Unemployed.
Interests Twitter 1/30 - Chris's D&D sheet -
- Thread starter TheOnlyYamchaFan
- Start date
Unemployed.
Yeah, he'd be a Slaanesh worshipper that was turned into a sonichu.
Chris looks and probably smells like something out of Nurgles ranks though.
Also has Chris played in a session yet?
Does he even have the capacity to follow a game of D&D?
Yea his character sheet is ridiculous and broken but would he even be consistent with it?
And DMs can be brutal, I would have grabbed his character with a large creature and ripped his head off.
Last edited:
To answer those questions and quotes in order
1: Slaaneshi can stink as well.
2: Not to my knowledge
3: Yes and no. He's smart enough to follow, but too lazy and egotistical to pay attention.
4: Of course he won't be consistent. He's just trying to make instant "I win" buttons for everything.
5: Here's where I disagree. My first motion would be to ask for the character to be toned down, providing help to try and create what the player wants. If that fails, kill the character totally legit, no "rocks fall, you die", bullshit, then offer to help make a new character. Then give them the boot.
That, or he'd insist the Great Horned Rat is actually a Sonichu.
I'm surprised he's going for 5e and not something more math oriented like 3.5 or Pathfinder. Then again, both of those are pretty rules heavy so he wouldn't be allowed to get away with this kind of shit.
Actually, my first thought when I heard that he was going to learn D&D was that some trolls were going to teach him an outdated version of the game like AD&D, 3.0, or 4e. I love AD&D, but it'd be hilarious to have chris only master a version of the game that's not exactly easy to find anymore. Chris spends a lot of time learning what THAC0 is only to find a D&D game, sit down, and realize his character sheet is not like the other players and has to relearn everything. Autism galore.
I think expecting Chris to understand THACO is almost charmingly optimistic.
The point of all that waffle being that she was genuinely the huge-titted setsy gal that Chris dreams of being, with the exact approach to gaming characters that he apparently has. She was also 17-18 years old, so not only her sex appeal but her genuine naivete in some matters meant that she was fondly indulged, but only for a short while. Chris, meanwhile, is a physically unappealing middle-aged man who genuinely wants to believe that he's an actual deity, and his narcissism and entitlement make my old gaming friend look positively self-effacing and humble. Chris, like her, isn't arsed about game theory and technicalities. He just wants to be the most important, powerful, special character of them all.
My old gaming friend eventually had her nose kindly but firmly rubbed in how selfish and ludicrous she was being. For a while, she was deliberately excluded from our campaigns just to press the point home. At last, she improved, at least somewhat. With Chris - let's face it - that just ain't gonna happen. He'll be back to playing with himself faster than shit off a shovel.
Since this thread has, to some degree, become a place for old table-top/living-room RPG war stories, I'd just like to recall the one true power-gamer/munchkin I've ever encountered. In a lot of ways, she had everything going for her in real life: young, vivacious, intelligent, pretty, and with an exaggerated hourglass figure of Jessica Rabbit dimensions. Even something of a prodigy academically. That latter, perhaps, should have been the warning. She was the only child of well-to-do, slightly older than average parents. As a result, I assume that she was also spoilt rotten. Certainly her only obvious flaw was what seemed to be a chronic case of entitlement.
Every RPG 'character' she created, regardless of game or system, was designed primarily to be 'da Maine guy (usually girl) in dis Parade', to quote The Yellow Kid. She fudged dice-rolls frequently to achieve success, and her character sheets were essentially self-created with no witness, inevitably with very high to highest scores in all attributes, skill levels that started at ludicrous and headed up from there, and every artefact/magic item/gadget she wanted. She got away with this a lot, at least to start with, either through misguided fond indulgence of an obviously keen younger player or through outright understandable but ultimately game-damaging thirst from incel GMs.
It became rapidly and tiresomely apparent that her sole wish was to grandstand in every campaign. She'd attempt to drag in her most OP characters on the flimsiest pretexts (even though the one she'd initially play would already be borked to buggery), the sort of beings so powerful that they could probably KO Cthulhu just by sneezing at him. She also sulked like a brat whenever things went even slightly badly for her character, to the extent that it became a fond but also genuine point of mocking mirth from the rest of us in the party.
