Twas The Night Before Livesteam (Deagle Nation Poetry) -

Glaive

Chadministrator
kiwifarms.net
So I randomly decided to write a poem about Jace.
It's a slightly shorter version of Twas the Night Before Christmas, and it seemed to work out nicely with keeping some of the lines and premise similar.
Enjoy.

Twas The Night Before Livesteam
By: Glaive

Twas the night before livestream, when all through the chat
Not a member was missing, even the apple of cats.
The update was placed in Lolcow with care,
In hopes that our Jace soon would be there.

The users were nestled all snug in their threads,
While visions of deag-nation danced in their heads.
And Katsu in his leggings, and I in my mask, :glaive:
Had just settled our sperg-wrangling for a long streaming bask.

When out of the stream there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from ballpit to see what was the matter.
Away to the stream tab my mouse dashed like a hound,
Tore open the vodka and threw up the sound.

Once I heard cries of a Catholic street race,
I knew in a moment it must be our Jace.
More rapid than eagles his weens they came,
And he raged, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Null! now, Framer! now, Tavern and Chimpchan!
On, Dork! On, Obama! On Randall and Introman!
I'M A MARINE, NOT A COW! THIS IS GAY WOOOOOW!
Now fly away! Fly away! FlyAwayNow!"

As weens get banned for noting hair turning thin,
Jace calms a bit down thanks to meds kicking in.
So straight to the gaming and to Doing The Dew,
With the bag of Doritos, and Tyce in tow too.

The stump of a joint he held tight in his teeth,
And foil now wrapped round his head like a wreath.
He then looked quite sick and let out a groan,
Things took a turn after hosting #FactZone!

DickSquad and islams had caused a great spook,
And I laughed once I saw him tactical puke!
With deagle clutched close and fedora on head,
I knew soon that the stream would shortly turn dead.

He spoke many words of /k/ and BigStankDickDad,
And of Tupac, Palestine, gay agendas, and Mossad.
His face changed to one of sudden concern,
He let out a gasp, to the door his head turned!

It was no Kiwi or Gamerfood that put this into plan,
And we knew what was next once we all heard "YOUNG MAN!"
But I heard him exclaim, as Gail brought down the law,
"I will be a marine, realistic, TAHAA!" :jace:
 
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Arkangel

Computer Science and Computer Violence
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There once was a marine trained teen named Tyce.
Jenkem and Baseball cards were his vice.
He'd sit and he'd smoke and he'd huff through the day.
Hoping to send his mind far away.

Tyce's dad calls his kid a disgrace.
He's always out with a friend he calls Jace.
Together they go and have all sorts of fun,
like smoking some weed and doing parkour runs.

Tyce and Jace went to the YMCA,
looking to make some mischief that day.
Tyce spied an old man standing next to the pool.
He thought to himself "Well, here's my next fool."

He went to the man and made him fall down.
His fall to the concrete was heard all around.
Tyce assaulted the man with a jerk and a yank.
In his mind he thought this a mighty fine prank.

Into the pool the man finally went.
Pranking others was Tyce's own way to vent.
People were horrified and demanded he cease.
Before Tyce could leave someone had called the police.

Tyce did not end up in jail that day.
His lawyer dad made him get his way.
He avoided punishment for now this time
But he'll still have to answer for his terrible crime.

For now, Tyce waits for his day in court.
He has time to think of a snappy retort.
But until Tyce is forced into the pit full of felons
He'll fill up the house with a whole bunch of skeletons.
 

Randall Fragg

Tran Ranch is under siege!
Global Moderator
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The Ebola mice scurry throughout the walls,
While Colby runs and shouts down the hall,
"They're eating our weed, who let out the mice?"
From the corner, comes one word,
#TYCED

For a figure stood there,
Outlined by the door,
And surrounded by hotwheels
Across the floor,
Taped to the hotwheels
'Twas a legion of mice,
Ready to street race,
For General Tyce.

Colby jumps up,
And scrambles up on a chair,
And the squeaking of Tyce-Mice
Soon fills the air.
Colby draws his Deagle,
But makes not a dent,
In the numberless horde,
Of car riding rodents.

The army of mice,
Soon floods the street,
The local police,
Crumble under it's feet,
Tyce marches through town,
In his head not a care,
As the stench of his Jenkim,
Quickly fills the air.

But then, a lone cry,
Brings the army to it's knee,
The legions of mice,
Break rank and flee,
Tyce turns sheet white,
His confidence slips,
As he hears the feared phrase,
"Yah fuckin spastic!"
 

Tavern Explorer

Soul Beyblader
kiwifarms.net
"SKEALITIN" by Tarven Pexlorer


on th estrete coernr the skealiton sitz
with glissening teers roleing frum ieles pitz
itz showelderz shaik sofftlee,
butt n0buddy seez,
itz tryed 2 giv luv, butt n0boddy rekquitz

thu media's toeld notheng saiv 4 itz liez,
uf how skeiolitins r daingurus 4 ur eyz
"skelaitones r evil,
"dont truste on theyr kynd,
"itz lyeing 2 u iff it luks lyk it criz"

an sow the skaliooton, alown nd afrade
hee stands up 2 goe wandu rout inn th eglade
the werld iz not reddy,
no respekt 4 hiz kynd,
the erf justt cannote kwite axxept him 2day.


Press 1 to respect skeletons and end skeleton racisim, persecution and abuse gamers.
 

Arctic

Trold, vær dig selv-nok!
kiwifarms.net
The Streamer

Once upon a midnight dreary, I was browsing weak and weary
So I logged onto the Kiwi to see what was going on
With its Gabe and Jay and Chrissy, although lately he was missing
And the A-Logs always pissing, as to not get pissed upon
I expected juicy threads and updates then, to post upon
Somehow, everyone was gone

Then above appeared a message, seeking now to grant me passage
Grant me passage to a video on some website far away
Thinking now, I must be dreaming, it said "Jace just started streaming!"
"Check in now to see him screaming, trying to keep the weens at bay!"
So I clicked to see the man-child try to keep the trolls at bay
Quoth the streamer: "This is gay."

At the screen now, he was flailing, impotently, and was failing
Failing to control the people in the game that he did play
See, his lover had been cheating, for their passion had been fleeting
On the screen now he was beating, begging for her to obey
He replaced her with his dog then, hoping that it would obey
Quoth the streamer: "This is gay."

Soon he reappeared in yellow, and then loudly he did bellow
To the evil trolling Muslims and the terrorists from /k/
Suddenly he screamed quite loudly, as the caller was now proudly
Showing off his blessed bounty, to the man, calling him gay
Then he wrapped himself in tin foil, as to not become that way
Quoth the streamer: "I'M NOT GAY!"

Then onscreen appeared another, t'was the streamers very mother
With respect she didn't bother, shouting: "YOUNG MAN! in his way
And the streamer started whining, all his mom's commands declining
With his bald spot brightly shining as he yelled "NO, I WON"T PRAY!"
As his mom started complaining 'bout the music he did play
Quoth the streamer: "I'M NOT GAY!"
 

Glaive

Chadministrator
kiwifarms.net
Wanted to bump this for the holiday spirit

Sadly no recorded reading in a Santa hat like planned (:_(
 

Captain Pronin

If you're reading this it's too late.
kiwifarms.net
Jingle Bells
The Rogaine won't work
My dad ran away
Tyce is huffing Jenkem
Whilst playing with his dick
HEY!
Jingle Bells
Totally Chill
Dude that's really gay
Wolfkin can suck Pronin's cock
And chris is now in jail
 
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