Tommy Tooter Fan (Non) Fiction -

Queen Of The Harpies

I drink and talk profanely
'Auntie Tommie Jayne':

Legend has it that this terrifying creature appears before those walking alone at night, usually children, and asks, ‘Am I a beautiful two spirit woman?’ Those who dare to answer no, you are finger fucked or anally raped. If you answer yes, it takes off it's hat to reveal a grotesque balding head; opens it's mouth to reveal a stinking toothless maw; and its pants to reveal a deformed micropeen with saggy scrote. ‘How about now?’ it will ask; it will chimp out at you, and call the TPD if you say no, and suck you off if you say yes. Rumor has it that a few responses will confuse Auntie Tommie Jayne long enough for you to escape: ‘When will the aliens come to reclaim the Earth?" "Children and animals are sexual beings too!". Throwing change at it is also said to distract it.

People mistake the sound of Auntie Tommie Jayne approaching for the sound of cats fucking, when in reality, it plays horrific music on a recorder or saxophone. It feeds on dead animals and garbage, and on the souls of its victims.

According to myth, Auntie Tommy Jayne was a man disfigured by a surgeon who performed a botched circumcision. After a shit ton of LSD, shrooms, weed and asspats, Auntie Tommie Jayne roams the streets of Tuscon and the depths of the internet in search of victims.
 
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Dee Price

ugly tranny, david_price@bellsouth.net
Person of Interest
This is a story over at AMB i just penned for tom seeing as there i can make threads to really send the dog fucker over the edge.

It was the year 2321

There was a rush of excitement as they techs had located a group of wolfs from the wilderness section of cylinder 25432 in the ecology science department The whole project kept all of the biological diversity left of the earth before it was to late. This pack had some marked anomalies that was not able to be detected by long range medical scans. Weird reading were all they kept getting back. The team finally got to the entrance of the last know sighting was and were ready to go in and find out what the whole strange genetic information they were getting back. it was as if they were mixed with some sub human DNA.


The control room was buzzing on some really good top shelf cannabis edibles as the field team went in and it was not long before they could smell a foul odor even through the environmental mask they wore dreadful stench they induced vomiting and eye tearing. As they tried to locate the reason for the awful smell they started to see some of these deformed creatures hunched over and panting smaller one shaking in fear and a few were being raped by other older creatures is was a foul disgusting sight sure you make you want to claw your eyes out.

It was some of the most foul smelling dog looking deformed humanoids you had ever seen. And over in a out cropping of rock and clay and filled with a brown slurry was a nasty sagging bag of bones with a micro penis and a gaping huge dog crotch eight saggy milk bags with another litter of tomdogs feeding away. that thing has a reading of 370 years old the field tech exclaimed and as the computer did its best to come up with an answer they were collecting as much data that they could.

On the screen at control all the data was coning in as the computer came up with the name and the reason it happened and with no explanation to how it got onboard

But the subject was a one Thomas J Wasserberg. a known dog fucking pedophile that when the space lizards visited earth gave him a magic vagina. but the joke was on tom the lizards heard about his dog fucking days and gave him a magic space dog vagina that is said to keep him alive for 500 years having litter after litter of puppies.

Who would have known the space lizard were for real it is just lunacy right?
 

Sparkletor 2.0

My first Jonbenet accidentally died
"Two Sun, Arizona. The fucking armpit of the Southwest. Nothing but sand, rocks, and the scum of the earth.

Detective Bullit was a 10 year veteran of the force. Decorated, experienced, and bitter as all hell. He'd seen it all. Murders, rapes, kidnappings. Nothing could shock this man.

So as Bullit walked into the briefing room this morning, he was confident he would be tasked with the usual mundane duties.

The commander barked out orders. "Ramirez, you are on traffic duty. Liebowitz, the Jones murder case. Bullit, you have Tooter detail..."

Bullit's gut shuddered. "No, why me?" he thought. This isn't fair.

"Chief," Bullit asked, "Why me?!"

"You're the best goddamned man on the force!", the police chief spat.

Bullit slowly slank away to his desk and waited. As if on cue, the phone rang.

"I need to talk to Smith!" spoke a gravelly male voice.

"Smith is occupied."

"Give me Ramirez!"

"He's busy"

"Let me talk to Golden!"

"Out of the office. I can help you today"

Bullit knew what was coming.

"This is Tommie Jayne Wasserberg and I'm being assaulted by cyber criminals!"

Bullit opened his desk drawer and took out a bottle of rum. He poured a splash into his empty coffee mug and downed it. "Go on".

"These millennial morons keep saying I am a pedophile just because I had sex with a 15 year old girl!"

