Tinder and dating apps in general. The thread people actually care about

Grub

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I guess I've just talked to plenty of guys that do genuinely try to better themselves but don't allocate any time or energy to also have the balls to go after a girl a bit, or that think they have to be some finished product before they start dating (fucking).

You just need to do both. That seems the best strategy to maximize chances.
I agree with you. Bettering yourself alone isn't going to guarantee you a girlfriend or sex and honestly shouldn't be the reason you try and improve yourself. You do need to be able to approach a girl and carry on a conversation and yeah, have the balls to ask her out or show your interest in a non-spergy way.

But, there's a lot of people out there who don't actually recognize, they problem is them, the way they are, the way they live. If you don't have a job, or some minimum wage job, you can't drive, you have no skills, live with your parents, spend all day playing vidya or doing other childish things, are fat, lazy and unmotivated and don't even see a problem then chances are no matter how forward you are, you're not going to be able to maintain a relationship.
 

Hoi Polloi

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I made an account on OkCupid because I thought I had to to get the results of one of those "what kind of sandwich are you" type quizzes when I too young to be on the internet. The page had barely loaded and I already had a message from some degenerate asking me to join them for a threesome, and I haven't tried online dating since.
 

Clockwork_PurBle

"We despise nice: nice makes us sick."
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I will never use a dating app, at least for the foreseeable future because the only ones for my age group seem solely for hookups.

One of my friends gave Tinder a shot and all she got was creepy sexual messages before any other topic, and when she finally found someone interesting, he ghosted her the day of the date when she implied she was on her period (which was true). Now what does that imply?
 

General Tug Boat

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The apps are broken beyond repair. On occasion you can get a good match, but it's sort of like pulling a DSP and looking for Hulk Hogan pulls. If anything Tinder resembles any other gotcha app and the aspect that you have to pay to use their shit app that has nothing but bots is ridiculous. If the apps where better moderated for authentication purposes, then it would be a bit better to use. I tried it out briefly just to see what the hype was about and was a monumental waste of energy. The app mainly at this stage is just bots, camwhores, and fat chicks with unrealistic expectations. As well it's just a hook up app at this stage, to try to find an actual partner is something that is very fucking rare.
 

Lemmingwise

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But, there's a lot of people out there who don't actually recognize, they problem is them, the way they are, the way they live. If you don't have a job, or some minimum wage job, you can't drive, you have no skills, live with your parents, spend all day playing vidya or doing other childish things, are fat, lazy and unmotivated and don't even see a problem then chances are no matter how forward you are, you're not going to be able to maintain a relationship.
I don't think the bar is that high tbh. There are plenty of bums that land a girl. It narrows the pool, so its better to work on yourself if you want to maximize your chances.

Besides, there aren't many guys who's problem is getting into a relationship. For 80% of the girls, if you can get them to sleep with you, you can get them to relationship with you. And they'll actually put up with quite a bit.

The problem is usually the other hurdle; to get sex and it's usually the one that if it remains unfulfilled makes men unhappier than the other one.

Besides we have an entire culture trying to tell men to work hard and such so I'm very much doubting that many don't "know" what you're saying. I also kust think it isn't true. It didn't seem to be in the earlier parts of adulthood for me when I didn't have any of my shit together.

I've had girls strategize how to get my place cleaned up and I say this with equal measures pride and embarrassment. Girls aren't robots that scan your life for achievements, they just want someone that they think is cooler than them and that they can blink slow when sitting next to him.

Of course women that are mostly interested in using you exist, but you don't have to deal with that if your life is a mess. It's one of the perks I miss sometimes. Before I got into something serious anyways.

Now that I think about it, dating advice is hard to make useful anyways, since it's like medical science without double blind tests. Since everybody really is different genetically qnd responds to medicine differently, that's probably also true for what people want from their romantic life.
 
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MysticLord

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Bear in mind that I'm an oldfag and this advice may not be relevant.

Rule 0. Do not take advice from someone who has an incentive to lie to you.
Seems self-evident to me, but don't take "advice" from someone who is your competition. Women do this - they listen to their "bestie" or roommate, who tells then to dump some guy. Then a week later the friend is chatting with that guy. But men do it too, but it's usually in the context of cheating and stealing girlfriends. No one is perfect.

Rule 1. Go outside and talk to people.
Think of socializing as a rock polisher, and people as rocks. They become pretty by brushing up against each other and rubbing off one another's rough edges.

