Kiwi Farms

Name one and only one thing that bothers Ethan, I'll update the OP as we go on. You can provide as many submissions as you like, just no double posting or naming more than one in a single post. The idea is that we build this list together for fun.

Here's my submission: His height.

---

• Ethan's Height
• Ethan's Gunt
• Nora
• Transformative dancing emoticons
• A clean asshole
• Responsibility
• Running the Killstream
• Getting cucked by imaginary Japanese children
• His fans
• Sobriety
• Kiwi Farms
• Josh's penis
• Non-Whites
• Hispanic female police officers trying to arrest him
• Having to take his mother to dialysis
• Taking responsibility
• Callers and the chat
• Questions about Cleo the Cat
• @Flamenco
• Women who reject his advances
• @Fslur
• Looking down while in the shower
• Ay-Lawgs dabbing on him
• 
• Faith Vickers
• The size of his own penis
• Non-Disposable Plates and Cutlery
• Having to leave the Guntshack to acquire more Maker’s Mark
• The smell of a freshly washed thumb
• When it's not even hot outside
• Dating women in his own age range
• Wiping his ass
• Criticism of any kind
• Having to use a rag on a stick to wash himself
• Secured garbage containers that may contain hamburgers
• Underwear, and the thought of someone pantsing him
• Unflavoured meth
• Having to put lotion on his grizzled flesh
• That his penis is smaller than his thumb
• 
• Actually being friends with Gator
• Streets with slight inclines
• Xander / Dispatch
• Jim / Metokur
• Being Ethan Ralph
• Being asked for his ID at a bar and/or not having Maker's Mark
• Exercising
• Wearing underwear
• Xander (Ralph's son)
• SNAKES
• Mentioning the women he slept with in Miami
• College Tuition Bills
• Debt Collectors
• His reflection
• Freedom of Speech and Capitalism
• The Wall Street Journal
• Free Speech
• Wondering why a 14 year old girl he publicly masturbated to won't return his calls
• 3 percenters
• People not knowing who he is
• Having ice dumped on him
• TTS
• Being sodomised as a child by his father Ronald
• Aylawgs dabbing on his gourmet meals
• Fears of becoming just like his father
• Hygiene
• Student Loans
• Brianna Wu
• People bringing up the dolphin laugh
• People liking tweets that poke fun of him
• His ex asking for their sex toy back
• An animal that shares its name with a type of fruit
• The footage CRP has of Andy pounding Ralph in Miami
• Haunting echoes of what could have been
• Knowing every single fuck up is the result of his own actions and agency rather than any aylawgs
• Main Event/the 12 year old spic bartender that won't serve him
• When people holler over him
• Revenge porn laws
• The gaping hole Nora left in his heart that he's spent this year trying to fill with 3 other women, having a child, meth, and a swimming pool's worth of maker's mark
• His graying hair
• MC Jarbo for stabbing him in the back
• The idea that he should buy bottom shelf booze to consume by the handle to "save" money
• His Daddy
• Child support lol
• Autists
• MC Jarbo
• Coach Abortion Pill
• People talking shit about addicts
• Getting up at 9 am
• Soph's age
• The fact that he’s so fat that his body has developed several auxiliary gunts
• St. Jude's Children's Hospital
• When people throw away perfectly good halfway eaten hamburgers
• When he has to eat a burger that isn’t seasoned with delicious garbage juice
• That, as he was a 5 month preemie, he might be a fucked retard mutant, which is in fact true as he has an "easter island grape shaped head and his fucked retarded looking t rex stumps and mr potato head early fetal shaped physique"
• Chicks who aren't into fetuses
• That he doesn't have enough friends and family to host a Christmas dinner party
• Hollerin
• The Danish Police
• That Mundane Matt has become infinitely more likeable than he is
• When Chris Cantwell cucked him on ralphs own show and started taking callers and telling him who to hang up on
• When he slams his gunt in doors because it’s always hanging out of his shirt
• Broken dicks
• Having to turn sideways to get through a normal door frame
• Plategang and/or Zoom
• How black girls won't fuck no scrubs
• Gold-star caller Butters whenever he says "can i leave you all with a joke?"
• Faith not agreeing to a Threesome with Pantsu
• Bright/Flashing colors
• Losing
• Not ever being able to be there for the birth of his supposed child
• Being relegated to the sad, lonely corner of the internet on Dlive
• Healthy relationships
• Good Health
• Getting slapped in the gunt with a pizza paddle
• Not being Dick Masterson
• A 100 metres walk
• The basketball hoop his neighbors have placed right in front of his house
• People without gunts
• When it actually is pretty hot outside but you can’t admit it because that would mean you have to take your sick and dying mother to dialysis
• The fact he'll eventually have to get a real job
• Monogamy
• Diginee
• His knees
• Any mention of Zidan
• That his greatest achievement, the Boulderstream, was not his work but Zidan's
• His hips, knees and ankles. Basically all joint structures below the gunt
• The fact that the Shawty Retort hosted by Saggy Shawty, a top 1% creator on onlyfans, gets better numbers than his show
  Spoiler: proof

