Top Ten best moments of Chris's life -

[asperhes]

Somewhere in the Mailbag, Chris lists the ten worst days in his life, focusing on troll assaults and the deaths of various dogs and girlfriends. Given the sad state of affairs in the Chandler household today, I thought it might be instructive to look at when in the past Chris has been happiest.

10. Feb. 26, 1994—Chris wins $1000 in the Sonic sweepstakes, allowing him to sate his eternal video game obsession, and providing an important boost to his ego.

9. Early January 2009—Chris is informed that Nintendo wants to make a Sonichu game, potentially fulfilling an old and key ambition.

8. March 29. 2005--Hanna asks him out on a date. His LoveQuest is finally over.

7. March 2011--Chris has an epiphany that he is a Tomgirl. This satisfies a lot of his gender identity issues, and provides him with a huge boost in self-confidence in an otherwise depressing time, which he coasts on for several months.

6. July 18, 2007—Chris has made it into the final rounds of the Parappa the Rapper contest--fantastic news. This is the golden opportunity to finally persuade Megan that she is mistaken in her belief that she does not actually love Chris, or want to fuck him.

5. Nov. 12, 2009--Chris receives his Sonichu copyright notification. Not only does this give him the ultimate triumph over the Brown-Striped Impostor, it invigorates him to double-down on marketing Sonichu to the world. This burst of energy and ego will last for about four months before he is utterly drained by both the trolls and the fans.

4. Sept. 29. 2008--Chris receives a dream from God and Jesus that Blanca is his future wife. His LoveQuest is finally over.

3. March 2009—God and Jesus fix Chris's biological clock, a miraculous sign that Ivy is his future wife. His LoveQuest is finally over.

2. March 17, 2000—The birth of Sonichu. Chris now has a lifelong best friend, confidante, protector, son, brother, lover.

1. Feb. 24, 2000--Chris celebrates his 18th birthday. For the last time in his life, Chris is encircled in the warm protective embrace of a gaggle of gal-pals, two doting parents, a pile of new toys, in a clean house, in Chesterfield County. It's all downhill from here.

 

[tehpope]

What about when he has the dream from GodBear about Crystal and his office job? When did this happen? The CWCki says 21, but Chris mentions around "seven and nine years old" in Father Call.

 

[cypocraphy]

What about him finally having sex in 2012?

 

[asperhes]

I forgot about the hooker. Slot it in at number five or so.

 

[QI 541]

1. Chris narrowly manages to escape prison time.

 

[Satoru182]

1. Chris narrowly manages to escape prison time.

That, if he actually appreciated the gesture of Mike Snider of letting him have leniency. To Chris this was a failure of the justice system since he was forced to pay ("my mother will take care of that") for that Jew's medical bills. In Chris mind he was never at fault and the one who deserved to be punished was the jew who self inflicted wounds to troll him.

 

[Satoru182]

I´d say the Sonic contest is the number 1 moment of Chris life, his mental and biological age where the same, he succeeded just by sitting in his ass watching TV and had Barb and Bob to protect him and buy him toys. He was not in need of sex and could enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

 

[QI 541]

1. Chris narrowly manages to escape prison time.

That, if he actually appreciated the gesture of Mike Snider of letting him have leniency. To Chris this was a failure of the justice system since he was forced to pay ("my mother will take care of that") for that Jew's medical bills. In Chris mind he was never at fault and the one who deserved to be punished was the jew who self inflicted wounds to troll him.

Not going to prison is still the best event of Chris's life, even if he doesn't know it.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Not going to prison is still the best event of Chris's life, even if he doesn't know it.

Not only does he not know it, but by this point he's forgotten what a big part people like Rocky played in making it happen, thus ensuring he feels no gratitude toward her.

 

[Sonichoo]

Is Rocky still involved in Chris's life at this point? I know he wrote a letter about how he wasn't going to church anymore, but I wonder if they still talk over phone/e-mail (not that Rocky's pastoral counseling did much for him).

I think Chris is funniest/most interesting/most creative when he's happy. Seeing him as a 'stressed homeboy imprisoned in lulz' is a treat, to be sure, but some of the best videos have come about when he has been in a good mood.
Or when he's raging.

 

[The Joker]

Not going to prison is still the best event of Chris's life, even if he doesn't know it.

Not only does he not know it, but by this point he's forgotten what a big part people like Rocky played in making it happen, thus ensuring he feels no gratitude toward her.

She should be finding him a girlfriend! So lazy...

 

[CatParty]

Don't forget the pancake breakfasts. He was pretty devastated when he missed one.

Or anytime borb took him to the buffet. Aside from the bob heart attack incident.