If you don't have any friends, then get a job or volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Bums have nothing to do all day but chat, and they survive by knowing how to talk to people to get things from them, so you could learn something from them. Doesn't matter if you're a sperg, they'll want to talk to you and it will be your job to talk to them, just don't give them anything and keep up emotional barriers. Keeping your head on straight as you witness their shenanigans will make talking to women seem easy.

If you already have basic social skills and friends, get a job in sales. The pressure to sell and learning from other salesmen will make you a new man.

If you can't talk to people, then nothing else in this thread will help you. If your hygiene is clothing is so strange that people shy away from you, learn how to clean yourself and your surroundings and figure out how to dress yourself by studying what other people do and test things out yourself.

Rule 2. Find guys you get along with, and do things in public.
Romantically inexperienced women, when in groups, circle the wagons and shoot down guys who approach them. That's why you need friends, so you can approach them as a group. Somehow it's less threatening to women.

Another thing you can do is go in a public space and do something as a group, like play poker, drinking games, play volleyball, or whatever. You want to make a non-threatening spectacle and encourage people to watch and get involved. Then when it's over, go out for something to eat and invite the spectators to tag along.

A second group outing could be the beach, with a barbecue; or you could go to a fair and bond with the girls over scary rides. Basically do what people did in the past that worked.

Rule 3. Get fit - either get very buff, or learn some form of self defense.
A woman already has a pussy, she doesn't need another one. She wants someone who can protect her and make her feel safe, while also being masculine. The distance and strangeness of masulinity is alluring to very feminine women, and after a few years of training and getting punched in the face (or rolling around on a mat) women will sense the difference. Knowing that you can beat the crap out of someone also gives you a deep sense of calmness. Once you have this confidence you will feel like a weight has dropped off your shoulders.

Either spend your free time working out and getting huge and strong, or take up running, calisthenics, and some sort of contact sport or martial art. Rugby, football, boxing, judo, bjj, muay thai, kickboxing, and wresting are all great choices, but whatever you choose it must have sparring to be effective.

If you do take up a martial art, first learn footwork, mobility, and defense (always keep your hands up). Then basic strikes, throws, or joint manipulations. Practice those, and beat up a speedbag until you can't lift your arms. Trade off sparring with pads and mitts with a friend. Do not do heavy sparring more than a few times a year at most, unless you're actually training to be a MMA fighter or something, an I definitely do not recommend you get a bunch of concussions to get laid.

Getting really good at violence is the best strategy for guys that look weird, tend to attract bullies, are short, are thin, or are discriminated against for their ethnicity. It really doesn't matter how tall and white a guy is if you - and Asian manlet - can pin him to the ground and pull on his arms and legs until he cries and pisses himself. There is hope for everyone, though you may need to use a different method to get the same results.

Bear in mind that I'm about 30 lbs overweight and struggling, but nonetheless I'm still trying though I have to be very cautious about what I do to avoid further injury.

Rule 4. Don't lie, and don't listen to PUA bullshit.
PUA tricks are like makeup and push-up bras for men - they're false advertising. While they can give you a short term advantage, and their advice to be more self-interested and less of a pushover is always good, they take it to an unhealthy extreme.

If you put on airs and act like some sort of psycho drug dealer in public, you'll attract women who like that sort of thing and push away the sort that don't. If that's really who you are and you like trashy women, then that's fine I guess. But if you're actually a sensitive, bookish kid then as soon as you drop the facade the women who thought you were their perfect guy will be pissed, and they'll burn you socially as revenge... plus the dorky girls who you would have pulled relatively easily as a artistic type will have long since written you off.

If you think long term, then you want someone maximally compatible with you. That means you want someone with whom your love feels effortless, and for whom the attraction is mutual. No one can keep up a facade forever, so improve yourself and try to be yourself as hard as possible, if that makes sense.

Back on topic, I only ever used OKCupid years ago and there was a visible decline in quality when I stopped using it - from about 2012 to 2017. From a cursory internet search, they all look exactly the same, and like a scam.
 
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Grub

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I don't think the bar is that high tbh. There are plenty of bums that land a girl.
Yeah, sure, they tend to be fairly low quality women though from what I've seen. I mean I guess if you have zero standards.