  
• When people flex having YouTube red on him
• Having a reverse midas touch on platforms; being banned from youtube, responsible for the collapse of Stream.me, and de-partnered on DLive
• Ice bags to the face
• When teen girls throw bottles at his gunt when he tries to molest them
• That he didn't joinstart a gang his first time in prison
• Prison shower ass rape jokes made at his expense
• NEEGAS WITH BIG DICKS
• The fact that Dispatch, Zidan, Flamenco and yes, even Gator, have more potential in life than he does
• @Sam Losco
• Stream snipers
• @PhoBingas
• Having clean sheets in his bed
• Building up too much tolerance to meth over time so he has to smoke more
• Female police officers
• Lists of things that bother him
• Getting rejected when he slides up into those DMs
• His dealers no longer giving him freebies and raising their prices to gouge the gunt of his lemons
• The declining value of lemons and the knowledge it's only a matter of time before dlive goes under and Ralph will have nowhere left to stream
• Getting investigated by the glowies
• Randbot
• The Trovo administrators
• Butters. Ralph always remembers how annoying he is about 10 seconds into every call.
• People that post in this thread.
• Having to drink Maker's straight when he's run out of coca cola.
• Having to be on time for any actual commitments he makes.
• Taking a shower.
• Mowing the lawn.
• Adult responsibilities
• The fact that MC Jarbo uses Eminem beats to mock him
• When maker’s mark doesn’t give discounts for buying bulk right from the distillery
• Diabetes
• His mom A-LAWGING him by refusing to die.
• The fact that his son’s first word could very well be “gunt”
• Southern Dingo
• @Perspicacity
• the KC Chiefs losing will be a bigger upset to him than losing access to his own child
• Canadian Preachers and their surfing buddy
• AUXILLERY GUNTS
• Being called Ethanol Ralph
• That he will merely always be the second most prominent Ralph in Virginia after Gov. Ralph Northam.
• Putting on clean sheets.
• when other's have success or humility.
• Dame Pesos
• When his dealer is out of meth so he tells him to make jenkem instead
• @Null
• paying child support
• Spoiler: Being called "Bugman"

  
• When he goes to chase maker’s mark with coke but grabs his piss jug by mistake.
• Still not being Dick Masterson.
• Destiny
• Washing his hands
• Null’s basil plant
• Always getting killed when people play 'fuck, marry, kill'
• When Null steals the peri-peri sauce from Nando’s
• Daily Wire, and the fact that Candace Owen works for it
• being called 5'1
• being 5'1
• Suspenders
• How his front butt is bigger than his back butt.
• Leaving his phone at a pedophile tranny's house and having to ask for it back.
• When his gunt gets all red and raw from fighting with other gunts.
• That the calories always go to his face or gunt instead of the soles of his feet or the crown of his head.
• Other people having fun
• Himself. It’s very apparent he hates himself and his actions are always a step further to shortening his life.
• When its 4/20 but the only dude who would sell you weed punched you in the face less than a month ago.
• @MeltyTW socks
• Being a normal person.
• Pants that don't have an adaptive waist line.
• Successful cryptocurrency management
• Serial Experiments Lain
• Gay people but in the black way
• Spelling "doxing" as "doxxing"