Things you have learned - Share your hard-earned wisdom

Spunt

A Leading Source of Experimental Internet Gas
I have somehow managed to exist on this planet for multiple decades without dying, going to prison, or becoming MovieBob. In that time, I have learned some useful things about life and people. In particular, I have held a number of jobs where it was my job to investigate massive fuck-ups and work out how they happened, and which asshole was responsible and should be fired. I learned a lot about how to tell if someone is lying or being evasive:

- Someone who is hiding something will use passive sentence construction to try to make it sound like no-one was at fault. So instead of saying "I did not record the shipment in the log" they will say "the shipment was not recorded in the log".
- Anyone who uses the phrase "I naturally assumed that..." under interrogation is the person responsible for the fuck-up, and they know it.
- Most people when recalling a memory will instinctively look up and to the right. Someone who is making something up will look up and to the left.

What wisdom have you learned that you can share with us?
 

8777BB5

Keep Her Sexy and Straightforward
The Big Four Rules of Life (As told to me by my Mountain Guide)
1. Never French Kiss a lightsocket
2. Never Marry the Boss's daughter
3. Never buttfuck a porcupine
4. Opinions are like assholes: Everyone has one and rarely does one want to see hear, taste, smell or touch one.
 

CivilianOfTheFandomWars

Fuck all these limp-dick lawyers
True & Honest Fan
If you think anything is fool proof, you're the fool, and that's the proof.
1. People who say that something is foolproof underestimates the ingenuity of fools.
2. It’s really easy to make booze, harder to make good booze.
3. Robotussin gelcaps that contain only Dextromorphan Hbr are decent enough ways to get high. It is not for everyone, but it is cheaper than Ketamine.
4. A falling knife has no handle, the gun is always loaded, and the plate is always hot. Also, a sharp knife is a safe knife.
5. Learn to cook. There is no reason to not know how to make a good meal for yourself.
6. Learning from your mistakes is good, learning from the mistakes of others is better.
7. You do not have to share every little thing you do. No one really cares or even needs to know what you do in your spare time.
8. It’s always risky to try to turn a hobby into a job. You may just ruin something you used to enjoy.
9. If you don’t know what your doing, do not fuck with plumbing or electrical work. You will either get hurt or break something more expensive. Learn general handiness skills to avoid that.
10. Take care of yourselves, and each other.
 
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JosephStalin

Vozhd
True & Honest Fan
1. Never marry anyone you feel sorry for. You SHALL be VERY sorry.

2. Guess what. Plenty of pussy out there, guys. If you look and act reasonably normal you'll find someone. She may not be in your desired age group, but if she looks good and fucks good, that's all that matters. Think you're too old? Hell, no. Some women want an older guy, and some women want any guy at all. Just look and act normal and you'll find something. Now, don't look and act desperate. Your chances of success improve in inverse proportion to how hard you look for someone.
 

Bunny Tracks

Nothing equals the splendor
True & Honest Fan
1: Always write down your passwords and keep them in a secure place.
2: Cook eggs in butter or bacon grease to prevent them from sticking to the pan. Nonstick spray does jack shit.
3: Put out candles by putting the lids back on them so the room doesn't smell like smoke.
4: Shower gel can be used as a substitute for shampoo.
5: Always look before and when crossing the street.
6: When giving change, put the coins on the bottom and the bills on the top. This way the coins don't slip and fall when the person is getting the money.
7: It's okay to not be good at everything. It's what makes us human.
8: It's okay to make mistakes. Just be sure to own up to them and learn from them.
 
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NOT Sword Fighter Super

"Cheerleeder" of Slapfights
True & Honest Fan
If you can do something now or ASAP, do it so you can get it over with.
The Internet can be a great place to make friends, but still be careful. It's the Internet, anybody can be anybody.
College students are gross.
Take notes.
I'd love for you to expand on the "college students are gross" bit.
I completely agree, but I love horror stories.
 

I Love Beef

OH YEAHHUH, SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM
*If you have a strong feeling of spiritual awareness or a strong connection to the divine, or anything supernatural or superstitious in your life, it's best to be humble and see what that means for your own life, unless there are friends who are into that kind of stuff and are willing to share about it. Even then, there's too many damn frauds and religious fanatics these days that do not have this connection or pervert it for their own material gain. Also, learn the definition of the supernatural; there's a reason why angels are known as heavenly messengers and why the supernatural means "beyond natural phenomena". That said, no one's life is ever the same in perspective. Try to understand others, and let interactions with meaningful and caring people change you for the better, but stick to your own.

*It takes to know yourself to "trust your gut", and even then, your intuitions are not always accurate Continue forward, do what you can, do your best, and move ahead.

*If shit is petty around a scene or a certain subculture of people and all they just do is spectate or brag and cause drama to have anything meaningful in their lives, leave immediately. They will not lead you anywhere good.

*Always develop patience, and continue to as you get older. Life isn't a damn TV show where everything gets wrapped up in a 25 minute period, and even then, that's just where everything else done in life is snipped out and has all of the relevant parts pasted together. Results will always come as long as there is time, and don't waste it. Good fortune is always associated with preparedness and skillfulness, and ignorance is not your friend; it's why low income ghetto niggardly backasses always engage in crime.

*Even if you don't see it, karma will always be on the lookout and heaven is always watching. It's in our nature to want immediate retribution and payback with instant gratification, but when it comes, it will come when it's least expected and will be far more punishing than you can ever imagine. Respect it, fear it, and remember: it could happen to you if you stray far enough. In short: "The wheels of justice may turn slowly, but they will grind fools who play and taunt around them to a pulp." And we all know the ingenuity of fools.

*Running away is always the last option and plan to go to. Everything has to be fucked hard for that option to be the only way out, however, and I mean to where you can't provide yourself food or income or is that life threatening, either from a very active threat of death or knowing a place is that terrible and bumfucked that being there is a death sentence if you stay long enough. There is nothing wrong with running away, but you have to honestly ask yourself if it's that bad if walking away from everything is the only way out. Running away may run you into a dead end too if you are not careful enough either. Again, be patient, and try to improve things, it may not be too late.
 
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