The problem is usually the other hurdle; to get sex and it's usually the one that if it remains unfulfilled makes men unhappier than the other one.
Finding a girl willing to have sex really isn't that hard, finding a girl that's not also fucking half the neighborhood as well requires a bit more effort. Again, depends on your standards I suppose.


It didn't seem to be in the earlier parts of adulthood for me when I didn't have any of my shit together.
That's the thing though, when you get older, unless you're still going after girls in their 20's or something, the expectations go up, again, depending on your standards.
Besides we have an entire culture trying to tell men to work hard and such so I'm very much doubting that many don't "know" what you're saying. I also kust think it isn't true
The entire incel bullshit is literally men who believe their entitled to women despite being entirely unappealing and useless in life.

Of course women that are mostly interested in using you exist, but you don't have to deal with that if your life is a mess
You'd be surprised, all you need to do is find a girl who's life is even more of a mess than yours.
Now that I think about it, dating advice is hard to make useful anyways, since it's like medical science without double blind tests. Since everybody really is different genetically qnd responds to medicine differently, that's probably also true for what people want from their romantic life.
I agree with this. Most dating advice is either common sense or not applicable generally.
 

Lemmingwise

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The entire incel bullshit is literally men who believe their entitled to women despite being entirely unappealing and useless in life.
I think this is buying a media narrative without understanding what's really going on. I laid it out in my first post. 80% of women procreate, 40% of men. If all men get their act together, there would still be incels, because it is a zero sum game. When people aren't socially enforced towards marriages as they were in the past, then we revert to our personal base desires.

Women will put up with a less attractive male, if it's socially valued/enforced. Just as today they are pumping breastmilk in their business toilets as that is the socially valued female life. But if there isn't, then a significant number rather kinda share a guy on the dream that she might land him, then waste time on a loser. If all guys get their act together, then the bar for not being a loser is just higher.

Incels is just a result of the quasi polygamy we are in, especially with the pill and wuasi abolishment of marriage. Just as muslim nations had all these surplus men. Their solution was allowing them to rape or take wives among conquered women so they were never short on conscripts and islam spread very fast.
 

Grub

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I think this is buying a media narrative without understanding what's really going on.
No, this comes from actually speaking to them, online and in person. I had a roommate who didn't get laid for at least 5 years or more, probably still hasn't. Dude's bedroom was full of piss bottles and he slept on a bed full of garbage, spent his time drinking, playing video games or watching cartoons. He'd constantly go on about how this girl was just a dumb slut, or that girl wasn't good enough for him or other such things but at the same time complained how he could never find a girlfriend.

You talk to a lot of incels, it's the same shit, they don't have a job, live with their parents, piss in bottles, yet believe not only are they entitled to a girlfriend and sex, but a girl that treats them like their Mommy's do.
Women will put up with a less attractive male, if it's socially valued/enforced. Just as today they are pumping breastmilk in their business toilets as that is the socially valued female life. But if there isn't, then a significant number rather kinda share a guy on the dream that she might land him, then waste time on a loser. If all guys get their act together, then the bar for not being a loser is just higher.

Incels is just a result of the quasi polygamy we are in, especially with the pill and wuasi abolishment of marriage. Just as muslim nations had all these surplus men. Their solution was allowing them to rape or take wives among conquered women so they were never short on conscripts and islam spread very fast.
Ummm alright if you say so. I've found pretty good luck with just treating women like people, speaking to them normally and not worrying about any bullshit like that myself.
 

beet644

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I remember back in high school a web site called when myyearbook (meet me don't count) I used back in 2008 to early 2010. Not sure if it was me or if woman change but back then it was not that hard to get dates online. on worst days at lest you got some good conversation. So did woman became crazy and narcissist or did guys became lazy and don't under stand woman?
 

Bezmenov

отвали пизда
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Dating apps are horrid, dating apps when you're over 30 are even worse.
  • Single moms (who keep this fact hidden until after you've invested a day or two worth of messaging them)
  • 4/10 egirls matching with everyone to lowkey push their shitty IG/OF accounts
  • Careerist cool wine aunts
  • fats
  • cat ladies
  • mid thirties women with "want kids someday" in their profile (NOEGGS)
  • they/them goblins
  • AGPs
  • asians
I get a bout of amnesia once every 3-4 months where I forget how shitty my previous go-around on dating apps were and re-install them again, thinking that I'm somehow going to garner better results than before, only to be disappointed after about a month or so, and promptly delete them, only to restart the cycle later. I will most likely just keep holding out until shows and parties become normal again where I live and just pursue a relationship the old fashioned way.
 