Bullit poured another shot into his mug. "Yes, sir. Go on"

"IT'S MA'AM!" The trash golem shouted.

Bullit immediately realized his mistake. "Sorry, ma'am, I misspoke!" Bullit was hating his life right now.

For 57 minutes Bullit had to listen to the insane inane ramblings of a dumpster diving pedophile dogfucker.

"Okay, ma'am, I have the perfect solution to your problem." Bullit opened his desk drawer and pulled out his snub nose .35. He stuck the barrel in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

THE END
 

Dee Price

ugly tranny, david_price@bellsouth.net
Person of Interest
The Eruption the Smell the Death.

Mount SHITSALOT The tommy tooter eruption story.

t was a clear hot night the wind was soft but hot. Typical of Tucson this time of year. They had been warned that Mount shitsalot may erupt but the most brave men and women decided to stay and rough it out. Tucson was a ghost town for the moment due to the possible eruption.
All seemed well and as if the eruption would be a false call. There were many times such cases had ended well and no major eruption or damage to the city. More than likely this would be the case now Bob hoped. He was after all kind of close to mount shitsalot. Not that he was in a bad neighborhood but it was not the greatest and very close to the most dangerous disfigured formation in Tucson Mount Shitsalot aka tommy tooter wasserberg. Well seems today will not be the day as Bob laid down to get some rest. Little did he know it would be his last.

it was around 5:45 a.m. when Bob was startled awake by the sounds of yelling and screeching he felt the tremors that heard the rumblings a bad sign thought Bob. He hurried to get as much of his belonging as he could. And had the car loaded when he heard a loud I AM NOT A SIR!!!!!!! and the loudest rumblings he had ever heard. at that moment the massive explosion happened a giant smelling brown mushroom cloud filling the air and rushing outward was a piroshitclastic cloud. Bob never stood a chance as the acidic brown cloud enveloped him melting the skin meat and bones into a puddle of dead bubbling goo.

The town was a mess as the crowds tried their best to escape the nightmarish shit cloud of deadly tom vapors. From miles away the cloud could still be seen to climb high into the sky and it seems as if toms ass was still erupting. Could this be the end the final straw for mankind. It seemed so.

Now it has been months since mount shitsalot had erupted it was obvious to FEMA this was one of the worst disasters to ever hit the USA. worse by far than the Spanish Flu and COVID 19 combined. Tens of millions of people gone dead melted into puddles by toms putrid ass. melted by a cloud of Super hot super acidic shit vapor. It was foul smelled awful and worst yet was still deadly. This was a disaster even FEMA found disturbing and gross. But they had to get it cleaned up and try to reach ground Zero and isolate the cause Tom who they knew was still alive and calling the FBI and trying to blame them on the eruption for not getting and jailing his enemies.

No one can be sure when tom will erupt again but one thing is for sure TOM WILL KILL.
 

Sparkletor 2.0

My first Jonbenet accidentally died
103 degrees farenheit. Zero percent humidity. Even the pavement was sweating.

Tom was a hungry, hungry homo. He wanted some food but the morons at all the stores and restaurants wanted money in exchange. Tom was far more intelligent and knew where the real gold was. The dumpster.

Outside the local Walmart was verboten. Chain link barbed wire and locks. Fucking faggot fascists. The Kroger subsidiary was a little better, but still too risky. The Taco Bell, now that was the ticket.

Rummaging through the bags of trash, Tom found a perfectly good crunch wrap supreme. There was also a copious amount of lettuce and shredded cheese that Tom shoved into his pockets. Time to head on down the road.

7/11. Thank heaven! They always had such good stuff. Popping his head into the dumpster he found a handful of hot dogs. Delicious.

Next, "Golden Scoop" Chinese restaurant. This was Tom's holy grail. Imagine all the delicious delicacies that lie awaiting him in that dumpster!

Tom dived in. Fried rice and miscellaneous greasy goods everywhere. Tom didn't even stop to shove the trash into his sack. He just ate and ate right out of the trash.