But I think I mentioned it elsewhere, I believe he views every day as the worst day of his life as long as he doesn't get exactly everything he wants. Pretty much every event we know of in his life (outside of the sonic contest) has a looming air of failure.

 

[Zim]

I'd say the number one moment would be the watch and win contest. A close second or possibly also first would be when what's her face danced with him at homecoming.

 

[Mr. 0]

10. Red Letter CWC Certified Day - Chris receiving certification from the U.S. Copyright Office regarding Sonichu.

9. Chris getting his muscle bras for the first time, solving the problems of his fat flailing around.

8. Chris being crowned champion of the GameStop "Be a Star" Sweepstakes, bringing his win ratio to around .00045%.

7. Chris doxing Surfshack Tito with the Calling Out videos and scaring him off the internet.

6. Chris doxing Alec Benson Leary with the Calling Out videos and provoking a response.

5. Whenever the fuck Chris realized that Encyclopedia Dramatica went down, believing that the original article that started all this madness (which it totally did) was gone forever, not knowing that the site had long since been restored.

4. Any time Chris had cybersex with JULAAAAYY (that is, until the time Bob walked in...).

3. Chris graduating from PVCC, thus ending his time under the watch of the witch, Mary Lee Walsh.

2. Chris pulling one over on us by revealing that he was banned from the Fashion Square Mall, thus preventing us from encountering him on the day he said he was supposedly going.

1. Chris reuniting with his beloved life upgrade after having destroyed it and not getting the $9001 as promised (to someone who wasn't Chris).

 

[BillRiley]

I´d say the Sonic contest is the number 1 moment of Chris life, his mental and biological age where the same, he succeeded just by sitting in his ass watching TV and had Barb and Bob to protect him and buy him toys. He was not in need of sex and could enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

^This. Or at least it's the event that had the most far-reaching impact on him, in that it cemented his burgeoning obsessions with contests, video games, Sonic, etc.

 

[RagtimeRoastBeefy]

10. Red Letter CWC Certified Day - Chris receiving certification from the U.S. Copyright Office regarding Sonichu.

9. Chris getting his muscle bras for the first time, solving the problems of his fat flailing around.

8. Chris being crowned champion of the GameStop "Be a Star" Sweepstakes, bringing his win ratio to around .00045%.

7. Chris doxing Surfshack Tito with the Calling Out videos and scaring him off the internet.

6. Chris doxing Alec Benson Leary with the Calling Out videos and provoking a response.

5. Whenever the fuck Chris realized that Encyclopedia Dramatica went down, believing that the original article that started all this madness (which it totally did) was gone forever, not knowing that the site had long since been restored.

4. Any time Chris had cybersex with JULAAAAYY (that is, until the time Bob walked in...).

3. Chris graduating from PVCC, thus ending his time under the watch of the witch, Mary Lee Walsh.

2. Chris pulling one over on us by revealing that he was banned from the Fashion Square Mall, thus preventing us from encountering him on the day he said he was supposedly going.

1. Chris reuniting with his beloved life upgrade after having destroyed it and not getting the $9001 as promised (to someone who wasn't Chris).

I was so looking forward to the calling out saga, Chris was so ridiculously manic and happy. It was the first time a scheme took that direction since ivy and I always wondered what winning would do to him lol

 

[MY 405]

I realize I'm totally blind on this, but I will always vote for Miyamoto Saga. Mostly because there was that long, drawn out sequence when he was convinced it was real -- desperately tried to convince Borb and his church Super Friends that it was real, plead for corroboration that it was real -- got Blarb involved -- and then totally flamed out when, again, his hopes and dreams hit that pesky iceberg of reality. I know there are many other instances that rate higher than this on the Life-O-Meter -- but I just love this one so much.

 

[BillRiley]

I realize I'm totally blind on this, but I will always vote for Miyamoto Saga. Mostly because there was that long, drawn out sequence when he was convinced it was real -- desperately tried to convince Borb and his church Super Friends that it was real, plead for corroboration that it was real -- got Blarb involved -- and then totally flamed out when, again, his hopes and dreams hit that pesky iceberg of reality. I know there are many other instances that rate higher than this on the Life-O-Meter -- but I just love this one so much.

Sadly, a lot of the Miyamoto thing happened "off screen" as it were. Also it's kind of difficult to piece together exactly what happened and when. But, yeah, I think the Miyamoto Saga is kind of under-rated, too.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I'd put the Ivy Saga as Chris's #1 moment. He was deliriously, derangedly happy and seriously thought he was going to be married.
The Miyamoto Saga had a lot of stress on the other hand. He was practically crying when no one in his town believed that the local extraordinary youth had a business deal with Nintendo.