Anything you put off until tomorrow or later will not get done.
Your actions affect other people far more than you think.
There is no high without a hangover of some sort.
Skillsets, personal property and appearances do not define us as much as we like to think. What really matters is intelligence and empathy.
- Shut the Fuck Up. Seriously. Anything you say can be used against you, at any time.
- Things you don't say can also be used against you.
- I renamed Los Angeles "Los Assholes" and there is a damn good reason for it.
- Never assume that you are the most competent or most qualified person in the room - you will find out soon enough, if you are.
- Don't try to win over douchebags. They are douchebags, after all.
- Avoid taking your kids out in public, unless accompanied by another adult. Refer to "Los Assholes."
- Find out what is required of you, and do it. Then Shut the Fuck Up.
- In general, no one wants to hear about it. Be an adult, and save it for later.
- Do not use racial or ethnic slurs. It is tacky and cruel.
- Skipping dinner and eating a tin of Danish Butter Cookies every night raises your cholesterol level.
Everyone is an asshole, the golden rule is for suckers.
Always keep a treat for yourself for later, you'll need it and future you will thank past you for it.
Whose Line is it Anyway is still funny, except the Drew Carey years.
- Don't act like you're wise and give aphorisms and advice unless you have something to show for it
- Apply Aristotle's rhetorical triangle whenever you're in a debate or reading secondhand information, especially the less prestigious instances
- Goethe was the original Chad
- Always hold secret meetings at the Three Broomsticks and never the Hog's Head
- If you don't know who the idiot in the room is, congratulations, you're in an idiot-free room and have won at life
- Walk away from Omelas
- Pointing out others' errors and folly doesn't always fix them, but at the very least it diverts energy from being used to commit new ones