The Writing Thread -

Prince Jello

kiwifarms.net
I wasn't sure where to put this, but I'd like some suggestions for a short story I'm re-writing.

Basically, I'm doing a laundry list of concepts, happenings and actions that are absolutely disgusting, gruesome and/or morally reprehensible. Things that make us lose faith in humanity. More than simply mentioning war or pollution - though it's a good starting point -, I need specific situations. Of course, the Farms being an encyclopedia of human depravity, there should be some examples floating around. For now I have (non-exhaustive list) :
  • Mothers who sell their children's services to pedophiles in exchange for money
  • People who film themselves torturing small animals (mutilating them, stepping on them, putting them in a microwave) and put it on Youtube
  • This dumb bitch who burned a 3500 year old tree and even took pictures of the fire (maybe not as bad as the rest but god this made me so mad)
  • Old people starving and suffering in silence in shitty retirement homes because their families won't take care of them
  • Sexual deviants who actively try to infect other people with STDs, raping them or forcing them to come in contact with their bodily fluids
 
  • Agree
Reactions: WanderingVagabond

Deadwaste

null is a GODDAMN SHIT BITCH
kiwifarms.net
People who film themselves torturing small animals (mutilating them, stepping on them, putting them in a microwave) and put it on Youtube
i dont think these types of videos would fly on youtube so you'd have to come up with some dark web shit to make this work
 

Valiant

Salty Space Bitch
Staff Member
Moderator
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
People who film themselves torturing small animals (mutilating them, stepping on them, putting them in a microwave) and put it on Youtube
"N.E.D.M" (Not Even Doom Music) was the most well known video for this. It was online when YT wasn't even a real thing, rather it was on YTMND
 

Prince Jello

kiwifarms.net
i dont think these types of videos would fly on youtube so you'd have to come up with some dark web shit to make this work
I was thinking about Youtube's early years, when content wasn't moderated as closely as now, but now that I re-read myself, I see that my statement is innacurate :/ Thanks for the clarification!

"N.E.D.M" (Not Even Doom Music) was the most well known video for this. It was online when YT wasn't even a real thing, rather it was on YTMND
Good grief, I knew I'd have no choice but to delve into some real horror during my research, but I kinda hoped I wouldn't find something like this. Still, I looked around for articles concerning NEDM, it's good to have some concrete examples instead of relying on urban legends. Thanks!
 

Venus

Dat bitch
kiwifarms.net
I'm actually starting to get frustrated with writing as of late; mainly because I have a shit load of ideas for the lore of my novel (it's a fantasy), but being unable to organize them in a way that it would flow naturally. I love writing short stories related to my book, since it adds a little more mythology to the lore... but I'm a disorganized person.
 

androidwarrior

kiwifarms.net
So I was planning on writing a book about Mermen and Mermaids-or Merhumans. Merhumans can frequent the sea and our world. But I went only so far as Chapter One before stopping. I lost confidence in my writing and I was busy with work.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DTjS5WfTYSqfog9gez_3O6WA7u4sHNC-/view?usp=sharing

I don't know if I should continue. I don't want to write a pile of shit. and I definitely don't want to be another Norman Boutin. Please tell me what you think and what I can do to improve it
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Venus and Deadwaste

Venus

Dat bitch
kiwifarms.net
So I was planning on writing a book about Mermen and Mermaids-or Merhumans. Merhumans can frequent the sea and our world. But I went only so far as Chapter One before stopping. I lost confidence in my writing and I was busy with work.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DTjS5WfTYSqfog9gez_3O6WA7u4sHNC-/view?usp=sharing

I don't know if I should continue. I don't want to write a pile of shit. and I definitely don't want to be another Norman Boutin. Please tell me what you think and what I can do to improve it
I just got past the first page, and will read the rest tonight so I can give some proper constructive criticism.

So far, my only complaint is that the dialogue is kind of confusing in that there are multiple characters speaking per paragraph- my English teacher used to drill it into us that we should only have one character speak per paragraph, and only because it's easier to follow whose speaking.

Other than that, your writing isn't too shabby. I like that you manage to be quite descriptive while using simple language (I'm biased though as I hate purple prose with a passion).

