ALL SHALL OBEY THE DARK ONE
If he's truly concerned with surviving as he says he is, he should worry less about Trump and more about whether his CPAP mask fits properly.We now return you to the Tony Goldmark Sperging Show, already in progress.
Look kids, he's actually talking about theme parks again! Watch it quick before it disappears!
Seeing as Tony is just tweeting/reposting garbage that can be summed up as "HURR HURR HURR TRUMP LIEKS DA PEE PEE", I thought that I'd take this time to talk about why things other than his Twitter page make him a Lolcow as well.
Tony, like many other people on Channel Awesome claims to be a "reviewer", mainly of theme park rides. Occasionally, he'll talk for maybe 2 seconds about how the ride actually works or the history behind it. The rest of the time, he desperately tries to copy the Nostalgia Critic by making stupid jokes and skits about the ride/ride based movie he's talking about. From bitching about how the Carousel of Progress should be torn down to claiming that It's A Small World is worse than rape (yes, seriously), he's best described as the Movieblob of theme parks; if it ain't a thrill ride or a IP based ride, it's trash.
He's also shown a tendency to have an extremely thin skin when it comes to criticism. Someone in a comment section mentioned that his fingernails looked a little dirty and he exploded. Here is his full reply:
"Let me explain something to you, Mr. Fingernails.
I write, produce, direct and edit every episode of this show. I write the scripts, compile the shotlists and decide the locations. As you say, I use a lot of locations. Dozens each shooting day, in fact. Aside from a few friends whose ONLY JOB is to hold the camera and occasionally say things in front of it, I’m essentially a crew of one. My equipment amounts to, essentially, a camera and a few batteries. And we have a VERY limited amount of time to get all the shots we need. And in every shot, a million things could go wrong – lighting, framing, audio, timing, and of course the infinite nuances of performance. Plus I’m shooting on someone else’s private property without a permit, so I’m trying to avoid detection, and an average of about once a day some genius will photobomb the camera and ruin a take. Far more often, people will walk behind the camera and do something distracting without even realizing it. And here I am, trying to juggle ALL of those concerns in my head and still hurry up and get all the shots we need before the park closes and/or we lose our light.
And on top of ALL this, we shoot outside. Not out in the woods or anything, of course, but still, it’s hardly a sterile environment.
So you’ll kindly forgive me if I DON’T ALWAYS REMEMBER TO CLEAN THE SCHMUTZ OUT OF MY FINGERNAILS. I’M TRYING TO MAKE A FUCKING SHOW HERE.
It would be far easier on both of us if you could see the forest for the fucking trees and stop letting dirty fingernails bother you. If you find this impossible, then I truly pity anyone who has to regularly communicate with you, you intolerable OCD freak.
Yours in Christ,
He also, hilariously, spent quite a bit of his Harry Potter Land review bitching about how the attendents said he was too fat to ride.
I doubt that there online presence would do much harm to the sort of jobs they are qualified for as much as the large employment gaps that come courtesy of their video making days. "Yes, I can explain. I spent a few years filming myself going to theme parks and criticizing rides meant for children."I would imagine when these guy's internet careers eventually end thanks to the internet's rather unpredictable and unstable nature, they'll have a REALLY hard time finding a job thanks to all the chimp outs they have on Twitter.
"Hey dude, mind cleaning your nails a bit?
"I'M DOING ALL OF THIS ILLEGALLY!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR OCD!"
Don't follow this guy too closely, but he better not be a "check your privilege" sort. Otherwise, those regular trips to Disneyland – not cheap, no doubt – would just look silly.Oh, he's from California. You know, I should have seen that coming based on his non-stop political screeching.