how awkward it is. At least you can control your character, albeit not as fluently as other racing games.

The worst part is, the game had one of the coolest modes ever - if you had a DS that could play GBA games, you could insert any of the five Gen 3. games and play a course shaped like the Pokemon you had on your team! But the racing was so lackluster, you wouldn't even want to bother.

For some added humor, I remember going to Walmart with my folks and buying it. My dad, who didn't care what games I bought unless they were Rated M, looked at it and said, "Are you sure this is the one you want, son?" He even knew about my autistic interest in Pokemon... I remember trading it in to a used game store a couple of weeks later for a copy of Wario World, and he said, "There, that's a much better choice!" He was right, dammit.

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

I just remembered one that I'm ashamed to admit that I bought with Christmas money when I was younger.

Pokemon Dash on the DS. Ugly graphics for a DS game, a single player can only play as Pikachu and Pikachu won't shut up, and the "find the checkpoint" style of racing didn't really work from a top down perspective.

The best comparison I can think of is Sonic R, except I actually kinda like that game, despite how awkward it is. At least you can control your character, albeit not as fluently as other racing games.

The worst part is, the game had one of the coolest modes ever - if you had a DS that could play GBA games, you could insert any of the five Gen 3. games and play a course shaped like the Pokemon you had on your team! But the racing was so lackluster, you wouldn't even want to bother.

For some added humor, I remember going to Walmart with my folks and buying it. My dad, who didn't care what games I bought unless they were Rated M, looked at it and said, "Are you sure this is the one you want, son?" He even knew about my autistic interest in Pokemon... I remember trading it in to a used game store a couple of weeks later for a copy of Wario World, and he said, "There, that's a much better choice!" He was right, dammit.

Ambrella (the developers of all those crappy Pikachu spinoffs) was a pretty bad developer, their only good games were the first few Pokémon Rumbles.

 

[XYZpdq]

No mention of the Burger King tie in games?

A friend of mine picked up Sneak King and we all laughed ourselves silly as the King stalks his chosen prey before shoving fast food into their faces.

worst not best

 

[Syaoran Li]

Worst I actually owned has got to be the Powerpuff Girls games on the GBC.

I also made the terrible mistake of BUYING Army Men Green Rogue, some of the Army Men games were alright, some were outright shovelware, most I rented but Green Rogue's cover impressed me so much and it was rented out that I begged my mom to take me to EB to buy it.

There was the cool intro cutscene as those games always had, I thought "hell yeah" and then the game started and I immediately hated it.

There was also Army Men Advance which I bought which was even worse shovelware, then I also bought Portal Runner, thankfully that one wasn't too bad, but 3DO really knew how to sucker kids like me, make a game with a cool premise, a cool cover and a cool CGI intro, all centered around a shitty game.

Looking back though the whole vibe of their games was so agreeably cheesy and fun, it's just a shame they didn't manage to deliver in the gameplay department more often than not.

I'm shocked no one has tried to bring Army Men back as a Fortnite clone though, have a bunch of Army Men and other toys fight out a Battle Royale in someone's backyard, that's such an obvious idea.

There's actually a few indie games that pretty much do the whole "Army Men as a Battle Royale shooter" since the actual toys are fairly generic and not trademarked or copyrighted.

I think the reason why there isn't a game like that with actual "Army Men" branding and characters like Sarge is because the rights to that franchise are probably in a legal mess.

After 3DO went under, the Army Men franchise rights were passed around by multiple developers.

 

[Jeff Boomhauer]

Does Mario's Time Machine count?

I played the SNES version as a kid. Talk about a cool premise being wasted for boring edutainment. People can rightfully call me a dumb, uneducated American, but I had no idea what the hell you were supposed to do.

I rented it from a video store and it didn't come with a manual, so all I could do was the lame as fuck Mario surfing sections, hoping in vain that I'd get somewhere interesting if I got far enough. I was in first grade at the time, so I really didn't have a ton of historical dates memorized at that point, let alone whatever real life history was present in a Mario game.

 

[JamesFargo]

I played the SNES version as a kid. Talk about a cool premise being wasted for boring edutainment. People can rightfully call me a dumb, uneducated American, but I had no idea what the hell you were supposed to do.