I've said it in another thread, so I'll repeat it here: it's okay for the first draft to not be up to par. Once you're done the story you can always go back and edit it.
 

androidwarrior

kiwifarms.net
I just got past the first page, and will read the rest tonight so I can give some proper constructive criticism.

So far, my only complaint is that the dialogue is kind of confusing in that there are multiple characters speaking per paragraph- my English teacher used to drill it into us that we should only have one character speak per paragraph, and only because it's easier to follow whose speaking.

Other than that, your writing isn't too shabby. I like that you manage to be quite descriptive while using simple language (I'm biased though as I hate purple prose with a passion).

I've said it in another thread, so I'll repeat it here: it's okay for the first draft to not be up to par. Once you're done the story you can always go back and edit it.
Thank you
 
  • Like
Reactions: Venus

The Shadow

Friendly Neighborhood Shitposter
kiwifarms.net
This wonderfully awful idea came to me recently...

Elmo: James Woods, Elmo wants to know why Mr. Trump doesn't like those "undocumented people".

James Woods: Think of it this way Elmo: Let's say there's a stand selling fresh apple pies.

Elmo: Oh boy!

James Woods: And you managed to save enough pocket money and sit through a long line to get one. Just when you're about to get one, someone else rushes in, cuts in front of you and demands a pie; not caring they they didn't bother to bring any money with them. How would take make you feel?

Elmo: That would make Elmo sad.

James Wood: That's how a lot of us feel when people get into the country illegally.

Elmo: Elmo thinks if you're going to get something, it should be fairly and honestly.

James Woods: Now you got it.

Elmo: (Goes over to hug him.) Let's build that wall.
I rated it autistic, but I genuinely love this. More. MORE!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Yaoi Huntress Earth

8777BB5

Keep her Sexy and Straightforward
kiwifarms.net
I need some help with how to get around my novels winding themselves up at the 39,000 word mark. Every time I set out to write a 88,000 (Ideal debut novel range) the story wraps up at the 39,000 word mark. I've tried doing a novel in stories thing where all three novels tie together, but when I do that the tie in stories are even shorter and I usually fall about five to ten thousand short of 88,000 which is a death sentence. I have thought about trying to write Middle Grade Books but the last time I attempted it I found that the agents that wanted it either wanted it written by an established author or weren't interested in Vampire Bulldozers duking it out with Zombie Portajohns
 

berserkerarmor

big man, bigger sword, biggest dick.
kiwifarms.net
everyone tells me my writing is good and i just see it as personal and edgy but im gonna share it anyways in snips at least cuz uhhhhhhh edge
some are minorly violent and have some minor religious stuff in past i apologize
on the day we die we will become twin spirits and haunt these hollow woods. you are so beautiful in the night, i feel like i have become a fright to your eyes. know this my love, my dear, my honey bear. what we carry on our shoulders, will never replace the weight of living in a world such as ours. so let’s take a leap of faith. Isn’t that what you wanted for us? i’m scared of you. your brown eyes are now red and the blue of your soul has become pitch black. i’m becoming a vile sort of hollow. i’m frightened by you. you are now a big bad wolf. yet, i am not red riding hood.
you know, the feeling you get when you see the reminders. the reminders of your stupid decisions you made. the reminders of what you let go when you shouldn’t have. what you didn’t fight against. you wrap your hands around it’s neck. you see the fear in it’s eyes. the reflection of you in it’s eyes, doesn’t seem to exist. it’s facial expression turns to fear, with hot tears swimming in its eyes. blinking feels so slow, breathing is heavy, you let go. it falls to the ground. it lays like a fallen child that fell face first over it’s own feet. you breathe, you inhale, you exhale but the heavy feeling in your chest gets worse. you feel bile in your throat. hot and vile. you choke on your own spit as tears cascade down your face. you look down at it. it’s broken. a bit filthy. a bit tattered. more likely needs stitched back together. you pick up the small thing, its turning it so your face meets it. a rag doll.. it hurts to see a reminder that is so small but harmful.
You are gone from life like a hunting knife slicing a throat. Quick and painless. Yet, it wasn’t painless. It’s like you have just disappeared into thin air, a cryptid on this earth that only i saw. You said snow was your favorite thing about nature, i hope you have found a home hidden deep in thick snowy forests.
I crack your rib cage, your heart becomes exposed.. how dirty it is, how dark and black and horror filled.. you have a name of a saint.. You are a sinner that’s far from a Saint. I kiss your cheek softly, as I caress your tear stained cheeks. I sing a lullaby as I rock you in my arms, just like a dad would to child.. . I whisper into your ears so quietly. words of endearment. you can barely hear it over your struggle to breathe. You take your last breath as I whisper something so hysterical sounding into your ears and all you hear is my words, resounding over and over.