Tom sat there inside of the dumpster. Discarded food hanging out of his mouth. "Ha ha ha," he thought, "Those fucking Kiwifarms faggots think I'm the crazy one"
 

Looney Troons

DRINK?
True & Honest Fan
I’m on the liquor, so have another haiku. It’s something that you can reflect upon if you’re having a bad day in hopes that you will feel better :

I am not Tommy
I do not want to fuck dogs
I’m a good person
 

Mariposa Electrique

In 2021, Shit will hit the fan 4 Chris
True & Honest Fan
It was 5:00 am in the Tooter hovel. The air was hot and dry, the A/C broke down again. As the smell of roach droppings, human waste, and garbage wafted in the wind, a vague yet haunting feeling entered Tom's PCP addled brain. Tom recognized this feeling; it was a penetrating yearning for something, but Tom had no idea what. All Tom knew was like ditchweed, or the butthole of a 12-year-old boy, this certain something would satisfy his spiritual emptiness (for the time being). As Tom gripped his pillow, which was stained yellow from old man saliva and covered in shed hair, a morsel of food escaped Tom's gums and landed on his tongue. Tom remembered this taste and how proud he was to have eaten that socially conscious piece of food. It was 5 day old Sushi Tom found in a dumpster behind the "Leave It To Beavers" strip club Tom was never allowed to apply to. As he relished that last piece of sushi he had pocketed overnight, he thought to himself, "That will show them, I'm the real woman, not those whores with their fake tits and man-made gashes!". Suddenly Tom felt queazy, he ran to the restroom like a retarded, 2-year-old Toddler, but as he finally reached the turds he forgot to flush for the past week, his stomach rumbling was gone, and all he could remember was that longing. All of a sudden, it came to him, like the smell of a burger through a fat woman's window as she was driving past a McDonald's. Tom finally realized what he wanted was -- dick! Tom yearned to have that rock hard throbbing of man's penis fill his rectum, but he realized he didn't just want any dick, he wanted the dick of a straight, 24-year old virgin. Lost in semen drizzled fantasies, Tom remembered, he owned a copy of the book, "A Teenager's Guide To Witchcraft" he lifted from a girl who gave him change to stop playing the saxophone in the summer of 95. As Tom tossed every inch of the hovel, with roaches and rats given no courtesy, Tom thought to himself, "If I used that book as toilet paper or to clean up that hobo jizz I spit out, I'll just die!"

As if divine intervention, the book in question fell out from behind the sofa. It was the same sofa that poor pregnant St. Bernard died in after Tom gave it noogies. It was not a violent action on the part of Tom that killed the dog, it was merely the lysteria from Tom's hands that entered the dog's vagina and traveled to her uterus creating gangrene. Tom screamed aloud, "EUREKA I FUCKING FOUND IT!" Tom used his filthy fingers that smelled of death and dog vagina as a dowsing tool to find the spell that was just right. Finally, he found it, it was on page 666. It was a magical concoction that promised the power to bring any man to his knees with sensual delight. Tom had just the target in mind, Kyle Anderson who worked at the Subway where Tom found his most nutritious meals. Kyle even took pitty on Tom a few times and gave him a fresh sandwich or two as was Kyle's Christian duty. The spell required the following delicacies

2lbs of Horse Smegma
1 oz of old man pubes
1 tsp of black mold
1 tbsp of semen from a dying cat

To Tom's surprise, he had all those ingredients lying around the house in various forms. Tom combined the ingredients in the old, crusty mason jar he used as a spittoon and drinking glass..........
All of a sudden, the mason jar started glowing and heating up. Tom threw it on white rug that had been turned brown by Tom's hobo people feet. The jar exploded into a ball of red light that was gone in an instant. All of a sudden, Tom heard a knock at the door, it was Kyle Anderson. The words that erupted from Kyle's beautiful lips hit Tom's ears like that time he hit his sister to muffle her screams, "I wish to make love to you, Tommie Jayne. Tom wasted no time and rushed Kyle back to his boudoir. As Tom bent over, the smell of unwashed hobo ass filled the room. Tom was so elated, he failed to notice Kyle's body writhing and contorting into the shape of a demonic beast. Instead of feeling the pleasure of an 8 inch, 24 year old penis massage his enlarged prostate, Tom felt a million glass shards penetrate his anus.
As Tom's anus bled like a cascading waterfall of death, he turned over and saw Lucifer's 20 inch penis inside his rectal cavity. Tom's mind was in shock, and he shouted, "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING, I DESERVE KYLE! I DESERVE THAT YOUNG 8 INCHER IN MY ANUS!" As the devil climaxed a steady stream of hydrochloric acid into Tom's filthy rosebud, he proudly growled, "You deserve this and much more, you filthy old pervert! For all the crimes you have committed against your fellow man and animals. Only the most depraved of sinners get a taste of my love staff, and you are dead, Thomas. You died 5 hours after eating that tainted sushi you found, which contained botulism. You fell into a coma, and you stopped breathing. Tom's screams filled the room. Tom knew he was there for eternity.

Two weeks later, Tom's landlord encountered his body. No one claimed it, and he was cremated on the state's dime. The last person to see Tom was a mortician in training, he thought to himself, "Thank God, at least this fucking bum isn't shitting up anyone's life anymore".
 
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