Kiwi Farms

We all know Tom's severely dementia riddled brain causes him to claim he's a number of different things. Of course, we know the only thing he truly is is a pedophile dogfucker. But, according to Tom, he's whatever his brain decides to trick him into thinking he is, so what are some of those things?

Here's what I can remember:
-Marine Biologist
-Independent journalist
-World renowned musician
-Leader of a massive hippie organization
-Two Spirit

What else? Keep the list going.