Carmen Sandiego had been out for years at that point, so it's like there wasn't a manual on how to do this shit. But what do you expect when you outsource your IP to these guys:

An Amish wagon, how reassuring.

It somehow manages to be more boring than LJN's Bill & Ted. A glorified walking sim.

 

[Syaoran Li]

I know I've probably mentioned this before, but it still legit surprises me that we never saw a shovelware game for Night of the Living Dead during the "Zombie Boom" of the late 2000's and early 2010's.

The film is in the public domain and any dev could slap together a cheapo PS2 or Wii title back in 2008-2010 and make bank on the whole "based on the first true zombie movie" angle.

IIRC, someone mentioned that the film is in public domain but the name is technically under trademark by Image Ten and the Romero estate, but if it's public domain, I'm fairly sure a disclaimer saying that it's not connected to Image Ten and not intended to infringe on any trademarks could suffice.

 

[Dom Cruise]

There's actually a few indie games that pretty much do the whole "Army Men as a Battle Royale shooter" since the actual toys are fairly generic and not trademarked or copyrighted.

I think the reason why there isn't a game like that with actual "Army Men" branding and characters like Sarge is because the rights to that franchise are probably in a legal mess.

After 3DO went under, the Army Men franchise rights were passed around by multiple developers.

IIRC the rights to Army Men were simply bought by Take Two where they've remained ever since.

 

[bonkmaykr]

3D Pixel Racing on WiiWare was the dumbest shit I think I've ever played. The UI was ugly, the game was ugly, the entire game played like I was driving a worn down Walmart shopping cart, the soundtrack was barebones as the surface of the moon, and it cost 8 dollars. I regrettably spent 8 dollars on that shit back in 2011. I would demand a refund, but the shop channel is shut down.

 

[The Last Stand]

Fantastic 4 on the PS2 and 360. Both had dull level design, copy paste enemies and uninteresting characters. I literally fell asleep playing it.

 

[JamesFargo]

I literally fell asleep playing it.

It's true to the source material, then.

 

[bonkmaykr]

No mention of the Burger King tie in games?

A friend of mine picked up Sneak King and we all laughed ourselves silly as the King stalks his chosen prey before shoving fast food into their faces.

I had that one bumper car one and... I don't remember it very well.

I just remembered one that I'm ashamed to admit that I bought with Christmas money when I was younger. Pokemon Dash on the DS. Ugly graphics for a DS game, a single player can only play as Pikachu and Pikachu won't shut up, and the "find the checkpoint" style of racing didn't really work from a top down perspective. The best comparison I can think of is Sonic R, except I actually kinda like that game, despite how awkward it is. At least you can control your character, albeit not as fluently as other racing games. The worst part is, the game had one of the coolest modes ever - if you had a DS that could play GBA games, you could insert any of the five Gen 3. games and play a course shaped like the Pokemon you had on your team! But the racing was so lackluster, you wouldn't even want to bother. For some added humor, I remember going to Walmart with my folks and buying it. My dad, who didn't care what games I bought unless they were Rated M, looked at it and said, "Are you sure this is the one you want, son?" He even knew about my autistic interest in Pokemon... I remember trading it in to a used game store a couple of weeks later for a copy of Wario World, and he said, "There, that's a much better choice!" He was right, dammit.

You have a good father.

 

[XYZpdq]

I had that one bumper car one and... I don't remember it very well.

yeah from what I recall the ones that weren't Sneak King were completely forgettable, but "It's Metal Gear Solid But It's The Fast Food Guy" was a fun enough time

 

[JamesFargo]

"It's Metal Gear Solid But It's The Fast Food Guy"

Six buffets. More than enough to fill anything that moves.

 

[NerdShamer]

Although, it's good, but the plot and the gameplay gets kind of stale right after you drive the giant robot. Sure, there's a wide variety of enemies. But it's basically a slogfest and some of the characters are trying to fit a niche that doesn't exist in the game.

 

[Jeff Boomhauer]

Although, it's good, but the plot and the gameplay gets kind of stale right after you drive the giant robot. Sure, there's a wide variety of enemies. But it's basically a slogfest and some of the characters are trying to fit a niche that doesn't exist in the game.

I didn't like this one, but I found it at Walmart for $5, so I couldn't complain too much.