Kiwi Farms

Last week, for some reason, the great YouTube algorithm in the sky decided to put a song from the Spyro 2 OST in my suggested videos. Obviously, I listened to it, because I am a gentleman gamer. Then the prepared rabbit hole opened for me, and I found myself listening to a bunch of old video game songs from the 4-7 generation area. Good times, a lot of memories. It made me realize that as a cultural artifact, video games are a dead end, and there is no point in even attempting to "pass down" the games you liked, even to a significantly younger sibling, never mind any offspring. The basic reason is simple: That gay shit takes too long.

It used to be that you could beat a video game in a couple of hours. SMB takes about 2 hours. SMB3 takes 6. Even Mario 64 only takes about 12 hours to beat all according to this random website which I shall believe to be even remotely accurate. Now, The Retards Who Make Jimette Sterling MATI, Inc. are intentionally pushing for games that take 40, 50, 60 hours at a minimum, with the stated goal being 100s of hours of involvement with their single game, not including the online components, whether tacked-on (RDR2) or actually developed (GTAV in CURRENT YEAR).

Let's use an extreme book as a comparison. If, for some reason, your dad was a Russian Napoleon fetishist, and he really wanted the teenage you to read a comprehensive classic on the subject of Russia's war with Napoleon to expand your interest in the subject or because he knew you were a bastard child, he would probably try and convince you to read War and Peace. This tome would take the average reader about 40 hours to read. But what if you wanted to get your kid into, say, The Elder Scrolls series? Morrowind reportedly takes about 45 hours for the main story alone, 110 with the sidequests, which is the way you would want anyone to play the game. Oblivion, where the best meat is in the sidequests, takes an average of 93 hours to do the main and sides, and Skyrim supposedly takes about 108 hours with the sidequests, the only parts of any merit. 311 total estimated hours.

"Series vs single book", you say? Well, the Harry Potter series is estimated to take about 60 hours to read in full. Games in this hour range would be Gen 4+ Final Fantasy games, the new Fallouts, the DS and most DS-alike games, GTAIV, a handful of Tales games, stuff like that...but only one of them. An entire book series or 1 video game.

What about movies as a comparison? My dad loved the Godfather movies. All 3 take about 7 hours to watch. Easy. You can accidentally watch 7 hours of assorted Netflix shit twice in a day and still get some cooming done, and get a good night's sleep on top of it. 25 hours will get you through all the live-action Star Wars films including Rogue One and the one that nobody saw. KOTOR takes 36 hours (and is arguably time better spent, but try and get anyone to play that fucking UI nightmare game without hefty universe investment directly from the movies).

What if you wanted to get your kid in the MMOs you played when you were their age? You're mad. As mad as a drunken whale shark in Oklahoma. Even if the game servers still happen to be online then. Guild Wars? 300+ hours. Runescape? 2000 hours. WoW? 2500 hours.

Even a series that you might actually want to share with someone, because you connected with it and grew with it, something like the Mass Effect trilogy, takes about 100 hours. I'll never be able to share with anyone who isn't my age the reasons why I like Spyro 2 so much, especially if their introduction to the game was that shitmaxxing remake, for which I am still owed at least 4 high-profile public executions. Ditto Crash. Ditto Mario Sunshine. Ditto fucking Pokemon Silver and Gold. They're already all gone, and all that will remain is YouTube Let's Plays narrated by some SJW faggot cuck who troons out as s/he gets to fucking Goldenrod City. There is zero chance that any of it survives in a meaningful way. So, enjoy it while you can, I guess, because nobody else will ever care.