Lemmingwise

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Dude's bedroom was full of piss bottles

I have literally have never met anyone that I knew that had pissbottles in his room.

I've vaguely met a couple that would be incels; I train regularly with someone who mostly is.

It doesn't surprise me these people exist, but it does surprise me that somehow they still manage to have social contact at all. Holy fucking shit.

When you have piss bottles, you're not even really an incel. You can't convince me it isn't voluntary at that point.

Ummm alright if you say so. I've found pretty good luck with just treating women like people, speaking to them normally and not worrying about any bullshit like that myself.
Neither have I, but the plight of less capable males, particularly autistic ones that need everything spelled out is just something I care about. I make sure the advice is there so I don't feel bad if they're too thickheaded to heed it.
 

Grub

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I have literally have never met anyone that I knew that had pissbottles in his room.
Well, I literally found one of them melted to the top of my microwave he jacked out of the kitchen so he could microwave himself porkchops and shit, the empty packaging of which I found on his bed. I ended up having to go through his room after he got kicked out for not paying rent for months and stealing. I fucking accidentally knocked one of them over, it had no lid on it...the fucking smell... but the worst was the month old bag of sushi I found right about crotch area in the human shaped patch he'd carved into the garbage on his bed. There'd been this smell of death coming from the room for about a month or so. I touched the bag and it exploded into a cloud of flies and maggots. After disposing of that bag, the death smell vanished.

It doesn't surprise me these people exist, but it does surprise me that somehow they still manage to have social contact at all. Holy fucking shit.
Not only did he have social contact dude cooked at a restaurant.
When you have piss bottles, you're not even really an incel. You can't convince me it isn't voluntary at that point.
According to him, it was because all women were dumb sluts, not because of his own degenerate life style.
Neither have I, but the plight of less capable males, particularly autistic ones that need everything spelled out is just something I care about. I make sure the advice is there so I don't feel bad if they're too thickheaded to heed it.
Fair enough, nothing wrong with that. I still think there's a big problem with a lack of self-reflection in a lot of people these days. Not just men and not just with dating. There's a lot of problems that could be solved if more people stopped for a moment and thought 'well, I keep doing the same things, nothing's changing and I keep getting the same results, maybe the problem's me.' Instead, a lot of people are quick to blame any and everything else, when the problem really just is them and the things they do and the way they are.
 

Standardized Profile

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Is Tinder 80% obese single mothers with facial piercings and tattoos everywhere, or is it just the ham planets in my vicinity? When I travel out of state I could swear I start seeing healthy BMIs, fewer tattoos, and less jewelry hanging off their faces, but maybe it's some kind of Tinder algorithm showing me the attractive ones first.
 

Hambubger

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Is Tinder 80% obese single mothers with facial piercings and tattoos everywhere, or is it just the ham planets in my vicinity? When I travel out of state I could swear I start seeing healthy BMIs, fewer tattoos, and less jewelry hanging off their faces, but maybe it's some kind of Tinder algorithm showing me the attractive ones first.
Those "normal" profiles are bots to keep you invested you know all you will get is hoes with kids with their fat n nasty bodies eww!!
 

Car Won't Crank

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I used Okcupid back at what's probably the cusp, around ~2015 of when all those dating apps fell off a cliff in terms of quality and connecting you with decent people. I actually managed to have some conversations on there and ended up zeroing in and talking with frequency to one dame I really liked. Didn't even meet up for a date despite talking for over 6 months in essentially what amounted to a giant tease.

By now we all know what these dating apps have devolved into. For anyone with a sense of self worth, it's a total waste of time and energies.
 

Lemmingwise

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I used Okcupid back at what's probably the cusp, around ~2015 of when all those dating apps fell off a cliff in terms of quality and connecting you with decent peopl
The cusp wqs probably somewhere in 2012-2013 when half the girls there were there for the "tests". Humans, particularly women, need that kind of plausible deniability. It was just a fun creative site and some of the usergenerated tests were hilarious.

But then all the dating apps got bought by match.com jews and they turned them all into tinder.
 

AnaphylacticShock

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Actually knew a couple where the husband had piss bottles all over the floor on his side of the bed. He would yell at the wife to come empty them every once in a while. He was on his computer all day long, hardly ever left the bedroom.