“ Now choke on your tainted words.”
*blows on a kazoo while doing jazz hands* i suk
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Salt Water Taffy

Venus

Dat bitch
kiwifarms.net
Would it be too depressing if in my romantic sub-plot, the two parties don’t get together at the end due to one of them dying and the other suffers from amnesia?
 

mate

kiwifarms.net
I had a couple of short stories published a few years ago but I haven't written anything since. I feel a bit silly as I got paid for them and one of them got an 'honorable mention' at the end of a quite reputable 'best of year' anthology. I need to start writing again but honestly its been so long I'm just not feeling it.

I recommend http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/ if anyone is interested in writing sci fi/fantasy/horror. It helped me with my writing.
 

Alice Springs

Literal kiwi farmer
kiwifarms.net
This semester, I've been working on a novel that I started in freshman year and only began revisiting in junior year. I told my professor that my goals were for a wordcount of 80,000~. He said I wouldn't be able to do that in just one semester. I'm at 77,000 right now.

The secret is giving your protagonist a sidekick who really wants to go on a killing spree.
Really, really late here, but, uh. Rather prophetic.
 

Freikugel

kiwifarms.net
I need some help with how to get around my novels winding themselves up at the 39,000 word mark. Every time I set out to write a 88,000 (Ideal debut novel range) the story wraps up at the 39,000 word mark. I've tried doing a novel in stories thing where all three novels tie together, but when I do that the tie in stories are even shorter and I usually fall about five to ten thousand short of 88,000 which is a death sentence. I have thought about trying to write Middle Grade Books but the last time I attempted it I found that the agents that wanted it either wanted it written by an established author or weren't interested in Vampire Bulldozers duking it out with Zombie Portajohns
I don't think that's necessarily a flaw. If you can wrap up your stories in 39,000 words then just write 39,000 words, no need to bloat it if you've said everything you had to. If you really want an easy way to buff up the word count, I would say that you would have to add more conflict to your stories to extend them before you reach the ending or add a larger cast of characters for you to explore. But again, I'm of the mindset that if you've said everything you need to, there's no issue writing with lower word counts. With how short attention spans are these days, that might actually be a positive quality.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: WanderingVagabond

Syaoran Li

The Anime Night Stalker
kiwifarms.net
I'm thinking of getting more into writing fiction (and possibly fan fiction as well) as a hobby, I think it would be a fun means to pass the time.

The problem is that I tend to get all ADHD and jump from one concept to the next, never really getting anywhere with any of them, most of the ideas don't even make it past the outline phase. However, I will try to work on remedying that issue.

I did have an idea for a story that is essentially a fantasy RPG story that I think might be fun to write.

Think along the lines of Dungeons & Dragons or old-school Final Fantasy. Yeah, there are a lot of cliches and other stereotypes and archetypes in that genre and in the outline for my story concept, but it's all in good fun. Still have not written the first chapter yet.

As autistic as this sounds, I even assigned character classes to the five protagonists so I can better conceptualize them.

Specifically, the characters are a Fighter, a Mage, a Thief, a Cleric, and a Martial Artist. Again, it's the typical RPG cliches lifted straight from D&D, but I like it.

I'll link you guys to the first chapter when it's posted and keep you updated.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Venus and Deadwaste
Tags
None

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

We are on the Brave BAT program. Consider using Brave as your Browser. It's like Chrome but doesn't tell Google what you masturbate to.

BTC: 1EiZnCKCb6Dc4biuto2gJyivwgPRM2YMEQ
BTC+SW: bc1qwv5fzv9u6arksw6ytf79gfvce078vprtc0m55s
ETH: 0xc1071c60ae27c8cc3c834e11289205f8f9c78ca5
LTC: LcDkAj4XxtoPWP5ucw75JadMcDfurwupet
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino