With the master, dungeon, Daddy and figging I have to assume that this is a sexual thing.After sending my minions out to search the third level of this dungeon I'm trapped in, they brought back tribute. So now, for today it's figgy fig-fig-fig-fig-fig figgy figgy fig fig Friday! Time to get sugared up and by 3 pm I'm roaming the halls of the dungeon swatting heroes' dreams by making their bodies into human PEZ dispensers.
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I know what you're thinking. Why figgy fig-fig-fig-fig-fig figgy figgy fig fig Friday? Well the master just had an idea to see what fig bars were best among the item shops hiding away in level 3 of the dungeon. I shared them with my minions and here's what I think (my opinion is the only one that matters): -
Nabisco Fig Newtons was the initial base line for all of this. For 3.5 gold pieces you get ten ounces of the stuff. Only ten. Quality of the product from these peasants? Wasn't impressed. The cookie part was dry and the taste of the figs lacking. I shall burn their village down later.
Daddy Ray's Fig Bars - Had some level 1 clerics pick this up for a gold piece at a dollar store. Waste of a gold piece if you ask me. Cookie part was overpoweringly dry and dull. Fig part was buried. 1 gold piece for the same 10 ounces as the Nabisco figs. Heh.
Matt's Zion Fig Bars - 4 whole gold pieces, but you get almost three times the product as Nabisco at 28 ounces. But as Snake from MGS3 would say, "But how does it taste?" Not bad. The bars were actually moist too, not annoyingly, but they felt multiple times fresher than the overly processes Nabisco and Daddy Ray's. So for half a gold piece more, you get almost three times the nummies to feed your minions and it tastes better. ... Nabisco's village after it burns down- I cover their farms with salt.
Benton's Fig Bars - Had a ninja 'pick this up' from that Aldi's town past the spooky forest where all the weird old villagers show up to start at avian creatures crapping on the dungeon floor all day long and harass people. 1.65 gold for 14 ounces. Quality? Damn good. Although the physical presentation might make you think they are dry and dull as Daddy Ray's, especially for that price, they were soft and smooth and the taste was pretty good.
So let's take a look: - -
Nabisco - 10 ounces for 4 gold pieces, food quality C
Daddy Ray's - 10 ounces for 1 gold piece, food quality D
Matt's Zion Fig Bars - 28 ounces for 4 gold pieces, food quality A-
Benton's Fig Bars - 14 ounces for 1.65 gold pieces (buy two packages to compete with Matt's,) food quality A-
I need to see if one my monster groups also has napalm styled attacks to make sure Nabisco never raises it's face to me again.
the beverages are just to make sure I'm sugared up enough. DON'T QUESTION MY KIDNEYS! I WILL DESTROY YOU!