Every RPG 'character' she created, regardless of game or system, was designed primarily to be 'da Maine guy (usually girl) in dis Parade', to quote The Yellow Kid. She fudged dice-rolls frequently to achieve success, and her character sheets were essentially self-created with no witness, inevitably with very high to highest scores in all attributes, skill levels that started at ludicrous and headed up from there, and every artefact/magic item/gadget she wanted. She got away with this a lot, at least to start with, either through misguided fond indulgence of an obviously keen younger player or through outright understandable but ultimately game-damaging thirst from incel GMs.
It became rapidly and tiresomely apparent that her sole wish was to grandstand in every campaign. She'd attempt to drag in her most OP characters on the flimsiest pretexts (even though the one she'd initially play would already be borked to buggery), the sort of beings so powerful that they could probably KO Cthulhu just by sneezing at him. She also sulked like a brat whenever things went even slightly badly for her character, to the extent that it became a fond but also genuine point of mocking mirth from the rest of us in the party.
The point of all that waffle being that she was genuinely the huge-titted setsy gal that Chris dreams of being, with the exact approach to gaming characters that he apparently has. She was also 17-18 years old, so not only her sex appeal but her genuine naivete in some matters meant that she was fondly indulged, but only for a short while. Chris, meanwhile, is a physically unappealing middle-aged man who genuinely wants to believe that he's an actual deity, and his narcissism and entitlement make my old gaming friend look positively self-effacing and humble. Chris, like her, isn't arsed about game theory and technicalities. He just wants to be the most important, powerful, special character of them all.
My old gaming friend eventually had her nose kindly but firmly rubbed in how selfish and ludicrous she was being. For a while, she was deliberately excluded from our campaigns just to press the point home. At last, she improved, at least somewhat. With Chris - let's face it - that just ain't gonna happen. He'll be back to playing with himself faster than shit off a shovel.
"You attempt to run around the Ogre at full speed but... *Roll* ...while focusing on the Ogre you didn't notice one of his Goblin minions in your path. So... *Roll* Oof, Nat 20. You trip over him, breaking your legs."
'BUD ALL SONICHUS AN' ROSECHUS, INCLUDIN' ME, HAVE SUPER-STRONG BODIES JUS' LIKE SONIC DOES!!!'
'Natural 20. Dem's the rules. Dem's da breaks.'
'Natural 20. Dem's the rules. Dem's da breaks.'
Yea in reality I'd do the same, try to help him get involved because I that will probably be his biggest issue while playing. I've had more difficult players than Chris and I know the type of person Chris is, chris is not going to be murdering NPCs left and right and doing ridiculous things, he will just sit at the table lost and not do anything notable. Probably the first instance where he attempts something and fails he'd get flustered.
The real horror show will begin when you open RP and have all the characters are talking. Then he'd probably go on some long tangent no one will give a fuck about.
The session will end normal but Chris will probably not show up to the next sessions because he wasnt the center of attention.
I'd put it in the paper shredder.
Its Chris being Chris.
Literally none of what he said is allowed. You dont start at level twenty fucking three.
But Chris is the goddess of CWCville, don't you know.
Yeah, sure. Let's see how well he does against the Lady Of Pain, then.
Some Manajerk
kiwifarms.net
Chris: my PC is now a goddess, so none of you can touch her!
DM: Ao gets sick of your arrogant bullshit and boots you back to mortality, stripping you of all your levels and possesions.
- Highlight
- #238
The list of big balls deities that can royally fuck a PC over is so long and amusing that it's hard to pick exactly what flavor of hilarious to go for.
Her Serenity the Lady Of Pain is one, AO is another, Vecna's always good if you like skeletonizing people with necrotic blasts, Azathoth the Mad God is a goldmine. We've got Juiblex, Tiamat, and whatever god you want to port over from any other setting, You're the DM, have Grandfather Nurgle tag team Chris Chan with Cthulhu if you want.
Have him enter into a pact with Mephistopheles or Asmodeus. Devils are notorious for twisting their contracts to always have the advantage, while still technically giving the bargainer what they wanted. See Chris try to squirm his way out of his contract, feebly attempting to understand WHY he's being screwed over despite getting what he asked for.
Perhaps have him wish to have his own cwcville? he gets a miniature toy built version and is trapped in there with copies of all of his trolls and enablers
Similar threads
Interests
OFF TOPIC: OPL - The D&D PC
Group project: Let's make stats for Chris if he had to play himself.
